He Only Listens To Her
So, this time, I didn't back down.
A week later, he initiated the ceasefire.
A bouquet of flowers, dinner out, and a murmured apology.
I thought this was proof of his change.
Instead, I accidentally saw the text message from her.
She said:
Go apologize to Sierra.
Just mind me.
1
Jax was on the phone when I stepped out of the bathroom.
Yeah, dont worry, I know, he said.
The call ended. The smile hadnt quite faded from his face yet, and his mood was clearly brighter, lighter than when he first arrived at my apartment.
The motion of toweling my hair froze. My stomach dropped.
Its impossible not to notice when youve known someone too well. Suspicion only needs a single sentence to bloom.
It was a perfectly innocuous sentence. But his tone was too docile.
It was like watching a vicious little street dog suddenly have its fur smoothed down by a loving hand.
It wasn't him.
I couldnt help but ask, Who was that?
What?
Who were you talking to?
The lightness in Jaxs expression immediately curdled. No one.
He tried to pivot. You must be starving! Go blow-dry your hair, and Ill get started on dinner. With that, he turned and walked into the kitchen.
His phone sat on the coffee table. A monumental temptation.
I gave in. I picked it up.
The first thing I checked was the call log. The most recent name: Dahlia.
I froze.
Dahlia? Why would it be Dahlia?
What are you doing?
Jaxs voice sliced through the silence.
I looked up. Our eyes met, and his face was stormy, his gaze arctic. He advanced toward me, step by step.
What are you trying to find out?
Sierra, Im asking you, what is it you want to check?
He held out his own phone, brandishing it like a weapon. Checking who I was talking to? Fine. It was Dahlia. And? Sierra, do I need to report every single conversation I have? Do I need to catalog every call I make, every text I send, and get your explicit permission?
He straightened up, throwing the phone onto the sofa. His voice was cold. Go ahead. Check! I dare you!
Jax was furious. There was a thin, sharp edge of disappointment laced through the anger. His violent reaction stunned me into silence.
My thoughts were a muddy mess until the silence stretched between us, and the tension slowly solidified.
Why did I check his phone?
Because of his rare, misplaced gentleness. Because of that unnatural softness.
It wasnt Jaxs nature. He was always a total jerk, swaggering like he owned the place, even when he spoke to me. He wouldnt use soft words. He wouldn't speak kindly.
My friends never understood it. How do you put up with him?
I used to just smile. Because I understand him.
I knew the exact inflection that meant he realized he was wrong. I recognized the subtle shift in his eyes that signaled he was ready to surrender. I didnt need him to actually say the words; I just knew.
So, when he adopted that soft, docile tone for someone elsehow could I not feel that cold prickle of doubt?
Meeting Jaxs frigid glare, I picked up his phone again.
I ignored his sharp, dismissive scoff and tapped on their recent conversation.
The most recent exchange was from early that morning.
You still havent made up with Sierra?
Nope.
What is your problem? I told you to apologize ages ago.
Stay out of it.
Jax, go apologize. Now.
You dont get it! Dahlia, shes not like you.
Of course shes not like me. Thats why you love her and not me, right?
Jax hadnt replied to that last text.
After three minutes of silence, Dahlia had sent two more.
Go apologize to Sierra.
Jax, mind me!
2
My friends always told me, Youre too good to Jax. You cant be like that with men. Theyll take advantage and stop cherishing you.
I didnt take them seriously at first. I always believed that when two people are together, you shouldn't keep score of who gives more or who gives less. As long as the relationship was stable, as long as the conflict was resolved, who cared who backed down first?
Until a month ago.
I went to a spa with my co-workers that day. Id texted Jax before I left. He hadn't replied.
A half-hour later, he burst into our private room. His face was pure frost. He gestured at the three masseuses.
Everyone out! Now!
Then he turned to me. Youre not leaving?
It was mortifying, embarrassing. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.
My co-workers were confused. Is that your fianc? Hes just going to disrespect you like that?
Yes, I was confused, too.
I never disrespect you in front of your friends. Why would you humiliate me like this?
He sneered. You think you deserve respect? Getting a male masseur, Sierra? Youre getting pretty adventurous, arent you!
I already explained to you. They were out of female masseuses.
And it just so happened that they ran out right before your appointment?
Yes, it just so happened they ran out right before my appointment!
And you expect me to believe that?
A friend later tried to mollify me. He just cares about you. Men, you knowits the possessiveness!
But I knew that wasnt it.
Over the last six months, Jaxs gaze had become increasingly critical. A simple phrase, a harmless actionany of it could set him off. He started flying into rages more and more frequently. And I was the one who had to repeatedly swallow my pride and make amends.
I was exhausted. I was done.
So this time, after our latest fight, I moved out of the new place and went back to my own apartment.
What had this latest fight been about?
A stakeout.
The wife of Jaxs oldest friend had called me. She was worriedher husband was spending every night at a specific bar, and she asked me to go with her to confront him. Her distress was real, and I was genuinely worried for her, so I went.
Her husband was there.
My fianc was there, too.
The man who had just told me a half-hour ago that he was stuck at work, burning the midnight oil on a project, was sitting in a booth, accepting a shot of liquor from a woman.
I didn't yell.
I didn't even get to yell. He blew up first.
He launched into a tirade. What the hell do you think youre doing? Sierra, cant you go a single day without some kind of drama? Its bad enough you wreck your own life, but now youre bringing other people into it? Do you know how much you look like a complete psycho when you get these insane ideas in your head?
Under the dim bar lights, I just stared at him for a long time. I didnt say a word. I turned and walked away.
Even in that moment, I was still carefultrying not to make a scene in public, trying not to humiliate him in front of his friends.
But I was through with his baseless rages.
Id been out of our new apartment for a week. Wed been in a cold war for a week. He hadnt sent a single text or made a single call.
Until today. He just showed up.
He was holding a bouquet of flowers, and he said, Stop being mad. It was my fault.
Hed bought a cart full of my favorite groceries and said he was cooking tonight.
Jax is a good cook. But outside of holidays and friends parties, he never cooks.
Watching his back as he stood at my counter, deveining shrimp, the frantic anxiety of the past week finally began to subside.
It was always this simple. If he just backed down once, everything else could be forgiven. Wed been together for almost ten years. What argument was really bigger than that?
But now, I had to confront the truth: youre not here because you wanted to be. Youre here because someone else told you to be.
Mind me?
When has Jax ever listened to anyone?
3
Remember that accident downtown last winter? The red truck that was blocking the entire pedestrian crossing? You physically pushed it with your car. The alarm blared, the crowd watched, and I was screaming. I was begging, Jax, can you just listen to me for once? What did you say to me?
What are you getting at?
You said, Not a chance.
Jaxs face was grim. He had always been this wayvolatile, explosive, igniting at the slightest spark.
That day, I was furious. I tried to stop him at every turn. Dont do this. Ill call for a tow truck. Let someone else move it.
He wouldnt listen. He just pushed forward, inch by inch.
Jax, stop it!
He floored the accelerator. More onlookers were gathering. People were calling the police.
I grabbed his arm, my eyes welling up. Will you just listen to me for once? Please?
His expression was blank. No way.
That is the kind of man he is.
And yet Dahlia sent a single text: Jax, mind me.
And he dropped everything and came to apologize.
4
I couldnt help but ask, If Dahlia hadnt told you to be obedient, would you have even shown up here tonight?
Jax inhaled sharply, clenching his fists. Sierra, stop looking for a problem where there isnt one!
So, Dahlia tells you to mind her, and you do, is that it?
Sierra, enough!
Is that it?!
Yes! So what?!
Jax swept a water glass off the table with a crash. He glared at me, his eyes burning as if he wanted to tear me apart.
Do you have to assume the worst? You think Im sleeping with Dahlia? You think Id cheat on you, and then shed order me to come apologize to you? If you cant think straight, then keep your mouth shut! Youre getting paranoid, Sierra. I dont think you even want this marriage anymore!
Then dont marry me!
What did you say?
I slowly stood up, my hands trembling from the rush of emotion. I said, lets not get married. Lets break up.
Jax lunged forward, forcing me to stumble backward. He ground the words out. Say that again.
I said
Shut up!
Jax was breathing hard, and he kicked the low footstool across the room.
I flinched, biting down hard to suppress the scream that was desperate to break free.
Sierra, Jax hissed, dont you dare regret this.
He stormed out, the front door slamming so hard the walls vibrated.
The apartment was a disaster. I sank onto the floor and finally let out the tight, choked sobs Id been holding in.
5
I was the one who pursued Jax.
In high school, he was the coolest guy in the whole grade. When I confessed to him, he snatched the ID tag off my uniform.
Sierra? Sorry, but I dont date slackers.
That single sentence from him.
For an entire year, I worked myself to the bone and managed to get into a school that had been completely out of my league.
I tracked him down again. Can you date me now?
He looked at me with a half-smile, casually spinning a pen between his fingers.
Date you? Fine. Lets date.
Dating Jax was exhausting. His terrible temper could resurrect the dead.
Initially, I thought he didnt like me that muchthat I was just the girl whod chased him, and he happened to be bored enough to say yes.
I let that slip during a fight once.
Jaxs eyes went red. There were hundreds of kids in that grade. Why the hell do you think I even knew you were a slacker? Are you an idiot, Sierra? You think Id date every random person who asked me out?
Jax buried his affection deep. You had to chip away at it, slowly, to find it.
I used to enjoy that process, the thrill of the discovery. But slowly, it wore me down. I was spent.
I decided, That's enough.
It was three days after I broke up with Jax. My friend Bella called and invited me out for her birthday dinner.
Is Jax going? If hes there, Im not coming. We broke up.
What? Are you guys fighting again?
No fighting. This time its for real.
Fine, fine! Hes busy tonight, so dont be dramatic. You have to come, or Ill be mad.
Bella had been completely certain Jax wouldn't be there. But when I arrived, not only was Jax in the private room, but Dahlia was, too.
Dahlia was sitting in the corner of the booth. Jax was leaning over, handing her a yogurt smoothie.
Dahlia looked up and gave him a soft, gentle smile.
Jax saw me, but he only glanced over before turning his attention back.
I wanted to leave immediately, but Bella grabbed my arm. Dont start anything. Im the birthday girl. Cant you at least respect me?
The room was full of our lifelong friends. I didnt want to be the one to ruin the atmosphere, so I stayed.
I sat near the door and became the karaoke star of the night.
I accepted every drink my friends offered. I saw their hesitant glances, but I didnt say anything extra.
Toward the end of the night, things got inexplicably rowdy, and someone started calling for a couples toastthe classic, ridiculous intertwined-arms drink.
The two other couples in the room did it, laughing.
That left Jax and me.
People were pushing him, others were pulling me, saying we had to do it.
Bella tried to mediate. Come on, Sierra, meet him halfway. The path is clear for you guys to make up. Just pick up your glass first, and hell come right over.
I paused. I suddenly understood. My friends clearly thought our breakup was just another dramatic fit.
They always said, Were so over you two. You fight like youre going to kill each other, and the next day, youre back to being inseparable.
Like the boy who cried wolf, the more I cried breakup, the less anyone believed me.
I looked across the room at Jax. He was staring down, his face expressionless. Someone grabbed his arm to pull him up, and he sharply pulled away.
He gave a soft tsk, full of irritation.
He turned his headthe side facing Dahlia. I watched Dahlia tilt her chin up. I could read her lips. She mouthed: Go.
Two seconds of absolute stillness, and then Jax picked up the glass on the table and stood up sharply.
He walked toward me, staring at me with a look of pure, unadulterated dread. It was as if this were the final drink before his execution.
I laughed.
Suddenly, I felt completely drained. Empty.
I walked past Jaxs outstretched hand, raised my glass, and threw my head back, draining the liquor in one go.
You guys have fun. Im out.
Jaxs face instantly hardened. He glared at me, a truly savage look.
I turned and pushed the door open.
The moment the door shut behind me, I heard the shattering sound of a glass breaking against the floor.
6
Knowing Jax, he wouldnt be going home anytime soon.
I decided to go to the new apartment. The one hed bought for us, for the wedding.
Nine years, from eighteen to twenty-seven. We were finally going to get married. And then we stalled at the finish line.
Id left in a hurry, so I didnt take much. Clothes, some of my sketchesall still there.
It took me an hour to pack two huge suitcases. I called a ride-share and started toward the door.
Just as I got to the frame, the front door swung inward.
The first thing I heard was Dahlias voice. Slow down. I told you not to drink so fast. You need to pace yourself.
Then I saw Jax.
His arm was draped heavily over Dahlias shoulder, and she had an arm tightly looped around his waist. They were practically molded together. If this was an accident, they were certainly making it look like an affair.
Sierra!
When she saw me, Dahlias steps stopped dead. Her eyes instinctively darted away.
IJax drank too much. I was just helping him get home. Now that Ive delivered him safely to you, I can go.
No, no, please stay. You clearly have this under control. I need to leave.
But
What are you holding? Jax suddenly broke in.
My suitcases. My things. Im taking some of it now, and Ill come get the rest later.
Sierra, dont do this. Jax knows he messed up! Dahlia tried to step forward, but Jax grabbed her wrist.
Let her go.
Dahlia tugged on his hand, her face a mask of panic. Jax, stop fighting! Apologize to Sierra!
I said, let her go!
Jax!
I watched their struggle with a detached calm. It was all utterly meaningless now.
I reached the door and stopped.
You said I wasnt like Dahlia. Jax, Im genuinely curious. What exactly was the difference?
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