I live a life of misery married to him

It was already past 1 AM when Mark finally got home.

Not long ago, I saw him post on social media: That year, kissing her cheek felt like forever.

He even added a photo.

In the picture, his one that got away was sitting in a car, waving goodbye to the person taking the photo.

The smile on her face looked almost mocking.

Maybe she knew I'd see the picture.

Maybe that was the whole point!

"Still up?"

Mark seemed surprised to find me sitting alone on the couch, watching TV so late.

But that was it.

As if he didn't even need an answer, he turned and headed for the bathroom.

Last time his high school sweetheart called saying she couldnt sleep, he went into overdrive, so concerned he didnt need sleep, chatting and videoing with her all night until 3 AM.

And now, his wife of seven years gets a measly "Still up?" C nothing more.

He casually tossed his clothes on the floor and went into the bathroom.

The shower started running.

I habitually picked up his clothes, threw them in the washing machine, went to the walk-in closet, grabbed his pajamas, and put them outside the bathroom door.

Over the years, I hadn't been able to give him a child.

I felt so guilty about it, trying to make it up to him by being considerate and kind in every way, paying attention to all the little things.

But somehow, the more attentive I was, the further he seemed to drift away.

Like that night not long ago, when it was pouring rain, and I braved the storm to bring him an umbrella. He turned around and handed it to his "one that got away."

A while later.

Mark opened the bathroom door.

He saw the pajamas Id picked out for him, frowned slightly, and picked them up. Why these?

Which ones did you want? I asked, getting up.

Today's your ovulation day. Usually, you're super aware of that.

Mark glanced at me.

Before I could answer, he put on the pajamas and went into the bedroom.

Seven years of marriage, and I haven't gotten pregnant.

It's become a shared heartache for us.

We've been to the doctor multiple times. They said there's nothing seriously wrong, just relax and try to stay positive.

But for seven years, he's outwardly claimed not to care, but deep down, he desperately wants a kid.

So much so that he knows my cycle better than I do sometimes.

Every time Im ovulating, we wear the matching pajamas.

Its a kind of understanding between us, a signal.

But this time, I hadn't gotten those pajamas out.

He wouldn't bother to wonder why.

Maybe my thoughts just dont matter to him anymore.

He wouldnt care.

His "one that got away," though C just a little hint, and he'd drop everything to shower her with attention and concern.

I was quiet for a long time, then went back to the bedroom.

As soon as I wrapped my arms around him, he impatiently pushed my hand away. Im tired. Can you just leave me alone?

In the past, I would have tried to win him over.

But this time, I didnt say anything.

I got up silently and went to the guest room.

He glanced back at me, and just as I reached the door, he said, Im really tired tonight. Ill make it up to you tomorrow.

He rarely says things like that on his own.

But I was already tired, emotionally exhausted.

Dont bother.

I closed the bedroom door, went to the guest room, and couldn't fall asleep.

Mark and I met in high school.

We weren't that close back then.

I was the top student in the class, but my classmate, the slacker, was always jealous and bullying me.

One time, she and a couple of her loser friends cornered me in an alley, trying to shake me down for money. Mark saw it, walked by without helping, but he did mutter one word: "Weak."

Maybe that word got to me, because I fought back.

The result was predictable: I got ganged up on by three lowlifes, but I went straight for my classmate, scratching her face, knocking out one of her teeth, and breaking her nose.

It blew up big. Her parents angrily stormed into the school, threatening to call the cops.

I was terrified. Mark stepped up and stood in front of me, facing her parents. Go ahead and call the cops. I dare you! You don't want to do that.

Your daughters been bullying classmates, extorting money. You really want the police to get involved in that, you know, find out all the details?

I dont know if shell do jail time, but shell definitely get expelled!

Her parents got scared.

Mark grabbed my arm and pulled me away. Like mother, like daughter. Dont deal with them. Dont pay them a cent. If they want to play, lets play dirty!

I just stared at Mark.

He was such a badass.

He dragged me back to class.

I was on edge all day.

In the end, she got a demerit.

I just got called to the principal's office and asked what happened.

Her parents didnt ask for compensation.

To thank Mark, I took him out to eat. He didn't hold back, spending half a month's worth of my allowance.

From then on, I really liked being around him.

The year we graduated, I even lowered my test scores so I could go to the same school, the same major.

When he found out, he asked me if I had a crush on him.

I got nervous and nodded.

He smiled. Good taste!

After we started dating, he started caring about his appearance, buying expensive clothes, spending money like crazy. He often ran out of money.

I couldn't stand to see him suffer, so I saved my money to take him out to eat.

Later, I got pregnant. We were clueless. We went to the doctor, who discovered it was an ectopic pregnancy.

We were both terrified.

When I met Mark's father, I learned that Mark came from a wealthy family.

At the hospital, his father was cold, thinking about how to deal with the situation.

Mark grabbed my hand without hesitation. Dad, Im going to marry her. If you dont approve, Ill be single forever. Ill never marry anyone else!

His father was shocked. Are you sure about this?

Mark held my hand tight. Absolutely, without a doubt!

At that moment, he was my everything, my one and only.

Three years into our marriage, I held him tight, crying, and asked, What if I cant have kids? Will you hate me?

He said without hesitation, Ill love you forever.

We were happy back then.

Until Marks father got sick, and he was forced to take over as CEO of the company.

He started to get distant.

I thought that maybe his coldness was just part of the domineering CEO gene buried deep inside him.

But then he met his "one that got away."

The way he treated her made me realize that he hadn't just become cold. It was that we'd been married for seven years, and things had changed.

He didn't need me as much anymore. He didn't care about my feelings or thoughts.

And I didn't seem to need him as much anymore either.

It seemed like we could both let go of each other.

Like now, sleeping apart. It seemed fine without the other person.

I woke up late the next day, in a daze, already past 9 AM.

I was late for work!

I jumped out of bed and went outside the guest room, only to find that Mark hadnt gone to work either. He was in the kitchen, cooking.

He hadnt been in the kitchen in at least three years.

Him cooking was unheard of!

Up?

Mark saw me and brought a bowl of chicken congee to the table. Perfect timing for breakfast.

I cant. Im late for work.

I quickly brushed my teeth, ready to leave.

No need to rush. I already called in sick for you.

Marks words made me pause in front of the mirror.

He came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and rested his chin on my shoulder. Im sorry. I was too busy yesterday, and I forgot it was your thirtieth birthday. I promised Id make it up to you today.

In my mind, I imagined coldly removing his arms from my waist.

Like pushing his hand away last night.

I thought it would be easy.

But I froze, unable to do it.

After breakfast, Mark told me to get in his car.

I got in the passenger seat, flipped down the sun visor, and a few photos fell out.

I picked them up. They were photos of Mark with his "one that got away," Sarah.

In one photo, Sarah had her lips pursed, about to kiss Mark on the cheek. Her lips were almost touching his face, and Mark was smiling.

Last year, when his company had their team-building event, I came along.

I tried to take a similar photo, but he pushed me away, looking annoyed. This is a public place. Can you be a little more aware of how you look? Can you keep a little distance?

Mark saw me staring at the photos.

His expression changed slightly. Theres nothing to see. It was just some coworkers messing around, taking silly pictures.

You keep silly pictures in your car?

I asked Mark, The year before last, on your birthday, we took a photo together. I thought it was great, but you didnt like it. You threw it straight in the trash.

Really? Mark looked at me. I dont remember.

He drove to a trash can and stopped.

Mark looked at the photos in my hand, a hint of reluctance in his eyes. But he said, Throw them away. I dont care about these.

These pictures are cute. Why throw them away?

I put the photos back behind the sun visor.

Mark gave me a strange look, as if I wasnt who I used to be.

Maybe I wasnt.

In the past, I would have been jealous.

Mark would have accused me of being petty.

I would have argued with him.

But now, I didnt seem to care.

Fine, Mark said after a moment, driving away quickly.

We went to a lakeside resort area, with beautiful scenery, perfect for a getaway.

There was a winery there. The food and wine were excellent.

Id told Mark more than once that I wanted to go there with him, but he always made excuses, saying he was too busy.

This time, he brought me there on his own.

He stopped the car, looked at me, and said, I made sure to clear my schedule. Ill spend these two days with you!

Before I could answer, his phone rang.

I saw the caller ID. It was Sarah.

He hesitated. I said, Answer it. Maybe its something about work.

Mark answered the phone. It wasnt Sarahs voice on the other end. It was a man:

Mr. Evans, something happened. Sarah fell at the office. Theyre taking her to the hospital. You need to come see her.

Mark hung up, looking flustered. I

Its fine!

Before he could speak, I said, Go ahead. Someones hurt. Thats important. Youre the CEO. You should go check on things. You

Thank you for understanding!

Mark looked relieved, rushing to say, Ill be back as soon as I know shes okay. We have two days. You wont mind waiting for a little while, right?

I didnt say anything.

I got out of the car.

I watched him leave me, driving away.

I wanted to say, You dont have to go. There are plenty of people at the company who can help. They dont need you.

But he was already gone.

Gone so fast.

I couldn't see his taillights anymore.

At the hotel check-in, the receptionist looked at me, puzzled. Just one?

My voice was a little hoarse. Yeah, just one. But give me a room with a king-size bed for two.

I sat on the hotel balcony, looking at the beautiful lake.

Watching the couples strolling along the shore.

Watching families with kids.

It got dark.

He didn't show up. He didnt send a message.

In the past, I would have been impatient, anxious, calling and texting him.

But now, I quietly sipped my coffee, not feeling that urge.

It got late.

I was almost asleep.

I vaguely felt someone wrapping their arms around me from behind, whispering in my ear, Im sorry. Today was an accident. Tomorrow, we can be together in peace, walking around the lake.

I removed his hand.

Mark looked confused. Whats wrong? Youre not still mad about this, are you?

I turned to look at him. No. You wont be here tomorrow.

He stared at me for a long time. No one can make me leave tomorrow!

He pulled me up, looking deeply into my eyes. Lets take a shower together. Todays your ovulation day, too.

The next morning.

We were eating breakfast at the hotel. Sarah called again:

Mark, Im having surgery today. Can you be here with me? I wont feel safe without you.

Im on vacation with Vivian. I cant.

Mark answered, glancing at me.

I was eating, staring coldly at Mark.

My look made Mark, usually so cold and confident, falter and panic.

A moment later, another voice came on the phone. Are you my daughters boss?

Im Sarahs mother.

My daughters having surgery, but she says shed rather be disabled than go into the operating room without you there.

My daughter broke her leg because she works at your company, working for you. As her boss, you cant be so heartless and irresponsible!

You can go on vacation anytime, but my daughter cant wait! If you have any decency, come over here right now and let my daughter feel safe enough to go into surgery. Im begging you!

Mark hung up, looking at me, struggling to say something.

Go. She cant have surgery without you. Youre her doctor.

I stared at Mark, saying it calmly.

I thought my words would wake him up.

He was just a normal person, not a doctor. He couldn't fix Sarahs leg.

But he got up without hesitation. Ill be back as soon as Sarahs in surgery!

I stared at him coldly, not saying anything else.

Mark opened his mouth, then closed it. Finally, he said, I know what youre thinking. Two hours. Ill be right back!

He left.

Goodbye.

I wont wait for you anymore!

I threw the gift I had prepared for Mark in the trash.

I left the resort and went back to the office.

Last year, the company opened a branch office in another state. The CEO wanted me to manage it.

I told Mark about it, and he said, Theres no need.

I can take care of you. We dont need the money. You dont need to build a career.

You dont need to go so far away.

If you need money, just ask.

But when Sarah mentioned her career, he immediately listened, making her the marketing manager.

Back at the office.

I told the CEO that I was ready to go to the branch office.

The CEO was happy. Vivian, Ive always thought highly of you. Im glad youre willing to go. Ill have HR take care of it right away.

Thank you, sir.

I replied respectfully.

I went home to pack, getting ready to leave, and posted on social media: "Moving on."

Lots of friends asked where I was going.

I answered them one by one.

All day, I didn't see any reply from Mark.

He didn't come home all day.

The next day, I packed my things, ready to leave.

Knowing I was moving out of state, friends came to say goodbye:

Vivian, dont forget us when you make it big.

Good luck.

If you have any problems in the new state, give us a call.

One friend looked around, puzzled. Hey, Vivian, wheres your husband? Why isnt he here to see you off?

I smiled, saying, Were probably getting a divorce soon.

My friends all looked shocked.

Following their gaze, I looked back.

Mark was standing silently behind me