Rain in the Haze of Years

The third time my wife, Victoria, got pregnant with her lovers child, my reaction was unnervingly calm.
I even had the leisure to admire the wedding photos theyd taken behind my back.
Victorias brow was furrowed, her voice a blade of ice as she subtly shielded her lover, Alex.
I know I promised you I wouldnt have children with anyone else.
But Alex has been with me for years. The first two abortions took a serious toll on my body. This child we have to keep it.
If anything happens to him, Liam, she warned, her eyes like chips of stone, even you wont be spared.
She shifted into a defensive stance, probably expecting me to explode, to scream and fight like the madman I used to be.
But I was tired.
Three days ago, I had already agreed to be with someone else.
(1)
My eyes flicked to Alexs hand, his knuckles white as he clutched the wedding photo.
Nice photos, I said, my voice even. That suit doesnt really fit you, though.
If he hadnt deliberately sent me the ultrasound pictures, I wouldnt have even known Victoria was pregnant again. Id grown used to his provocations over the years.
The first time hed paraded their affair in front of me, it felt like being thrown into freezing water. My body went into shock, my heart spasming with a pain so intense it felt like I was being split in two. My eyes had gone bloodshot with rage, and Id smashed an ashtray over his head.
Victoria had only watched with a weary expression, her words defending him.
Liam, your temper hasnt changed a bit. You still have such a short fuse.
But I really do love him. Lets not make this a federal case. Was one hit enough? Do you need to hit him a couple more times to blow off some steam?
Back then, my world had collapsed. I lost sleep for weeks, my hair fell out in clumps, and I tormented myself until I was a ghost of a man.
But now now I felt nothing at all.
Victoria paused, a slow, mocking smile playing on her lips as she studied me. Changing tactics, are we, darling?
You know it wont do you any good, even if you try to stop me.
She was right.
I nodded in solemn agreement.
I wont stop you. Do whatever you want.
Seeing that I wasnt going to cause a scene, Victoria finally relaxed, a flicker of guilt crossing her face.
Buy yourself something nice. Use my card.
With that, she ushered Alex out the door, as if terrified I might hurt him.
Watching them leave, a wave of dizziness washed over me.
When I first discovered her affair, Id exposed it to everyoneour friends, our family. I wanted to force her to bow her head, to come back to me.
Instead, the very next day, she doubled down, proudly introducing Alex to our entire social circle.
Someone spoke ill of him, and she had their teeth knocked out.
Someone else made a crude joke, calling him a homewrecker, and she had their leg broken.
After that, no one dared to disrespect Alex again.
I had screamed at her, my voice raw with a pain that felt like it was tearing me apart.
Victoria, what am I to you?! You said youd love me forever!
Lets get a divorce!
She had just smiled, a soft, cruel little smile, and kissed me.
Darling, could you really bear to leave me?
I never said I stopped loving you. Its just its been a long time. Things get a little stale. Cant you just be good?
And if we divorce, where would you go?
The words died in my throat.
It was the news of her first pregnancy that finally made me snap.
Before Victoria was acknowledged by her wealthy family, she was a wild child who ran with a rough crowd. When she was sixteen, she got into a fight, and I took a knife for her. The wound was deep, damaging me permanently. The doctors said it would be nearly impossible for me to have children.
After we married, her mother constantly belittled me, calling me low-class. To protect me from the whispers and the shame, Victoria went and had her tubes tied.
So when I found out she was pregnant, I called her a liar and a cheat. I hunted Alex down and beat him bloody.
When Victoria found out, she sent men to dig up my grandmothers grave.
In that moment, a part of me died.
My heart felt like it was being stitched shut with a thousand tiny needles, bleeding with every beat. I was as white as a sheet when I asked her if she had lost her mind.
When she was poor and alone, wasn't it my grandmother who gave her a place to stay, a meal to eat? Wasn't she the reason Victoria was even alive? On her deathbed, my grandmother had treated Victoria like her own grandchild, splitting her life savings in twohalf for me, half for her.
She believed in us.
She never could have imagined that ten years later, Victoria would desecrate her final resting place.
I let out two sharp, bitter laughs, and coughed up blood.
Victoria remained unmoved, sipping her wine on the sofa as if nothing had happened.
You laid a hand on him first, Liam.
I warned you. You just didnt listen.
After that day, she didnt come home. For weeks, she stayed by Alexs side, comforting him.
I was a hollowed-out skeleton, living a life that was worse than death. When I saw the headlines that Victoria had bought out an entire charity auction just to please him, I slit my wrists.
As life drained from me, the world faded to a dull hum. A bone-deep cold seeped into me, and I felt a profound sense of relief as I slowly closed my eyes.
(2)
But I didn't die. When I opened my eyes again, Victoria was at my bedside, her own eyes red-rimmed and raw.
She pulled me into a desperate, crushing hug, swearing to me through her tears.
Liam, you scared me to death.
I wont get pregnant again. I promise.
But that's the thing about people. Once a promise is broken, it will be broken a thousand times more.
The second time she got pregnant, shea woman who never smokedsat on the balcony and chain-smoked all night.
I knew she was torn. She wanted the child but felt bound by her promise to me.
Then Alex showed up at our door. Before I could even say a word, he threw himself to the floor, claiming I had pushed him.
Victoria was livid. In her rage, she lost the baby.
That was the first time I saw her truly lose control. She wrapped her hands around my throat, intent on killing me.
I already promised you! I was going to get rid of it! Why did you still have to hurt him?!
It was my second brush with death. My lungs burned, air turning to fire, and just as I thought I was about to black out, she threw me aside like a piece of trash.
The undisguised disgust in her eyes was a physical blow. Any words of explanation I had were trapped in my throat, a nauseating lump of unspoken truth.
Victoria moved out of the home we had built together with our own hands. From then on, if I ever needed to speak with her, I had to go through Alex. Only with his permission would she answer my calls.
Two months later, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The doctors said it was too early to know if it was malignant, and they started me on conservative treatment.
I sent Victoria a message. It was Alex who came.
He cornered me in our empty home.
Do you really think faking an illness will make her come back to you?
Dont be so naive. Do you know what she said in my bed last night? She said the sight of your face makes her sick. If you hadnt saved her all those years ago, she would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago.
As he left, when I wasnt looking, he poured a bottle of hand soap onto the bathroom floor.
Later, I slipped. My head cracked against the tile, and a pool of my own blood blurred my vision.
I called Victoria, but the line was always busy.
After the tenth call, she finally texted back four words: Alex says no.
The ambulance was slow to arrive. By the time they got there, the blood around me had grown cold.
The doctor said if theyd been any later, I would have been gone.
Lying in the hospital bed, I stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to understand how Victoria and I had become this.
I thought, let it be.
Its fine.
Just let it be.
From that day on, I think my love for Victoria finally died.
And so today, watching their retreating figures, my heart was a placid lake.
A specific ringtone, the one I had set for a special person, cut through my thoughts. I answered.
Yeah, the divorce papers are drafted. Ill give them to her tomorrow.
Come and get me the day after.
(3)
I spent the day clearing out the house, packing up years of memories and tossing them into the trash.
That night, for the first time in ages, Victoria came home.
In the end, the divorce papers Id drafted were unnecessary.
She handed me a set of her own first.
Liam, Alex is feeling insecure. He doesnt want our child to be born illegitimate.
Lets get divorced for now, so I can get the baby registered. Then we can get remarried.
So that was it. An hour ago, Alex had texted me to get ready for a surprise. He was trying to provoke me, to start another fight between Victoria and me.
But it was pointless. I didnt love her anymore. Even arguing felt like a waste of energy.
I calmly scanned the terms of the agreement. It was generous, fair even. She was splitting nearly all of her assets with me fifty-fifty.
Without a moments hesitation, I signed my name.
Afterward, I drank the lukewarm glass of water on the table and stood to go to my room.
Victoria hadnt expected me to be so compliant. A flicker of shock crossed her face. She shot up from her chair, her hand instinctively grabbing my wrist.
Whats wrong with you?
I turned back, my gaze distant and cold.
Whats wrong? Is there something else?
Her eyes darted nervously toward my bedroom. After a moment of hesitation, she went inside. I heard her gathering up anything sharprazors, scissors, letter openers. Then she was on the phone, calling for the housekeeper from the main family estate to come over.
She thought I was going to try to kill myself again.
A laugh escaped my lips.
Dont bother. Im not going to do anything stupid.
Her phone rang. It was Alex, urging her to come home.
She gave me a perfunctory nod and hurried out the door.
The next morning, Victoria rushed me downstairs and into the car to go to City Hall.
The interior was covered in childish stickers she used to hate. It was Alexs aesthetic.
I dutifully got into the back seat.
She froze, asking instinctively, Why arent you sitting up front?
I stared out the window at the passing scenery, my voice detached.
Isnt that sticker on the dashboard the one that says Alexs Seat?
Victoria fell silent.
Several times during the drive, I caught her watching me in the rearview mirror, her lips parting as if to say something, but no words ever came out.
After we filed the paperwork, the clerk informed us that after the mandatory waiting period, we could come back to finalize the divorce.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Victoria stood frozen, a complex mix of emotions swirling in her eyes.
Ill take you home, she offered.
I was about to refuse when Alex appeared out of nowhere. He wrapped an arm around Victorias waist and pressed his lips to hers.
She swatted him playfully.
Be careful of the baby!
The moment he appeared, all her attention shifted to him. She didnt even notice when I walked away.
(4)
That night, my bags were packed.
I confirmed my flight details with Chloe for the next day and was about to go to sleep when the doorbell rang.
It was Alex again. Victoria was at a business dinner, so hed come here to stir up trouble.
I didnt want any, so I pretended I didnt hear him and tried to sleep.
At two in the morning, a bucket of ice-cold water jolted me awake.
I opened my eyes to see Victoria standing over my bed, her gaze murderous.
Her bodyguards dragged me violently from the bed. My wrist twisted at an unnatural angle, and I cried out in pain.
Victoria, what are you doing?!
She grabbed my chin, her grip like iron, her eyes burning with fury.
Liam, you have the nerve to ask me that?!
Didnt I warn you? If anything else happens to Alex, I wont let you off the hook!
A sense of dread washed over me.
What happened to him?
Victoria let out a cold, sharp laugh.
Stop playing dumb. He fell at your apartment. If you didnt push him, who did?
The color drained from my face. I remembered Alexs taunts from before.
So what if my tricks are childish? As long as Victoria loves me, shell believe me. Shell always take my side.
It doesnt have to be clever. It just has to work.
A bitter smile twisted my lips.
If I said I didnt push him, would you believe me?
She didnt answer with words. Her actions were enough.
She had her men bring in a rattan cane. They stripped me naked, tied me up, and she began to whip me across my stomach, again and again.
To soothe Alex, she took out her phone and started a video call with him, aiming the camera at me.
His whining voice came through the speaker.
Victoria, you have to stand up for me! You have no idea, that loser wouldnt stop insulting me, calling me a homewrecker, saying I was shameless then he tried to push me! I was lucky I dodged, or I would have fallen down the stairs and been killed!
Victoria cooed at him, her voice gentle, even as the blows from the cane grew harder.
Fiery pain spread across my abdomen. My skin was a mess of blood and torn flesh. I dug my nails into my palms, swallowing the screams that rose in my throat.
Tears of humiliation and agony streamed down my face.
Victorias brow furrowed, a muscle twitching in her jaw. A fleeting look of pity crossed her face before she looked away.
I have to stay with Alex. Ill leave the rest to you, she said to her men.
I numbly endured the mocking stares of the bodyguards.
Under the cover of the chaos, one of them let his hands wander over my body.
Are you crazy? Thats the bosss husband! another one hissed.
The first man just smirked, his hands becoming bolder.
Is he really a man? Have you ever seen a guy with skin this soft? Ive never been with a man before.
Besides, we all know who the real husband is now. When she said leave the rest to you, what do you think she meant? Its an invitation.
She wouldnt blame us if something happened to this waste of space. You all know how much she dotes on the other one.
His words silenced the others.
Their hands grew more brazen.
A raw, blood-curdling scream tore from my throat. Get off of me!
Just then, with a loud thud, the bodyguards in front of me collapsed to the floor.
My eyes widened.
A figure rushed to my side, gently pulling me into their arms.
Im late.

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