Shredding The Love I Once Had

Blair Wellington was in love with my roommate.

She stood with him in front of both our families, publicly demanding that the ridiculous childhood engagement between us be canceled.

She pointed at me and addressed the parents in the room:

I have never loved him, and the thought of marrying him makes me physically ill.

That was the last day I ever loved Blair Wellington.

Later, when another girl confessed her feelings to me, Blair tried desperately to stop us from being together.

In her hand, she clutched the childish marriage vow shed written for me when we were kids.

But you promised youd only ever marry me when we grew up.

I had just arrived when Blair Wellington started arguing with her parentswith my roommate, Nolan, standing right beside her.

I stomped the snow off my boots and reached for the front door.

I already told you, I never agreed to that absurd engagement pact!

The cold sneer in her voice stopped my hand right before I pushed the door open.

That was set when you two were children! Now you bring a boy here? Do you have any idea how much shame youre bringing to the Rivers family?!

Through the small gap in the doorway, I watched Blair arguing with her father.

My own parents sat silently on the side, their faces drawn and tight.

This is my boyfriend, Nolan.

Blair clutched Nolan Pierces hand, staking her claim.

Her fathers face was turning beet red.

You are going to marry Cam, and thats final! You dont get a choice!

My hand trembled, and the door swung open unexpectedly.

Every eye in the room landed on me.

Blairs gaze was cold. She pointed a finger at me and looked back at her parents.

Her voice rang out, clear and definitive.

I have never loved him, and the thought of marrying him makes me physically ill.

She didnt wait for a reply, pulling Nolan out the door and past me. Her eyes swept over me without acknowledgment, as if I were a piece of furniture.

Behind them, her parents frantically apologized, while my dads face was dark with a fury that wanted to chase Blair down and shake her.

I just stood there, staring at the retreating backs of the two people who had just humiliated me.

Blair and I had grown up together. For years, she had never once denied the engagement pact. When people teased us about it, shed always laugh along.

I thought she loved me as much as I loved her.

That night, after two long hours of my parents attempts to console me, I was finally allowed to go to bed.

Mom had called me in sick for the day, so I hadnt returned to the dorm.

Just as I was drifting off, my phone on the nightstand lit up.

A text from Blair.

Im downstairs. Come down, we need to talk.

I thought back to her words earlier.

My childhood sweetheart, my Blair-y-Bear, had deliberately destroyed me to be with another guy.

I didnt go down that night.

I didnt sleep well, either. I kept having fragmented dreams.

A tiny Blair, perched at a desk, carefully writing something down.

A moment later, she hopped off the chair.

She ran toward my young self.

Camden, when we grow up, you have to marry your Blair-y-Bear.

Her soft little hand pressed her self-made marriage vow into mine, her bright eyes sincere and earnest.

Blair-y-Bear will be with Camden forever.

The moon cut through the last layer of clouds, the light blurring my eyes.

Half-asleep, I wiped a cold wetness from the corner of my eye.

I was intercepted by Blair the next morning on my way to school.

Leaving this late? Did you skip breakfast again?

The familiarity of her tone made me pause.

Blair held out a bag of pre-prepared breakfast items.

Camden, what I said yesterday wasnt aimed at you.

I just got carried away and said things I didnt mean.

I stepped back, avoiding the breakfast bag.

No, thank you. Taking anything from you right now would be... nauseating.

Blair pulled her hand back, staring at me fixedly. Her voice cooled.

Did throwing my words back at me make you feel better?

Camden, I need you to leave Nolan alone. He didnt do anything wrong; I was the one who went after him.

Blairs request proved to be highly prescient.

Though, as it turned out, Nolan was the one who decided to provoke me.

I arrived in class shortly after her. Just as I sat at my desk, Nolan walked up, holding a cup of milk.

His voice was just loud enough to cut through the quiet hum of the room, drawing everyones attention.

Cam, heres a drink. Can you forgive me?

I glanced at the milk, then up at him.

Forgive you for what, exactly?

Nolan placed the milk on my desk, looking appropriately embarrassed.

I shouldnt have accepted Blairs friend request. I didnt know she was your childhood sweetheart.

His voice was apologetic. He reached up, intending to put a hand on my shoulder.

Please dont be mad, Cam.

If you can just let this go, Ill even give Blair back to you.

The words I was about to say were cut short by another voiceNolans best friend, who was now laughing in disbelief, jumping to Nolans defense.

Nolan, you dont need to apologize! Cam and Blair are just friends, right?

You didnt steal his friend, so whats the big deal?

And honestly, Cam, can you ditch the moody rich-boy act? Stop being such a jerk.

The pair were putting on a perfect show.

You two really have this downone playing the good cop, the other the bad cop, huh?

I finished, yanking Nolans hand away.

I hadnt used much force, but he gasped and stumbled back dramatically.

Ah!

He crashed into my desk, and the hot milk splashed across his chest.

That was the moment Blair walked in.

Nolan, are you okay? Are you hurt?

She pulled a handful of paper towels from her bag and thrust them into Nolans hands, her eyes filled with frantic concern.

Im fine, Blair, he mumbled.

The surrounding students all shot me accusatory looks.

What are you looking at? He walked right into it.

I found it almost funny.

Blair must have heard me, but her attention remained fixed on Nolan.

Lets get you to the nurses office to clean up. Try to bear with it.

She helped Nolan stand up and guided him out.

The entire time, I was invisible to her.

In the afternoon, Nolans friend, still furious on his behalf, got his revenge.

I was walking out of the communal kitchen with a bottle of warm water and coffee grounds when I ran straight into him.

He deliberately slammed into me, spilling the murky liquid all over my front, and then shoved me hard.

Whoops. My bad, man. Didnt see you there.

He shrugged nonchalantly and walked off.

I looked up and met Blairs eyes from across the hallway.

She was watching me, her expression as cold and detached as if she were looking at a complete stranger.

I walked into the classroom moments before the bell rang, my clothes still damp.

I was holding an empty bottle. In the kitchen, I had mixed some lukewarm water with old, murky coffee grounds for the "revenge" I had just had.

Before anyone could react, I uncapped the bottle.

The dark, staining liquid poured straight over the other boys head.

That, I said, looking him dead in the eye, was intentional. And no, Im not apologizing.

He screamed, scrambling to his feet.

What is that?! What did you throw at me?!

I just smirked, offering no explanation.

It wasnt until the entire school was involved that I finally clarified to the principal:

It was just lukewarm water mixed with old coffee grounds. It stains, but its not caustic.

After that incident, I was completely isolated.

Everyone avoided me.

I started to question myself. Had I really been wrong?

If I was right, why was I the one being ostracized?

Meanwhile, Blair and Nolan had become the classs golden couple, the star students.

The night they publicly confirmed their relationship was also the night I finally admitted my truth.

Theres a class party on Friday night. Are you going to come?

The class president hesitated, clearly having asked everyone else first before reluctantly approaching me.

My face was calm, but the hand tucked under the desk was clenched tight.

Ill go.

I thought, maybe, just maybe, I hadnt been completely shut out.

At the club, we were playing Truth or Dare.

When it was Blairs turn, someone grinned wickedly.

Blair, if your childhood sweetie Cam and your well, your current guy Nolan both fell into the water, who would you save?

At the time, I never imagined that question would turn into a horrifying premonition.

Blair and Nolan were sitting right across from me.

The air in the room froze.

I kept my eyes fixed on the teacup in front of me. I knew I could leave, but something held me in place.

Across the table, Blair gave a small, light laugh.

Her tone was measured.

What do you mean, current guy? Hes my boyfriend, didnt you know?

In my peripheral vision, she looped her arm through Nolans.

Nolan, can you swim? she asked him.

Im a total brick, he confessed, looking slightly embarrassed.

Blair sighed playfully, her voice dripping with affection.

Then if you fell in the ocean, Id have to haul you all the way back, wouldnt I?

She hadnt answered the question directly, but the answer was chillingly clear.

And it made sense. Nolan was her boyfriend. Saving him first was what any girlfriend would do.

I briefly closed my eyes, suppressing the sting of humiliation.

Everyone started cheering, teasing the straight-A student about her romantic side.

I lowered my breathing, shrinking my presence, terrified of being caught in a look of pity or mockery.

But Nolan wasnt going to let me off that easily.

When it was my turn, he smiled, looking perfectly harmless.

He asked, gently:

Cam, do you have anyone you like here? Or anyone youve ever liked?

He spoke the most cruel words in the most casual tone, making everyone think he was just joking.

Dont lie, or youll have seven years of bad luck, promise?

I felt like I was backed into a corner. Making a scene now would mean permanent banishment, guaranteeing those pitying stares.

I slowly raised my eyes and met Nolans gaze.

Yes, I said.

The moment the word left my mouth, I felt Blairs eyes snap to mine.

Nolan just grinned, wrapping an arm around Blairs waist.

Good to know.

A few months ago, this would have been unbearable. But now, after admitting I had loved Blair, that raw emotion felt distant.

It felt like a final, faint breeze had swept away the last fragile remnant of my feelings for Blair. The wind passed, leaving the surface untouched.

At seventeen, I let go of three years of unspoken love.

I was finally certain: I didnt love Blair Wellington anymore.

Camden.

The party was breaking up, and Blair called out to me before I could leave.

She came closer, her expression complicated.

Earlier, when you said you liked someone

She paused for a difficult two seconds.

Was it me?

To be honest, I felt no lingering affection for the girl standing in front of me.

It was, I confirmed.

Then I added, But it was in the past tense.

The moment you pointed at me and said the thought of marrying me made you ill, I decided I was done. Especially now that you have a boyfriendIve genuinely moved on.

Blairs lips were pressed into a thin line, and she said nothing.

I didnt mean to hurt you. Ive always thought of you like a brother.

I didnt want to hear her weak excuses.

Blair, Ill make it up to you.

I immediately refused.

I even used my actions to prove my point: I truly wanted to be rid of her and her boyfriend.

But Blair wouldnt listen, instead piling on useless attempts to alleviate her guilt.

She kept insisting on bringing me breakfast, even though I threw it away every time.

Her occasional acts of misplaced kindness.

Nolan, however, didnt see my desperate avoidance; he only saw my efforts to steal Blair back.

The retaliation started coming in waves.

The day before the results of the mock exams were released, Nolan was called to the principals office.

He returned crying, collapsing onto his desk.

Rumors immediately spread that he had cheated on the exam.

Blair and her friends, however, refused to believe it.

He was, after all, the second-highest-ranking student in the grade, right after Blair.

Nolan? No way! That crib sheet they found couldnt have been his.

Exactly! Nolan isnt like that, come on.

I didnt pay much attention.

But I did remember that I had done well on the exam, making fewer mistakes than usual.

After the scores were posted, my brief feeling of accomplishment was shattered when Blair cornered me after school.

Camden.

Was it you?

I looked at her, confused. Was what me?

Framing Nolan for cheating? Wasnt that you?

That little slip of paperdidnt you plant it?

She was cold, the accusation pressing down on me.

Am I that bored?

I scoffed. Do you honestly think I care about him enough to start trouble?

Blair scrutinized me, her eyes narrowed.

Then why did your score jump twenty-seven points since the last test?

Maybe I just studied hard and earned it!

I had reached my limit.

Blair, youre becoming delusional.

Her expression darkened, and then she let out a sharp, mocking laugh.

Camden, how did you turn into this person?

Sabotage and slander, unrepentant.

Blair shook her head, her eyes full of disappointment.

Is this what your family taught you?

I was so furious I nearly laughed, ready to deny everything.

But Blair turned on her phone, showing me a segment of the office surveillance video.

Between the time the papers were collected and lunch, I was the only student who had entered the office.

This was Nolans game.

He had deliberately planted the cheat sheet inside his own exam booklet. Since he knew the answers, no one believed he cheated.

Combined with the video, I was instantly convicted.

Blair looked down at me, distant.

She tossed out a cold sentence before walking away.

Camden, everyone has to take responsibility for their actions.

I put my last shred of hope in the principal.

After all, this wasnt about concrete evidence; it was about subjective judgment.

But the principal only looked at me with deep disappointment.

Camden! What was your motivation for doing this?!

Was it jealousy because Nolans grades are better than yours?

My throat instantly went dry, and all the fight left me. I couldnt say a word.

When Blair accompanied Nolan into the office, his eyes were still red rimmed.

Cam! Werent we close? I always thought of you as my friend, and this is how you treat me?

He grabbed a heavy textbook off the desk and threw it straight into my face.

He screamed:

My life was almost ruined because of you! Do you have any idea what you did?

Blair turned her head away, remaining completely silent.

The principal scolded Nolan lightly for the violence. But before I could retaliate, he looked at me, a warning in his eyes.

Then he quickly changed the subject.

Camden, apologize to Nolan, and I wont invalidate your test score or record a demerit.

If my score was canceled, I would be removed from the Advanced Placement class for my final year.

But I hadnt done it. How could I apologize?

Ill only say this once: I did not frame Nolan Pierce for cheating.

The moment the words left my mouth, I felt a cold wetness under my nose. Nolans throw had been hard enough to draw blood.

I ignored the three people with their varied expressions and walked straight out.

Stop.

Blair chased after me, blocking my path.

She frowned when she saw the blood dripping from my nose.

But her words were still accusatory.

Camden, you have to apologize to Nolan. He shouldnt have to carry that slander because of you.

I lightly dabbed the blood with my hand and held it out for her to see.

My voice was very quiet.

Blair Wellington, can I at least clean myself up first?

I felt utterly exhausted. Like a person clinging to a cliff edge, I no longer had the strength to hold on to the last life-saving root. I didnt even want to argue anymore.

Blair furrowed her brow. Ill take you.

She reached out to grab my hand.

I stepped back slightly, looking down, my eyes devoid of emotion.

Blair.

Please.

Get lost.

I never apologized to Nolan.

But everyone seemed to have tacitly agreed that I was guilty of framing him.

Students who had previously ignored me now openly talked badly about me.

My test score, the one twenty-seven points higher than before, was nullified.

My seemingly stable emotions were starting to crumble.

Had I really been wrong? Why was I always the one paying the price?

Then came the school-arranged field tripa mandatory nature hike.

This became Nolans next opportunity to trap me.

Nolan Pierce and Camden Rivers, you two are a team for collecting brushwood.

Deep in the woods, Nolans true colors emerged.

I discreetly switched on the voice recorder in my backpack.

Cam, does it hurt that I stole your childhood sweetheart?

He stood behind me, sounding casual and relaxed.

I led the conversation.

So, you deliberately planted that crib sheet to make Blair hate me completely and stop me from trying to get her back?

He glanced around, then smiled, pleased with himself.

Yep. And look, nobody believes youre innocent, do they?

How was it? When that heavy book hit your face? That must have hurt, right?

I had what I needed and didnt want to press him further.

With this recording, he could be thoroughly ruined, suspended, or transferred.

But he wasnt finished. The moment I turned to leave, he shoved me hard.

Ah

As I tumbled down the slope, Nolan, in a moment of arrogant carelessness, also slipped.

We both ended up clinging to a tree trunk on the steep incline, precariously balanced.

I tried to save myself, but it was useless.

Blair, having likely heard Nolans scream, was the first to arrive.

Blair, save me

His face was ghostly white as he looked at her.

The girls eyes found me, a fleeting look of pity there.

Im sorry, Camden.

She reached out a hand to Nolan.

Once Nolans up, Ill pull you up immediately.

Nolans face shifted at her words.

He used her leverage and started to climb.

I forced a weak smile. Right. Thank you.

I had no right to complain. Nolan was her boyfriend. Saving him first was what any girlfriend would do.

I was even surprised she was willing to risk saving me at all. I had thought she would just go back for the principal.

But as Nolan climbed, he suddenly stomped his foot down onto my hand.

He ground his heel back and forth.

He used his other foot to gain purchase, making it look like an accidental slip.

The pain made me gasp, and I instinctively loosened my grip.

I tumbled down the hill.

Camden!

Cam!