My Husband Begged But I Already Erased Him
It wiped away the five years I'd waited for my husband, Declan, the arms lord who betrayed me. It erased the sheer, gut-wrenching agony of calling him for help when I was violated, only to be told, Stop faking it.
I disappeared, took a new name, and went to a remote teaching post in the North Carolina Appalachians, a place where no one knew who I was.
Three years later, I was teaching a class when someone pushed the door open.
She stared at me, her eyes wide with shock. "Lila, you're alive? Why the hell didn't you find Declan? Do you know hes been looking for you for three years? He almost killed himself for you."
I looked back at her, blankly. "Im sorry, I took the Erasure Shot. I dont remember any of that."
"Declan who?"
The classroom fell into a suffocating silence.
An inexplicable panic surged through me, and I instinctively turned toward the window. Beyond the glass, against the reckless burst of spring color, a man stood. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was staring at me with a lethal intensity.
The woman who brought him, a teaching supervisor, whispered that he was my ex-husband, Declan.
He had once loved me like a religion. Killed his own father for me.
Before he went to prison, he gave me the shot.
Lila, you arent dirty. My father is the filth.
Forget this. Keep moving forward.
But I had forgotten everythingthe abuse, the prison sentenceexcept, somehow, the shadow of him.
After his release, he saw how skeletal I was. He dove headfirst into the Tri-Border Region and became the biggest arms trafficker in Southeast Asia. Everyone said I was Declan's untouchable nerve, the treasure he held in the palm of his hand.
Until the day I found out I was pregnant, and walked in on him and another woman in a scene that looked like a desperate, final goodbye.
I rushed him, screaming like a lunatic.
He looked at me, his gaze vacant, and his voice was devastatingly calm.
"I told you to forget all of it. Why did you wait for me?"
"Lila, are you really that helpless without me?"
I froze.
Then, I grabbed the syringe of the Erasure Shot and plunged it into my arm. Declan, this time, I will forget you completely.
1
Declan saw my movement and lunged, slapping the syringe out of my hand.
Lila, have you lost your mind!
He locked his hands around my wrists and kicked the small vial across the floor.
How dare you! The fury in his eyes was volcanic.
Before he could catch his breath, there was a soft thud.
His most capable enforcer, Sierra, had driven a combat knife into her own side. Blood immediately soaked the black fabric of her tactical gear.
Declan if Lila cant bear to look at me, my life isnt worth a damn.
He released me and moved to press his hands against her wound. Blood spilled between his fingers. He scooped her up and ran, his empty gun holster banging against the door frame.
I took two steps to follow him.
He spun around by the elevator doors and shoved me away. "Do you think I have to be tied to your side until I suffocate?!"
"Lila, are you really that helpless without me?!"
He viciously kicked the first aid kit. Vials and gauze rolled everywhere.
I wanted to tell him I wasn't trying to die. I was just trying to forget.
But the elevator doors had already closed.
That night was a blur of hazy, tearing sleep. I kept dreaming of young Declan, the stolen Harley, parked outside the school gates. Hed tilt his chin. "Hop on. Ill show you the biggest sky youll ever see."
I would rest my head against his back. Hed ride fast, yelling across the empty highway.
Lila, Im going to stick to you for life!
The dream was so sweet that when I woke up, the pillow was soaked with tears.
Declan was standing by the bed. I hadn't heard him enter. His expression was darkly complex.
"Lila, Sierra lost her uterus. She cant have kids now."
His voice was raw. He raised his hands and gripped his head, as if enduring an unimaginable pain. I could sense his devastation.
The room was dark. No lights were on.
He lifted the blanket and slid in, pulling me against his back the way he used to. His palm landed softly on my spine.
But the next second, a searing, fracturing pain exploded from my little finger.
Ah! I curled into myself, screaming.
He had brutally snapped my little finger back.
Lila, this is what we owe Sierra.
He groaned, a choked sound, and I frantically reached for him His own little finger was bent back at the exact same angle.
Both our hands were slick with blood.
I didn't understand. Why did her self-mutilation demand this payment from me? I just wanted to leave.
But he held me tighter, his lips pressing a ghost of a kiss into my hair.
"I won't go see her again." His voice was utterly exhausted. "I'll just stay here with you."
Yet, a used condom lay scattered beneath the nightstand, still damp and smelling of a perfume I didn't own. I couldn't believe him. My feet were ice cold.
He pulled them into his lap and rubbed them, warming them up little by little.
"Lila, go to sleep."
I didnt struggle anymore. I only had one thought: This is the last night.
But in the early hours of the morning, his phone exploded with a frantic ringtone.
Declan, Sams burning up, a hundred and four. I would never bother you... but hes crying for his father..."
The normally composed woman sounded completely broken. The raw cry of a mother was devastating.
Declan bolted upright, the bandage on his hand tearing open. The cold air rushed in when he threw the covers back. I shivered.
My heart was colder.
Sam... he's her kid? Is he Declan's? Wed only just reconnected when he got out of prison.
Declan didn't dare look at me. He snatched his jacket and bolted for the door.
A searing pain erupted in my lower abdomen. My hand came away slick with blood.
Declan... help me
But he slammed the bedroom door and locked it from the outside.
Lila, I swear this is the last time His voice was a snarl through the wood.
I didn't have the strength to listen anymore. Before my consciousness dissolved, I plunged the small, hidden vial of memory restorative into my arm.
Id known he was different. When he held me tight at night, he always frowned. "Why are you so thin?" Because he was used to holding the full, supple waist of another woman.
He knew my stomach had been shot years ago and I suffered from chronic reflux. He was used to staying out late, claiming hed taken on a new female enforcer. When he spoke of her, there was a light in his eyesthe same light hed had when he looked at me the day he was released.
I had collected enough disappointment. I had finally decided to leave.
I woke up to the smell of antiseptic. Declan's second-in-command was pacing the floor, clutching my chart.
Maam, we have a problem with the cargo at the dock. Declan will be here any minute
I offered a weak smile and pushed past him. He left me. I knew where he was going.
My lower abdomen ached. I leaned against the wall and moved slowly.
As I passed a nearby room, I heard suppressed sobbing inside.
Declan, when can Sam and I finally stand by your side, out in the open?
My heart felt like it was being sliced open.
After a long silence, I heard Declans controlled voice.
Sierra, forget me.
My family owes Lila. As long as shes alive, I cant leave her.
Owes me?
Declan, was it all just guilt for these years?
My earliest memories started ten years ago. Everything before I was eighteen was a blank fog. I just knew I had to wait for Declan.
The sealed memories cracked, and I remembered everything in a rush of pain. I remembered my foster fathers lecherous eyes, and the sight of young Declans trembling but resolute knife.
I slid to the floor, catching a glimpse through the door crack of Sierra lifting her head to kiss him.
He didn't pull away.
"One last time, Declan... then I'll leave."
His movements were almost violent, a desperate, final goodbye. I watched, numb, silent tears streaming down my face.
True love, it seemed, was a primal, impulsive thingnot the cautious, detached care he showed me. I had lived with a catheter for the first few years, and though he nursed me meticulously, he resisted my touch. Now I understood.
Perhaps he had never truly wanted me.
As I started to leave, a nurse rushed past and knocked me down.
Whos out there?
Declan yanked the door open. A womans lingerie was still draped over his shirt.
I finally began to cry out loud.
He saw the crumpled discharge papers for a D&C in my hand and froze.
Lila, you... you were pregnant?
Why... why is this happening now
My eyes dimmed, but he immediately rushed to explain.
Thats not what I meant.
The hallway was quiet, suffocating. We used to have so much to talk about.
I smiled, a soundless, weeping laugh. If you dont want it, Ill just get rid of it.
He grabbed my wrist, shaking his head frantically. His eyes were pleading.
Lila, lets go home.
He forced me into the car, but didn't drive toward the manor.
Lets go get some tacos, okay?
He gripped the steering wheel, nervously watching my expression. I didnt answer, my heart aching with small, sharp pains.
When we were poor at eighteen, our dates were cheap tacos. After his prison release, our few late-night moments of intimacy were often in the parking lot of that tiny taco joint.
Declan took a number and put his arm around me as we waited in the noisy crowd. He'd been in the arms business for so long that his presence was a chilling threat. People automatically retreated a few feet from us.
It was clear nothing could ever go back to the way it was.
Number 37!
As I started to walk, his phone vibrated again.
Declan, Sierra just signed the fight-to-the-death waiver for The Octagon!
His body went rigid. His knuckles were white on my shoulder.
I smiled. "Go. Don't worry about me."
He turned and walked away again, disappearing down the street without a glance back. Declan drove like a maniac, running seven red lights, cutting the two-hour drive down to forty minutes. My head was spinning. The side effects of the memory restorative were crushing my chest.
I instinctively grabbed his sleeve. "Please don't leave me here alone..."
His brow furrowed, and his voice was tightly controlled anger.
"Ive brought you here how many times? Cant you find your way around?"
"Are you a three-year-old, needing someone to hold your hand?"
He was moving too fast. He took a corner and vanished.
I stood there, bewildered. My memory was failing again. I really couldnt remember the way to the fight arena.
I stumbled, asking a few service people, but the crowd shoved me through a partially open door. Just as I started to apologize, I saw Sierra, bandaging her wounds. She was covered in blood, slumped on a couch. Her ribs looked terrifyingly exposed.
She saw me and struggled to sit up. Maam, Im sorry... I shouldn't have shown up in front of you two...
Ill give Declan back to you. Ill disappear right now
Before she finished, she grabbed my hand, placed a combat knife in my palm, and plunged it toward her own chest!
Warm blood splashed my face.
I looked up in terror, straight into Declan's furious eyes.
Lila, have you had enough?!
Just leave me alone, will you? Leave Sierra alone!
He shoved me onto the cold floor, then turned to pull Sierra into his arms.
She was soaked in blood, yet she spoke in a faint, wavering breath.
Declan... dont blame Lila. I deserve this...
Declan looked like a wolf protecting its cub. His eyes were scarlet.
Lila, can you just stop being so hysterical!
The words, spoken in pure rage, were sharp as daggers.
I told you to forget everything! Why did you have to wait for me?!
With all the girls in the world, why did my father have to target you... If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't be dead!
Boom.
My mind went blank. My head slammed against the cold tiled floor. I started trembling uncontrollably. All the shattered memories came rushing back, each piece soaked in blood. Tears poured down my face. I curled up, sobbing, "Not me... don't come near me... please don't..."
Declan's eyes flickered with a flash of regret.
He looked at me, then at the nearly unconscious Sierra in his arms. He hesitated for two seconds. Then, he lifted her and ran for the door.
Call a doctor! Get every available surgeon down here!
He was gone again.
I spent the entire night curled up in the darkest corner of the locker room, the air thick with blood and disinfectant.
Declan found me at dawn. I was frozen stiff.
His eyes were a storm of conflicting emotions. He was silent for a long time.
Lila, lets go to the coast.
I shifted my dry eyes, looking at him woodenly.
You used to say you wanted to get married on the beach.
He reached out to touch my face. I turned away.
I truly didn't remember. The sea, the weddingit was all washed away by the Erasure Shot, leaving only the relentless, tearing ache in my chest.
While Declan packed, I looked at my phones memo app and dialed a number.
Professor, you mentioned that teaching spot in the mountains Is it still open?
When I got a positive answer, I let a small smile touch my lips. It was the first time Id smiled in days.
The day we arrived at the coast, the wind was terrifying.
I bent down to pick up a seashell, and when I looked up, I saw Sierra, wearing a lifeguard uniform. I couldn't clearly remember who she was, but my heart was throbbing with pain.
I turned to leave, but she grabbed my hand and yanked me, pulling both of us into the raging waves.
Declan, help! Lila jumped into the ocean!
Saltwater flooded my nose and mouth. My ears were ringing. I fought desperately to get up, but her hands were relentlessly pressing me down into the depths.
Just as I felt the onset of asphyxiation, a massive splash erupted beside me. Declan pulled Sierra out first, then hauled my nearly unconscious body onto the sand.
Once on the beach, Sierra sobbed, her face deathly pale.
Declan... I dont know why she pushed me...
After I left, I had no income, and Sam needs school. I had no choice but to be a lifeguard... please dont let them fire me...
She was choking on her tears. Declan gently patted her back, his eyes full of sympathy.
I was curled up, clutching my lower abdomen, which was throbbing with a heavy, sickening pain. I couldn't utter a single word.
Declan, believing I was guilty, turned on me, his face granite.
Lila, when will you stop with these games?!
I brought you to the ocean. What else do you want?
Sierra isn't like you. She doesnt have a safety net... she fought tooth and nail to live this long. Do you have to force her to die?!
He grabbed my wrist with punishing force and raised his hand to strike me.
I closed my eyes, allowing the cold despair to wash over my entire body.
Just then, a shriek went up on the shore.
Blood! Shes bleeding!
Call an ambulance, fast!
I looked down, dazed, and saw a rush of bright red blood spreading down my leg, staining the sand. The water was too cold. The baby was gone.
I stared blankly at the sterile white ceiling of the hospital room, my heart utterly silent.
Declan stood by the bed, his gaze cold.
Its probably for the best its gone. Save us all the trouble of having a child like you.
I looked at him, completely lost, and tilted my head slightly. Who are you?
The air in the room froze for a few seconds.
His face darkened violently. Lila, stop playing dumb!
You ruined my life and kept me bound for years! How dare you pretend to forget now!
He slammed his fist into the wall, over and over, until blood seeped from his knuckles.
Was I... such a terrible person?
My heart contracted painfully. I instinctively reached for his shirt, but he shoved my hand away, his eyes blazing red.
Get out!
He slammed the door behind him.
The silence in the room returned.
I clutched my aching lower abdomen and slowly moved out of the room. As I passed the room next door, I heard a muffled, passionate argument.
Sierra, I cant just abandon her
The mans voice trembled, as if he were fighting an impossible instinct.
I know you think Im dirty, that I clawed my way out of the slums... Fine! Ill disappear!
The sound of shattering glass followed.
The love between the people in that room was a roaring torrent. Hot and fierce.
How could a man like that ever have been my husband?
I pressed a hand to my throbbing heart and walked down the deep corridor. The hospital was in a secluded area, and without realizing it, I wandered into a dark alley.
A few yellow-haired young men, their cigarettes dangling from their lips, shuffled out, grinning suggestively.
Hey, beautiful. Alone? Come play with us.
I remembered nothing, and the panic made me turn and run. But my post-op body was weak. I was quickly slammed against a damp brick wall.
As my dress ripped, I fumbled for my phone and shakily dialed the speed-dial number.
Someone is... attacking me... help me... please, Im begging you
Lila, are you sick in the head?
The phone was kicked away, but his chilling voice echoed down the alley.
Last time you were attacked, I killed my father. Who do you want me to kill this time?
My blood froze instantly.
My heart stopped. The busy signal was abruptly cut off.
I closed my eyes in complete despair.
A mile away, Declan hung up the phone and rubbed his temples, consumed by a familiar, frustrating anger. He figured, at most, Lila would be back by nightfall. She always depended on him, she couldn't live without him.
But the night grew deeper. The corridor remained silent.
Sierra came, holding Sam, asking him to tell their son a story. He waved her away and walked onto the balcony to light a cigarette. He hadnt smoked in years; Lila couldn't stand the smell.
But now, his chest was burning like fire. And she wasn't here.
Declan stared into the smoke, his eyes tumultuous. After this, he swore, he would guard her with his life.
At 3:00 AM, his second-in-command called in a panic.
Declan, you need to look at the security feed I think something happened to Maam.
First, search for and download the MotoNovel app from Google. Then, open the app and use the code "330573" to read the entire book.
MotoNovel
Novellia
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