Once, All My Looks Suited You

After our daughter died, I removed every part of myself that my husbandhead of a global arms syndicatehad despised.

I stopped questioning his whereabouts. When he stayed out all night, I slept soundly.

When I was injured in an explosion, the surgeon told me to notify my family. I simply said, I have no family.

A nurse recognized me. Youre Mrs. Ivanov, arent you? Roman is right next door. Should I tell him youre here?

I shook my head softly. No.

Half an hour later, Roman arrived anyway. His sharp features were tense, his presence heavy with hostility, like gunpowder smoke. His voice was low and cold. Youre hurt. Why didnt you call me?

I lowered my eyes. Just a graze from shrapnel. Ill live.

My detached tone seemed to irritate him. He was about to speak when the guards conversation drifted in.

The boss is really something with Miss Isabelle. She just twisted her ankle, and he called a helicopter. Carried her on and off himself, wouldnt even let her feet touch the ground.

Romans heart clenched. His eyes darted toward me, expecting the storm of questions and accusations my old self would have thrown at him.

But I didnt flinch. I just leaned back against the bed and closed my eyes to rest.

The pressure in the room dropped several degrees. Romans voice was a low growl of an explanation. "Don't listen to their gossip. Isabelle is a key specialist on the compound. An injury could compromise the mission. It was purely professional."

I gave a soft, "Mm-hmm," and said nothing more.

A sudden rage flashed in his eyes. "You don't believe me?"

"I believe you." I answered every word, but my heart wasn't in any of them. "Isabelle is your protge, your subordinate. It's only natural for you to look out for her."

A volatile pressure built in his chest. This was wrong. All of it was wrong.

Just then, the clatter of falling medical equipment echoed from the hallway.

Isabelle was clinging to the wall, stumbling dramatically right at my doorway.

Roman was at her side in an instant, sweeping her into his arms. "What are you doing wandering around? I told you to stay in bed."

"I heard the Madame was hurt." Isabelle's eyes, shimmering with tears, fixed on me. "I came to see how she was." Then she shrank into Roman's embrace as if I were some kind of monster, her voice breaking. "Sera, please don't hate me... I never meant for what happened to Lily to happen."

The old me would have been hysterical. I would have grabbed Roman by the collar, screaming, demanding to know why he was protecting the woman who killed our daughter.

But now, I said nothing. I just stared quietly at the ceiling.

Romans voice dropped to a murmur. "I'm taking her back to her room. I'll be right back."

He turned and left, carrying Isabelle.

He never came back that night.

Instead, a call came from the Defense Technology Agency. "Engineer Ross, are you certain you want to join the 'Aegis' project? This is top secret. Once you're in, you'll be stationed at the research base for a minimum of twenty years, completely cut off from the outside world. That includes your husband."

"I'm certain," my voice was flat.

The person on the other end hesitated. "Understood. You have three days to withdraw your application if you change your mind. We know how much Mr. Ivanov used to mean to you..."

I didn't let him finish. "I won't change my mind. Because I don't love him anymore."

The words had barely left my lips when the door was thrown open.

Roman stood there, his eyes chips of ice, his voice laced with danger. "Don't love me? Seraphina, say that again."

Hearing the noise, I silently ended the call and feigned sleep, my eyes shut tight.

Roman stalked closer, a frigid aura rolling off him, but he stopped short when he saw my closed eyes.

She was talking in her sleep.

His brow relaxed slightly, but the nameless fire inside him only burned hotter. Even in her dreams, he wouldn't allow me to erase him. He grabbed my wrist, shaking me awake. "Sera, were you having a nightmare?"

I looked down. "I dreamt of Lily."

A sharp pain lanced through Roman's heart. He pulled me into his arms, his voice hoarse. "Sera, we can have more children. Lots of them."

I didn't respond. My heart was a barren wasteland, too dry even for tears. My daughter was dead. Did he think another child could just replace her, as if nothing ever happened?

"Roman, why are you here so late?"

He stiffened, his expression turning slightly unnatural. "Sera Isabelle's stomach is bothering her. She was hoping for some of the calming broth you make."

My body went rigid, a chill seeping into my bones. I had just survived an explosion, with shrapnel still embedded in my skin, and he was waking me in the middle of the night to make soup for another woman.

A humorless smile touched my lips. "Get me a pen and paper. I'll write down the recipe."

Roman immediately had one of his men fetch them.

But as I handed him the finished recipe, his fingers trembled.

He suddenly remembered what Id said years ago when hed asked for it. "I'll give it to you the day we part. As long as we're together, I'll be the one to make it for you."

And now, I had given it away so easily.

"Sir, Miss Isabelle is in a lot of pain. She's calling for you," a guard reported urgently from the door.

Roman frowned, then turned and strode out of the room.

I was already used to it. I closed my eyes and lay back down.

But I had barely drifted into a light sleep when a brutal force yanked me upright.

"Seraphina, why did Isabelle start vomiting blood after she drank the broth?" Roman's fingers dug into my chin, his gaze as cold and deadly as the barrel of a gun.

"What the hell did you put in that recipe?"

I lifted my heavy eyelids and gave him a faint glance. "If you think there's a problem with the recipe, have your medics test it."

Roman's chest tightened. His tone softened, but only just. "Sera, if you have a grievance, you can talk to me. Don't be like this, so cold. I'm your husband, not your enemy."

I just closed my eyes again. "There's nothing left for us to talk about."

His heart felt like it stopped. "What do you mean, nothing left to talk about?"

I didn't answer, treating him as if he were no longer there.

Outside, a subordinate reported in a low voice, "Sir, Miss Isabelle's stomach has been pumped. She's out of danger, but she's frightened and keeps asking for you..."

"I know," Roman bit out. He looked back at me, a long, deep look. "Sera, you get some rest. Tomorrow, I'm taking you back to the main compound."

The night was as long as an eternal winter.

I stared into the darkness until dawn.

The daughter I had carried for nine months, the daughter I had brought into this world, would be turned to ash tomorrow, sealed in a cold urn, and buried in the dark earth.

The next day, Roman arrived on time, driving me himself back to the mountain fortress that served as their main base. I leaned on a cane, moving one slow step at a time toward the memorial hall, wanting one last look at my daughter.

But as soon as I stepped inside, his mother lunged at me like a madwoman. "You venomous bitch! How dare you come back here?"

She slapped me hard across the face, twice, her voice a shriek. "You killed my granddaughter! You knew Lily was terrified of heights, yet you took her to the observation deck! You did it on purpose!"

An icy numbness spread through me.

It was Isabelle who took Lily to the observation deck. Why was I the one being blamed?

I turned to Roman.

He looked away.

At the same time, the other Ivanov family members in the hall swarmed forward, joining his mother in beating and cursing me.

"Kill her! She murdered her own child!"

"Get out! You don't deserve to mourn Lily!"

Clubs rained down on my body, stones cut my forehead, and my own cane was snatched away and used as a weapon against me. I fell to the ground, blood and dirt smearing my face.

"Enough!" Roman finally roared, pushing through the crowd to shield me with his body. "Lily's death was an accident. It had nothing to do with Sera. Anyone who touches her again will be dealt with according to family law."

His hawk-like gaze swept over them, and the crowd slowly backed away.

Roman's face softened slightly as he lifted me into his arms and carried me back to our bedroom. He took out a first-aid kit and began to clean my wounds himself.

But my eyes were empty, devoid of any emotion.

I stared at him coldly. "Roman, Isabelle was the one who took Lily to the deck. Why does your mother say it was me?"

The gauze in his hand stilled. His voice was dry. "Sera, Isabelle is a weapons specialist, groomed by the family. Her position is... sensitive. If the family knew she was indirectly responsible for what happened to Lily, her career here would be over."

"But you are my wife," he continued, his voice strained. "With my protection, no one will dare to truly harm you. If you take the blame this time, I'll compensate you. I'll transfer thirty percent of the Ivanov Corporation's shares to your name."

He finished, looking at me with a flicker of unease.

He expected me to scream, to fight, to question him.

But my expression was so calm it terrified him.

I didn't argue. I didn't cry. I just glanced at him. "Do what you want. I don't care."

I had agreed. Roman should have been relieved, but his heart only twisted tighter.

"Sera, don't overthink it. My feelings for Isabelle are purely professional. She's an asset," he explained, though I hadn't asked.

"I understand," I said, my gaze dropping. "No need to explain."

Explanations are for those who still love you.

I didn't. His words were meaningless noise.

Frustration coiled in Roman's gut. He opened his mouth to say more, but a guard burst in. "Sir, it's an emergency! Miss Isabelle came to pay her respects and ran into your sister, Cassandra. They're fighting!"

Cassandra was a true Ivanov, born and bred in this world of violence.

The color drained from Roman's face.

"Sera, finish bandaging yourself. I have to handle this."

He was gone in a flash.

The moment he left, his mother stormed in with several of her loyalists.

"Seraphina. No one's here to protect you now." Her eyes were filled with venom. "You killed Lily. I'm going to let you taste what it feels like to fall."

She had her men drag me to an abandoned ventilation shaft on the compound. The opening was a deep, dark maw, a cold wind howling up from its depths.

"Lily fell from the thirtieth floor observation deck. Do you have any idea how hopeless that feels?" His mother grabbed my hair, forcing the upper half of my body over the edge. "You were right there. Why didn't you save her?"

Vertigo hit me instantly. The darkness below was like the mouth of a great beast. Again and again, she shoved me to the brink of falling, only to yank me back at the last second.

"Breathe! Can't you breathe?" she screamed in my ear. "When my granddaughter fell, she didn't even have time to cry!"

After several agonizing rounds, a sharp pain tore through my chest. The metallic tang of blood filled my throat, trickling from the corner of my mouth.

"She could have internal injuries!" someone shouted. "She'll die if this keeps up!"

Only then did his mother let go.

I collapsed to the ground, my consciousness fading.

When I woke again, I was in the compound's med bay.

Roman was sitting by my bed.

"Sera, you're awake." He took my hand, his eyes bloodshot. "I'm sorry. I failed to protect you."

"Don't worry, I've dealt with the ones who hurt you. And I warned my mother. She won't touch you again."

A profound chill settled over me. I had nearly died, and his response was to "warn" his mother, still concealing the truth.

When it came to disappointing me, Roman never missed.