The Forgotten Warmth

When the fire broke out, Mom scooped up my sister, and Dad threw my brother onto his back.
They left me behind in the flames.
The fire scarred my face.
And just like that, the spoiled, attention-seeking girl I used to be vanished, replaced by someone quiet. Understanding.
It didnt matter. I was dying anyway.
This little scrap of love they had left anyone else could have it.
But now, they regret it. They clutch my skeletal hand and plead, "Just throw one more tantrum for us, Lily. Please? Just one more time?"
1
Moms arms were wrapped around my sister, Leah. Dads back was a shield for my brother, Leo.
They burst from the inferno and clung to each other, a sobbing, grateful knot of survivors.
Is there anyone else inside? a firefighter yelled, rushing toward them.
Mom spun around, her eyes wild as she did a frantic headcount.
She pointed to my brother and sister. Leo, Leah the kids are here! Theyre both safe, theyre both here!
Are you sure no one is left? the firefighter pressed.
But Moms world had shrunk to the two of them. She didnt answer him, just muttered to herself, Theyre safe, thank God, theyre safe, pulling them into an even tighter embrace.
And that was the moment I stumbled out of the fire, my hand clamped over my mouth, coughing up smoke.
Her words landed like a punchline to a cruel joke, and I was the punchline.
My body was stained with soot, my clothes were shredded and charred. They had gotten out early, their clothes were clean, their skin untouched.
The strength that had carried me through the flames evaporated, and her words brought me crashing to the ground.
I collapsed.
A searing, blinding pain erupted across my entire back.
My name is Lily.
Lily Harris.
Always the leftover.
2
Leo, stop tickling me!
Once clear of the danger, my siblings started roughhousing. Their laughter seemed to smooth some of the terror from our parents faces.
But then Leah tripped, and her hand landed squarely on the raw, weeping wound on my back.
Ah!
A scream ripped from my throat. I could feel the freshly dressed wound tear open, blood seeping through the bandages, the agony radiating through my entire body.
Leah scrambled to her feet, hiding behind Leo, her dark eyes wide with fear.
Lily!
Instantly, Moms gaze shot to me, sharp with reproach. Stop throwing a fit! Why did you scream at your sister?
Her eyes met mine for a second, then recoiled, a flicker of disgust clouding her features. More than usual.
It was the scars on my face, I knew it.
She thought I was acting out because her attention was, as always, fixed on Leo and Leah. She hadn't even noticed the bandages the paramedics had wrapped around my back.
She never saw me.
I couldnt take it anymore. I scrambled away, burying my face in my hands, and let the sobs come. My weeping was the only sound in the vast, dark night.
The rest of them fell silent.
When my tears finally subsided, Mom approached, holding Leahs hand. She sighed, reaching for my own.
I flinched away.
Her hand froze in mid-air.
Lily, please try to understand, she said, her voice weary. Its not that we dont love you. But Leo is at a critical point in his career, and Leah is so young
I stared at her through my blurry vision, choking back another sob.
Cant you just be a little more mature about this?
Seeing her earnest, pleading face, a bitter laugh escaped my lips.
It was laughable. Truly.
The love I was ever given came in fractions, in leftovers.
My laugh seemed to reassure her. Thinking I wasn't angry anymore, she grabbed my hand and forced it together with Leahs.
There, thats better, she cooed, orchestrating this hollow charade of a happy family. Now, be a good girl and tell your sister youre sorry. Then we can put this all behind us. Were a family, after all!
She was speaking to me, but her gentle, coaxing gaze was fixed on Leah, who was still sniffling pitifully.
Her words were the final straw. I snatched my hand back.
Disappointment hardened my mothers face. Her words cut like daggers. I have three children, and youre the only one who turned out so spoiled!
Then she swept Leah into her arms and walked away, leaving me alone with her judgment.
Spoiled. Immature.
Thats what she called it. Before, I used to cling to them, beg for things, act out for a scrap of attention. I had to. I wasn't their favorite. If I didn't fight for my share, I would have nothing at all.
But now I was dying.
I was sick.
I was done fighting for scraps.
3
Our house was gone, so we had to find a new place to live. Thankfully, our home had been isolated, so the fire hadn't spread to any neighbors.
Finding a place is a nightmare, Dad said one evening. Its hard enough with two kids. Well have to send one of them to stay somewhere else for a while.
As soon as the words left his mouth, every head in the room turned to me.
I gave a weak, wry smile.
The old Lily would have thrown herself into their arms, sobbing and begging until they relented with an exasperated, Oh, what are we going to do with you? Weve spoiled you rotten, thats why youre always so dramatic.
But Leo and Leah never had to be dramatic to get what they wanted.
This time, I didnt make a scene.
I just nodded, took a small step back, and said in a hoarse voice, Ill go.
They all looked at me, surprised, but no one argued.
So I was sent to live with my uncle.
I spent my days walking on eggshells, trying to read the moods of my aunt and uncle. At first, they offered tight-lipped smiles. Soon, even those vanished, replaced by cold indifference.
It didn't matter if I woke up early to do all the chores or collected plastic bottles to exchange for a few coins to give them. Theyd just purse their lips, a look of vague disgust on their faces.
Then, one afternoon, as I was scrubbing the bathroom, I overheard them talking.
When is she leaving? my aunt complained.
Just a few more days, my uncle sighed.
Ugh. Havent you noticed that smell on her? I feel like I have to shower twice every time she speaks to me. And besides, another mouth to feed its a lot of pressure.
I looked down at myself and sniffed my clothes.
They didnt like me using the shower. So I hadnt.
That night at dinner, I forced a smile. Uncle, I dont think my room is very comfortable. Maybe I could move into the basement? And you dont have to worry about me for meals. I can figure something out for myself.
I carefully controlled my voice, keeping it light and casual, as if I were just sharing a funny story. I couldnt risk upsetting them.
They nodded, the icy tension in their faces thawing slightly.
Here, Lily, my aunt said, in a rare show of generosity, placing a piece of egg on my rice. Dont just eat plain rice.
4
The basement was freezing.
The door was warped and didnt shut properly, letting in a draft that felt like a thousand tiny needles piercing the wounds on my back, making them itch and ache.
I huddled under a thin, ragged blanket, tears and snot streaming down my face.
My mouth was so dry. I hadn't had any water all day. The thirst was a physical pain. Finally, I crept out of my hole.
By the door, a puddle of grimy water had leaked from a drainpipe.
A stray cat was lapping at it.
I hesitated for a moment, then knelt down beside it.
In the face of thirst, dignity was a luxury I couldn't afford. The water was cold and, to me, it tasted sweet.
When I had drunk my fill, I wiped my mouth and stood up, only to find my brother Leo standing there, his face a cold mask. I had no idea how long hed been watching me.
Why was he here?
Watching me like this.
My body swayed, and my first instinct was to run and hide.
Lets go, he said suddenly, stepping forward. Its New Years Eve. Youre coming home for dinner.
I wasnt expecting that. I stumbled backward, terrified that the smell of me, of the basement, would offend him.
But he just frowned, his brow furrowed in irritation, and grabbed my arm.
Lets go!
He dragged me to his car.
The entire drive, I was a bundle of nerves. When we arrived, I saw their new home. I stayed by the car, just looking.
It was a neat, two-story house with a small yard. Clean and tidy.
They werent struggling for money.
So why couldnt they have taken me with them?
I stared at my worn-out shoes, hesitating to go inside. Through the window, I could hear them laughing. I could hear Mom and Dad calling Leah their sweet girl, their voices full of joy.
I was an intruder here.
Just then, Leahs voice piped up. Wheres Lily?
The laughter died instantly. A sudden, heavy silence fell over the room.
Leo, standing beside me, said nothing, his expression unreadable.
Then I heard Moms voice, cold and sharp. She burned our house down. What right does she have to come back? Its enough that were letting her come for dinner. When she gets here, were going to give her a piece of our mind.
I looked at Leo, my heart pounding in disbelief.
You were there, I whispered, my voice trembling. You know it wasnt me. It was Leah
Before I could finish, Leo whipped his head around, hissing, Shut up!
His voice made me shrink back into the shadows.
I dont know when it started, this hyper-sensitivity to sound, to the anger in peoples voices. Disgust, annoyance, rageit all made me tremble.
Im sorry I mumbled.
His face grew even colder. Leah is fragile enough as it is. Its New Years. Dont start trouble. Does it really matter whos to blame?
He said it as if I wasnt his sister, too.
I felt the sharp angles of my own bones through my thin clothes and nodded.
I wont tell anyone, I promised.
His expression softened slightly. Go on in. Mom and Dad told me to get you.
I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the ground.
Can you give me some money? I need to buy medicine.
The coldness returned to his eyes, his dark gaze filled with disgust.
Do you have any conscience at all? You finally come home, and the first thing you do is ask for money?
Even as he said it, he pulled a few crisp bills from his pocket and threw them at my face.
I didnt react. I just knelt to pick up the money from the dirty pavement.
Leo clenched his fists, his anger seeming to grow.
Pathetic, he sneered. Im humiliating you like this, and you wont even fight back?
He was right. The old me would have screamed, would have hit him.
I ignored him.
Suddenly, a searing cramp tore through my abdomen. Id gotten my period, and the icy, dirty water Id just drunk
Could you could you get me a cup of hot water? Please I clutched my stomach, tears welling in my eyes.
Seeing me suddenly so weak, a smirk touched his lips, a flicker of satisfaction in his eyes.
He didnt say a word. He just strode back inside and slammed the door shut.
She wont come! I heard him shout through the closed door. Said shed rather die than be here!
The pain in my stomach was a twisting knife. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead as a wave of nausea washed over me.
My legs gave out. I collapsed to my knees, and the world went black.
In the fuzzy haze before I lost consciousness, I thought I saw their faces, panicked and horrified, staring out at me from the doorway.

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