Lower Your Laugh

1
My father died in a fire, trying to save the daughter of the woman he never got over.
I drove to the hospital through the night. The moment I saw his body, I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face.
A staff member kindly nudged me. Could you try to be a little quieter?
But later, when they handed me the urn with my fathers ashes, I laughed even louder.
Oh, my dear, dear father. If you were going to die, couldn't you have at least written a will first? Leaving me with billions in assets... you're just too generous.
When I got the news that my father, Arthur, had died trying to save Stella, I rushed to the hospital.
He was lying on a gurney in the morgue. His face was a mess of charred flesh, and there wasn't a single patch of intact skin left on his body.
Seeing him like that, I just couldn't hold it in.
The attendant standing beside me couldn't take it anymore. He tapped my arm. "Could you keep it down?"
I mumbled an apology, but I practically skipped to the counter to get his death certificate.
With the certificate in hand, I wasted no time arranging for his cremation. While I waited for the ashes, I called his lawyer and confirmed what I already suspected: my father had left no will.
He had no wife. He had no other children. I was the only name listed as his next of kin.
Naturally, the entire inheritance was mine.
I moved quickly, transferring all the assets into my name: the mansion in the Westridge neighborhood, the company he owned, the fleet of luxury cars in the garage.
Oh, and the house my father had so graciously lent to Stella.
I don't like filthy things living in my property, so on a bright, sunny afternoon, I paid her a visit and asked her to move out.
But when she saw me, Stella refused to even open the door. Instead, she called the police.
The moment the officers arrived, the door flew open.
Stella leaped out, pointing a finger at me. "That's her, officer! She's trespassing!"
I quickly explained myself. "Officer, please don't listen to her. I just knocked on the door. I didn't try to force my way in."
"You call that knocking? You were trying to break my door down!" Stella grabbed one of the officers arms, her finger still aimed at me like a weapon. "Officer, you have to take her away."
The officer shot her a look that was hard to read. He shook her hand off and turned to me.
"What's going on here?"
I put on my most innocent face. "I honestly just knocked. Is that considered trespassing?"
"No, but it could be considered disturbing the peace, you understand?"
Hearing that, a smug look of triumph spread across Stellas face.
"But officer, this is my house," I said, pulling the deed and my ID from my purse. "Is it a crime to knock on my own door?"
One of the officers took the documents, carefully comparing the photo on my ID to my face. He confirmed it. This was my house.
He frowned. "This is your house, but you don't have a key?"
I pouted. "Not when someone is squatting in my property and refuses to leave. Officer, wouldn't that be considered unlawful occupation of property?"
Stella jumped in. "What do you mean, your house? This is Mr. Hayes's house! You just wait, I'm going to call him right now and have him deal with you."
Right there, in front of everyone, Stella called my father's number. Again and again.
When none of the calls went through, a flicker of panic crossed her face.
"Don't bother," I said with a small laugh. "He's not going to pick up."
"Don't you get cocky, Ava! Mr. Hayes is probably just busy!"
My smile widened. "Oh, he's busy, all right. Busy being dead."
Stellas face changed, her voice turning shrill. "What did you just say? Arthur is your own father! How could you curse him like that? Do you want me to tell him what you said? Hell break your legs!"
"Ooh, I'm so scared," I said, crossing my arms with a bored expression. "Too bad he'll never hear you snitch on me again. Did you forget, Stella? There was a fire at your school a couple of days ago. My dad was there dropping something off for you. When he heard your classroom was on fire, he ran right in to save you. Except he never found you. And he burned to death."
I let out a dramatic sigh. "Such a shame. My father cared more about you than his own daughter, and you two didn't even get to see each other one last time."
"You're lying! You're just trying to curse him!" Stella stared at me for a few seconds, her emotions escalating until she actually lunged at me, ready to strike.
I quickly ducked behind one of the officers.
"Help! She's trying to kill me! Officer, arrest her!"
Having witnessed the entire spectacle, the officers finally understood the situation. One of them restrained Stella, pulling us apart. They told her to calm down and gave me a verbal warning. It was a domestic dispute, and they knew better than to get too involved.
In the end, they took us down to the station to give statements. As they were letting us go, I overheard one of the officers telling Stella, "Look, the house belongs to her. You can't act like this. If you want to keep living there, you need to talk to her nicely. If not, you need to pack your things and leave."
My respect for that officer skyrocketed. I wanted to send him a commendation.
Just as I stepped out of the police station, Stellas mother, Lillian, arrived.
When she saw me, she plastered on her usual fake, benevolent smile.
"Ava, honey, when did you get back? Why didn't you tell me? Your father and I would have picked you up."
"Hold it right there, Lillian," I interrupted. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves with the family reunion. I came back to collect my father's body. Oh, and by the way," I covered my mouth and giggled, "your wedding is next week, right? You should probably let the guests know. It would be a little embarrassing to be a bride with no groom."
Lillian's phony expression finally cracked. She sneered. "Ava, no matter how much you dislike me, you shouldn't curse your own father. He was good to you."
He really was.
He let my mother die for his first love.
He threw me, his own daughter, out of the house for a girl who wasn't even his stepdaughter.
Where else in the world could you find such a wonderful father?
"You don't believe me, Lillian?" I shrugged. "I guess that makes sense. After all, you and my father never got a marriage license. The hospital wouldn't have known to call you. It fell to me, the younger generation, to handle such a major life event for the first time."
I pulled my fathers death certificate from my bag and tossed it at their feet.
Lillian's face instantly turned a sickly gray. She swayed on her feet, barely held up by Stella.
"Stella," I said, turning to her, "I'm selling the house you're living in. You have one week to move out. Otherwise, I'm calling the police."
"Oh, and Lillian? That mansion you're staying in? You'll have to move out of that too. But you've been there for years, so I'm sure you have a lot of stuff. Don't worry, I'll help you find a moving company. As for all the jewelry and things my father gave you you can keep them. Consider it compensation for all the years you spent by his side without a ring on your finger."
I put on my sunglasses and walked away without a shred of emotion.
Behind me, I heard Stella scream as Lillian collapsed to the ground.
The next day, I went to the bank.
My father was an overly cautious man. He never kept anything valuable at home; it was all locked away in a safe deposit box. If he had kept it at the mansion, Lillian would have cleaned the place out long ago. There would have been nothing left for me to inherit.
Looking at the gold bars and antique artifacts, I could barely keep my jaw from hitting the floor. After a quick inventory and some paperwork, it was all officially mine.
To celebrate, I treated myself to an extravagant lunch at a five-star hotel.
Full and happy, I headed home for a well-deserved beauty sleep. But as my car entered our gated community, I was stopped by a security guard.
The guard, a kind man named Tom, pulled me aside and whispered, "Miss Hayes, that mistress 'auntie' of yours is here."
Mistress auntie? It took me a second to realize he meant Lillian.
Years ago, my father had thrown me out of the mansion while I was sick, all for her. The scandal had spread through the entire neighborhood, and Lillian had become a local pariah. That was why they had never lived there after my mother passed away.
"She brought an older woman with her, said she was your aunt. I didn't want to let them in, but my supervisor"
Lillian must have bribed him.
I smiled sweetly. "Thank you for the heads-up, Tom. I appreciate it."
"They seemed really angry. They already used the keypad to get in. You should be careful."
He was genuinely concerned for my safety. I thanked him again. Then, my eyes fell on the stun gun on his belt, and an idea sparked.
"Tom," I said, "can I buy that stun gun off you?"
Before I went inside, I checked the security camera feed on my phone.
There they were, my aunt Brenda, Lillian, and Stella, sitting in my living room. Brenda was looking around at my decor, and as I watched, she casually slipped a small antique into her purse.
I saved the footage.
Then, I took a deep breath, walked to the front door, entered the code, and barged in, stun gun held high.
"Thieves! Get out of my house, you filthy thieves! I'll kill you!"
I closed my eyes and started swinging the stun gun wildly.
I heard a few screams, and finally, my aunts sharp, piercing voice.
"Ava, you're doing this on purpose, aren't you! Look at me! It's me!"
I got in two more hits before I stopped.
I feigned surprise. "Aunt Brenda? What are you doing here?"
Her face was covered in red marks, some already turning blue. She glared at me with pure fury.
"You little brat, Ava! How dare you strike your elder? You'll be damned for this!"
I kept up the innocent act. "Brenda, what a terrible thing to say. You came into my house without telling me. I saw people in my living room and naturally assumed you were burglars. I have so many antiques, you know. It's so easy for one to go missing."
At the mention of that, Brenda subtly shifted her purse behind her back.
She cleared her throat. "Ava, your father has only been dead for a few days, and you've already had him cremated. Why didn't you inform your elders?"
"Elders? If I remember correctly, my grandmother is dead. What other elders are there?"
"Ava, no matter what, Brenda is your father's sister. She's your aunt. It's not appropriate for you to speak to her like that," Lillian chimed in, trying to act like a respected elder herself.
"We don't share the same parents. How exactly is she my real aunt?" I retorted.
My biological grandfather died young. My grandmother remarried, taking my father with her. Brenda was my step-grandfather's daughter from a previous relationship. We had no blood relation whatsoever.
"Ava!" Brenda exploded. Lillian patted her shoulder, reminding her to focus on the real issue.
Brenda took a moment to compose herself, adopting a condescending tone. "Your father is gone, so someone needs to be the voice of reason in this family. I hear you've taken all the assets for yourself. That's not right. You need to give Lillian her share."
"And why should I?" I sneered. "Lillian never married my father, did she?"
I had already confirmed everything with the lawyer. Lillian and my father had planned to get their marriage license the day before the wedding.
What a shame.
"But they were about to get married," Brenda insisted.
"But they weren't married yet. The state doesn't recognize them as a couple, so why should I?"
My words must have hit a nerve, because Brenda's face turned a shade of purple.
Lillian tried to play the victim. "Ava, it's not that I want to fight you for this inheritance. It's just that now, I have"
She touched her stomach, her words trailing off.
I cut her off. "Well, spit it out."
Stella immediately jumped to her feet. "Are you blind, Ava? Can't you see? My mom is pregnant with your father's child! Even if you don't give my mom a share of the inheritance, this baby has a right to it!"
I laughed coldly. "And who can prove that's my father's child?"
Brenda interjected, "I can prove it! Ava, we're trying to be nice because you're still young. We don't want to make this ugly. Otherwise, we would have sued you already!"
I laughed even harder. "Then please, go ahead and sue me."
"You're insane!" Brenda grabbed Lillian's arm and started pulling her towards the door. "I told you, there's no talking to this brat. Let's go find a lawyer."
As the three of them were about to leave, I said, "Wait a moment."

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