No Old Feelings Under the Scalpel
At the parent-teacher conference, the teacher asked kids to grade their parents and explain.
My sons note reached me, with two lines in childish handwriting:
Dad, 100 points. Aunty, 100 points.
Mom, 2 points. I hate you. You rooined my family.
Still too young to spell ruined right, he already knew how to blame his mother.
After the meeting, I was the only parent kept behind. When I finally left at sunset, my son was gone.
As I searched, a familiar voice cut through the dusk.
You should never have fought for Dylan, Avery. You cant make him happy.
I looked up. My ex-husband, Grant, held our son, his face tense.
Unless you beg me to take you back
Before he finished, Sienna stepped in softly, smiling. Avery, you still havent paid Dylans tuition, have you? Id gladly take care of him.
I stayed silent, looking at the son Id raised for nine years. He hid behind Sienna, staring at me as if Id ruin his family again.
Years of weariness finally crested. The last of my stubbornness dissolved.
I nodded, my voice eerily calm.
Fine.
1
You can have custody. Well sign the papers in the next couple of days. The sooner, the better.
The autumn wind in the north was biting. A stray leaf spun and landed at a stunned Grants feet.
I pulled my coat tighter, my gaze lowered.
Let Sienna be his mother from now on. Its what Dylan wants.
Dylan jumped up, a whoop of joy on his lips, but a single dark look from his father silenced him. Thats strange, he must have thought. Dad and Aunty Sienna get along so well. Why isnt he happy?
Why? Grant took a step forward, a furious, unreadable emotion simmering in his voice. You would rather give up our son than ask me for help, just once?
I didnt answer. I walked toward the Maybach parked at the curb.
Lets go. Ill pack up his things.
I reached for the passenger door out of habit, then stopped myself. I took a step back and got into the back seat.
Grants eyes went cold.
Sienna slid into the passenger seat with an apologetic smile. So sorry, Avery, dear. I hope you dont mind sitting in the back. Its just, Im so particular, and Grant has the seat adjusted just right for me.
She shot a meaningful glance at Grant. Honestly, Avery, if you wanted to come back to the family, you didnt have to use your son as an excuse. Why go through all this trouble?
You gave him back this time, she purred. Next time will you be giving yourself back?
The familiar digs, the veiled insults. I turned to look out the window. It was getting dark.
The car pulled into a run-down neighborhood. I got out, went up the stairs, and unlocked my door.
Before I could even step inside, Sienna gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Avery, darling you live here?
Grants eyes scanned the tiny apartment, his expression a mixture of emotions that quickly hardened into disapproval. I send our son to a private academy, and you have him living in a place like this?
In just six short years, I had gone from being the youngest head surgeon at the citys top hospital, to a home-care aide for the elderly, to a woman so disgraced that no private clinic would even look at my resume.
The meager salary I earned from my part-time job at a convenience store was just enough to cover the rent on this two-hundred-dollar-a-month room.
But that was all about to end.
Dylan had a lot of things, but there were very few he actually liked. I sorted through his belongings, packing only a small box. I told him to eat well, to go to bed on time, to listen to his father.
I held the box out to Grant. He didnt take it. Sienna did, and was about to say something when
SLAM.
Grant shut the door, leaving her and Dylan in the hallway.
He stared at me for a long time. Then, a slow, knowing smile spread across his face.
Is this really necessary, Avery? he asked, his voice low and amused.
He stepped closer, twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. I get it. You cant live without your son, but youre too proud to beg. So you came up with this little scheme, this feigned surrender, to give me an opening
He produced a document from somewhere. Here. Ive had the marriage certificate ready for a while now. All you have to do is swallow that pride of yours, sign on the dotted line, and we can go back to how things were.
2
The way things were. In Grants memory, it was always perfect.
That year, I had just returned from a fellowship abroad and started at the citys main hospital. On my first day, a patients family member took a doctor hostage with a knife, claiming malpractice.
The room went silent. The patients case was complex, the surgery incredibly high-risk. No one dared to step forward.
I did. Ill do it, I said.
Afterward, Grant asked to see me. He was the young heir to a medical tech empire, newly in charge, and this was his first major crisis.
He looked me over with a smile. Dr. Caldwell, youre very brave.
Its not about bravery, I replied calmly. As long as there is a sliver of hope, I will never give up on a life. I paused. And I was confident I could do it.
A light sparked in Grants eyes. He stared at me for a long moment, then smiled. The next day, when 9,999 roses were delivered to my office, I understood what that smile had meant.
His pursuit was relentless. When he realized I wasnt impressed by grand romantic gestures, he changed his strategy. He brought a state-of-the-art medical research project to our hospital, complete with a three-million-dollar suite of equipment for my exclusive use. After my late-night surgeries, he would always be there with a warm bowl of soup. He patiently listened to my mothers stories, fixed her broken appliances, and found specialists to treat her old ailments.
He was direct about his intentions. He told me he would marry no one else. But he did it in a way that showed my mother his sincerity.
Finally, she sighed. Youre not getting any younger, Avery. Its time to settle down.
Grant is a good man. Hes practical, and he knows how to care for someone. I think hes the one who can give you a home.
So I said yes.
Our marriage was a transaction. He needed a wife with a spotless reputation to help him clean up his playboy image. I needed a boost for my career, and a little bit of warmth.
On our first anniversary, Grant had a little too much to drink. He pinned me to the bed, a hint of annoyance in his eyes.
All that stuff about my past you knew, didnt you?
I did, I said. For a moment, I found him endearing.
He buried his face in my neck and bit me, hard. Then why werent you angry? Why werent you jealous?
I dont remember exactly what I said, something about how his future was all that mattered to me.
What I do remember is the look on his face when I showed him the positive pregnancy test. He was so happy he looked ridiculous. This proud, arrogant man just held me and kept repeating, Thank you thank you
No one knows better than a doctor the irreversible damage childbirth does to a womans body.
But I wanted to have a child with him.
And Grant was truly grateful.
So grateful that the very next day, he slept with his new assistant.
When I caught them, he was still half-asleep, a frown on his face. Youre pregnant. How am I supposed to take care of my needs?
3
For the three years after our divorce, every time I saw Dylan, Grant would ask if I wanted to get back together.
My answer was always the same.
Eventually, he lost his patience. He used his connections to blacklist me from every medical facility in the city, trying to force my hand.
This time, I nodded.
Grant froze, a look of disbelief on his face. You you agree?
He cleared his throat, regaining his composure. So you were just playing hard to get. Fine. Ill pick you up tomorrow. Well go to the city hall.
I shook my head and stated my condition.
The day Dylan calls me Mom again is the day I marry you.
Grant wasnt angry. He chuckled. Still hung up on that? Fine. Let him live with me. I guarantee hell be calling you Mom within three days.
His lawyer sent over the custody transfer agreement. The moment my digital signature was on the document, Grant smiled, grabbed my chin, and kissed me, hard.
Youre most agreeable when youre obedient, Avery.
City hall. Three days. Dont be late.
I watched his car speed away, then wiped my lips until they were pale.
He didnt know that I had only ever lied twice in my life.
Once, today.
And once, when I forgave him for cheating.
That year, when I went to the hospital for an abortion, Grant stopped me. He was frantic, as if he never imagined I would be so resolute.
Avery, I was drunk. It was a mistake. Please, just forgive me this once. I swear, it will never happen again!
I had heard the rumors before we were married. Grant was a notorious womanizer. But after our wedding, he had been a model husband.
He knelt in front of everyone and begged me, tears in his eyes. In that moment, my resolve wavered.
Fine, I heard myself lie. I forgive you.
The assistant was fired. We never heard from her again. When Dylan was born, Grant acted like he had been given the greatest treasure in the world. He bought out every firework vendor in the city and set them off for two weeks straight.
With our son as a bond, we had a few years of peaceful, happy life.
Until it was time for Dylan to start preschool. Grant said my work schedule was too demanding and that we should hire a private tutor.
The tutor he brought home was Sienna.
The moment she spoke, I knew. She was the assistant he had fired.
The rage was so overwhelming I thought I would be sick.
I slapped Grant across the face and screamed at him to get out. After I had smashed half the furniture in our house, I grabbed a crying Dylan and tried to leave.
Grant watched, his face a cold mask. He ordered the staff to restrain me. Then, inch by inch, he pried my fingers from our sons arm and placed him in Siennas embrace.
He looked at me with a cruel smile. When will you understand, Avery? People in our class dont have just one person.
I always thought you were smart enough to figure that out. I guess I was wrong. Youve been a real disappointment.
From that day on, I was forbidden to see Dylan. Grant wanted me to apologize, to be like the other society wives and accept my husbands infidelities.
I refused.
At the height of our war, I leaked their explicit photos and stabbed him in the arm with a scalpel. Grant, who had never known a day of real pain, looked so panicked at the sight of his own blood. I felt a grim satisfaction.
I think I hated him then. Hated him for not being able to love only me.
4
After packing, I terminated my lease, quit my job, and collected my final paycheck. By the time I was done, it was the third day.
I bought a ticket for an international flight leaving that night.
When I opened my door to leave, Sienna was standing there. Her outfit was simple, but on closer inspection, even her belt was a limited edition piece from the latest collection. She had done well for herself.
Id give up on the idea of remarrying him if I were you, Avery.
Siennas lips curved into a sneer. You really think using your son as a bargaining chip will get you back into the family? Dylan only thinks of me as his mother now. And as for Grant
He might feel a little guilty, but men get bored so easily. Do you really think hes still interested in a washed-up ex-wife?
She leaned in, her voice a low hiss. Dont forget, you have nothing now. And I have a thousand ways to make sure you stay out of this family for good.
A dull ache spread through my chest. I remembered the day I left the Thorne family home for good. To break my spirit, Grant had me transferred from surgery to the geriatric ward, where I cared for dementia patients. As I was cleaning a bedpan, Sienna cornered me.
She looked down at the filth on my hands, wrinkling her nose in disgust. So this is what youve been reduced to.
Tell me, if you couldnt perform surgery anymore would you be stuck here cleaning up after old people for the rest of your life?
She shoved me, and her stiletto heel came down hard on my right hand. The heel ground into my flesh. The pain was so intense I thought I heard the bones snap.
But that wasnt the worst of it.
My mother was in a car accident. Her life was hanging by a thread. I ran into the ER, begging them to operate, but no one would touch her.
Grant stood at the end of the hall, watching with cold indifference.
Just admit you were wrong, he said, his voice calm, yet cruel. And Ill get the best doctors for her.
I was too stubborn to give in.
I went into the operating room myself. But my mothers blood was too warm, my hands were shaking too violently. I was too slow
I couldnt save her.
In that moment, a part of me died with her.
The hate was gone. It was really gone.
For the next six months, I fought Grant for custody of our son. I gave up everything I had for a child who had already grown distant from me.
Every time Dylan cried and said he wanted to leave, I thought this tragedy was my fault, a result of my own stubbornness. It was only after countless sleepless nights that I understood. It was the cruelty in Grants love that had brought our marriage to this point. He loved me, so he kept coming back. But his love was selfish, laced with a need for control and a deep-seated contempt.
It was all over now.
I looked at Sienna, and for the first time, I felt nothing but a quiet pity. I offered her my sincere blessing.
I hope your novelty lasts a little longer for him this time.
Her face darkened, and she started spewing insults. I didnt say another word. I called a cab and went straight to the airport.
On the way, a familiar voice called, as gentle as ever.
What time does your flight land? Ill pick you up.
Youre not going to change your mind again, are you?
No, I said, my voice firm. Not this time.
I had nothing left. There was nothing left to keep me here.
On the other side of the city, Grant didnt sleep a wink. When his alarm went off at 7:30, he shot out of bed and drove to my apartment building. He started to go up, then thought better of it. He didnt want to seem too eager. He went back to his car and tapped his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel.
The city hall opens in an hour, he thought. Almost there.
My sons note reached me, with two lines in childish handwriting:
Dad, 100 points. Aunty, 100 points.
Mom, 2 points. I hate you. You rooined my family.
Still too young to spell ruined right, he already knew how to blame his mother.
After the meeting, I was the only parent kept behind. When I finally left at sunset, my son was gone.
As I searched, a familiar voice cut through the dusk.
You should never have fought for Dylan, Avery. You cant make him happy.
I looked up. My ex-husband, Grant, held our son, his face tense.
Unless you beg me to take you back
Before he finished, Sienna stepped in softly, smiling. Avery, you still havent paid Dylans tuition, have you? Id gladly take care of him.
I stayed silent, looking at the son Id raised for nine years. He hid behind Sienna, staring at me as if Id ruin his family again.
Years of weariness finally crested. The last of my stubbornness dissolved.
I nodded, my voice eerily calm.
Fine.
1
You can have custody. Well sign the papers in the next couple of days. The sooner, the better.
The autumn wind in the north was biting. A stray leaf spun and landed at a stunned Grants feet.
I pulled my coat tighter, my gaze lowered.
Let Sienna be his mother from now on. Its what Dylan wants.
Dylan jumped up, a whoop of joy on his lips, but a single dark look from his father silenced him. Thats strange, he must have thought. Dad and Aunty Sienna get along so well. Why isnt he happy?
Why? Grant took a step forward, a furious, unreadable emotion simmering in his voice. You would rather give up our son than ask me for help, just once?
I didnt answer. I walked toward the Maybach parked at the curb.
Lets go. Ill pack up his things.
I reached for the passenger door out of habit, then stopped myself. I took a step back and got into the back seat.
Grants eyes went cold.
Sienna slid into the passenger seat with an apologetic smile. So sorry, Avery, dear. I hope you dont mind sitting in the back. Its just, Im so particular, and Grant has the seat adjusted just right for me.
She shot a meaningful glance at Grant. Honestly, Avery, if you wanted to come back to the family, you didnt have to use your son as an excuse. Why go through all this trouble?
You gave him back this time, she purred. Next time will you be giving yourself back?
The familiar digs, the veiled insults. I turned to look out the window. It was getting dark.
The car pulled into a run-down neighborhood. I got out, went up the stairs, and unlocked my door.
Before I could even step inside, Sienna gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Avery, darling you live here?
Grants eyes scanned the tiny apartment, his expression a mixture of emotions that quickly hardened into disapproval. I send our son to a private academy, and you have him living in a place like this?
In just six short years, I had gone from being the youngest head surgeon at the citys top hospital, to a home-care aide for the elderly, to a woman so disgraced that no private clinic would even look at my resume.
The meager salary I earned from my part-time job at a convenience store was just enough to cover the rent on this two-hundred-dollar-a-month room.
But that was all about to end.
Dylan had a lot of things, but there were very few he actually liked. I sorted through his belongings, packing only a small box. I told him to eat well, to go to bed on time, to listen to his father.
I held the box out to Grant. He didnt take it. Sienna did, and was about to say something when
SLAM.
Grant shut the door, leaving her and Dylan in the hallway.
He stared at me for a long time. Then, a slow, knowing smile spread across his face.
Is this really necessary, Avery? he asked, his voice low and amused.
He stepped closer, twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. I get it. You cant live without your son, but youre too proud to beg. So you came up with this little scheme, this feigned surrender, to give me an opening
He produced a document from somewhere. Here. Ive had the marriage certificate ready for a while now. All you have to do is swallow that pride of yours, sign on the dotted line, and we can go back to how things were.
2
The way things were. In Grants memory, it was always perfect.
That year, I had just returned from a fellowship abroad and started at the citys main hospital. On my first day, a patients family member took a doctor hostage with a knife, claiming malpractice.
The room went silent. The patients case was complex, the surgery incredibly high-risk. No one dared to step forward.
I did. Ill do it, I said.
Afterward, Grant asked to see me. He was the young heir to a medical tech empire, newly in charge, and this was his first major crisis.
He looked me over with a smile. Dr. Caldwell, youre very brave.
Its not about bravery, I replied calmly. As long as there is a sliver of hope, I will never give up on a life. I paused. And I was confident I could do it.
A light sparked in Grants eyes. He stared at me for a long moment, then smiled. The next day, when 9,999 roses were delivered to my office, I understood what that smile had meant.
His pursuit was relentless. When he realized I wasnt impressed by grand romantic gestures, he changed his strategy. He brought a state-of-the-art medical research project to our hospital, complete with a three-million-dollar suite of equipment for my exclusive use. After my late-night surgeries, he would always be there with a warm bowl of soup. He patiently listened to my mothers stories, fixed her broken appliances, and found specialists to treat her old ailments.
He was direct about his intentions. He told me he would marry no one else. But he did it in a way that showed my mother his sincerity.
Finally, she sighed. Youre not getting any younger, Avery. Its time to settle down.
Grant is a good man. Hes practical, and he knows how to care for someone. I think hes the one who can give you a home.
So I said yes.
Our marriage was a transaction. He needed a wife with a spotless reputation to help him clean up his playboy image. I needed a boost for my career, and a little bit of warmth.
On our first anniversary, Grant had a little too much to drink. He pinned me to the bed, a hint of annoyance in his eyes.
All that stuff about my past you knew, didnt you?
I did, I said. For a moment, I found him endearing.
He buried his face in my neck and bit me, hard. Then why werent you angry? Why werent you jealous?
I dont remember exactly what I said, something about how his future was all that mattered to me.
What I do remember is the look on his face when I showed him the positive pregnancy test. He was so happy he looked ridiculous. This proud, arrogant man just held me and kept repeating, Thank you thank you
No one knows better than a doctor the irreversible damage childbirth does to a womans body.
But I wanted to have a child with him.
And Grant was truly grateful.
So grateful that the very next day, he slept with his new assistant.
When I caught them, he was still half-asleep, a frown on his face. Youre pregnant. How am I supposed to take care of my needs?
3
For the three years after our divorce, every time I saw Dylan, Grant would ask if I wanted to get back together.
My answer was always the same.
Eventually, he lost his patience. He used his connections to blacklist me from every medical facility in the city, trying to force my hand.
This time, I nodded.
Grant froze, a look of disbelief on his face. You you agree?
He cleared his throat, regaining his composure. So you were just playing hard to get. Fine. Ill pick you up tomorrow. Well go to the city hall.
I shook my head and stated my condition.
The day Dylan calls me Mom again is the day I marry you.
Grant wasnt angry. He chuckled. Still hung up on that? Fine. Let him live with me. I guarantee hell be calling you Mom within three days.
His lawyer sent over the custody transfer agreement. The moment my digital signature was on the document, Grant smiled, grabbed my chin, and kissed me, hard.
Youre most agreeable when youre obedient, Avery.
City hall. Three days. Dont be late.
I watched his car speed away, then wiped my lips until they were pale.
He didnt know that I had only ever lied twice in my life.
Once, today.
And once, when I forgave him for cheating.
That year, when I went to the hospital for an abortion, Grant stopped me. He was frantic, as if he never imagined I would be so resolute.
Avery, I was drunk. It was a mistake. Please, just forgive me this once. I swear, it will never happen again!
I had heard the rumors before we were married. Grant was a notorious womanizer. But after our wedding, he had been a model husband.
He knelt in front of everyone and begged me, tears in his eyes. In that moment, my resolve wavered.
Fine, I heard myself lie. I forgive you.
The assistant was fired. We never heard from her again. When Dylan was born, Grant acted like he had been given the greatest treasure in the world. He bought out every firework vendor in the city and set them off for two weeks straight.
With our son as a bond, we had a few years of peaceful, happy life.
Until it was time for Dylan to start preschool. Grant said my work schedule was too demanding and that we should hire a private tutor.
The tutor he brought home was Sienna.
The moment she spoke, I knew. She was the assistant he had fired.
The rage was so overwhelming I thought I would be sick.
I slapped Grant across the face and screamed at him to get out. After I had smashed half the furniture in our house, I grabbed a crying Dylan and tried to leave.
Grant watched, his face a cold mask. He ordered the staff to restrain me. Then, inch by inch, he pried my fingers from our sons arm and placed him in Siennas embrace.
He looked at me with a cruel smile. When will you understand, Avery? People in our class dont have just one person.
I always thought you were smart enough to figure that out. I guess I was wrong. Youve been a real disappointment.
From that day on, I was forbidden to see Dylan. Grant wanted me to apologize, to be like the other society wives and accept my husbands infidelities.
I refused.
At the height of our war, I leaked their explicit photos and stabbed him in the arm with a scalpel. Grant, who had never known a day of real pain, looked so panicked at the sight of his own blood. I felt a grim satisfaction.
I think I hated him then. Hated him for not being able to love only me.
4
After packing, I terminated my lease, quit my job, and collected my final paycheck. By the time I was done, it was the third day.
I bought a ticket for an international flight leaving that night.
When I opened my door to leave, Sienna was standing there. Her outfit was simple, but on closer inspection, even her belt was a limited edition piece from the latest collection. She had done well for herself.
Id give up on the idea of remarrying him if I were you, Avery.
Siennas lips curved into a sneer. You really think using your son as a bargaining chip will get you back into the family? Dylan only thinks of me as his mother now. And as for Grant
He might feel a little guilty, but men get bored so easily. Do you really think hes still interested in a washed-up ex-wife?
She leaned in, her voice a low hiss. Dont forget, you have nothing now. And I have a thousand ways to make sure you stay out of this family for good.
A dull ache spread through my chest. I remembered the day I left the Thorne family home for good. To break my spirit, Grant had me transferred from surgery to the geriatric ward, where I cared for dementia patients. As I was cleaning a bedpan, Sienna cornered me.
She looked down at the filth on my hands, wrinkling her nose in disgust. So this is what youve been reduced to.
Tell me, if you couldnt perform surgery anymore would you be stuck here cleaning up after old people for the rest of your life?
She shoved me, and her stiletto heel came down hard on my right hand. The heel ground into my flesh. The pain was so intense I thought I heard the bones snap.
But that wasnt the worst of it.
My mother was in a car accident. Her life was hanging by a thread. I ran into the ER, begging them to operate, but no one would touch her.
Grant stood at the end of the hall, watching with cold indifference.
Just admit you were wrong, he said, his voice calm, yet cruel. And Ill get the best doctors for her.
I was too stubborn to give in.
I went into the operating room myself. But my mothers blood was too warm, my hands were shaking too violently. I was too slow
I couldnt save her.
In that moment, a part of me died with her.
The hate was gone. It was really gone.
For the next six months, I fought Grant for custody of our son. I gave up everything I had for a child who had already grown distant from me.
Every time Dylan cried and said he wanted to leave, I thought this tragedy was my fault, a result of my own stubbornness. It was only after countless sleepless nights that I understood. It was the cruelty in Grants love that had brought our marriage to this point. He loved me, so he kept coming back. But his love was selfish, laced with a need for control and a deep-seated contempt.
It was all over now.
I looked at Sienna, and for the first time, I felt nothing but a quiet pity. I offered her my sincere blessing.
I hope your novelty lasts a little longer for him this time.
Her face darkened, and she started spewing insults. I didnt say another word. I called a cab and went straight to the airport.
On the way, a familiar voice called, as gentle as ever.
What time does your flight land? Ill pick you up.
Youre not going to change your mind again, are you?
No, I said, my voice firm. Not this time.
I had nothing left. There was nothing left to keep me here.
On the other side of the city, Grant didnt sleep a wink. When his alarm went off at 7:30, he shot out of bed and drove to my apartment building. He started to go up, then thought better of it. He didnt want to seem too eager. He went back to his car and tapped his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel.
The city hall opens in an hour, he thought. Almost there.
First, search for and download the MotoNovel app from Google. Then, open the app and use the code "320148" to read the entire book.
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