Ashes of the Year Uncooled, a Lifetime on the Heart

I was stocking up on supplies for the New Year when I ran into him at the end of an aisle.

Just like that, without any warning, I came face-to-face with Declan.

It had been five years since wed last spoken. A clean, complete break. After a flicker of surprise, I managed a polite greeting. He asked how Id been, and I returned his politeness with a practiced response.

Ive been okay.

At the checkout, he moved to pay for my things, but I stopped him. His eyes flickered to the toys in my cart, and a strange expression crossed his face.

Let me, he said, his voice soft. No matter what happened, Im still his father. I should at least be able to buy him something.

I smiled, a small, polite curve of my lips, and refused again. Really, you dont have to.

He didnt know. He couldnt know.

Our son was gone.

By the time I left the supermarket, the sky was a sheet of black ink. My best friend called, her voice cautious.

Anya I heard hes back.

Yeah, I said, my eyes on the road. I saw him today.

What? Her voice shot up an octave. That bastard, Declan! How dare he show his face in front of you? Does he have any idea that if it wasnt for him, Felix would never have

Its okay, I cut her off gently. It doesnt matter. Well never see each other again anyway.

Not long after I hung up, a new notification popped up on my phone. A friend request. The profile picture was a photo of the kitten I had raised years ago.

I knew instantly who it was.

My brow furrowed. Five years, and now this. What could he possibly want?

When I didnt accept right away, another request came through, this time with a message.

Anya, its me.

Its the New Year. I want to buy some clothes for our son. Please, just accept.

I stared at the words, a bitter laugh bubbling in my chest. It was so absurd it was almost funny. Still, I typed a reply into the rejection box, a final act of detached courtesy.

Declan, that wont be necessary. I wouldnt want your wife to misunderstand.

Then, I blocked him permanently.

Back home, I fell into a deep, troubled sleep, haunted by a kaleidoscope of fractured memories.

Sometimes, I dreamed we were children, childhood sweethearts playing house, pretending to be bride and groom.

Other times, we were grown, and he was on one knee, proposing with vows of eternal love that echoed like promises from another lifetime.

Then, the scene would shatter.

There was blood everywhere, and Declan was pointing at me, his eyes burning with a hatred so pure he looked like he wanted to devour me whole.

My alarm jolted me awake. I touched the tips of my hair, damp with sweat, and let out a wry, tired sigh. It had been so long since Id had that dream.

I really had let go. If I hadnt bumped into him today, I probably couldnt have even pictured his face clearly.

I glanced at the time. I couldnt be late.

I drove out to the old monastery nestled in the countryside. The abbot saw me and greeted me with a benevolent smile, his palms pressed together.

Ms. Wallace, welcome.

Thank you, Father. I returned the gesture, then passed out the New Years treats I had brought for the young monks.

Has everything been arranged on the other side? the abbot asked gently.

Yes. I nodded, offering no more.

After today, after I had sponsored the last of the three thousand memorial candles, I could take Felix and leave this place for good.

Inside the small meditation room, the furnishings were stark. A single table, a window, and a solitary memorial plaque.

I walked over to it, my steps soft, and opened the bag I was carrying.

These were always your favorites, I murmured, arranging the small snacks on the table. Dont eat too many, though. You dont want to get cavities.

My throat tightened, and my nose began to sting.

I wonder if they have cavities where you are now.

After the snacks, I took out the toys.

And these are the newest models for this year. You must be happy. Now theres no one to tell you to go to bed early and get your rest. A tear escaped and traced a path down my cheek. I wonder how many hours youre supposed to sleep over there. I wonder if anyone is looking after my little troublemaker.

My vision blurred as the tears flowed freely. I gently wiped the dust from the simple inscription on the plaque.

Beloved Son:

Felix Wallace

Placed by his mother, Anya.

No father.

When I was finished, I carefully packed away my sons ashes and his memorial. I descended the long stone staircase, all 9,000 steps of it, each one feeling like a year of our twenty-year history, now left behind.

Back in the car, my husband called.

Are you all done? he asked, his voice a warm comfort. The world can wait. Come home when youre ready.

I smiled. Tomorrow.

These last five years, I had been lucky. I had found a good man. My life was good.

Tonight was the Wallace familys New Years Eve dinner.

I made a special trip across town to a restaurant on the other side of the city to pick up my grandmothers favorite roast duck. This might be the last time I ever saw her.

But I should have known I wouldnt be able to avoid them.

My half-sister, Lily, was clinging to Declans arm, a triumphant smirk on her face. She shot me a provocative look.

Sister, youre here! Its been so long, she chirped, then gasped theatrically, pointing at my simple, dark clothing. Oh, Anya, after five years, have you started dressing like a nun? Its New Years Eve! Why arent you wearing something more festive? Doesnt Dad give you a generous allowance every month? This is such a downer.

Her voice sharpened. Or is it that you just dont care about this family at all?

Declan frowned beside her. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he bit it back. Anya, he said instead, his voice strained. Wheres Felix? Why didnt you bring him with you?

My hand, holding my coat, froze for a second. Felix is sleeping.

Hmph.

A gruff snort came from the head of the table. My father, Mr. Wallace, glared at me, his eyes filled with disdain as they swept over my attire.

Just like you, no manners at all. Hes the youngest, shouldnt he know to pay respects to his elders? Or do I need to send a royal procession to beg for his presence? he sneered. And look at what youre wearing. Are you trying to make people think the Wallace family cant even raise a presentable daughter?

I glanced at my grandmother, ignoring their barbs. It was the last time. I didnt want to make a scene. It would all be over in an hour.

But Lily wasnt finished. She put on her signature act, her eyes welling up with fake tears.

Sister, I know you hate me. I know you dont want Felix to acknowledge me as his aunt. If thats the case, then Ill just leave. I wont be an eyesore for you.

As expected, my fathers face turned purple with rage. He grabbed a serving dish from the table and hurled it at me.

You wretched girl! You walk in here and the whole house turns toxic! he roared. You have the nerve to hate Lily? If it werent for you, would she have lost her child? Now get out of my sight!

Child, just go

My grandmother, frail in her wheelchair, reached a trembling hand toward me, her eyes filled with pain. I know your heart, Grandma accepts your gift.

Okay.

I gave her a deep, respectful bow and turned to leave.

So much for a final meal.

I heard hurried footsteps behind me, but they were quickly drowned out by Lilys choked sobs. Declan, honey, dont. My sister is upset. Let her cool down. We can go visit her and Felix later.

I had just stepped outside when my phone rang. It was my best friend, Sophie.

Anya, are you an idiot? Why would you go back to that den of wolves? Theyre a bunch of blind, biased assholes! And that bastard Declan was there too? Did they gang up on you?

She didnt even pause for breath. I know you still care about your grandmother, but you cant keep going back there to be their punching bag.

I waited until she was done, then let out a soft laugh.

They didnt do much. Mostly just said my clothes were ugly and not festive enough.

Ill give them ugly! Sophie exploded again. Those hypocrites have the gall to criticize your clothes? Have they given you a single penny all these years? It all went straight into that bitch Lilys pocket! So theyre not even pretending anymore? Sleeping together behind your back, brother-in-law and sister.

Publicly, your family disowned her for being so shameless, but what happened? They secretly funneled money and resources to her. And now that the scandal has died down, they welcome her back with open arms? Theyre all trash.

And Declan, that ungrateful snake. If your mother hadnt died saving him, would your father have ever brought Lily and her mother into the house to torment you? And what does he do? He turns around and gets into bed with her. If lightning doesnt strike that man down, theres no justice in this world.

For someone who was usually so sweet and composed, she could really let loose. I couldnt help but laugh out loud.

Youre laughing? Youre actually laughing! Sophie yelled, exasperated. Anya, youre just too good. If it were me, I would have burned that whole house down with them in it.

Its not about being good, I said, shaking my head. Its just not worth it.

Besides, I had to accumulate good karma for Felix.

Declan was a bastard, that much was true. But if he hadnt been, he never would have been able to take back his familys empire.

When he was just a boy, his parents were killed in a vicious corporate takeover orchestrated by his own relatives. My mother died trying to protect him during that time, caught in their trap. Her body was never even found.

The Prescott Corporation of today was built from the ashes by Declan, piece by piece.

And I had been his right-hand woman.

Together, we had overcome every obstacle, eliminated every rival. To help him get his revenge, I had leveraged every connection my mothers family had.

I was so focused on our mission that I never even saw when he and Lily started.