Erasing The Man Who Broke Me

A TikTok DM from a total stranger popped up deep in the middle of the night.

Am I the other woman, or are you?

A pause. Then a second message: Killian North has you pinned as Wife in his contacts. Whats the deal?

I glanced at Killian, who was toweling his wet hair, emerging from our master bath.

The man Id been married to for three years.

I tossed my phone onto the duvet beside him.

This girl wasnt the first, and she certainly wouldnt be the last.

Killian barely blinked, treating the inquiry with the practiced indifference of someone whod been through this script a hundred times.

Spit it out, Cass. What do you want this time?

His voice was a low, bored rumble.

Another million? Or a divorce? Pick your poison.

I didn't dissolve into tears, didn't scream, didn't claw at his shirt begging him to stop, as I had in the past. Instead, I leaned back against the headboard and smiled up at him, my voice unnaturally light.

Good.

Itll be in your account tomorrow, then. Killian answered dismissively, his thumb already scrolling past photos of different women on his phone.

I meant, the divorce. Good.

01

The air seized. Killians fleeting surprise curdled instantly into a sneer.

Cassidy, I actually thought youd grown up. Still pulling these pathetic stunts?

He backed away, the weight of his body lifting from the bed. Ill give you a whole extra month this time, after shes gone. Deal?

He didnt believe me. He never did. He thought I was throwing a fit. Our unspoken rulethe cruel covenant of our marriagewas that after he finished with a new girl, he'd grudgingly dedicate a week to me. An entire month was practically a grand gesture.

I considered it for a moment.

Then sign this agreement.

I reached for the bedside drawer and slid the divorce papersprepared weeks ago and folded preciselyto his side of the bed, open to the final page.

Killian North was defined by his absolute confidence. He was so certain of his power that the possibility of my leaving him simply did not exist in his universe. Even if Id held another mans hand and sworn I was in love, hed have just laughed, convinced it was a temporary glitch.

He didn't even read the agreement. He snatched the pen I offered and scrawled his signature across the line.

There. Happy? You think Ill renege? God, Cassidy. Youd die without a man to coddle you.

The venom in his voice was familiar, yet tonight, it didn't sting. I simply got out of bed and pulled a clean shirt from his closet.

Go on, then. Im sure your little girlfriend is throwing a tantrum waiting for you.

My calm smile finally fractured the indifference on his face. The composure and frigid silence Id maintained all night transformed into pure, searing rage.

Killian grabbed my wrist, his grip so tight I felt the small bones grinding.

How are you still so pathetic, Cassidy?

You used to lose your mind when I did this! You used to cry and beg! Why arent you angry? Why the hell are you playing the quiet, supportive wife? What are you staging?

His voice dropped to a hateful whisper. You forced me into this, and now you look like the victim? God, youre disgusting.

The front door slammed shut, rattling the windows.

I smileda silent, empty gestureand then the coughing started. It was a raw, wrenching spasm that knotted my chest and pulled at my insides until I finally spat a gob of viscous, crimson blood into my palm.

He hated me.

He used every cruel weapon he could think of to punish me. But we had been torturing each other for far too long.

It was time to end it.

Years ago, back in high school, Killian used to write me letters. Hundreds of them. Stacked together, they were almost as thick as a phone book. Id read them so many times the paper was soft, tattered, and wrinkled. On nights like thisnights when he was goneI always reached for them.

Tonight, I didn't cry into them. I lit a match.

In the quick-spreading flames, the paper curled and the ink blackened. Through the heat haze, I saw the memory of the boy in my mind: Killian, his face streaked with tears and blood, begging me not to leave.

02

Killian and I were meant to be. Our mothers, best friends who practically raised us together, had joked about our marriage since we were toddlers. We grew up believing we were one of those couples destined to share a lifea relationship that was simply fait accompli.

Until the bottom fell out of the world.

My fathers business collapsed, he killed himself, and my mother and I were forced to move into the North family home.

The day Killian finally confessed his love, the day we stood hand-in-hand while our parents laughed, musing over baby names, was the same day his mother found my mothers sonogram.

The father of the baby was Killian's father, Mr. Alistair North.

The family shattered. The screaming and shouting ended only when Killians mother suffered a massive stroke.

At the funeral, I stood under the towering oak tree, watching Killian's solitary, brittle silhouette. For the first time, I felt a toxic shame for our shared history.

Killian, his eyes burning red, charged at my mother. I threw myself in front of her, taking the blowa piece of broken glass that sliced a gouge in my shoulder.

In that moment, I thought: If I disappeared, would Killian be less broken?

But when I turned, I fell into his arms instead. His voice was a rusty rasp, scraped raw like metal on stone.

Its not your fault, Cassidy.

Lets leave here. Lets go.

We ran. We found a place so far away the family shame couldn't reach us. To survive, Killian worked himself to the bonehauling cement, busing tables. His hands were a mess of bloody blisters and frostbite. During the worst times, we shared a single cup of instant noodles in a cramped, freezing studio apartment, listening to the wind threaten to rip the glass out of the window frame.

We never spoke. We never answered the familys calls that lit up the cheap Nokia phone.

We dont have a home anymore, Cass, hed whispered, pulling me close. We are each others home.

I sat by the small, contained fire until the last ashes had cooled and the sky outside was streaked with the pale gray of dawn.

Then, Killian called.

Im sending you an address. Get over here. She wants to meet you.

She was the girl, Talia.

I answered calmly. Okay.

When I arrived at the location, the street was deserted. Just as I started to dial Killians number, a blur of motion and screaming tires erupted.

The impact was chaos. My sedan was a pinball, slammed into and ricocheting off several vehicles. Finally, a thick, viscous warmth streamed down my forehead, blinding me.

The pain in my abdomen was a firestorm, and blood was everywhere.

Fading, my instinct took over. I dialed Killians number.

Before I blacked out, I heard his ragged breathing and a panicked, almost unrecognizable desperation in his voice.

Cassidy, dont you dare die! Please

It had been years since I used that nickname. Since the family betrayal, wed both avoided it. We both knew the splinter was there, deeply embedded between usunremovable, indigestible, corrupting even our love into something impure.

A flicker of consciousness returned, and I felt myself enclosed in a searing-hot embrace.

He was weeping.

The tears falling onto my face were scalding, burning through my skin.

Cassidy, why did you do that to me?

Im sorry. Just tell me youre sorry, too, okay?

Cass, love me again. I swear I wont ever hurt you again.

It was Killians voice. If not for the crushing certainty of the last seven years, if not for the knowledge that he hated me, I would have believed it was real. I felt myself drowning in that embrace.

But when I finally woke up, the familiar voices from the hallway snapped me back to the horrific reality.

I told you to mess with her head, not to get her killed. You know how I operate.

Talia, if you ever try this again, were done.

03

I stared blankly at the ceiling. My thoughts drifted back seven years.

We were fresh out of the nightmare, and we were still so desperately in love. But the relentless grind of working multiple shifts finally broke Killian. He collapsed at his construction site.

Diagnosis: Malignant cardiac arrhythmia.

Wed just graduated and found decent entry-level jobs, but we still worked extra shiftshim, to let me cut back. He exhausted our savings and borrowed from every friend he had. But the ICU bills grew more enormous every day.

I felt like I was drowning, no matter how hard I kicked, I couldnt reach the surface, couldnt see the light. I sold my blood. I sold a kidney.

Still not enough.

I only cared about Killian living.

I swallowed my pride. I used Killians phone to call his father.

Men like Mr. Alistair North are hypocrites. He could have an affair, but he couldn't stand the thought of his son running away with the daughter of his mistress.

He said he would save Killians lifebut the cost was that I had to leave him. He said I had to make Killian hate me permanently, only then would he return home and reclaim the life that was meant for him.

We made a deal.

Killian was fully recovered a month later.

On the day he was discharged, he took my hand. I could see the words forming on his lipshe was about to drop to one knee.

Cassidy, I want to marry you.

He never got the chance. He saw the ridiculously large, fake diamond ring on my finger and the man who stepped out from behind me.

The ring was a cheap bauble Id bought at a dollar store. The diamond was enormous, a convincing fake.

The man was an actor Id paid eighty dollars. He had a great, professional demeanorenough to sell the lie.

My voice was dead, stripped of all feeling.

Its too hard, Killian. You ran yourself into the ground trying to buy me a decent ring, and you spent every last cent we had saving your life.

You made me feel like our lives would never get better.

My family wronged yours, so I stayed until you walked out of the hospital. Were even now.

But thank God you got sick. Because while you were in the ICU, I met my fianc. I had no idea life could be this easy. Youre broke, and Im done.

I turned away, terrified that another second would betray the tears already burning my eyes.

The actor, Daniel, was professional, repeatedly intercepting the enraged, broken Killian. Killian fought him off, lunging at me, his eyes red, until he finally sagged from exhaustion.

You tell me how were even! You tell me youre lying, Cass!

But his father was right. Killian wasn't meant for that life. Pushing further would only kill him. He had to hate me to go back.

That was the last time I saw the old Killian before the sham marriage. I thought he'd do exactly as his father and I had plannedgo home, inherit the empire, and lead the life of luxury he deserved.

Instead, Killian tore the North mansion apart. He cut his hand open, smeared the blood on the walls, and warned his father to stay away from me. He didnt believe I would betray him.

Not until he saw the staged photos of me and the actor naked in bed, and the purposefully hidden pregnancy test.

Heartbroken, he left.

It took him three years, without a single cent of family help, to build an empire large enough to rival his fathers. Then he found me, cornered me, and forced me to sign the marriage certificate.

He was changed. The truththe words of sacrifice, the bitter honestyall the things I never got to tell him before he found the girls, just withered inside me.

What difference would it make now? Would it make him regret? Would he feel guilt? Or would he simply sneer and tell me I was weaving desperate lies?

We were already beyond repair. My debt to him. His debt to me. It was a tangled knot that could never be undone. I thought we would simply torture each other forever.

But finally, I found the strength to cut the cord.

Killian pushed the door open and walked to my bedside. Seeing my eyes open, he momentarily faltered.

You heard that?

I was just messing with her. You know I wish you were dead.

Killian, I thought bitterly, you never dare to look me in the eye when you say those things.

I managed a dry, painful smile.

Perfect.

If not for her, we wouldnt have known about the baby.

Though I know youd never let me keep your child.

04

When we first got married, Killian made sure to use protection and forced me to take birth control pills every morning.

He said a woman as dirty as me couldnt carry his childbecause my mother gave his father a child, and because Id supposedly been pregnant by another man seven years ago.

I never fought him on it. And even now, I hadnt told Killian the truth.

That the first baby, the one I lostthe one I planned to keep as my ownwas his, too.

No woman who has donated blood and sold a kidney, all while running on empty, can carry a baby to term.

My body had been failing for years.

Killians mouth opened and closed, the well of vicious words drying up before they could emerge. I knew the silence was because he did want a child with me. I remembered him feigning drunkenness just to avoid the condom, and how Id secretly replaced the birth control with vitamins, holding onto the faint hope: If we have a baby, maybe we can really be a family again

Talia burst in, her small face streaked with tears, but her chin jutted out defiantly. She was the one Killian had found who looked the most like mean uncanny, painful resemblance.

She gave a reluctant, brittle apology.

I laughed, a sound that felt brittle. I thought youd be fighting harder for him to divorce me and marry you.

She had been so tenacious the first time shed contacted me. Yet, one car crash and the loss of my pregnancythe death of our childand shed instantly compromised.

She thought I was mocking her, and she glared at me.

You think Killian keeps you because of love? If he loved you, why didnt he punish me? Why is he taking me to Iceland to see the Northern Lights?

Killian stood silent, watching me intently, as if waiting for me to break. He was testing me, waiting for the familiar, agonizing explosion.

I just smiled.

Congratulations.

If you can convince him to finally sign the final divorce papers, thatd be even better.

Enough! Killian finally roared.

Cassidy, I just spent an hour calming her down. Why are you provoking her? You think I wont sign the damn divorce papers?

I remained indifferent.

His eyes were fiery, boring into my face. He ignored the girl pulling on his arm.

I like this girl, Cass. You know the consequences if you keep harassing her.

Killian was always like this. He would preemptively accuse me of the behavior of the old Cassidythe desperate, fighting onebefore I even opened my mouth.

But the current Cassidy was just trying to leave.

05

I had tried to make it work.

The first few times he brought a woman home, I fought. I screamed. I threw every piece of evidence I had that he still loved me in his face and drove the girls out. I genuinely believed we could go back to the way we were.

I became a lunatic, fighting one young woman after another.

Killian seemed to relish watching memy hair ripped out, my face bruised. He liked seeing me on my knees, begging him to stop, to let me go, not to find anyone else. He loved listening to me sob, my body shaking so hard I couldnt catch my breath.

That was the only way to get him to send the women away.

He loved me, he hated me, and he loved seeing me destroy myself proving I still loved him.

I asked him so many times, If you dont love me, why go to all this effort to find me? Is it just for the torture?

Most of the time, hed smirk: You love the drama, Cass. You love the money. Im just giving you what you want.

But sometimes, hed simply stare at the wreckage in the room, saying nothing, lost in thought.

Eventually, the fighting consumed all my strength. I had nothing left to give the drama, only a numb acceptance. I thought: Staying beside him, even through his betrayal, is better than being away from him.

Those years away caused severe withdrawala desperate, aching sickness that meant I couldn't sleep without pills. Only when he forced me back into his life could I get rest, and even then, the nightmares were relentless.

My body never truly recoveredI was constantly cold, susceptible to sickness. Maybe it was the missing organ. Maybe it was the missing emotional shelter.

It took three years. Slowly, agonizingly, I weaned myself off the co-dependent chaos.

And now, I was ready.

The week I spent in the hospital, the papers were quietly filed. Killian, perhaps fueled by spite that I hadn't begged, was overly solicitous of Talia. He took her to all our old spots, ate at our favorite restaurant, and saw the shows we loved.

Finally, he put a ring on her finger at the place where wed once promised forever.

If only she were more like you, hed apparently said.

Talia, touched, believing shed won, posted three love-drenched videos documenting the whole thing.

The day I was discharged, I picked up the packed suitcases the cleaners had organized and headed straight for the airport.

I received a private message from Talia.

What did you do? Killian screamed at me to leave last night and wont see me today!

I checked the date. It was the seven-year anniversary of the day I broke his heart.

I thought he was just moody, especially since the ring he gave her was a genuine, five-figure diamond.

I messaged her back, consoling.

Were getting divorced. Just give him a couple of days.

As I wrote that, I knew the lawyer was about to send Killian the final paperwork and the files from seven years ago.

I didnt want to hide the truth anymore. Id arranged to go to a specialized clinic abroadnot just for the physical ailments, but for MECT (electroconvulsive therapy).

Soon, I would forget all of this.

I powered off my phone and stepped onto the plane. I didn't see the last message Killian had left me.