My Regrets Only Grow Since You Left

When Julian found me, I was picking out a burial plot for my deceased husband, Ashton.

The one I truly liked was too expensive, but the cheaper options felt like Id be shortchanging him.

Lost in thought, Julian asked if I would remarry him.

The refusal died on my lips, turning into a cautious whisper:

If we remarry, will the allowance still be half a million a month?

Julian looked at me, surprised. After all, the old me used to scorn money.

He nodded, a perplexing pang of tenderness in his eyes: Yes, as long as youre a faithful and obedient wife.

I agreed without hesitation and began to learn how to be a good wife.

I stopped checking up on him, stopped demanding he remember anniversaries, and stopped asking him to keep his distance from his female friends.

But then he screamed, I just want you to listen to me, not to stop loving me!

Julian found me while I was selecting a burial plot for my late husband, Ashton. I still wore a camellia, a symbol of mourning, in my hair.

The thought of him spending all his savings to cure my illness, and then sacrificing his life to save me in the earthquake, brought tears to my eyes.

We should have been on our honeymoon

Just as I succumbed to grief, Julian sat across from me.

He critically scrutinized my outfit. Once adorned in designer wear, I now wore a faded hoodie with a stretched collar and worn-out jeans.

I was a far cry from my former opulent self.

He frowned. You look like a ghost after leaving me.

It took me a moment to recognize him.

My ex-husband, divorced for five years.

Seeing my silence, Julian assumed I was overcome with joy. He said indifferently:

If you just admit your mistake, Ill remarry you. How about it?

I was about to refuse, but then I remembered the burial plot Id just seen C a seven-figure price tag.

I could deliver takeout my entire life and still not afford it.

With that thought, I cautiously asked him, If we remarry, will the allowance still be half a million a month?

Julian gazed at me in silence, his eyes holding a tenderness I didnt quite understand.

He said, As long as youre well-behaved, Ill give you a million. But if you act up and get suspicious like before, Ill

Before he could finish, I quickly raised my hand and promised, I understand, Ill be good.

Julian seemed surprised. He asked, Are you sure youve thought it through? You used to you werent so agreeable before.

I smiled wryly. Mr. Caldwell, you said it yourself. That was before.

Before, I was cherished by him, the envy of everyone in New York, Mrs. Caldwell, the most acclaimed genius designer.

Whether relying on him or on myself, I could live very well.

But now, my reputation was ruined, and his childhood friend had issued a blacklist against me, making it impossible to find a decent job in New York.

Had I not met Ashton, I would probably be a forgotten mess at the bottom of a cliff.

Where was my former dignity?

Julians expression shifted slightly. He frowned and asked, What did you call me? Mr. Caldwell?

Looking at me, seemingly compliant but always distant, Julian felt like his heart was soaking in water.

Wet, heavy

Afraid of angering him, afraid of losing the million, I quickly explained, Did you forget? You were the one who told me not to call you husband.

Julians face instantly paled. He remembered, remembered our secret marriage.

I worked as the chief designer at his company. Publicly, everyone thought I was just an employee he highly valued.

And to keep up appearances, he never let me call him husband.

So, all along, I had called him Mr. Caldwell.

Julian looked annoyed. He rubbed his temples and said, Back then, you were at the company, and we needed to be discreet. Now, we dont.

A myriad of aches pulsed in my heart. Yes, there was no need now. My proud career had been utterly destroyed by him.

I no longer had to pretend to be his employee.

Julian couldnt stand my silence. He got up and said irritably, Come home with me.

I obediently rose and followed him into his Cadillac Escalade.

As soon as I stepped inside, I froze. The interior was pink, and there were selfies of Julian and Audrey plastered everywhere.

Audrey was his childhood friend, and the catalyst for our divorce back then.

Julian saw me staring at the photos in a daze and quickly explained, a hint of panic in his voice, Audrey recently got hurt, and my mom insisted she stay at my place so I could drive her to and from work.

You know how innocent and whimsical she is, she likes these childish things, so

Before he could finish, I interrupted him with a smile, Theyre actually quite cute.

Julian looked at my calm, unruffled face and asked, You dont mind?

I shook my head, smiling. Whats there to mind? You two are childhood friends, practically siblings.

If anything were going to happen between you, it would have happened ages ago. I wouldnt even be in the picture, would I?

I thought Julian would be pleased by my words, but his face darkened a shade.

I didnt understand why he was angry.

These were the very words he used to say to me when I was jealous.

Sadly, back then, I never believed in pure male-female friendships, so even when he said that, I still demanded he keep his distance from Audrey.

He outwardly agreed but secretly continued to be inseparable from Audrey, until I caught them at a party.

I went mad, hitting and yelling at him, only to suffer terribly myself.

Had he forgotten all that?

But I had no time for him. I lowered my head and played with my phone, calculating when I could save enough money to buy the burial plot.

Julian felt a strange absurdity.

He hadnt expected that in just five years, I would so calmly accept his relationship with Audrey.

But it shouldnt be like this.

Shouldnt I be reprimanding him for crossing the line?

Gazing at my serene profile, Julian reassured himself, It must be because she doesnt want to leave me again, so she doesnt dare to get angry.

At this point, I remembered Ashtons photos were still in the apartment, so I suggested Julian take me there first.

Julian flatly refused, his face full of disdain: Do you think our villa has room for your junk?

Just call the landlord, have him terminate the lease, and clear out your things.

I opened my mouth, intending to say it wasnt a rented apartment, but then I thought better of it and simply nodded.

That twenty-square-meter apartment was Ashtons legacy to me.

No need for others to know.

The rest of the drive was silent.

Half an hour later, I stood before what used to be our marital home.

In the yard, the sycamore tree I had planted with my own hands, after five years of wind and rain, looked even more vibrant.

I was a little surprised because I remembered Julian saying he would uproot it when I left.

It was unexpected that after five years, the tree was still thriving.

Julian came to my side, explaining self-consciously, I consulted a feng shui master who said this sycamore tree brings me luck, so I didnt dig it up.

I nodded, finding it a bit strange why he felt the need to explain.

I wasnt so conceited as to think he kept the tree because he still had feelings for me.

I was still waiting, even now, for him to tell me the real reason for our remarriage.

Soon, I would know the reason C it turned out he wanted to remarry, still for his little childhood friend.

The front door opened from the inside, and I saw Audrey, pale-faced, being supported by a maid. She smiled and asked, Julian, youre back?

I already knew she was living here from the drive over, so I naturally nodded at Audrey. Ms. Rosenstock, long time no see.

Audrey seemed surprised by my composure. She wore her usual fake smile and said affectionately, Sister-in-law, long time no see.

I told Julian my birthday wish was for him to get back with you, and I cant believe he actually brought you back.

It seems Julian is still my Santa Claus, granting all my wishes.

If it were the past, hearing those words would have deeply hurt me.

My return, it seemed, was due to another womans birthday wish.

But now, far from being upset, I said with genuine gratitude, Thank you, Ms. Rosenstock. Mr. Caldwell mentioned you were injured? Dont worry, Ill take good care of you.

This time, Audrey completely lost her composure, staring at me in shock, forgetting to respond.

Julian also looked at me, stunned, trying to detect any pretense in my eyes, but found only sincerity.

That strange feeling in his heart grew stronger.

He quickly explained, Audreys just joking with you. Youre my wife, and my decision to remarry you was naturally well-considered.

I smiled and flattered him, Youre the CEO of Caldwell Group. Any decision you make is naturally well-thought-out.

Ms. Rosenstocks words are just a suggestion. I understand, I completely understand.

Even after I said that, Julian still wasnt satisfied.

He scowled at me, his eyes holding an intensity I couldnt decipher.

I gazed back at him, bewildered.

He finally crumbled under my clear gaze, turning away and walking into the living room in a huff.

I followed closely, but Audrey stopped me at the door.

Audrey whispered in my ear, Five years apart, your manipulative tactics have certainly improved.

Too bad, in the face of absolute favoritism, your feigned indifference is useless.

To be frank, Julian brought you back because I cant have children. He wants you to have a child for me, so I can smoothly marry into the Caldwell family.

My heart jolted.

Have a child?

I unconsciously touched my lower abdomen. There, once, was a child too, but sadly, his father had personally caused his demise.

I still vividly remember the look of disgust in Julians eyes back then.

He said, A malicious woman like you doesnt deserve to bear my child.

Now, five years later, he wanted me to have his child.

But I couldnt have children anymore.

If Julian found out, would he kick me out?

And that burial plot

With that thought, I secretly resolved that Julian must never know this.

Just then, Audrey suddenly shrieked and recoiled, her eyes red as she asked, Sister-in-law, if you dont like me, you can just say so why did you step on my foot?

Beside her, the maid also indignantly accused me, Madam, Ms. Rosenstock already has a foot injury. With that step, shell probably be in pain for a while again.

You really are

Facing these two drama queens, I raised an eyebrow in mild surprise, then immediately apologized, Im sorry, I didnt mean to.

I was long accustomed to Audreys two-faced antics. In the past, Id often complained to Julian about her being a scheming woman.

Unfortunately, Julian never believed me, saying I was mad with jealousy and maliciously misinterpreting an innocent young girl.

Even though this young girl was a month older than me.

So, I didnt plan to explain to Julian but immediately offered a frank apology.

Not far away, Julians face darkened.

Seeing him look over, I assumed he would scold me as he used to, and volunteered, I know it wasnt intentional, but I did hurt Ms. Rosenstock.

I accept the punishment. Ill go to the attic now.

With that, I headed towards the attic.

The attic housed a solitary room, a confinement space Julian had specially prepared for me.

Every time I hurt Audrey or defied him, he would make me go in there to reflect.

For twenty-four hours, no food or water.

Initially, I resisted and struggled, but eventually, after losing my child in there, I developed claustrophobia.

From then on, I would only cry uncontrollably and beg for mercy.

Fortunately, I was no longer afraid of the dark.

During that earthquake, I was trapped in the small world Ashton had created for me, pitch black and bloodied.

Yet, from his rapidly fading life, I felt the most passionate love.

He led me out of that last psychological shadow.

Its just that, this time, the price was too high.

Unconsciously, my eyes reddened.

When Julian grabbed my wrist, he saw this very scene C my head bowed submissively, no resentment in my eyes, only a trace of hurt.

Like a fawn abandoned in the wilderness by its mother.

Julians heart ached. The surge of nameless anger that had just flared up was instantly extinguished.

He asked helplessly, When did I say I was sending you to the confinement room?

I asked, flattered, Oh? I really dont have to go?

My reaction instantly stung Julians eyes.

He even felt some regret for how he had treated me in the past.

He awkwardly explained, I confined you back then because you were too disobedient, you made a mistake and were stubborn, so I wanted to teach you a lesson.

Now, you didnt do it on purpose, and your apology was sincere, so you dont need to be punished.

He said, looking at Audrey who stood not far away, and smiled gently, Besides, Audrey is so kind, how could she let you be punished for such a small thing?

Audreys facade almost crumbled. She looked at me with a hint of unfamiliarity.

A stiff smile played on her lips, and she nodded, Yes, sister-in-law, you make me seem overbearing.

I shook my head, quickly explaining, I didnt mean that, I just got used to it

Audrey immediately said, feigning hurt, I knew it, sister-in-law is still blaming me. It was my thoughtlessness back then, my lack of boundaries, that caused a rift between you two.

Sister-in-law, Im sorry, I formally apologize to you.

Julian looked at me suspiciously. I knew he was doubting me, thinking I was up to my old tricks again.

I had just avoided punishment, and I certainly didnt want Audrey to manipulate me back into trouble.

I said with genuine sincerity, How could I? I stopped caring about all that a long time ago.

Oh, right, dont you like my steamed sea bass?

Ill go to the market right now, buy one, and make it for you.

Once youve had my fish, you cant bring up old grievances, okay?

My words stopped Audreys act. She looked at me awkwardly as I rushed out the door.

Before she could even speak, she saw Julian walk past her, straight out the door, chasing after me.