The Hated Siren Boss Gets Claimed by the Kingpin

I was the bottom-ranked Siren in the entire Survival Horror MMO, and universally known as the Worst Boss Ever.

On the game forums, players tore me apart with vicious posts, calling me a delicate liability, brainless, and a total waste of a raid slot.

Then the server announced the Soul-Bound Gauntleta limited-time Wedding Dungeon. The reward for the champion? Taking the final Boss home as their in-game spouse.

I stood at the end of the aisle, certain no one would show up. But then the system alert flashed:

[NOTICE: DUE TO MASSIVE MELEE COMBAT AT THE DUNGEON ENTRANCE, CASUALTIES ARE SEVERE. ENTRY IS NOW RESTRICTED TO THE TOP TEN RANKED PLAYERS ONLY!]

My jaw dropped. Wait, what? Didnt these people despise me?

A new BOSS rating list had just launched on the games companion app.

On the Most Beloved Bosses chart, I sat comfortably at the very bottom with a rock-bottom score of 0.1.

Under that garishly red number, the user comments were brutal:

Avert your eyes! The Siren Gauntlet is a scam. Anyone who goes is a total fool.

The thread was trending ridiculously high. The echoes of agreement were a deafening chorus:

She looks like a Siren, sure, but does she act like one? Her level design is kindergarten-level weak.

She just struts around in that tattered little skirt every day. Does she really think shes that cute? Im going to puke.

To the user above: Puking didnt stop you from buying her the limited-edition skin from the cash shop, did it? And she wont even wear it! Im furious.

Dont even get me started. Last time, I accidentally made her cry. Her tears made me panic, so I had to toss a few diamond packs at her to get her to stop. Ive never seen an NPC with such fragile emotional armor.

And youre proud of being a button-mashing buffoon?

Mind your own business. I saw your playtime is twenty thousand hours, all of it grinding the Siren Gauntlet. What are you stalling for?

A confused newbie popped in: Is she really that bad? I wanted to see for myself.

Hundreds of replies instantly buried him:

Dude, no! Run!

Heed the warning. Dont get scammed. Plus, the entrance fee is ten thousand Void Credits (VC) per attempt. Youll go broke!

Reading those comments, a knot twisted in my stomach. My iridescent tail drooped listlessly onto the floor.

Everyone really hated me that much

No wonder no one had been farming my dungeon lately. I was barely scraping by for my next meal.

More bafflingly, my dungeon's entrance fee kept going up. I asked the System Guardianthe voice in my head I called the Sentinel AIand it just said the price was adjusted based on market demand. I figured everyone hated me so much that the system was deliberately raising the price to keep people away.

My nose stung. I wanted to cry, but I didn't dare. If I cried, the aggressive players would just start a new thread calling me a drama queen.

Based on the players' "feedback," I decided to turn over a new leaf.

The Sentinel AI helpfully offered an idea: "They think seeing you right away is too easy. You need to add difficulty."

That made sense.

Before, a lot of players would just stare at me when they entered. They wouldn't look for clues, just stand there like dumb statues. The forums said my clear time was slow, but that was because when I attacked them, they wouldn't fight back or even take damage. Id cry out of frustration, which is what really slowed things down. If they weren't getting scared, where was my dignity as a Horror Boss?

The Sentinel AI pressed on: "Let's add a massive maze. And at every major intersection, we'll set up a toll booth. One hundred VC per pass."

I was stunned. "The entrance fee is already so expensive! Now internal purchases too? No one will come!"

The Sentinel AI scoffed. "Thats where youre wrong. Some people might just like that kind of high-maintenance treatment."

Half-believing, I added the maze and retreated to the exit to eat my snacks.

These were all "player drops." When I attacked them, theyd randomly drop all kinds of delicious food. I used to think it was loot, but now I was convinced they were just throwing junk food at me to try and fatten me up because they hated me.

The chips in my mouth tasted of pure melancholy.

Soon, the first wave of challengers entered. They scurried through the maze like headless chickens. To prove I wasn't brainless, Id used a master-level map that would normally take at least two days to solve.

Through the wall, I could hear their curses.

"What the hell is this broken maze! System, you jerk!"

It has to be the damned system misleading Penny! My sweet Penny is too pure to design this kind of nightmare trap!

Were they mocking me for being dumb and easily fooled?

I was so upset I couldn't swallow my potato chips. I threw the bag down and ran back to my inner sanctum.

So I completely missed the later wails of despair from inside the maze:

Waaah! Give me back my Penny! Where is my wife!

Scam game, pay-to-win trash! Give me back my soft, cute little Siren!

Penny, look at your mommy! Mommy spent money! What? I spent ten thousand and I still cant see her? Thats fine Im satisfied just breathing the same dungeon air as her

Customer service! Ive put in ten million VC! Stop with the toll booths and just tell me where the exit is! Ill pay any price!

I huddled under my duvet, sniffing as I asked the Sentinel AI, "Am I a total failure? Everyone hates me so much."

The Sentinel AI's voice sounded strange, like a suppressed laugh mixed with a kind of twisted pleasure.

"Not necessarily Hate is more enduring than love. The fact that so many people are cursing you means you matter to them."

A new, encrypted thread quickly appeared on the forums.

[Rational Discussion: Can Penny see the Player Forum?]

Probably not? Only the devs have that clearance.

If she cant see it, why did the dungeon change? She must have seen us dissing her!

This is all your fault! Stop acting like shes an annoying little sister! Now Ive been stuck in the maze for three hours, all my money is gone, and I havent even seen a glimpse of Pennys skirt!

Serves your foul mouths right! You call her 'ugly trash' to her face but secretly buy more skins for her than anyone else! I hate you all!

Somethings not right. No other BOSS has changed their level. Only Pennys. This has to be the system doing something sketchy.

I agree! The system sees how much VC Penny sucks up and is deliberately adding new features to steal money! This is outrageous!

Does anyone remember when the Sirens original setting was hug-and-snuggle? Now, getting her to even scratch us is a pipe dream!

I was reading this, completely lost, when the screen suddenly went black.

"Stop looking at this garbage. Its affecting your mood."

The Sentinel AIs voice became serious. "Look at the other bosses. Theyre all trying to hit quotas and impress the top-ranked players. And you? What good is staring at the haters' comments?"

I felt a surge of anger. "Is it my fault no one wants to come? My rating is so low, what high-level player would bother?"

Normal players and high-level players were in two different spheres. Horror game NPCs all hoped for high-level players to visit; one visit could make a dungeons popularity skyrocket. But the true elites, looking to grind points, only went to high-risk, near-impossible hardcore dungeons.

They wouldn't look twice at my "tea party" difficulty level.

Except for the top playerknown only by the ID Damian Kage.

He was the single exception, the eternal legend.

I scrolled through the leaderboards. The names in the top spots shifted constantly, but the number one slot, Damian Kage, was an unmoving mountain. His preference was listed simply as: All Categories.

I pointed at the second-ranked player and asked the Sentinel AI, "This Brock Jensen guy seems to be farming survival/resource escape raids lately. Should I try to mimic that style?"

The Sentinel AI was silent for a few seconds. Its electronic tone carried a strange, definite displeasure.

"Why are you focusing on the number two player? Is the number one player not worth your time?"

Huh?

I tilted my head.

The top player was elusive, a literal ghost. While his score was always first, no one had heard of him entering a dungeon in ages.

The Sentinel AI brutally finished its thought: "Hes been trying for so long and cant surpass first place. Don't you think that makes number two a loser?"

The Sentinel AI was far too harsh. I'd be grateful for anyone to visit!

I sighed glumly and packed up to attend the annual NPC mandatory meeting. The meeting was essentially a showcase for the top performers, designed to motivate (read: shame) the rest of us.

The star this month was Sawyer 'The Slasher' Jack.

He slammed his still-dripping chainsaw onto the table, instantly filling the room with the smell of blood. He sneered at me, sitting at the foot of the long table.

"I have to say, Penny, youre embarrassing us. Dropping from S-Class to C-Class, and you haven't done any soul-searching? Look at me. Ive climbed from C-Class to A-Class. I'm practically S-Class already"

Before he could finish, a flash of cold light shot through the air.

A black surgical scalpel materialized, slicing precisely through the main artery in his neck.

Sawyer clutched his spurting throat, letting out a hog-like shriek: "Who who dares"

He looked up and saw the attacker. His face went white. He dropped to his knees, not even daring to cover his wound.

"Forgive me, my Lady! My mouth is trash! I was out of line! Please, spare me!"

The room fell into dead silence. Every NPC turned to stare at the other end of the long table.

A woman in all black sat there. Her face was veiled by black chiffon; her clothes were somber, as if she'd just walked out of a massive funeral.

She was The Countess of Ash, the personification of the Black Death, and one of the most terrifying entities in the game.

Her voice, a grating rasp like an old vinyl record, cut through the silence.

"What right do you have to critique him?"

She slowly rose.

The hand Sawyer was holding the chainsaw with suddenly seemed to be corrupted by an unseen digital plague. It dissolved instantly, falling to the floor in a puddle of black code.

He was ruined. He'd never be able to wield his chainsaw again.

He was frantically slamming his head against the floor, begging for mercy, but The Countess didn't even look at him.

She walked to me, lifted her veil, revealing a face that was pale but exquisitely beautiful. Her black-gloved hand gently lifted my chin, and her cold lips kissed my fingertips.

"Penny, my poor child. Where is your former glory?"

I blinked in confusion. "My Lady, I'm just a normal Siren."

She shook her head, her eyes as deep as an ancient well.

"No. You simply forgot."

"You were once the first, and only, Triple-S Class among us."

Before I could process what The Countess meant by "Triple-S Class," a massive red warning window popped up in front of my face.

[SYSTEM ERROR! ILLEGAL DATA INTRUSION DETECTED!]

[FORCING DISCONNECT]

[CLEARING CACHE]

A burst of screeching static filled my ears. The Countess's form instantly distorted into a tangle of corrupted code. She seemed to try to say something, but an invisible firewall slammed into her outstretched hand, pushing her away.

"Don't listen to that lunatic."

The Sentinel AI's electronic voice was ice cold, carrying a sense of exasperation?

Then, the world went dark.

When I opened my eyes again, I was back in my pink little bedroom. I was still clutching the unfinished bag of chips, but my mood had completely shifted.

"Sentinel," I asked cautiously. "Was that woman telling the truth? Was I really powerful before?"

Silence.

Dead silence.

After a long moment, the Sentinel AI's text slowly appeared on the screen, this time in a lazy, non-committal font: [Shes got a system virus; her brain is scrambled. Look at yourselfyou cant even unscrew a soda bottle cap. Triple-S Class? Dream on.]

I looked down at my arms, thin as little reeds, and then at the nearby Coke bottle I hadn't managed to open.

Okay, the Sentinel AI was right. If I was Triple-S Class, the game was probably headed for bankruptcy.

[Stop dwelling on useless things. Get ready.] The Sentinel AI suddenly changed the subject. [The Soul-Bound Gauntlet is about to begin. Due to your consistently poor performance, the system is forcing you to appear as the final Boss.]

I dropped my chips in terror. "I'm not going! The players will tear me apart!"

[Relax,] the Sentinel AI's tone became layered with an odd significance. [No one will dare touch you this time.]

The Wedding Dungeon design was a total disaster.

No gloomy castle, no bloody torture toolsjust an overwhelming sea of red roses and a red carpet that stretched farther than I could see.

I stood in the chapel at the end of the aisle, wearing the white wedding dress the system had forced upon me. Whoever designed it had made it ridiculously form-fitting, cinching the waist tightly, and the backless design made my shoulders feel perpetually chilled.

I wanted to find somewhere to hide, but my feet were rooted to the spot.

"Sentinel, Im scared," I whispered, tears welling up. "What if they come in and just hack me to pieces? I only have one hit point; one touch and Im dead."

[Just watch.] The Sentinel AI offered only two words.

Just then, the chapel doors burst open with a crash.

I expected a horde of bloodthirsty players. Instead

There were people at the entrance, but the scene was utterly bizarre.

The server's second-ranked player, Brock 'The Brute' Jensen, the legendary killer, was now leaning on his greatsword, his face bruised and swollen, his armor shattered.

The third-ranked player, Rylan Knox, the silent assassin, was clutching a broken arm, glaring viciously at Brock.

The players ranked four through eight followed, all looking mangled and miserable.

This wasn't a wedding party. This was a crew that had just crawled out of a meat grinder!

I started to tremble, my tail instinctively wrapping around my thigh.

"See! Theyre fighting each other just to kill me first!" I cried, shutting my eyes in despair. "They must be competing for the 'First Kill Siren' achievement! They want to chop me into pieces!"

[Are you an idiot?] The Sentinel AI seemed to be laughing at me. [Listen closely to what they are saying.]

I cautiously opened one eye.

The burly Brock Jensen was pulling a bouquet of crushed roses out of his broken armor?

He limped up the red carpet, and his facethe one that could silence a crying babywas flushed with a strange blush.

"Penny"

His voice was a gravelly rasp, like a lump of coal was stuck in his throat. "Don't be afraid. I cleaned up all the riff-raff at the entrance. No one will take ahem, take the first kill from me."

See! He was definitely here to kill me!