Awake from the Cruel Love, Free to Find My Heart
1: The Declaration of Surrender
My best friend and I were bound to the same System.
Her mission: to seduce a celibate ascetic, to conquer his body.
My mission: to seduce my aloof adoptive uncle, to conquer his heart.
But the ascetic spent his days meditating with his prayer beads, completely detached from the mortal world. And my uncle was still hopelessly devoted to his old flame; after three years together, he still didn't even see me as a woman.
The constant heartbreak was too much. I decided to quit.
"I'm exhausted," I messaged her. "I'm done. You?"
"If you're out, I'm out," she replied instantly.
It was a deal. We both pulled out our phones, calculated our savings, and made a plan to cash out and escape.
2: Rock, Paper, Scissors for Death
"But one of us has to go first," I pointed out.
"The first one to die gets to go home. The other one has to deal with the body and clean up the mess."
We looked at each other. Cassandra shot her hand up. "I've had it worse. I'll die first."
"No way," I argued. "I can't stand another second in this godforsaken place. Rock, paper, scissors decides it."
"Fine. You're on."
Cassandra threw scissors. I threw paper.
She won.
I stomped my foot in frustration. "Fine! You go first. I'll handle the cleanup."
3: Drunken Resolve
For the next two days, I didn't hear from Cassandra. I wondered what method she was planning to use to end her virtual life.
That night, just as I was about to call her, my phone rang. It was her.
"Julianna..."
Her voice was thick and slurred, the words blurring together against the howl of the wind in the background.
My heart seized. "Are you drunk?"
"Just a little," she said, letting out a boozy hiccup. "Liquid courage, you know? I'm... I'm about to do something big."
I shot up from the couch. "What? I thought we agreed on next Friday!"
4: Words on the Wind
Our plan had been for her to go in seven days, giving me time to get her affairs in order before I followed.
"I can't wait anymore," her voice was snatched away by the wind. "I think today is a good day. I want to die today."
"Julianna, I just wanted to see Damian one last time... I mean, I was with him for three years. I know what he wants from just a single look... I just can't let it go like this..."
"He's having dinner with his precious Eleanor... won't even pick up my calls..."
"Three years... After three years, you'd think even a stray dog would've learned to love me..."
"But he still doesn't love me..."
5: The Final Call
"...He still doesn't love me."
"Damian, that bastard, he won't even give me one last phone call... Well, if today is Eleanor's birthday, then I'll make it my death day. I'll make sure Damian never, ever forgets!"
She rambled on, her logic a tangled mess, but her intention was terrifyingly clear. She wanted to die tonight, and she wanted one last look, one last word, from Damian.
He hadn't given her that chance.
"No," I pleaded, my voice shaking as I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door. "Cassie, you can't. I'm not ready for you to go. Not this suddenly."
"Cassie, where are you? Please, just wait for me. Let me be there with you, okay?"
6: Last Requests
"Julianna..." She ignored my pleas, lost in her own world of pain.
"Jumping... it's not a pretty way to go. You'll have to hire the best mortician to make me look beautiful again."
"And don't bury me. I'm afraid of the dark. Burn me. Scatter my ashes in the Hudson River. I don't want Damian to ever find me."
7: A Desperate Search
Every word she spoke was a needle in my heart. I had felt every bit of her pain, witnessed every moment of her suffering over these long years.
A chill ran through me, but I forced my voice to stay calm. "Whatever you want, Cassie. I'll do it. But you have to tell me where you are. I want to be with you."
"No... I don't want you to see... It'll scare you..."
The line went quiet, leaving only the piercing shriek of the wind.
I ran through the streets like a madwoman, screaming her name until my voice was raw and my legs gave out, sending me crashing to the pavement.
8: A Bloody Farewell
"I'll be waiting for you at home, Julianna."
That was the last thing Cassandra ever said to me.
THUD.
There, at the foot of the Grand Majestic Tower, I saw her.
She fell from the eighteenth floor, a broken butterfly plummeting to the earth. Blood bloomed on the pavement, staining it crimson.
Cassandra died right in front of my eyes.
I collapsed beside her, my hand trembling as I reached out to touch her face. Sobs wracked my body. "You always cared so much about being beautiful... Why would you choose to die like this...?"
I knew she wasn't truly dead. We would see each other again, back in our own world.
But seeing her like this, so broken and final, shattered me completely.
9: The Agony of the Flames
I had overestimated my own strength, and underestimated how much she meant to me. For three years, we had been each other's lifelines, the only thing that got us through the nights of cruelty and despair.
At the crematorium, my own hands pushed her body into the incinerator.
I watched as the flames consumed the face that once held the brightest smile I had ever known.
When the attendant handed me the small, heavy box, the tears I had been holding back finally broke free.
"Cassie," I whispered, clutching the urn to my chest. "How did you become so small...?"
10: The River Burial
I did as she asked. I took her ashes to the edge of the Hudson River.
The current was strong, and it swept her away in an instant, leaving no trace. Just like that, she was gone.
"Wait for me," I whispered to the churning water. "I'll be there soon."
Just then, her phone, which I'd kept in my bag, buzzed.
I pulled it out. It was a text from Damian.
[The Peninsula Grand. 8 PM. Be there.]
A cold, bitter laugh escaped my lips.
He was always like this. He never once cared about her feelings.
11: The Message That Came Too Late
He was always like this. She was nothing more than a tool for his physical release, to be summoned and dismissed at his whim.
When he didn't need her, he would vanish. When he did, she was expected to drop everything and run to his side.
But why?
Just because she loved him, did that mean she deserved to be trampled on?
I didn't reply. I just turned the phone off.
He had missed his last chance to see her. Let him live with that regret forever.
12: The Light Fades
I sat by the river until dawn before finally heading home. The early morning sun touched my skin, but I felt no warmth. I was just so tired, physically and emotionally drained.
The System demanded I maintain my character's persona: the girl hopelessly in love. So, in the past, no matter how ugly our fights had been, I would always be up at six a.m. the next morning to make breakfast for Julian.
The System always promised me that the bitterness would eventually turn sweet. That once I succeeded, a man like Julian would cherish me, would put me on a pedestal.
But in three years, I had tasted nothing but bitterness. The sweetness never came.
Cassandra's final wishes were fulfilled. It was my turn to leave.
I picked up the knife from the kitchen counter and held it to my wrist.
But I hesitated.
I made a few false starts, then put the knife down with a sigh.
Julian hated me so much. If I died in his house, he would probably be disgusted. He always said I wasn't worthy of his family name. He said my parents, his brother and sister-in-law, should never have adopted me, that they had raised a monster who would fall for her own uncle. He said I deserved to be abandoned, a worthless stray that nobody wanted.
But being abandoned wasn't my fault. If I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have wanted his name either.
But no one ever gave me a choice. Not even the System. It had forced this life on me.
I collapsed onto my bed and, against all odds, fell asleep.
In the heavy haze of my slumber, the System's cold, mechanical voice echoed in my mind.
"Julianna, your point accumulation is complete. The exit portal is now open. Please be prepared for departure by tomorrow evening."
Good, I thought. I'm going home.
Then my eyes snapped open.
My best friend and I were bound to the same System.
Her mission: to seduce a celibate ascetic, to conquer his body.
My mission: to seduce my aloof adoptive uncle, to conquer his heart.
But the ascetic spent his days meditating with his prayer beads, completely detached from the mortal world. And my uncle was still hopelessly devoted to his old flame; after three years together, he still didn't even see me as a woman.
The constant heartbreak was too much. I decided to quit.
"I'm exhausted," I messaged her. "I'm done. You?"
"If you're out, I'm out," she replied instantly.
It was a deal. We both pulled out our phones, calculated our savings, and made a plan to cash out and escape.
2: Rock, Paper, Scissors for Death
"But one of us has to go first," I pointed out.
"The first one to die gets to go home. The other one has to deal with the body and clean up the mess."
We looked at each other. Cassandra shot her hand up. "I've had it worse. I'll die first."
"No way," I argued. "I can't stand another second in this godforsaken place. Rock, paper, scissors decides it."
"Fine. You're on."
Cassandra threw scissors. I threw paper.
She won.
I stomped my foot in frustration. "Fine! You go first. I'll handle the cleanup."
3: Drunken Resolve
For the next two days, I didn't hear from Cassandra. I wondered what method she was planning to use to end her virtual life.
That night, just as I was about to call her, my phone rang. It was her.
"Julianna..."
Her voice was thick and slurred, the words blurring together against the howl of the wind in the background.
My heart seized. "Are you drunk?"
"Just a little," she said, letting out a boozy hiccup. "Liquid courage, you know? I'm... I'm about to do something big."
I shot up from the couch. "What? I thought we agreed on next Friday!"
4: Words on the Wind
Our plan had been for her to go in seven days, giving me time to get her affairs in order before I followed.
"I can't wait anymore," her voice was snatched away by the wind. "I think today is a good day. I want to die today."
"Julianna, I just wanted to see Damian one last time... I mean, I was with him for three years. I know what he wants from just a single look... I just can't let it go like this..."
"He's having dinner with his precious Eleanor... won't even pick up my calls..."
"Three years... After three years, you'd think even a stray dog would've learned to love me..."
"But he still doesn't love me..."
5: The Final Call
"...He still doesn't love me."
"Damian, that bastard, he won't even give me one last phone call... Well, if today is Eleanor's birthday, then I'll make it my death day. I'll make sure Damian never, ever forgets!"
She rambled on, her logic a tangled mess, but her intention was terrifyingly clear. She wanted to die tonight, and she wanted one last look, one last word, from Damian.
He hadn't given her that chance.
"No," I pleaded, my voice shaking as I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door. "Cassie, you can't. I'm not ready for you to go. Not this suddenly."
"Cassie, where are you? Please, just wait for me. Let me be there with you, okay?"
6: Last Requests
"Julianna..." She ignored my pleas, lost in her own world of pain.
"Jumping... it's not a pretty way to go. You'll have to hire the best mortician to make me look beautiful again."
"And don't bury me. I'm afraid of the dark. Burn me. Scatter my ashes in the Hudson River. I don't want Damian to ever find me."
7: A Desperate Search
Every word she spoke was a needle in my heart. I had felt every bit of her pain, witnessed every moment of her suffering over these long years.
A chill ran through me, but I forced my voice to stay calm. "Whatever you want, Cassie. I'll do it. But you have to tell me where you are. I want to be with you."
"No... I don't want you to see... It'll scare you..."
The line went quiet, leaving only the piercing shriek of the wind.
I ran through the streets like a madwoman, screaming her name until my voice was raw and my legs gave out, sending me crashing to the pavement.
8: A Bloody Farewell
"I'll be waiting for you at home, Julianna."
That was the last thing Cassandra ever said to me.
THUD.
There, at the foot of the Grand Majestic Tower, I saw her.
She fell from the eighteenth floor, a broken butterfly plummeting to the earth. Blood bloomed on the pavement, staining it crimson.
Cassandra died right in front of my eyes.
I collapsed beside her, my hand trembling as I reached out to touch her face. Sobs wracked my body. "You always cared so much about being beautiful... Why would you choose to die like this...?"
I knew she wasn't truly dead. We would see each other again, back in our own world.
But seeing her like this, so broken and final, shattered me completely.
9: The Agony of the Flames
I had overestimated my own strength, and underestimated how much she meant to me. For three years, we had been each other's lifelines, the only thing that got us through the nights of cruelty and despair.
At the crematorium, my own hands pushed her body into the incinerator.
I watched as the flames consumed the face that once held the brightest smile I had ever known.
When the attendant handed me the small, heavy box, the tears I had been holding back finally broke free.
"Cassie," I whispered, clutching the urn to my chest. "How did you become so small...?"
10: The River Burial
I did as she asked. I took her ashes to the edge of the Hudson River.
The current was strong, and it swept her away in an instant, leaving no trace. Just like that, she was gone.
"Wait for me," I whispered to the churning water. "I'll be there soon."
Just then, her phone, which I'd kept in my bag, buzzed.
I pulled it out. It was a text from Damian.
[The Peninsula Grand. 8 PM. Be there.]
A cold, bitter laugh escaped my lips.
He was always like this. He never once cared about her feelings.
11: The Message That Came Too Late
He was always like this. She was nothing more than a tool for his physical release, to be summoned and dismissed at his whim.
When he didn't need her, he would vanish. When he did, she was expected to drop everything and run to his side.
But why?
Just because she loved him, did that mean she deserved to be trampled on?
I didn't reply. I just turned the phone off.
He had missed his last chance to see her. Let him live with that regret forever.
12: The Light Fades
I sat by the river until dawn before finally heading home. The early morning sun touched my skin, but I felt no warmth. I was just so tired, physically and emotionally drained.
The System demanded I maintain my character's persona: the girl hopelessly in love. So, in the past, no matter how ugly our fights had been, I would always be up at six a.m. the next morning to make breakfast for Julian.
The System always promised me that the bitterness would eventually turn sweet. That once I succeeded, a man like Julian would cherish me, would put me on a pedestal.
But in three years, I had tasted nothing but bitterness. The sweetness never came.
Cassandra's final wishes were fulfilled. It was my turn to leave.
I picked up the knife from the kitchen counter and held it to my wrist.
But I hesitated.
I made a few false starts, then put the knife down with a sigh.
Julian hated me so much. If I died in his house, he would probably be disgusted. He always said I wasn't worthy of his family name. He said my parents, his brother and sister-in-law, should never have adopted me, that they had raised a monster who would fall for her own uncle. He said I deserved to be abandoned, a worthless stray that nobody wanted.
But being abandoned wasn't my fault. If I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have wanted his name either.
But no one ever gave me a choice. Not even the System. It had forced this life on me.
I collapsed onto my bed and, against all odds, fell asleep.
In the heavy haze of my slumber, the System's cold, mechanical voice echoed in my mind.
"Julianna, your point accumulation is complete. The exit portal is now open. Please be prepared for departure by tomorrow evening."
Good, I thought. I'm going home.
Then my eyes snapped open.
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