Married While You Waited Ten Years

At the high school reunion, I scrolled past a post from the girl who used to make my life a living hell.

[Ran into the girl I hated most in high school tonight. Seeing how pathetic her life turned out? Honestly, its better than sex.]

The comment section was a sea of LOLs and Karma is a queen.

I stared at the screen for a moment, then quietly typed out a reply:

By hated, do you mean the way you turned the entire class against her? Or how you knew she and her best friend were in love, but you used the just one of the guys act to wedge yourself between them until she was forced to move across the ocean just to breathe?

The second I hit send, the comment vanished. Deleted.

I looked up to see Beccas smirking face.

Joanna! God, you look so... modest, she said, her voice dripping with that fake-sweet honey. Is life in London that hard? I mean, look at you. No jewelry, no designer tags.

She leaned in, making sure the people at the nearby tables could hear. Are you even married? Do you have a boyfriend? Or are you still just drifting, waiting in breadlines or something? If you cant hack it over there, just come home. We won't laugh at you. Or is the reason you stayed away for ten years because youre still holding a grudge against me?

The room went dead silent. A dozen pairs of eyeseyes that had watched me crumble a decade agowere suddenly fixed on me, filled with the same old mix of malice and pity.

But I wasn't that trembling girl anymore. I didn't flush, and I didn't cry. I didn't bother telling them that I owned the car I arrived in, the house I grew up in, and, incidentally, the very hotel they were holding this reunion in.

I just looked Becca in the eye and asked one thing:

And what about you, Becca? Its been ten years. Are you and Steve finally together, or are you still just one of the bros?

The temperature in the room plummeted.

Steve, my childhood best friend whom I hadn't seen in a decade, finally stepped out of the shadows. He looked older, tired, but he still had that same defensive edge.

Jo, dont start, he said, his voice tight. Becca and I are just friends. Weve always been just friends. I know youre still stuck in the past, but its been forever. I wanted to get everyone together so we could finally clear the air. Lets just move past this, okay?

Becca seized the moment, raising her glass with a practiced, casual airthe same "tomboy" act shed perfected in eleventh grade.

Come on, Jo. We were kids. If I did anything to offend your delicate sensibilities back then, let it go. Ive always been blunt; I dont do the whole passive-aggressive girl drama.

The table erupted in supportive murmurs.

Exactly. Dont be so sensitive, Jo. Beccas always been one of us.

Seriously, who keeps a grudge for ten years? Its a bit pathetic.

Becca was the one who insisted on inviting you. Dont be ungrateful.

They framed her "invitation"which was really just a summons to be mockedas an act of charity. They expected me to clink glasses and play along, as if my silence was a debt I owed them.

But Ive never been good at doing whats expected.

I didnt touch my drink. I just said quietly, I cant. Im pregnant.

Clatter.

Steves glass hit the floor, shattering against the hardwood.

The table went still. Only Becca couldn't hide the flash of genuine triumph in her eyes.

Steve forced a jagged, painful smile. If you dont want to drink, just say so. You dont have to make up a lie like that.

Im not lying, I said calmly. Im married. Im pregnant. Im only back in the States to help my husband settle some business acquisitions.

Beccas voice was practically singing now. Oh my god! When did this happen? Why didnt you tell us? Congratulations, Jo!

It was the most honest thing shed said all night. She was thrilled because, in her mind, the threat was gone. She wouldn't have to pretend to be Steve's "bro" anymore to keep him from me.

Steve sounded like hed swallowed glass. Married... but you always said... you said youd be my bride one day, Jo. Youre kidding, right?

One of the guys at the table scoffed. Jesus, Jo. Why are you doing this? Steves been waiting for you for years. Everyone knows he never moved on.

He leaned forward, his tone patronizing. Look, if you came here to make him jealous, it worked. But dont ruin your life over a tantrum. A woman needs to know when to stop playing games if she wants a happy ending. Dont blow it with a guy like Steve. You wont find another one.

I remembered these people. I remembered how their words felt like sandpaper on raw skin. Now, they just felt like static.

I smiled, a cold, empty thing. I really am married. And as for those things I said when we were kids? It was just a joke, Steve.

I looked him right in the eye, handing him back the exact words hed used to destroy me ten years ago.

Youre not going to be a baby about a little joke, are you?

Steve and I were the "it" version of childhood sweethearts. We were inseparable from kindergarten through the start of high school. Our lives were a single thread.

Until Becca moved to town.

She was loud, athletic, and claimed she "only got along with guys because girls were too much drama." She worked her way into the center of the boys' circle, and that included Steve.

Suddenly, they were sitting together in every class. They were gaming together until 2 AM. Our walk home, which used to be our sacred time, turned into a trio.

At first, I tried to be the "cool friend." I didn't want to be the jealous girl.

That changed the day Becca "accidentally" knocked my ceramic water bottle off my desk. It shattered into a million pieces. It was part of a matching set Steve and I had bought together.

Becca gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. Oh my god, Jo! Im so sorry! Ill buy you a new one, I swear. Dont be mad!

I shook my head, trying to keep my voice steady. Its fine. It was an accident. Dont worry about it.

Becca leaned down, her voice dropping to a whisper that only I could hear. Ill get you a new one. I know how you girls aresaying its fine to my face then crying to Steve about how mean I am behind my back.

I froze. What?

She stood up and shouted to the room, See? Look at that face! Shes totally mad. Jo, its just a bottle. Just tell me to buy you a new one instead of doing the whole two-faced thing. I seriously cant stand girls who won't just be real.

She nudged Steve with her elbow. Hey, Steve, tell your princess to cheer up before she goes home and tells on me.

Steve looked uncomfortable, but he shrugged. Come on, Jo. Dont be like that. Its just a bottle. Ill buy you another one. It wasn't even expensive.

Steve, I said, my heart sinking. Do you really think Im being petty right now?

I felt the blood rush to my face. Ill buy my own bottle. I dont need anything from either of you.

Steve started to apologize, seeing the look on my face, but Becca threw her arm around his neck, pulling him away.

Whoops! The Princess is officially in a mood! Run for it, Steve, before she turns us into frogs. Well apologize when shes finished her tantrum.

And just like that, I had a new nickname: Her Highness.

If I handed out papers for a teacher, theyd whisper, Watch out, dont let Her Highness break a nail.

If I went to the bathroom, theyd line up in the hallway, snickering. Make way! The Royal Procession is passing through!

The hallway became a gauntlet of muffled laughs and sidelong glances. Steve saw it all. He did nothing.

Later, when I tried to talk to him, he just sighed with annoyance.

Jo, stop acting like a princess. You dont have the crown for it, but you sure have the attitude.

The cold war began then.

Steve and I stopped talking, and Becca took that as a green light to escalate.

If I wore a cute keychain on my bag, shed point it out in the middle of the cafeteria. Oh wow, Jo! Is that a Sailor Moon charm? Do you actually think youre a magical girl, or are you just that desperate for attention?

The boys at the table would howl with laughter.

If I wiped down my desk before lunch, shed roll her eyes. God, youre such a try-hard. Do you think the rest of us are beneath you? If were too dirty for you, go get a private tutor and stay home. Why are you even here?

The other girls, sensing the social shift, started looking at me with sharpened eyes.

During our weekly seat change, I was struggling to move a heavy stack of textbooks. Becca leaned her elbow on the books I hadn't picked up yet and put on a high-pitched, mocking voice.

Oh heavens! Im simply exhausted! Is there a loyal servant in the room willing to carry Her Highnesss heavy burdens?

The classroom exploded in laughter. It was a sharp, jagged sound that felt like it was drilling into my skull. Some people actually started mimicking my walk.

Steve didnt look back. He just muttered, Thats enough, Becca.

Becca rolled her eyes. Oh, look. Someones getting soft again.

Steve snapped. Im not soft! Im not worried about her. Shes just a brat.

Becca grinned, satisfied. Exactly. Were just trying to toughen her up, Steve. Shes too sensitive. If she cant handle us, how is she going to handle the real world?

Steve hesitated. I mean, its okay for girls to be a little soft, isnt it?

Becca punched his arm. Who are you calling soft? Im a girl, and Im not like that!

Steve looked at her, and I saw the way he smiledwith total, easy trust.

It felt like a physical blow to my chest.

I thought if I just ignored them, the bullying would stop. But a month into our silence, Steve broke. He came to me, looking like a kicked puppy.

Jo, please. Dont be mad anymore. Talk to me.

His eyes were soft, pleading. And because I was young and stupid, my heart melted. We had been together since we were toddlers. We were supposed to go to college together. I couldn't just leave him behind.

So, we "made up." At least on the surface.

I went back to sitting in the bleachers during his games, holding his jacket. We walked home under the streetlights again. But Becca was always there in the background, watching us with that knowing smirk. Whenever she caught my eye, shed burst into laughter with the guys around her.

It made me feel naked. Like I was a joke everyone was in on except for me.

I tried to tell Steve how I felt.

He just frowned. Youre overthinking it, Jo. Theyre just messing around.

When he saw the look on my face, he softened his voice. Fine, fine. Ill tell them to knock it off when youre around.

He walked over to Becca and whispered something.

She scoffed, her voice ringing out for everyone to hear. Oh, god! We cant even laugh now? Does she think shes a Disney princess? Does she think the world stops because shes in the room?

Becca! Steve barked.

She just rolled her eyes at me.

In those years, Beccas voice and the malice hidden in her "jokes" were like invisible hands slapping my face daily. The whispers in the back of the classroom were like insects crawling over my skin.

But back then, I was too weak. I kept telling myself: Just three years. Three years and then we all go our separate ways. Just endure it.

I didnt realize that in the middle of that endurance, Steve would choose to break my heart completely.

He invited me to the community pool.

Since we grew up together, swimming was a normal weekend activity. I didn't suspect a thing.

Until a group of girls from our class suddenly became very interested in my plans. They gathered around my locker, asking what I was going to wear.

I told them I was just going to wear my regular one-piece and then go to the library.

They looked horrified. Youre going out with the hottest guy in school and youre wearing a grandma suit? Jo, live a little!

Was it boring? Maybe. But Steve and I had always been the "good kids." We studied, we hung out, we were stable.

But as I watched Steve and Becca wrestling and laughing in the halls, a dark thought took root: Is he pulling away because Im too boring?

So, the next day, following the "advice" of the girls in my class, I wore a bright magenta bikini.

Ive always been pale, but Id hit my growth spurt early. I had curves I usually tried to hide under baggy sweaters. When I showed up, the look on Steves face was pure shock.

He looked away, scratching his neck, but I could feel his eyes tracking me as I walked to the lounge chair. A secret thrill raced through me. This is what it feels like to be liked, I thought.

When we sat down in the break area, he started acting fidgety.

Jo, he said, his voice dropping. Theres something Ive been wanting to tell you for a long time.

My heart started thumping against my ribs so hard I could hear it in my ears.

Will you be my girlfriend? For real?

The blood rushed to my face. I waited a beat, then whispered, If its you, Steve... then yes.

Because when we were six, hed held my hand and told me I was the prettiest girl in the world. When I was bullied in elementary school, hed fought the boys twice his size to protect me.

Jo is my sister, hed yelled. If you mess with her, you mess with me!

Ten years of history. How could one girl like Becca change that?

Steve asked me again, as if he hadn't heard me.

I gathered my courage and said loudly, Yes! I like you too, Steve!

HA HA HA HA!

A roar of laughter erupted from behind the chairs and the pool house doors.

Half the class spilled out, phones in hand, faces twisted with mockery.

Becca was at the front. Oh man, Steve! You actually did it! You got the Princess to confess!

I looked at Steve. He looked at the ground. He wouldn't meet my eyes.

Becca walked up to me, her eyes raking over my body with disgusting theatricality.

Oh my god, Jo. Did you really think wearing that slutty suit would make him love you? You look like a mid-life crisis in a Barbie box.

The girls who had "recommended" the suit were there, too. They looked away, snickering behind their hands.

Becca suddenly reached out and flicked the fabric of my bikini top. Whoa! I knew it! Theyre padded! Youre literally faking it to get a guy. How pathetic are you?

Im not! I screamed, clutching my chest.

The crowd roared. Is she lying, Becca? Lets see!

Becca laughed. I saw it with my own eyes. You want a closer look, boys?

The guys started whistling, their eyes wandering over me in a way that made me feel like I was covered in slime.

I looked at Steve, my voice trembling. What is this? What are they talking about?