A Memory Problem Is A Priority Problem

My boyfriend, Liam, had the memory of a particularly self-centered goldfish.
Hed grab an iced latte when my cramps were debilitating.
Hed forget I was battling a stomach flu and suggest a three-hour road trip.
He once completely blanked on my birthday because his college roommate spontaneously flew into town.
After the fact, he always rubbed the back of his neck, the picture of contrite confusion.
Im so sorry, Eliza. My memory is trash, you know that. Can you forgive me just this one more time? I promise, Ill set a reminder.
The last time he brought me the wrong coffee orderextra foam, hazelnut syrup, the two things I despiseI told him I wanted to break up.
He stared at me, genuinely bewildered.
Eliza, youre ending three years over a latte? Seriously?
I nodded. Yes. Seriously.
1
Only thirty minutes until the film started.
I sat in the theater lobby, staring blankly at my phone screen. Black and silent.
Liam hadnt texted. Not a single ping.
The movie wed planned to seethe one Id been talking about all weekhad completely slipped his mind. Again.
I called him, just as I always did.
No answer. A message popped up a moment later. It was a video.
He was in a loud, dimly lit bar with his friends. My ears filled with the sound of a man weeping dramatically into a microphone, a beer bottle clutched in his other hand.
Haha, check out Kyle! Hes a mess after the breakup. Ill be home late, babe! Grab dinner, dont wait up.
Text me if you want anything. Ill pick it up on the way, my little glutton.
I took a sharp breath and typed one simple question.
Are you still coming to the movie tonight?
Silence.
I gripped my phone, my knuckles white.
It was always like this.
Wed been together for three years. I couldn't count the number of times this had happenedsmall things and big things, piling up like forgotten receipts. Each time, hed offer a perfectly earnest apology, only to repeat the offense the following week.
My screen finally flashed, but it was a text from my friend, Sasha.
Is the movie starting soon? Text me all the spoilers! I can handle the drama.
I wanted to laugh. Instead, a bitter lump formed in my throat. Sasha, who Id told about the movie a week ago, remembered. Liam, who Id reminded this morning, didnt.
A two-hour movie. Was it really that hard to remember?
As I approached the ticket counter, a young couple was checking in ahead of me. They were a picture of gooey, casual intimacy.
The girl pouted, asking for an ice cream.
The guy gently grazed her nose with his knuckle. Trying to make me regret saying yes? Iced coffee during cycle week? Youll be cursing me in an hour, and I don't want to hear it.
She playfully punched his chest. He grabbed her fist and started listing off every ridiculous thing shed eaten in the past month.
My vision blurred.
It was only last month that I was curled up in a ball, crippled by cramps, and Liam had walked in with a giant, ice-filled slurpee.
Last one before winter hits, Eliza! You cant have hot weather without a little ice, right?
Three years. And he still didnt know my cycle, my pain tolerance, or the difference between a gesture of care and an act of oblivious cruelty.
How many times? How many times did I have to watch this scene play out?
I ended up sitting directly next to the couple. Watching their mid-movie whispers, their shared snacks, the gentle, knowing touch of their hands, my heart felt like it was shrinking in my chest.
Why did that man remember every tiny detail? Why did Liam forget everything?
Was he unable to remember, or unwilling? Did he simply not care enough to make the effort?
My movie choicea lighthearted rom-comwas completely overshadowed by the highlight reel of my failure with Liam. When the credits rolled, I couldn't have told you a single plot point.
The lights came up. My phone screen lit up immediately.
Seven missed calls from Liam. A flurry of texts.
Eliza! Im so sorry! I totally forgot again!
Im heading over now!
Are you still there? The movie just started, right? Can I make it?
Im here! I brought you your favorite red velvet cupcake! What theater number?
Eliza, please pick up. Don't shut me out, please. :(*
See? The ritual of remorse. The cycle of neglect followed by a desperate bribe. A slap followed by a handful of sugar. Anything to prevent the argument, the anger, or, God forbid, the follow-through on my threat to leave.
2
I walked out of the theater and spotted him immediately.
He was standing near the concessions, a paper bag full of takeout and a small box containing the cupcake in his hands, looking lost and confused. The moment he saw me, his eyes went red. He walked toward me with the classic, wounded-puppy shuffle.
Eliza, please dont ignore me. I cant lose you.
I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.
I hated myself in these moments. Every single time, the sight of his genuine, panicked tears melted my resolve. The word breakup felt heavy and impossible on my tongue.
He buried his head into my shoulder, his voice a quiet murmur.
Im sorry, Eliza. I really messed up.
He pulled out his phone and immediately bought tickets for the next showing.
Lets just watch it again, okay? I know you couldnt have paid attention, not when you were mad at me. We were supposed to talk about the plotI cant let my wife watch a movie I havent seen.
He then shoved the bag of food into my hands, suddenly eager.
Are you starving? The takeout is fresh and hot. Eat now, please. We have just enough time before the next show starts.
I searched for the flaw, for the manipulative angle, and couldn't find one. He was perfectly, annoyingly contrite.
Why did you forget, Liam? I asked, my voice flat. I reminded you right before you left for work this morning.
He looked up with those big, pitiful eyes.
I got swamped. Kyle called right before clocking out He pulled out his phone, scrolling through his calendar, showing me a flurry of meetings and deadlines.
He grabbed my hands and kissed them repeatedly.
Eliza, I love you. It wasnt intentional. I swear. Next time, Ill remember. If I forget, you can hit me. Seriously. Slap me. Anything you want. He held my hand out and placed it gently against his cheek.
Always the same.
I rubbed my temple. Stop it. Just stop.
He pinched my cheek and forced a smile onto my face.
Eliza is only pretty when she smiles, remember?
Now, eat your dinner while its hot. Dont get an upset stomach, or Im not playing nursemaid!
I bit into the takeout. It was still warm, but a chill settled deep in my bones.
I looked at Liam. His expression was a perfect cocktail of soft adoration, guilt, and a desperate kind of love. It looked real. All of it.
But how could love exist alongside such pervasive, careless amnesia? I truly couldnt tell the difference between a flaw and a choice.
I remembered everything about Liam. Why was I the only one who didnt warrant the same care?
We watched the second movie. Midway through, Kyle called, furious Liam had ditched him.
You have no idea, man, Liam shot back. If I behaved like you, Id be sleeping on the couch tonight.
When we got home, my mood was heavy. I needed to talk. This cycle had to end.
Liam, I cant handle your memory anymore. You dont remember anything I say.
He immediately dissolved into tears.
Eliza, I am not doing this on purpose! My brain is packed with work stuff. Im sorry. What do I have to do for you to forgive me? Ill do anything. Anything but ending this.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come.
Id suggested setting reminders, calendar alerts, even using a simple sticky note app. Hed done it, dutifully, only to forget the reminders and the app entirely.
I gripped my glass of water, watching him through the distortion of the glass. He was still apologizing, still promising.
Just one more chance, Eliza. Please. Next time, you get to call the shots.
Next time. I knew, with the cold certainty of a final judgment, that there couldn't be one.
3
The following week, I had to drop off some paperwork at Liams office.
As I approached his department, I saw him standing there, his arms loaded with bags.
A few colleagues waved hello.
Hey, Eliza! Your man is so thoughtful. Hes running a whole delivery service this morning!
I realized what he was holding: breakfast, snacks, and a small, brightly packaged box of heat patches.
He saw me and his eyes went wide with a flicker of awkward panic.
Eliza, youre here already?
Liam! You took forever! Im starving! A sleek, somewhat languid voice cut in from behind him.
I focused on the woman leaning against the door frame of the office, rubbing her stomach dramatically. She gave Liam a look of mock impatience.
Im seriously about to waste away.
Liam quickly walked over and unloaded the bags for her, sorting the items: a specific type of oatmeal, a gourmet coffee, and the heat patches. He handed her the coffee and gave her a stern look.
I got you the hot roast, Gen. No iced lattes this week, remember? Cycle week.
The woman, Genevieve, looked pleased.
Nice, Liam! You actually remembered? And all my favorites, too. You have a great memory.
My eyes stung. My fingers curled into my palms, the pain a dull anchor in my rising panic.
When I finally snapped out of the shock, I was already outside, rushing toward the parking garage.
A heavy force wrapped around my arm, spinning me around. I was instantly pulled into Liams chest.
Eliza, what are you so upset about?
Upset? I laughed, a bitter, hysterical sound, and pulled back, slapping him across the face.
Are you kidding me, Liam? You think Im an idiot? Youre making eyes at your co-worker right in front of your office!
He rubbed his stinging cheek and forced a smile.
Aww, is my Eliza jealous? Shes just a colleague, sweetie. Shes getting married next month, in fact.
He leaned in close, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. But her uncle is the CEO. Hes cutting her into some massive projects. I need to get in good with her so I can secure the next big contract. Its for our future, Eliza.
He even pulled out his phone and showed me Genevieves social media. Her profile picture was a stunning wedding portrait; the date was clearly listed.
Believe me now, Eliza? Im doing this for us.
A cold knot tightened in my stomach. I kept telling myself it was just business. Just a contract. But the sting remained.
Why did my future require him to remember a colleagues cycle, her favorite snacks, and all her minute preferences? Why did business sense make him a genius, while love made him an amnesiac?
He could remember. He simply chose not to.
I yanked my hand away. Liam. Were over. Im done.
The words were final. I walked away, feeling numb, struggling to process the revelation that he didn't have a bad memoryhe had a priority problem.
But before I could fully digest the truth, my phone rang.
It was Liams mom. Liam had been chasing me out of the office and was hit by a car on the street corner.
I slumped onto the hospital hallway bench. My mind immediately jumped to the guilt. If I hadn't been so dramatic, so selfish as to run... would he be okay?
When the red light finally went out, the doctors confirmed he was okayjust a few broken ribs and a week in the hospital.
For that week, and for the three months that followed, I never once mentioned breaking up. I convinced myself that I had been too harsh. That love meant endless compromise.
He was still forgetting. Still grabbing the wrong food, still prioritizing a co-workers favor over our date night, still leaving me waiting for hours on our anniversary because his friend needed advice.
I cooked a massive meal, only to wait until midnight for his weak apology.
I swallowed it all down. Love is tolerance, I told myself. Love is...
But the phrase began to taste like ash. Why was I the only one tolerating? Why did all the compromise fall on my shoulders? I felt like my throat and chest were stuffed with cotton, the air unable to move. Love shouldnt feel like suffocation.
4
Liams work laptop went in for repair, so he borrowed mine.
My annual review was coming up, and with it, the potential to lead a major new project. I needed my laptop for a critical presentation on Friday. I was already stressed, so I drilled the instructions into him.
Liam, this is the biggest pitch of my career. Please. Charge the laptop fully before you bring it back to me. 100%.
He slapped his chest, overly confident.
Have I ever let you down on something serious, Eliza? Dont even stress. Itll be maxed out when I hand it to you.
Still uneasy, I texted him on Thursday.
Remember to charge the laptop while youre at the office.
He was up late working, so his reply was instant.
Dont worry, Wifey. Ill pull an all-nighter if I have to, but that thing will be fully charged.
On Friday morning, I waited by the company entrance, getting increasingly panicked. Liam finally arrived, late and disheveled, with an untrimmed beard.
Just made it, he gasped. Work held me up.
Before I could ask about the charge, his phone rang. My meeting was starting. I didn't have a second to check the battery icon.
I hurried upstairs.
The conference room was full of encouraging faces. Id prepared for months; I knew this material cold. All I needed was for the technology to work.
Just dont mess up. Just dont mess up.
But I had already messed up. Id trusted Liam.
He had not charged the laptop.
I stood in front of the board, hitting the power button repeatedly like a pathetic street performer. Sweat beaded on my forehead. My bosss expression morphed from expectation to cold disappointment.
Eliza, if youre not prepared, you need to step down.
I retreated, carrying the dead laptop like a coffin.
A colleague patted my shoulder. What happened? You were so nervous you forgot to plug it in?
I shook my head, my eyes brimming with unshed tears. My hand trembled as I clutched the useless charging cable.
Its happening again. Its always happening.
I dont know how I stumbled through the rest of the pitch. I felt like a clown. On my way out, I saw the CEO sighing, a slow, disappointed shake of his head.
I wanted to scream, but not a single tear would fall.
That afternoon, Liam texted me.
Love you! xoxo!
Our project was a massive success! Couldnt have done it without my amazing, supportive wife!
Gotta run, babe, team dinner! Grab something on your own tonight, kisses!
I laughed, the sound cold and hollow. My vision blurred; I could barely make out the words.
Why didnt you charge my computer last night?
No reply.
This was the end. I was done.
Liam finally texted me later that evening, the same panicked apology hed used a hundred times. He finished with:
Ill make it up to you tonight, Wifey, I promise.
What kind of coffee do you want?
I took a deep, steadying breath. Three years, and he still didn't know my coffee order. I didn't reply.
He must have rushed home, desperate. He burst through the door, breathless, shoving a paper cup and a bag of takeout into my hands.
I looked at the coffee. I took a sip. I laughed, a sudden, angry explosion.
It was hazelnut. Again.
I threw the full cup into the trash can.
Is this funny to you, Liam? I told you, I hate hazelnut! How many times are we going to do this? Were done. Breakup.
He stared at me, dumbfounded.
Eliza! Youre ending thisthe whole thingover a flavor of coffee?
Yes, I snapped.
He violently yanked at his collar. Its my fault! But you know my memory is terrible! I told you Ill change, why wont you believe me?
My temples throbbed. Yes, over this small thing! I believed you! How many times in three years did I believe you? What did that get me?!
Dont make me laugh, Liam! You won't change! How many times have you promised? Name one time you actually followed through!
He was just as agitated, throwing the takeout bags onto the counter.
You know its been three years! Three years, and youre throwing it all away over a coffee?!
He grabbed a pen and stabbed it against his palm, writing frantically.
Ill write it down! Ill get a tattoo! Ill ink all your preferences on my body! Will that satisfy you? You know I struggle to remember, and you pick the night of my biggest career win to do this!
Stop! I screamed, the blood rushing to my head.
You have a bad memory? Youre a goldfish, Liam? Seven seconds of attention?
You dont remember anything about me, but you remember your colleagues preferences? Last month, Kyle mentioned a date a week in advance, and you remembered every detail. But you forgot what I told you yesterday?!
Liam, I want the truth. Is it a bad memory, or did you just never put me first?
He stammered, still trying to cling to his defense.
How could that be? I would never forget something you told me yesterday!

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