The Gloomy Villain’s Canary

Im the canary of a gloomy villain, but Im a lazy one.

When the villain went bankrupt, the System ordered me to humiliate him, dump him, and ignite his fighting spirit so he could rise again.

I said no.

I was too lazy to yell at him.

Jasper gripped my chin, his voice harsh. Everyone else has left me. Why are you still here? To laugh at my downfall?

I let out a slow, deliberate yawn.

Too lazy to run.

His eyes reddened, and he sank into despair. Im just a useless, broke loser now. I cant give you the life of luxury you had before

I patted his head. Alright, arent you tired after saying all that? Come here. Lets get some rest.

And so, to prevent me from starving to death, Jasper Blackwood pulled himself together and worked himself to the bone, juggling three jobs a day.

When the point in the original novel arrived where he was supposed to be deepening his bond with the female lead, Jasper was at home instead, kneeling on one knee, meticulously tying the ribbon on my dress into a perfect bow.

The System shrieked in my head:

Sis, what are you, some kind of chaos agent?!

1

My name is Lila, and I am the kept woman of Jasper Blackwood, a big shot in the citys elite circle.

And I am a lazy person.

People used to say Jasper was great at keeping secrets, because despite how long Id been with him, you couldnt find a single photo of me online.

Well

The truth is, I just spent all my days lying around at home. I was too lazy to go out.

Becoming his canary was something of an accident.

After college, I sent my resume to his company.

In the Desired Position field, I wrote:

Less work, more pay.

In the Personal Bio section:

Good at eating.

Jasper clutched that resume, turning it over and over, trying to decipher its meaning. Driven by sheer curiosity, he decided to interview me himself.

I explained, Its shorthand for good for nothing but eating and lazing around.

He furrowed his brow, completely baffled. Then why didnt you write the whole thing?

I took a sip of water and, at a languid 0.75x speed, uttered three words:

Too lazy.

Jasper was speechless.

Despite the train wreck of an interview, I still got a job. Jasper needed a way out of an arranged business marriage, so he hired me to be his professional canary.

I weighed the pros and cons in my head

High pay, low effort.

And I could work from home.

It was a perfect fit. My constitution is weak, and Im always low on energy. Walking a few steps makes me want to squat, and standing up too fast makes the world go black. My only real talent is my incredibly high-quality sleep.

This, as it turned out, was a huge benefit for Jasper.

Hes a sensitive and somewhat gloomy person. A traumatic childhood, being bullied and ostracized in school, getting backstabbed by a partner after starting his business it all left its mark.

He became suspicious and emotionally wound-up, often suffering from depression and insomnia.

Every night, he would use me as a human pillow, pulling me into his arms. Hed breathe in the scent of my hair, gently squeeze the soft flesh at my waist, and his entire body would relax, allowing him a full night of peaceful sleep.

All I had to do was sleep. Every time I opened my eyes, there would be gifts and money transfers waiting for me.

It was truly a dream offer.

2

But now, things had taken a very bad turn.

Jasper had been set up and had gone bankrupt.

He was overwhelmed, and I hadnt seen him in days. He was busy dissolving his company, selling off assets, and paying his employees their final wages and severance.

As for me, he didnt even see me one last time. He just sent a text.

I dont have any money left to give you a breakup fee.

The gifts I gave you before were all freely given.

You can go.

I was so devastated by the news that I fell into a deep sleep for 15 hours.

When I woke up, a System appeared in my head.

It told me this was a novel world, Jasper was the gloomy villain, and I was a plot-device canary meant to push the story forward.

Right now! This very second! the System declared with passionate fervor. You need to act like a gold-digger, slap Jasper across the face a few times, call him a useless pauper, and dump him to ignite his fighting spirit!

Only then can he rise from the ashes, reunite with his childhood sweetheartthe female leadwho now has the male lead by her side, and kick off a 200-chapter-long angsty love triangle

I covered my ears.

No.

Slapping him, yelling at him it all sounded exhausting.

The System threatened, As a plot device, your mission is to advance the story. If you fail, you will be punished with electric shocks.

With all my strength, I rolled over in bed.

Go on then. Shock me.

It was completely stumped.

Come on. I might be lazy, but Im not stupid. If I actually listened to the Systems garbage advice and ground Jaspers pride into the dirt, knowing his personality, the moment he got back on his feet, hed chop me into a million pieces.

3

Three days later, I finally went to find Jasper.

The fallen prince had traded his glamorous penthouse in the financial district for a cramped, sunless apartment in the guts of the city, where the buildings were so close they could touch. Stubble darkened his jaw, and he was slumped on the floor, surrounded by a decadence of cigarette smoke and cheap liquor.

He saw me and laughed at himself. Didnt you leave? What are you doing back here? Did you miss some valuables on your first pass?

I shook my head and handed him a bank card. While you were gone, I contacted some secondhand luxury resellers. This money should help with your debt.

Jasper had always been a generous provider. When he was at the top, hed bought me so much from various luxury and jewelry brands that I became a VIC at all of them. Every time a new or limited-edition item was released, they would send someone to deliver it to me. My room was overflowing with clothes, bags, watches, and jewelry.

His voice trembled, his eyes wide with disbelief. All that stuff you barely even bothered to unbox most of it. You sold it all?!

Uh

Well, actually, I was just too lazy to unbox it. But because everything was brand new, I got a much better price. If he wanted to think of it that way, though, that was fine. I was too lazy to correct him.

Just then, my stomach rumbled. To cover my embarrassment, I quickly added in a small voice, I dont eat much. I wont be a burden. Please dont make me leave

After all, a boss and benefactor as good as him was a rare find.

He sniffled. Okay.

We went downstairs to a grimy little diner and bought a ten-dollar takeout box with one meat and two vegetable dishes. He pushed it in front of me while he pulled out a plain bun and some pickles for himself.

See this? Im a useless pauper now. If you stay with me, this is your future. A life of hardship, eating cheap, crappy food.

I was unbothered. Whats wrong with this food? I pointed at each dish. Look, youve got carbs, protein, and dietary fiber. Its so well-balanced! And its only ten bucks, and there are even pork ribs in here. Is the owner running a charity?

I broke apart my chopsticks and gave him most of the ribs. Since I spent most of my days lying down, my energy consumption was low, and I didnt eat much anyway.

His eyes grew even redder. Are you really okay with this? When you were with me, you used to eat

Yes, back then, every meal was prepared by a private Michelin-star chef. Cantonese, Sichuan, Huaiyang, Western, Japanese, Thai an endless variety of cuisines featuring lobster, sea cucumber, and king crab.

But so what?

I was too lazy to chew any of it. I just threw everything into a blender and drank it as a paste.

That wasnt an option anymore. The blender, along with the penthouse, had been repossessed by the bank.

I savored the sweet and sour pork ribs. Hmm, much tastier than the paste.

Meeting my clear, untroubled gaze, Jasper sighed and started rambling again. Forget it. I spoiled you too much. You dont know what real hardship is. Youll understand in time. Your youth is precious; its not worth wasting on me. If you regret this, you can leave anytime. I wont touch a cent of the money on that card. This bankruptcy is my failure, it has nothing to do with you. Ill handle all the debt myself

His words felt like a tightening headband on my head. The old Jasper was cool, gloomy, and a man of few words. This new Jasper was like a worried father.

I patted his head, interrupting his spell. Okay, stop. Arent you tired from talking so much? You have dark circles under your eyes. You havent been sleeping well again, have you? Come on, lets get some sleep.

I got up and opened my suitcase. Before the bank sealed the apartment, they let me take a few personal items. I thought about it and chose my pillow and comforter. No matter how hard or exhausting life gets, a good nights sleep gives you the strength to keep going.

The bed was soft and warm. Lying down felt like being held by a cloud.

For the first time, Jasper didnt hold me. He turned his back to me, his shoulders shaking as he muffled his sobs.

Just as I was drifting off, he kissed the top of my head.

Lila, I swear Ill give you a good life again.

4

After that day, Jaspers confidence returned.

He worked three jobs a day, running himself ragged. He spent his days in sales, his evenings writing business plans for college students, and then did a couple of food delivery runs before calling it a night.

In his words, if he didnt work harder, he was afraid Id starve.

Sigh. I, too, was trying to figure out how to make money while lying down.

After a bit of research, I got sleepy again.

Well, first things first. Time for a nap.

But just as I was about to crawl into bed, an idea struck me. I set up my phone and started a livestream of myself sleeping.

I yawned, and within minutes, I was in a deep sleep.

A random viewer stumbled into my stream, assuming it was a gimmick. They thought if they sent a gift, Id wake up and say thank you.

So they sent a small heart sticker.

Nothing happened.

I was dead to the world, completely unaware.

Unconvinced, they sent a sunglasses sticker.

Still no response.

Their stubbornness was now fully activated. They started spamming gifts, determined to see when I would finally wake up. Rainbows, paper planes, hot air balloons

The higher the gift value, the more the platform promoted the stream. More and more viewers poured in to watch me sleep.

The comments started flying.

WTF, this streamer is so arrogant. How much do you have to spend to get her to wake up?

Whats so interesting about watching someone sleep? Why are there so many people here? Im out.

But she looks like shes sleeping so peacefully. Im jealous of that sleep quality.

That bedding looks really comfy. Anyone have a link?

Link for the pajamas, please.

+1

When I finally woke up, I had earned a hundred dollars in gifts. I also had a collaboration request from a pajama company that wanted to feature a product link in my stream.

I was thrilled! With this income, Jasper wouldnt have to work so hard delivering food. I was about to call him to share the good news when a voice echoed in my head.

The long-lost System was back.

The last time wed spoken, it had called Jasper a loser and me a loser pro-max. After realizing its insults had no effect on me, it had left me alone in a huff.

But this time, it wasnt scolding me. It sounded ecstatic.