Fair and Balanced

When my parents separated, they made a deal: Dad would take care of my sister, and Mom would raise me.

So, Dad poured all his energy and money into my sister.

Meanwhile, no matter what I needed, hed wave me off impatiently:

You're your mother's responsibility. Go ask her.

But my mother had a different philosophy:

"You and your sister are both my children. Whatever I give to you, I must also give to her..."

After college started, Mom only gave me a few hundred dollars a month for living expenses. If I asked for more, she'd say it was to teach me independence.

I drank water to fill my stomach and skipped classes to work part-time jobs.

But it still wasn't enough. Just as I was crying over my inability to pay exam fees, I saw my sister's Instagram post. It was her Sweet 16.

Dad gifted her a month-long trip to Europe.

Mom bought her a stunning gold bracelet.

I stared at the receipt visible in the photo. It clearly read $980.

This month, Mom had only given me 0-000.

My sister's glamorous life stung my eyes.

In a fit of rage, I called my mom and demanded:

"Why did you buy her a $980 bracelet when you only gave me 0-000 to live on?"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to survive on a hundred bucks in college?"

I was furious.

I unleashed all my firepower on my mother:

"You'd rather I starve for four months and work myself to death..."

"Than buy a slightly cheaper gift for your precious little daughter?"

"How can there be a mother like you in this world..."

Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.

I clutched the phone and wailed.

I was so tired.

To save up for living expenses, I delivered food on campus, climbing stairs while everyone else napped.

Often, my hands and feet would tremble involuntarily when I lay down to sleep.

I never dared to go to roommate gatherings. Even spending twenty dollars meant skipping meals for a week.

I was studying pre-med, a major my mom loved, which required constantly buying materials and paying exam fees.

I had zero leisure time.

Even study time had to be squeezed out.

To save money and time, I survived on "human feed"cheap, bulk protein powder shakes.

I thought I was being considerate of my mom.

But she casually dropped nearly a thousand dollars just to give my sister a meaningless accessory.

I cried and screamed.

But my mom just sounded helpless:

"What can I do? You're both my flesh and blood. I can't just care for you and ignore her!"

"You grew up with me; I barely raised her!"

"It's her sixteenth birthday. I sent her a gift, and you're going to hold that against me?"

She spoke righteously, the picture of a good mother.

But I wasn't accepting her pity party anymore.

"Send a gift if you want, but why so expensive?"

"She lives with Dad! She doesn't lack anything!"

Resentment filled my voice:

"Dad said each of you takes care of one..."

Before I could finish screaming, my mom shouted back:

"Your dad is a deadbeat father, so you want me to be a deadbeat mother too?"

"You're both my children. Why should I raise one and abandon the other?"

"You ungrateful girl, how can you be so vicious?"

"If I had known, I would have taken your sister and left you behind."

My unwillingness and resentment exploded with that sentence:

"Who begged you to take me? Dad originally wanted me!"

"It was you! You left my sister with Dad to live the good life and dragged me along to suffer with you!"

I'm two years older than my sister, Chloe.

When our parents separated, I was ten, and she was eight.

Dad thought I was older and easier to manage, so he wanted to take me.

Mom originally wanted to take Chloe because she was cute, sweet, and clingy.

But my grandma stopped her, scolding:

"How can you work if you take the little one?"

"The older one is sensible. She can help you with chores and work."

"The little one is spoiled. She can't handle a hard life with you."

That's why Mom "reluctantly" chose me.

At the time, although sad, I calmly accepted moving from a big house to a tiny apartment.

I thought even if I lived with Mom, Dad would still care for me.

But no. Dad cut off my allowance, tutoring, and extracurriculars.

He said:

"Your mom and I each take one. If you need something, ask your mom!"

"Isn't she so tough, demanding equality with me? Why are you asking me for money?"

He humiliated my mom completely. For her sake, I never asked him for a dime again!

Living with Mom, I took over the chores and cooking so she wouldn't worry.

To save money, we ate cabbage and turnips every meal. I didn't cry or fuss.

In the summer, when temperatures hit 100 degrees and our tiny apartment had no AC because we couldn't afford electricity, I stayed awake all night from the heat. I accepted all of it.

But it turned out she had money. She just saved half of it for Chloe.

Chloe already had a full glass of water.

But Mom, ignoring that I was dying of thirst, insisted on "fairness" and would only give me her half-glass.

What kind of laughable fairness is this?

I cussed my mom out.

I called her a saboteur, ruining my childhood and college life.

I called her delusional and shameless:

"You think you deserve to talk equality with Dad?"

"How much does he make a month? How much do you make?"

"My sister lives like a princess, while I live like a maid with you. Don't you have a clue?"

I blocked her and posted on social media, vowing to cut ties.

Any relative who dared to persuade me got blocked instantly.

I also applied to drop out of school.

I was starving; I couldn't afford this education!

The news of me dropping out to work soon reached my dad's ears.

He called.

I blocked him too.

He didn't care about me, so why keep his number?

My professors tried to keep me, so I agreed to "think about it" and took a week off.

But I turned around, packed my bags, and found a place to shake boba tea.

Who wanted to go to that crappy college anyway?

The one who wanted to be a doctor wasn't me!

My uncle and aunt from my mom's side came to find me, urging me to go back to school.

They "apologized" on behalf of my mom:

"We scolded her. She knows she was wrong."

"In the future, before buying things for your sister, she'll make sure you're fed first."

I just sneered:

"She keeps screaming about fairness. Why doesn't she provide me with the life my sister has?"

"We came out of the same womb. Why is my life so cheap?"

"Dad originally wanted to choose me..."

Thinking of this, I hated my mom's betrayal even more.

I chose her. I gave the good life to Chloe.

But she took it for granted, feeling that because Chloe was with Dad and rarely seen, only Chloe was owed anything.

I refused to go back to school and even dropped a harsh line:

"When my mom dies and my dad lets me live the good life with him..."

"Or at least when I don't have to deliver food on an empty stomach, I'll go back to college."

I made it clear I was going to be an unfilial wretch.

I heard my mom cried hysterically when she heard that.

I didn't care.

I cared about her so much before; did she care about me?

If she had just given me enough money to eat before buying expensive gifts for Chloe, I wouldn't hate her this much.

Chloe found out and actually came to the boba shop to confront me:

"How can you say that about Mom?"

"Do you know how much I envy living with Mom?"

Seeing her righteous indignation, I grinned:

"Then let's switch?"

"From now on, I'll go be a princess with Dad."

"You go do chores for Mom and be her emotional trash can."

Chloe's face stiffened instantly:

"This, this..."

She didn't dare, nor did she want to give up her pampered life.

I rolled my eyes and ignored her without hesitation.

She rambled for a long time before finally saying:

"Grandma and Grandpa want you to come home for dinner tonight."

That was what I wanted to hear.

That night, I went back to my dad's side.

My dad just didn't give me money.

But he let me eat there and stay there.

Sometimes, Grandma and Grandpa would call me over for a good meal.

Then at the dinner table, they'd talk about me persuading Mom to come back.

Before, I respected my mom and refused to help.

But now, I chewed on my chopsticks and said directly:

"Mom and Dad have been separated for so many years. Dragging it out isn't a solution."

"Either divorce or end the separation."

Grandma quickly said:

"Exactly."

"Talk to your mom."

I chuckled:

"Chloe should be the one to say this!"

"She's Mom's precious darling. Mom would rather starve me than miss her birthday gift."

"Mom will listen to whatever she says."

"But Mom won't listen to a word I say."

I had made such a scene recently.

Who didn't know why I cut ties with my mom?

My words made Chloe look like she was about to cry.

Dad slammed the table in rage:

"Stop with the sarcasm!"

"Your mom starving you is because she's sick in the head. What does it have to do with your sister?"

"Besides, I didn't give you money because your mom was screaming about equality and fairness first. Didn't you support her?"

"Your mom and I each take care of one kid. Chloe will take care of me when I'm old, and you take care of your mom. Isn't that great?"

"Even if I gave you money, you wouldn't be grateful. You've always sided with your mom. When you're old, you'll definitely take care of her."

"I might as well focus on your sister..."

He spoke with such conviction, as if it made perfect sense.

He felt that whoever raised the child gets the care in old age.

He didn't give me money, but he didn't expect me to care for him either.

If I wanted to blame someone, I had to blame my mom!

But...

"The logic is fair."

"But what about feelings?"

I looked at him and asked:

"Just because I went with Mom, I'm not your daughter anymore?"

"You buy Chloe new phones, bags, luxury goods whenever."

"Have you ever thought that if you even sent me a $20 red envelope occasionally, I could work 20 fewer hours?"

I was resentful.

If my parents had actually divorced, I might not have been so bitter.

After all, divorced couples usually don't want to support the child living with the ex.

But my parents weren't divorced.

They just separated because of some conflicts.

The conflict was simply that my mom wanted a life where the couple shared chores and decisions equally.

My dad felt that since he made big money doing business outside...

Why couldn't he rest at home? Why did he have to do chores?

He had money; he could just hire a maid.

But my mom exploded.

She felt my dad looked down on her, etc.

It was a huge fight back then, and my dad said some really nasty things.

So, a small matter turned into a big one.

And I stood by my mom's side without hesitation.

But really, if they had decided to separate long ago, why not divorce?

Why just separate?

Why make me live like a fatherless child?

What I wanted to know most was:

"If Chloe had gone with Mom back then, Dad, would you have ignored her like this?"