Silent Depths, Love Eternal Sleep

My husband, a decorated undercover agent, was on a mission to dismantle a drug cartel. To rescue a hostage girl, he endured a month of torture at the hands of drug dealers. When he was finally rescued, his body was not only covered in scars, but he also developed a severe physiological disorder. The doctor said it was psychological trauma and couldn't be forced. My heart ached for him. For three years, I didn't even dare to breathe loudly in my sleep, afraid of disturbing his fragile nerves. I not only spent all our savings on his treatment but also supported the poor rescued girl through school.

On the day of the police commendation ceremony, the large screen mistakenly played an unreleased surveillance video. In the footage, the man who was so meek and mild with me was pinning the girl to a table, wildly unleashing his frustrations. His mouth was full of obscenities, and his movements were as violent as a beast. He frantically covered my eyes.

Dont look! That was just an act to gain the drug lords trust!

Tech team! Who put that video on?! Shut it down immediately!

Chief Millers roar echoed through the auditorium. The blinding white light vanished from the large screen, and the entire hall plunged into a dead, silent darkness. I was frozen in my seat, my hands and feet icy cold. The hand covering my eyes carried the familiar scent of his tobacco. But it was this very hand that, moments ago on the screen, had been fiercely clutching another girls hair.

Eleanor, dont look.

Ethans voice was in my ear, as steady as ever, but with a hint of imperceptible tension. I didn't move, nor did I speak. My fingers unconsciously twisted the hem of my dress, wringing the soft fabric into a hard knot. This was my nervous habit.

The lights flickered back on with a 'snap', stinging my eyes. The gazes of colleagues, family members, everyone around me, focused on me like spotlights. Pity, curiosity, disdain, schadenfreude. Ethan released my eyes, his face pale under the lights, but his gaze remained calm. He took off his crisp police jacket and draped it over me, shielding my slightly trembling shoulders.

Its a misunderstanding. Just a special tactic during an interrogation.

He explained to the people around him, his voice not loud, but clear enough for the first few rows to hear. Everyone, please continue. Dont let this little interruption affect the commendation ceremony. His tone was calm, as if the video on the screen, which bordered on explicit, was truly just an inconsequential work recording.

Chief Miller hurried over, his face etched with apology and concern. Eleanor, are you okay? Those tech guys messed up; Ill deal with them later! His gaze towards me was one of pure, elder-like concern. For three years, the entire police force knew about Ethans condition. They also knew that to care for him, I had quit my job and stayed by his side constantly. In their eyes, I was a great, enduring, self-sacrificing police wife. But now, that greatness had become a huge joke.

Im fine, Chief Miller. I spoke, my voice dry.

Ethan put his arm around my shoulder, his grip firm, with an undeniable force. Ill take her back to rest first. He didnt give anyone a chance to ask further questions, moving through countless complex gazes and leaving the auditorium. Cold wind gusted into the hallway, and I shivered. It wasnt until we were in the car that he released me. The space in the car was narrow. The scent of sweat and wildness mixed on him now smelled incredibly nauseating. I turned to look out the window, my stomach churning.

That was fake. He started the car, finally speaking.

What was fake?

What happened in the video was an act for the drug dealer, to gain trust. His explanation was exactly as I had expected: calm, rational, and flawless. That girl, Maya, she was deeply entrenched at the time. Without some special tactics, she wouldnt have spoken.

I thought that kind of material had been destroyed long ago. I didnt expect the tech team to make such a mistake. He drove, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I know its hard for you to accept, but thats my job.

Eleanor, you need to understand me.

Understand. Those two words again. For three years, I had understood the trauma he suffered from his failed mission, understood his physiological disorder, understood all his sensitivities and vulnerabilities. I cared for him like a fragile porcelain doll. But I couldn't understand how he could, with a poker face, be intimate with another woman on a table. In front of me, even a touch felt like torture.

The car stopped downstairs. I didn't move. Ethan unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over. His face was very close to mine. The eyes that once captivated me were now filled with fatigue and a complex emotion I couldn't decipher.

Dont sulk, okay? His voice was gentle, coaxing. Maya is still waiting for us upstairs. She was terrified today.

This sentence was like a bucket of ice water poured over my head. I suddenly turned, staring intently at him. Why is she in our house?

Ethans brows furrowed, and a hint of impatience flashed in his eyes. Shes scared to live alone. She just moved in a few days ago.

I thought I told you. He said it as if it were a given, as if this wasn't my home, but just a hotel that could take in anyone. I clenched my fists, my nails digging deep into my palms. He hadnt said anything, he hadnt said a word.

I pushed open the car door, stumbling upstairs. The key slid into the lock, taking several turns before it clicked. As the door opened, an unfamiliar perfume scent wafted out. In the entryway, a pair of pink high heels, not mine, stood. On the living room sofa, a womans jacket was tossed. On the coffee table, half-eaten snacks and a fashion magazine lay. Everything here announced the presence of another mistress.

Maya emerged from the master bedroom, wearing my pajamas. That silk nightgown was something I had bought for my birthday, gritting my teeth, never daring to wear it. Now, it hung loosely on Mayas slender body, the neckline wide, revealing large patches of intimate red marks.

Ethan, Eleanor, youre back? She saw us, her face showing a terrified, rabbit-like expression, and instinctively pulled at her neckline. Im sorry, Eleanor, your pajamas all my clothes were in the wash. Ethan told me to wear yours for now. She looked at me timidly, her eyes watery, as if I were the villain who had usurped her place.

Ethan walked in, naturally taking the water glass from Mayas hand and taking a sip. Scared, werent you? Its okay now. He patted Mayas head, a gesture intimate and natural. That kind of tenderness, I had only seen in him when he first returned from his mission, when he was at his most vulnerable.

Im going to cook. I dropped the words, fleeing into the kitchen. Cold water rinsed my hands, but I felt no coolness at all. My body was like a ball of lit cotton, burning from the inside out. I could hear them talking in low voices in the living room.

Ethan, is Eleanor angry? Its all my fault. Mayas voice was tearful.

Dont overthink it, shes just having trouble processing it. Ethans voice was heavy. Youve been through a fright today. Go back to your room and rest early.

But Im scared. The moment I close my eyes, I see the images from the surveillance footage.

Then Ill keep you company for a while.

The door closed softly. I turned off the tap, leaning against the cold countertop, trembling all over. So, he wasnt unable to perform. He just couldnt perform for me.

For dinner, I made three dishes and a soup, all of Ethans favorites. At the dinner table, for the first time, I didn't serve him as usual. The atmosphere was terribly stifling. Maya kept her head down, picking at her rice in small bites, her eyes red. Ethans face wasnt good either. He put down his chopsticks after only a few bites.

Im full. He stood up, pulled a wad of money from his wallet, and placed it on the table. This months living expenses. Let me know if its not enough.

I looked at the stack of crisp red banknotes, finding them incredibly jarring. Since when had our relationship been reduced to this?

Mayas tuition and rent, are they also coming from this? I asked on a whim.

Ethans movements paused. He turned to look at me, his eyes turning cold. Shes just a girl, alone and helpless. Its only right that I help her.

Eleanor, I thought you werent so petty.

Petty? I had spent all our savings on his so-called illness. I had sold the jewelry my mother left me to support the poor girl he spoke of through school. In the end, all I got was being called petty. My heart felt as if an invisible hand was squeezing it, aching to the point of breathless.

Yes, I am petty. I looked up, meeting his gaze. Ethan, make her move out.

This is our home.

Mayas chopsticks clattered to the floor. She flinched, her shoulders hunched, and tears fell. Ethans face completely darkened. He didnt look at me. Instead, he walked to Maya, bent down, and picked up the chopsticks.

Dont be scared. He pulled Maya up, shielding her behind him, as if facing some heinous enemy. Eleanor, have you made enough of a scene?

I looked at him protecting another woman, and let out a laugh, though tears streamed down my face against my will. Ethan, whos making a scene?

For three years, because of you, Ive lived like a ghost.

I didnt dare to speak loudly, didnt dare to sleep with the lights off, afraid of disturbing your fragile nerves.

I treated you as my world, my everything, but what about you?

You were intimate with other women outside, then came home and told me it was for work!

How can I believe that? How can I understand? My voice grew louder and louder, almost a scream. Three years of accumulated grievances and pain completely erupted at this moment.

Maya trembled even more violently behind him, crying, Eleanor, dont blame Ethan. Its all my fault. If it werent for saving me, he wouldnt have

Shut up! Ethan suddenly roared, cutting Maya off. The coldness in his eyes almost froze me. Eleanor, do you think Im lying to you?

I bit my lip, not speaking, but the distrust in my eyes said it all. He suddenly smiled, a smile filled with self-mockery and an indescribable weariness.

Fine, since you dont believe me, Ill show you the evidence. He took out his phone, rapidly tapped the screen a few times, then threw the phone in front of me. On the screen was a hospital diagnostic report: severe PTSD, accompanied by serious physiological dysfunction. The words, stark black on white, stung my eyes. Below it were several videos, recordings of his psychological hypnotherapy sessions. In the videos, he was like a helpless child, curled up in a ball on the sofa, covered in cold sweat, babbling words I couldnt understand. It was a side of Ethan I had never seen, his most vulnerable.

Did you see? His voice was extremely hoarse. The doctor said my trauma stemmed from that month of torment. I have an instinctive aversion and fear of all intimate contact.

The reason for the accident with Maya. He paused, seemingly searching for the right words. The doctor analyzed that it might be because she went through the same hell as me; my subconscious saw her as safe, so it deactivated its defense mechanism.

This is a pathological reaction, not a betrayal. His explanation sounded flawless, even with scientific rigor. It turned out I wasnt his exception. I was the unsafe factor that was excluded.

So, Im the cause of your illness, am I right? I mumbled.

Ethan seemed not to expect me to say that, and he paused. He walked over, tried to hug me, but I abruptly took a step back. His outstretched hand froze in mid-air, his expression complex. Eleanor, its not what you think.

I love you. I just want to live a good life with you.

Give me some time, okay? Ill cure myself. His voice was very soft, with a hint of pleading. I felt like I was going crazy.

That night, for the first time, Ethan didn't sleep in the study. He lay beside me, his body rigid, but our hearts were separated by an uncrossable chasm.

The next morning, I woke up, and Ethan was already gone. I listlessly packed a few clothes into my suitcase. I needed to leave here and cool down. I sent Ethan a message, telling him I was going to stay at my mothers for a few days. He didnt reply.

I dragged my suitcase downstairs. At the community gate, I saw Ethans car parked not far away. He hadnt left. A mix of emotions flashed through me. I pulled my suitcase, walking step by step towards his car. The car window rolled down, but it wasn't Ethans face that appeared. It was Chief Miller.

Eleanor, where are you going? Chief Millers expression was very serious.

I Im going home to stay for a few days.

Chief Miller sighed and opened the car door. Get in, lets talk.

The car didn't head towards my parents house. Instead, it circled the citys most congested main road, round and round. That kid, Ethan, hes stubborn and difficult. Chief Miller said, driving. I know youve been wronged, but you also know what hes been through these past three years.

That month was hell; if it were me, I might have gone crazy long ago.

I lowered my head, my fingers again unconsciously twisting the hem of my dress. I had heard these words countless times.

I know.

Not only do you know, but youve done very well. Chief Miller glanced at me in the rearview mirror. Everyone in the team says Ethan accumulated good karma for eight lifetimes to marry such a good wife like you.

But Eleanor, some things cant be solved just by being good.

My heart clenched sharply. Chief Miller, do you know something?

Chief Miller was silent for a long time, so long that I thought he wouldn't speak again. He parked the car by the river and lit a cigarette. He took a deep drag.

Regarding Maya, what Ethan told you wasnt entirely true.

My stomach suddenly cramped, and a wave of nausea washed over me. This physical reaction was even faster than my brain. I didn't expect his next words to completely push me into the abyss.