My Husband Faked His Death by Skydiving, So I Cremated Him

My husband, crippled by severe depression, wanted to try BASE jumping. He said throwing himself off a cliff was the only way to release the pressure.

But when I checked his parachute pack, my blood ran cold. The chute inside had been sabotaged.

Panic seized me. I opened my mouth to scream, to stop him, but then the comments flooded my vision.

Wait. Am I the toxic shrew?

Just then, a new wave of comments scrolled by.

But I just stared, pretending I hadn't seen a thing.

Warn him? Why on earth would I do that?

Happily ever after? They can have their happily ever after in hell.

Annelise, I love you, I really do. But Im sorry. Youve driven me to the edge.

Then, without another moments hesitation, he took a step into the void.

The comments in front of my eyes went into a frenzy.

I raised a pair of binoculars to my eyes. Far below, I could see Vincent frantically fumbling with his pack, his expression twisting from confusion to sheer, primal terror.

And then his time ran out. His scream was swallowed by the vast green canopy of the forest below as he vanished from sight.

It took everything I had not to burst out laughing. I had a role to play.

Vincent! No! Vincent, dont do this to me!

I clapped a hand over my mouth, letting out a piercing shriek. I scrambled to the cliff's edge, peering into the abyss as tears streamed down my face, a convincing torrent of grief.

My love! You cant leave me like this!

A small, satisfied smile touched my lips. I immediately pulled out my phone and dialed the park rangers emergency line.

A familiar voice answered on the other end.

Help! Please, help my husband! He just jumped and his parachute didnt open! You have to send someone down there!

There was a pause on the other end, followed by a smug little chuckle.

Maam, please try to stay calm. Were a bit short-staffed at the moment. A kitten fell down a ravine, and we have all hands on deck for the rescue. It might be an hour before we can get to your location.

What? An hour? Youre saving a cat when a mans life is on the line? Hell be dead by then! Please, Im begging you! I cant live without my husband!

I fell to my knees, clutching my head in my hands, my body trembling violently. I was the very picture of a woman utterly destroyed.

But Lilys voice was dripping with condescending impatience.

Isnt a cats life a life, too? Why are you being so selfish? In my eyes, all life is equal! We cant just abandon an innocent kitten for your husband!

With that, she hung up.

I bit down hard on my thigh to keep from howling with laughter.

I had recorded every last word. It was all going to be part of my ironclad defense.

Just then, the comments flashed again.

What? Still alive?

The comments continued.

Oh, really? In that case, I absolutely have to go find him myself!

My love! Dont be scared! Im coming to save you!

I took the cable car down to the base of the mountain and found Vincent.

He was lying in a pool of his own blood, one of his legs twisted at a grotesque, unnatural angle. His face was a mess of scratches, and his chest rose and fell in shallow, ragged breaths.

His eyes fluttered open. When he saw me, he weakly reached out a hand.

Annie help me

I threw myself beside him, cradling him in my arms as I sobbed.

Vincent! Youre alive! Hold on, Ill call the rangers to come help you!

The moment I mentioned the rangers, his eyes widened in terror.

No call a doctor!

I pretended not to hear him and dialed the park rangers number again.

I found my husband! Hes in bad shape, hes bleeding everywhere, and I think his arms and legs are broken. Is there any first aid you can teach me?

Is that so? Okay, you need to start CPR immediately. Chest compressions. Help him get his breathing back. Press hard, and dont stop.

Hearing this, Vincent nearly choked. He tried to protest, but he couldnt form a single word.

With injuries like his, he had to have multiple compound fractures. Performing CPR on him now would be like personally escorting him to the gates of hell.

But how would I know that? Im just a simple housewife. What do I know about advanced medical procedures?

I immediately knelt beside him and began pressing down hard on his chest.

A choked grunt escaped his lips. With each compression, a fresh wave of blood bubbled up from his mouth.

Agh!

Vincent cried out, his body convulsing in agony.

I feigned panic, speaking into the phone. Are you sure this is right? He seems like hes in a lot of pain!

Of course its right! Im a professional, she snapped impatiently. If you dont do what I say, you might as well just let your husband die.

No, no, Ill listen! Ill do anything, just please save my husband!

Then keep going. And press harder. At least thirty compressions in a set, no pauses.

Vincent couldnt breathe. Each push on his chest was like a boulder being dropped on him. He tried to push me away, but his arms were useless, twitching feebly. His face turned a deep shade of purple as blood began to trickle from his nose and the corners of his mouth.

The comments were a frantic blur.

My arms were getting tired, so I sat back for a moment to rest.

But the voice on the phone roared, Did you stop? Keep going! Do you want your husband to live or not?

Oh, okay!

I scrambled back into position, thinking to myself, Darling, just look at this mistress you picked. She wants you dead more than anyone.

I began pressing again, this time with even more force.

I heard a sickening crack from Vincents chest. He used his last ounce of strength to hiss, No you bitch youre doing this on purpose

His eyes rolled back in his head. His body gave one last violent shudder, like a fish out of water.

And then, his voice faded. His body went limp. He was still.

Just to be sure, I collapsed onto his chest, wailing dramatically while I listened for a heartbeat.

Good. Nothing.

The comment feed exploded.

Just then, an ambulance arrived.

The paramedics got out, gave Vincents body a cursory glance without attempting any resuscitation, and simply covered him with a white sheet.

Hes gone. Im sorry for your loss.

Suddenly, a shrill voice cut through the air, and a foot slammed into my back, sending me sprawling.

Annelise! You bitch! Vincent was depressed, and you just kept pushing him! Now look what youve done! He jumped because of you! Give me back my son! Give me my son!

I knelt on the ground, sobbing. Mom, Im so sorry, its all my fault! But maybe theres still hope! We have to get him to a hospital!

He jumped to get away from you, you evil woman! Even if he had lived, he would have just tried again as long as you were around! Youre a curse! How can you even stand to be alive?

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Why shouldnt I? Im not the one who cheated. Im not the one who cooked up some disgusting scheme to steal an inheritance.

Just then, Lily arrived. She watched the ambulance drive away, then closed her eyes in a performance of profound grief.

Then, she turned to me, her face a mask of disgust.