He Pushed Me Into Hell

I flew all the way to Newport on Christmas Eve, determined to give my boyfriend a surprise.

I was expecting to find Carter buried in a project at his studio, but his apartment was filled with laughter and shouting.

Peeking through a sliver in the blinds, I saw him and a girl surrounded by a dozen of his friends. The girl had lost a game, chosen 'Truth,' and was being playfully grilled about her romantic past.

Carter Maxwell leaned in, casually placing a hand on her shoulder.

My house, my rules, he said, his voice easy. Ill trade a story about Autumn Clarke for this one. Deal?

The hand I was about to raise to knock on the door froze mid-air.

His light, airy voice cut through the glass, clear as a bell, and lodged itself in my ear.

She was assaulted in high school. Followed home and

...

A loud, ringing buzz filled my ears.

The rooms atmosphere, however, instantly ignited.

Whoa, dark!

I thought people with that kind of history were super quiet and guarded? Autumn is always dressed to the nines and seems perfectly outgoing. Doesnt fit the profile.

Someone else nudged Carter, a knowing smirk on their face.

Maybe she just has a thick skin. Didnt you say she wears that siren scent perfume? Gotta keep the guys interested.

If it were someone sweet and quiet like Holly, she probably wouldn't have handled it.

Holly. Holly Jennings.

I recognized the name. She was Carters assistant. He mentioned her often on our calls, always in passing. Out of respect for his work, I never pressed.

At the mention of her name, Holly spoke up in a soft, small voice.

Dont say that. Autumn might just have a resilient spirit.

Holly, youre too kind. Not everyone is as simple and innocent as you are. Some people have complicated pasts and deep baggage.

Right, Carter?

Carter took a sip of the amber-colored whiskey in his glass, neither confirming nor denying.

A tide of whispered commentary rushed in.

The hand clutching the handle of my rolling suitcase began to shake uncontrollably.

Carter had introduced me to this group before. Back then, theyd crowded around me, calling me the future Mrs. Maxwell.

Now, they were dissecting my past with the maximum amount of malice, treating my trauma as entertainment.

Alright, thats enough.

I saw Carter knit his brows, a flicker of displeasure crossing his face.

Pathetically, even though my heart was already turning to ice, a faint, desperate spark of hope ignited within me.

I hoped he would shut them down, tell them that I wasn't the damaged goods they were painting me to be.

The next second, that hope shattered into shards.

Shes still technically my fiance. I dont need this trash talk making me look bad. All this stays in this room.

It wasn't a defense of me; it was about preserving his own image.

After all that... are you seriously still going to marry her?

Holly pressed closer to Carter, giving his chest a playful but possessive thump.

Then what does that make me? I refuse to be the other woman.

If you dont give me a solid answer soon, were done.

No way!

Carter visibly panicked, his fingers tightening around his glass.

He had never looked so distraught, so unsettled, because of me.

Someone with that kind of baggage... why should I be the one to clean it up?

If my folks werent so hung up on this take care of Autumn garbage, I would have broken things off a long time ago.

As he spoke, a look of cold contempt, almost disgust, involuntarily surfaced on his face.

I couldn't breathe. My arm dropped uselessly to my side.

He loathed me.

If that was true, why the endless charade? Was the kindness and tolerance he'd shown me for years, the entire history between us, nothing but a fantasy?

Ill go home right after the holidays and set things straight.

Carter turned and kissed Holly on the cheek, his voice intimate and tender.

Then, Ill formally introduce you to my family.

A roar of celebration filled the room. Everyone raised their glasses.

A toast to the future Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell!

Inside, it was warm and loud. Outside, I stood in the dead of winter.

I dont know how long I stood there, numb. When my vision finally cleared, my fingers were frozen. I deliberately typed out a message on my phone screen:

Its over.

A soft chime sounded in the apartment.

Carter picked up his phone, glanced at the notification, and recorded a short voice message:

Mom, I have an overseas client meeting, I really cant make it home tonight.

Yes, Ill let you know the flight details once I book them.

He put the phone down, ignoring the text.

It took me a few slow, painful seconds to realizeI wasn't just not his 'Starred' contact; I had been set to 'Do Not Disturb.'

Living long-distance, he often took a full day to reply to my texts. I always excused itnew business, busy, tired.

I never imagined he was just too bored to deal with me.

Tears rolled down silently, hitting the cold screen.

Unwilling to let it go, I dialed his number.

This time, Carter looked at the caller ID. Then, he hit the silent button and tossed the phone onto the sofa cushion. He nonchalantly tore the cellophane off a new deck of cards and started dealing them out.

Who was that?

Autumn, who else? Calls every three days. Its annoying.

Someone laughed. Why not just hang up?

Carter expertly shuffled the deck, his tone utterly dismissive. If I hang up, shell just text nonstop. Ill let it ring out and tell her I was busy and didnt hear it.

Classic Carter. Youve got her wrapped around your little finger.

I couldn't listen anymore. I stumbled away, turning my back on the apartment.

It was Christmas Eve, and the streets were lit up, crowded with happy people. I dragged my suitcase aimlessly, a lost specter in the cheer.

A young couple walked by, laden with shopping bags, sharing one long, cozy scarf.

The girl murmured, Can we really pull off Christmas dinner, just the two of us?

The guy ruffled her hair. If not, well order takeout. What matters is were together. Everything is perfect as long as youre here.

That was the picture I had drawn for myself when I boarded the plane.

I couldn't fathom it. Why would Carter treat me like this?

Not long ago, we were fine.

I was twenty-seven, and we had known each other for over two decades.

At five, before starting preschool, he grabbed my hand and declared, Autumn, youre my future wife. You only get to play with me.

In middle school, before the awkwardness of dating hit, hed find a reason to sit by my desk after every class, completely unbothered by the inevitable teasing.

When he was sixteen, facing academic pressure, covered in stress hives, hed sunk into a spiral of doubt.

Autumn, am I a write-off?

I took his hand and told him the one secret I had buried deep inside me.

I thought my world had ended back then, too.

But once you get through it, you realize theres nothing you cant overcome. You have to fight this.

The shock and immediate, agonizing pity in his eyes, followed by the way he sobbed and held me tightit was still vivid in my mind.

On my twentieth birthday, the second the clock struck midnight, he confessed his love.

Autumn, I will always take care of you.

We were in college in the same city, separated by an hour-long subway ride. Every week, he made the arduous round trip just to see me, share a meal, or sit quietly with me at the library.

After graduation, he stayed in Newport to launch his startup. I moved back to our hometown, Crestview, for a stable job. This year, our families had begun discussing wedding details.

I had quit my job before the holidays, ready to move to Newport and end the long-distance relationship after the new year.

Now, everything was hollow.

Carter had a new girlfriend he planned to introduce to his family.

He was annoyed by me.

He had turned the secret I shared with himmy deepest, most painful vulnerabilityinto fodder for casual gossip.

As the night deepened, the streets grew sparse. I checked into a cheap motel nearby.

Just as I finished unpacking, my phone screen lit up. It was my mother.

Autumn, have you had dinner? We have so much food here!

A photo of the family dinner followed. Relatives crowded around the table, beaming.

The chill seeping in from the motel window's crack sent a shiver down my spine. I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing a cheerful reply:

Just eating now, Mom. The food is great! Dont worry about me.

I couldn't bear to tell them the truth and cause them pain. I found a random photo of a lavish dinner online and sent it back.

Then, compelled by a cold dread, I opened the chat with Carter.

Still silence.

Late into the night, the faint crackle of fireworksearly New Year celebrationskept me awake.

Torturing myself, I scrolled through Carter's social media, searching for any hint of his infidelity.

He was careful, protecting her identity fiercely. Finally, in the corner of a team dinner photo, I spotted a distinctive social media handle on Holly Jennings phone.

A unique nickname.

A sudden, sharp thought made me search the name across all platforms.

Among the results, I instantly recognized her.

Her profile picture was a sickeningly familiar sightit was the other half of the 'couple's avatar' Carter and I had used briefly. When he had first changed his, I happily found the match and set mine. He immediately frowned, saying he picked the photo randomly and didn't want to be "too high-school." Hed half-jokingly, half-insistently made me change it.

Hollys account had few followers, but hundreds of posts diligently documented her relationship with Carter. The trail began last March.

My boss is pushing himself too hard! Hes in the office with a stomach ulcer, I bought him medicine, and his eyes were red. Sigh, I dont know how his fiance can be so neglectful.

At that time, Carter's mother was hospitalized with a recurring back issue. To let him focus on his crucial new project, we hid the news. I took an extended leave to care for his mother until she recovered, missing out on a promotion to department head.

To take me on a relaxing trip to the coast, BOSS canceled several meetings and a business trip. It feels amazing to be his favorite.

That day was our seven-year anniversary and my birthday. I had pulled an all-nighter finishing a report, hoping to squeeze in a few days of vacation with him. He told me he had a critical client he couldn't push off.

BOSS gave me a bracelet! The braided wrist strap on it was kinda ugly, so Ill leave that part to him.

I froze, looking down at my own wrist. I was wearing an identical braided wrist strap, the small, seemingly insignificant birthday gift Carter had belatedly given me. I had cherished it, careful not to let it fray.

It took me an hour to read every post on Hollys account. My heart was cold and still.

The photos cleverly avoided Carters face, but the familiar cuff of his shirt, the matching band on his fingeridentical to the one I was wearingall confirmed his identity.

Carter Maxwell had been cheating on me for a long, long time.

A cluster of premature fireworks burst outside. Jolted out of my stupor, I violently ripped the braided strap from my wrist and tossed it into the trash can.

Ding.

Holly updated her status.

This time, it was an audio recording.

I pressed play and heard her small, teasing question:

Carter, who do you love more? Me or... your placeholder?

Mmm?

Carters voice, languid and rough with affection, was like warm velvet.

You, of course. How could she compare to you?

Be a good girl, just hold on for a little longer

The sound of rustling fabric and low, knowing laughter followed, leaving nothing to the imagination.

I slammed the phone shut and stumbled into the bathroom, dry heaving.

Looking up, I saw my reflection, face streaked with tears.

I immediately booked the earliest flight home. I needed to escape this city, escape everything connected to him.

I dont remember the journey home. The next conscious thought I had was two days later.

Seeing my dazed, distant state, my parents refrained from questioning me, simply trying to cheer me up with small things.

That morning, my mother quietly asked me, The Maxwells invited us over for dinner. Do you want to go?

I looked at my phone. Carter had only just replied to my text from Christmas Eve.

One message was unsent. The latest was a single word:

Fine.

I agreed. Some things needed to be finished face-to-face.

There were neighbors gathered outside Carters house. When they saw me, their expressions were a complicated mix of pity and curiosity. My heart sank. As I stepped into the living room, I saw Carter kneeling in the center.

Holly stood beside him, wringing her hands, looking distraught.

The timing suggested he had rushed back and brought her here the moment he saw my message.

Inside, Mrs. Maxwells face was red with fury, her hand slamming the coffee table.

You absolute scoundrel! How could you do this to Autumn?

Though Carter looked disheveled, his expression was defiant.

Ill explain everything to her. I dont love her anymore. Holly is the one I belong with.

My heart felt like an invisible fist was violently squeezing it. Hearing it spoken aloud was still a sharp, unbearable pain.

Mrs. Maxwell laughed, the sound brittle and heartbroken.

Then tell me, what is so special about her that you can throw away eight years with Autumn?

Carter finally found his vent, his face lighting up.

She cooks for me. She helps organize my chaotic blueprints. When the company was facing a funding crisis, she stayed up all night with me, going through the data, getting us through it.

Autumn just stayed in Crestview, didnt bother to check on me, didnt even know I had stomach issues.

If thats the case, why should I continue this relationship?

His words were loud, righteous, and self-justifying. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as his parents.

Low whispers rippled through the onlookers.

Well, the Clarke girl was a bit neglectful, wasnt she? Relationships are about support.

I stopped in my tracks, my throat dry and bitter. The irony was suffocating.

No one knew I had planned to stay in Newport. I had a path there, a career I loved. But Carter was determined to start his business, and his parents were anxious. They were getting older and wanted their children close.

To support his dream, I gave up the city and the career I wanted. I took a secure job in Crestview, looked after his parents, and ran errands for them.

During the toughest periods of his startup, I sent him most of my paycheck, living frugally myself.

Any small crisis at their house, any doctor's appointmentsI was there.

Now, he claimed he needed someone who was simply closer and more attentive.

My fingernails dug unconsciously into my palms, the sting a tiny anchor in the storm.

Seeing me, Mrs. Maxwell rushed over and grabbed my arm.

Autumn, I am so sorry. Carter is confused, hes lost his way, I promise I will

Carter raised his voice, cutting her off.

Autumn Clarke! You were the one who broke up with me! Just tell my parents the truth!

Tell them Holly isnt the other woman!

Mr. Maxwell lost it, kicking Carter hard.

You bastard!

Get that woman out of my house and apologize to Autumn! Otherwise, dont you dare step foot in here again!

Carter crumpled on the floor, struggling to get up. Holly cried out and hurried to help him.

She looked up, her expression hardening with resolve.

Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell, you cant force affection. Carter doesn't have feelings for Autumn anymore.

Then, her eyes flickered over me quickly.

My heart seized. I knew what was coming.

She immediately ratcheted up her volume. You cant let your son sacrifice his life out of pity because Autumn was assaulted in high school!

The words detonated like a thunderclap.

A collective gasp echoed in the room. All eyes snapped to me, a sudden focus of pity and probing curiosity.

My mind went blank. My greatest fear, the thing I had buried so deep, was now public.

Terror and blinding fury surged through me.

I lost control, charging forward, shoving Holly to the floor, and scrambling over her.

A massive force wrenched me away, throwing me hard against the wooden coffee table. A searing pain shot through my side, and my vision swam.

Carter shielded Holly, his eyes blazing with pure rage.

Autumn! Are you completely insane?

My voice was hoarse, raw with fury. Cant you see she did that on purpose! She wanted everyone to know!

And so what?

Carter cut me off, his voice venomous. What she said isnt a lie, is it?

The muffled gossip around us began to sharpen.

Oh God, its true... The Clarke girl is a victim, isnt she?

But keeping that a secret wasnt right, either. Its like tricking him

Pity and condemnation washed over me from behind. I swallowed the choking sensation in my throat, but the tears wouldn't stop.

I told you that secret! To comfort you! Was it so you could announce it to a room full of strangers?

Carter looked at me, all the old affection gone, replaced by glacial indifference.

You told me. If you dont care about it, why should I protect it?

Besides, why did it have to happen to you? A fly won't land on a sealed jar, you know? Maybe if you werent so flashy, you wouldn't have

SMACK!

Carters head snapped sideways, the handprint vivid on his cheek.

Mrs. Maxwell was breathing heavily, her eyes full of pain and profound disappointment.

You beast!

Do you have any idea that what happened to Autumn back then was entirely your fault!