He Was Just A Paid Replacement For My First Love

My boyfriend had an hourly rate. Well, technically, a per-service rate.
A hand-hold cost me eight hundred dollars. A hug, fifteen hundred. Dinner together, three thousand. Anything beyond that, seven thousand five hundred.
In the five years wed been together, Id spent well into eight figures.
My circle laughed at me, calling me an idiot, an open wallet. I didnt care.
Money? I had plenty of it.
That changed when the Van Derlyn familys long-lost biological daughter was finally found and welcomed home.
My parentswho had raised me since birthwere afraid their real daughter would feel awkward seeing me, so a single relocation notice sent me to the furthest possible posting: the London branch of our company.
It was only the sight of Zanes face I really couldn't bear to leave.
I hesitated outside his apartment door, about to push it open, when I heard the low murmur of his friends inside, setting a trap.
So, Sloanes out of cash now, right? How long till you dump the liability?
Seriously, man, youve got her trained. Shes completely compliant. Future wife material for whoever ends up with her.
My heart, which had been dangling high above my ribcage, clenched.
Then, I heard Zanes voice, cold and detached.
It was just a bit of fun. Who said anything about marrying her?
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. A genuine, heart-deep sense of relief washed over me. Thank God. If hed actually wanted to marry me, that would have complicated everything.
1
I was smart enough not to push the door open. I turned to walk away, and just as I did, I heard his phones special ringtonethe one he only used for important calls.
He shushed his friends. When he spoke, his voice was warm, a texture Id rarely experienced. Wait there. Im coming right now.
He moved quickly, too quickly for me to duck out of sight.
Zane saw me and froze. Then, he quickly recovered, assuming I was there to drag him home, as I was notoriously clingy.
Ill be home early tonight, I promise.
I didnt say anything, just nodded.
We walked in the same direction toward the elevators. His suit jacket was slung over his arm, and his brows were knit with a restless impatience.
Willows gotten lost outside the city, and her phones dying. I need to go pick her up. You grab an Uber.
His car sped off.
Hed said it so earnestly. Which I found hilarious. In all five years, I had never once been allowed to ride in his car.
Willow was a junior from his alma mater, and I was losing count of how many times Zane had rescued her.
When my Uber dropped me off at the house, Willow was already sitting in the living room. She was holding a plate with a cake I had baked myself, her face smeared with chocolate frosting.
Zane smiled with a helpless fondness, reaching out to gently wipe the cream off her cheek.
I set my expensive leather bag down. I walked over and snatched the porcelain plate from her hands. Then, without a word, I scraped the remains of the cakemy cakestraight into the bin.
Willow gasped, clearly terrified, and retreated behind Zane.
Zane was instantly displeased. What is your problem? She hasnt eaten all day. Its just cake. And its not like she didnt leave you a slice.
Willows voice trembled as she apologized to me, promising to buy a replacement immediately. Then she burst through the front door and disappeared into the rain.
Zanes expression darkened. A little girl, late at night, in the rain. How dangerous. Do you feel good about yourself, Sloane? Forcing her out like that?
His accusations were relentless. He stormed out after her, never noticing that my hair was still dripping from the sudden downpour Id walked through.
I looked at the discarded cake. I reached out, scooped a bit of frosting onto my finger, and put it in my mouth. It was rich, dark chocolate, exactly the way Logan used to like it.
I called the cleaning service to tidy up the mess, then fell into a heavy, dreamless sleep.
Around three in the morning, the other side of the mattress dipped. I felt the familiar heat of his body drawing near.
Zane mumbled softly.
You are so dramatic. Upsetting someone like that, but you sleep like a baby. He sighed, moving closer. I know that cake was for our five-year anniversary, but seriously, that useless formality vs. feeding a starving person? Which is more important?
As he spoke, a large hand settled heavily on my waist.
The image of him gently wiping the frosting off Willows face flashed in my mind. Instinctively, I frowned, moving his arm.
I spoke, my voice flat and cold.
My parents froze my bank accounts. I cant afford your rate anymore.
The air immediately turned heavy, thick with silence.
I heard the rustle of clothes, the snap of buttons.
Zane slammed the door as he left.
He used to pull this trick often. Whenever he was mad, he knew I would always grovel and chase him down, begging for him to smile again. Everyone called me spineless and a disgrace to the Van Derlyns.
Only I knew the truth: I liked it when Zane was happy. Because when he smiled, he looked so much like the one I dreamt of, the one I knew I could never see again.
I woke up the next morning feeling entirely rested. To my surprise, Zane was downstairs. He acted as if the drama of the previous night had never happened.
When I sat down, he put his phone away and closed the news app. He glanced at me.
Willow is graduating soon. Im arranging for her to intern in your department.
This was Zanes attempt at an olive branchbut it wasnt extended for my benefit.
I considered it.
She can send her rsum to HR. If it checks out, she can interview and come onboard after the approval process.
Zane was instantly annoyed.
Are you kidding? Were not taking interns right now. Where do you expect her to interview?
So he knew. He wanted to be the generous hero, and he wanted Willow to benefit from special treatment, leaving me to be the one abusing power.
Then tell her to graduate, build a substantive rsum, and apply then.
I rarely went against him.
He picked up and set down his fork with a noticeable clang, but I didn't look up.
Willow still showed up three days later. I had clearly underestimated his liking for her.
That Friday night was the mandatory company social mixer. As the department head, I had no choice but to attend.
My colleague, Beth, leaned over, concerned. Is your stomach okay?
I waved her off, signaling I was fine.
A disturbance across the table drew my attention. They were playing the usual post-dinner game: Truth or Dare.
Willow had drawn a Dare: Kiss the fifth person to her right on the cheek.
Everyone counted: One, two, three, four
The fifth person was Zane.
He was sprawled back in the sofa, silent. Everyone knew our arrangement, and the room fell quiet.
Someone tried to smooth things over. Lets not pressure the intern. Next round!
Willow suddenly spoke up.
No, I cant break the rules just for me. Ill take the penalty
She looked back at Zane, then picked up her glass, her eyes wide and watery.
Im allergic to alcohol, but Ill drink this anyway. To show I accept the consequences.
Before the words were out, Zane slammed his glass down, turned, grabbed Willows chin, and pulled her into his arms. He shielded her face with his body and kissed her hard on the cheek, right next to her mouth.
He took his seat next to mine, pulling Willow close. His eyes flickered over me without concern.
Continue, he said.
No one dared to breathe.
Beth, ever the peacekeeper, tried to salvage the mood by asking me a Truth: Who was my first love?
Everyone knew Zane was my first love, judging by the obscene amount of money I spent on him without blinking. Judging by how I, a girl who never cooked, had once burned my hands trying to make his favorite meal.
I lowered my eyes.
Ill drink.
Beth pressed down on my hand, smiling tightly. Zane, help her out. Shes been struggling with her stomach.
Zane swirled the wine in his glass, his voice laced with faint mockery. Sloane is more than capable. Its just one drink.
A sudden, sharp cramp twisted in my gut, but I lifted the glass and forced the liquid down.
Beth was the first to realize something was wrong with me.
Just as she was about to speak, Willows voice cut in, trembling with vulnerability.
Senior, I think Im having an allergic reaction from just that sip. I cant breathe.
Zane immediately stood up, draped his jacket over her, and pulled her close.
Beth stood up, too. Zane, could you give Sloane a ride? She
Zane saw me leaning over, head down, clearly in pain.
His face was grim. You cant distinguish between minor and major emergencies? Find someone else to take her.
Everyone dispersed quickly.
I waited until the severe stomach pain subsided before catching a cab home.
Zane was sitting on the living room sofa, lost in thought. It was rare for him to wait up for me; I found it unsettling.
Sloane Van Derlyn, how old are you? Targeting a girl like that? Where is your decency?
I was bewildered. It took me a moment to realize he thought I had deliberately set up the dare to embarrass Willow.
Is that honestly what you think of me?
I had given Zane so muchwhen I was obsessed with him, I nearly ripped my heart out and served it to him on a plate.
Zane didnt get a chance to answer.
A female voice chirped. Senior, does this look okay?
I turned. Willow was standing in the doorway of the master suite, wringing her hands, wearing my favorite silk nightgown. She looked entirely innocent, as if someone had forced the garment on her.
Zanes expression shifted instantly. He strode over in three steps.
Why are you wearing this? Didnt I buy you new ones?
Willow looked even more victimized, her voice a whisper. The new ones are too nice. I just grabbed one of thesethe others felt old-fashioned. She finally sought my permission. Can I wear it, Sloane? I promise Ill wash it for you.
I walked toward them slowly.
The old me would have slapped her, told her Zane was mine, and warned her that if she touched him again, Id take out her eyes.
Zane tensed, subtly positioning himself in front of her.
I smiled.
You can wear it. You can even sleep in the master bedroom. I find things other people have touched dirty.
I walked past them and pushed open the door to the guest suite.
Zane tried to grab my arm. He missed.
It was late when the door handle turned again. Zane came in and settled onto the bed.
He immediately launched into an explanation.
I only found out today when I took her to the clinic that her mother passed away, and her father abandoned her. She cant even afford rent.
She reminds me of myself, you know? I started with nothing, too. I just want to help. Shell only be staying for a little while, until she gets her first paycheck. He softened his tone. Shes a little scatterbrained, a little innocent, very naive. She even apologizes when shes bumped into. So stop targeting her, okay?
I took in his speech. According to him, I was the wicked queen, and Willow was the pure, innocent princess waiting for her prince to descend.
I just mumbled, Okay, and let the matter drop.
To my surprise, Zane was clearly unhappy with my compliance. He wanted a fight, a reaction.
He turned to embrace me, but before his lips could touch my neck, an instinct flared up, and I kicked him hard, sending him sprawling off the bed.
He was furious. He punched the mattress.
What is wrong with you? Are you still mad about that cake? When Im not so busy, Ill make it up to you
Its not that.
The cake wasnt for him anyway. Why would I be angry?
You dont want me clinging to you, right? Im letting go. Youre free.
I thought that would be the end of it. But Zane asked, Why?
I pressed my fingers to my temples. I needed a reason he would understanda financial one.
Because Im out of money. The Van Derlyns real daughter is back, and Ive been cut off. I cant pay your rate anymore.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Willows voice was small outside the door. Senior? I hear noises outside the window. Im scared.
Zane stood up without hesitation. His voice was exquisitely gentle.
Dont be scared. Im coming to stay with you.
Outside, I heard their soft murmurs.
Why are you barefoot? Its cold.
There are no ghosts. Dont worry. Ill keep you company until you fall asleep.
I got up early.
When I opened the door, I saw Willow putting on a pair of shoes.
They were the red high-heeled pumps Zane had bought memy first real gift from him. They had been slightly too big for me, but at the time, Id been ecstatic.
Willow walked a few steps in them.
Sloane, Senior said these were too big for you, but they fit me perfectly. They really suit me.
Zane took her old shoes to put them away.
Wear them for now. Were short on time. Ill take you to buy a new pair when Im free.
I ignored their boundary-less exchange and walked past them.
As I did, I glanced at the necklace around her neck. It looked incredibly familiar. When I focused, I saw the small object hanging from the chain, and a rush of pure, unadulterated rage hit me.
I reached out and violently grabbed the chain on her neck.
Willow screamed, covering her throat and scrambling back behind Zane.
Zane shoved me. My lower back hit the corner of a nearby table. The sharp pain brought me a chilling clarity.
I held out my hand.
Give me the ring.
Zanes face was cold. You said you wouldnt cling to me anymore. Who I give a necklace to is my business, isnt it?
Keep the chain, I bit out. But the ring on that necklace belongs to me. Give it back. Otherwise, I swear, I will make sure your little academic darling vanishes from Manhattans corporate scene for good!
Even without my familys backing, the Van Derlyns would grant me that small request to save face.
A small, silvery sound echoed as the ring dropped.
The tiny ring bounced once or twice before settling against the table leg.
Willow jutted out her chin, her face a mask of wronged virtue. Fine. Take it.
I carefully picked up the ring, blew the dust off, and slipped it into my pocket.
I went into the guest room, threw some essentials into my suitcase, and walked straight out.
Zane started toward me, but Willow grabbed his arm.
Senior, Sloanes just angry. Let her have some space.
Zane was momentarily lost. I was the one who was supposed to cling to him, not walk away like this.
Willow ran into the bedroom and came back with a stack of photos. They were all pictures of Zane, some blurry, some clear, all secretly taken.
See? Sloane is obsessed with you. Shes just trying to scare you. She wont leave.
Zane ran his thumb over the pictures. He chuckled softly.
She never used to be like this.
Willow clenched her teeth.
That was before. Im a woman, I know how she thinks. Before, you were struggling, so she felt secure. But now that shes no longer the Van Derlyn heir and youve become successful, shes insecure and panicking.
Zane considered this. It made senseI had only grown distant after the biological daughter showed up.
Keep talking.
If you go chasing after her now, it shows youre desperate. Shell own you forever. You have to assert your position. Willow pulled a small container of folded paper stars out of the stack of photos. Tucked inside were meticulous notes detailing my dream wedding ceremony, the exact style of dress I wanted, and dense pages of hopeful plans for the future.
Zane studied the detailed plans, a self-satisfied smile playing on his lips.
See? Sloane is playing a game. Shes trying to manipulate you. Shell be back. We just need to give her a little shock, make her feel the crisis.
I finished my company handover and picked up the flight information my parents had booked for me.
My social media feed was now a high-profile parade of Zane and Willows love. Daily "soulmate" breakfasts. Romantic candlelight kisses. The 'Forever Ring' on her finger.
Just as I was about to power down my phone, an unfamiliar number called.
It was Zane.
When are you coming back? He cleared his throat, trying to sound authoritative. If you come home and are obedient, I might consider a long-term future with you.
But dont even think about engagement or marriage. That will depend on your behavior.
My eyebrows knit tightly in distaste.
I could hear his friends in the background, cheering and clapping.
Sloane, congrats! You finally earned the promotion!
Hurry back! Zanes about to be snatched up!
The silence from my end was prolonged.
Someone on the other end wondered, Did Sloane pass out from happiness?
I was definitely stunned. I was looking at the familiar face in front of me, my throat choked with a sudden, suffocating emotion. I couldn't form a word.
The man in front of me parted his lips. His voice felt distant, as if traveling across half a world, yet it hit my heart with the force of a physical blow.
Sloane. Ive missed you.

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