Ten Years Too Late
I wrestled with the decision for three days before choosing my career trajectory.
Pierce understood. He comforted me, his voice a steady anchor on the phone. Its only two thousand miles, a three-hour flight. Ill fly to see you every month. Ill talk to my parents. You just go. Ill wait for you.
By the sixth year of our long-distance relationship, our calls had grown infrequent, and a simple text might go unanswered for days.
I made the call: I was quitting my job, coming home, and marrying him. He had waited long enough.
I never imagined our first reunion would be at the police station.
Hed been arrested for a DUI.
You never drink. And drunk driving? Youre always so careful, I said, the words feeling brittle on my tongue.
A girl in a Minnie Mouse pajama set burst into the lobby.
Her eyes were red and swollen. She rushed Pierce, grabbed his arm, and sank her teeth into his skin.
Who told you to drive over here! You idiot! I told you I just had bad cramps!
It hit me: Pierce owned a matching Mickey Mouse set.
Hed claimed it was a prize he won at a company raffle.
Staring at the two of them, I suddenly felt like a punchline. I was the fool in the spotlight.
1
The wind howled outside.
I couldnt tell if the stinging in my eyes was from the sleet being whipped into my face, or the sharp pain of that moment.
Tears fell, straight and cold, refusing to be blinked away.
Elara!
Pierce didnt catch up to me.
I took a cab and went to the waterfront, standing by the freezing river for a long time.
I cried and laughed at the same time. That manmy stoic, utterly predictable Piercewas wearing couples pajamas.
I dont know how he found me.
I looked up, and he was there.
Just like always.
Wherever I was, he always showed up.
Youre running a fever. Lets go home.
Pierce swept me up into his arms.
Elara, stop being so stubborn. It doesnt help anyone.
He carried me into the house Id only ever seen in video calls. The kitchen island held a vase of fresh flowers, the sofa was piled with plush toys, and the girls blanket and pillow were folded neatly into the corner.
She was an intern I was mentoring, Pierce said, pressing an ice pack to my forehead.
Shes young, working alone for the first time. I took extra care of her.
Youre imagining things
His phone buzzed.
It was a custom ringtone.
The name Dummy flashed on the screen, next to a cartoon girls grinning emoji.
He was the kind of person who hated hassle. He never saved names with anything other than a simple first or last name. I was just a string of numbers in his phone.
Pierce clumsily shielded the screen with his hand.
Hold on a second.
He walked out, and never came back in.
My head was pounding.
The medicine Id swallowed came back up, a searing, sour mess.
Pierce
Silence.
I pushed myself off the bed and walked out, leaning against the wall. The living room was dark. He was gone.
A faint glow came from the screen of his laptop on the balcony.
His social media account was logged in.
He and the girl had maintained a continuous chat streak for nearly a thousand days.
I scrolled through the history.
It began with her single-sidedly sharing funny clips.
Then Pierce started to give serious comments and reactions.
Finally, they were trading messages back and forthevery little thing, every big event, always a response.
Meanwhile, when work had crushed me into insomnia, and I wanted to call Pierce, I had to take a gamble.
He was busy. He wouldnt always answer.
I sank onto the chair, my vision blurred by tears.
Ding
A new message popped up.
[Vivi: I took the meds, and I finished all the soup you made me. Now Im cuddling the sleepy bear you bought me, getting ready for bed.]
[Pierce: Good. Dont let your new boyfriend wander into your apartment whenever he likes. Its unsafe.]
[Vivi: Okay~ Only my mentor is allowed into my boudoir~]
[Vivi: Why dont I just break up with him and you can be my boyfriend? Everyone already assumes were together anyway. I know you got drunk over me. My boyfriend said you even got into a fight with him and yelled at him for forgetting my cycle and not buying me pain meds.]
[Vivi: You and your girlfriend have been long distance for five years. You must have no feelings left. You should just dump her]
Tears streamed down my face.
I sat there, numb, feeling a huge, empty hole carved out of my chest. I could taste the metallic tang of blood in my breath.
I learned that sadness, at its absolute extreme, is just numbness.
Its like being dead.
Only my stomach was alive, forcing me to empty its contentsfirst sour bile, then bloodas if I were trying to vomit out ten years of loving Pierce.
Slam
The lights in the entryway suddenly flickered on.
Pierce stood there, one hand holding a clay pot of freshly made porridge, the other clutching the girls uneaten pain medication. Around his neck was a pink cartoon scarf.
The end of it was embroidered with a tiny V.
I swayed, then fell toward the floor.
When Pierce caught me, I didnt feel warmth. A strange, unfamiliar perfume assaulted my nostrils.
It was sickening.
Elara! Wake up! Elara
I passed out completely.
2
I woke up in a hospital.
The room was empty.
I pulled out my phone and made a call.
Hello? Can you please reverse my resignation? I accept the international assignment.
Overseas. I needed to go somewhere I would never have to see Pierce again.
A nurse walked in. Dr. Sterling is in surgery. Hell be here when hes finished.
I didnt reply. I just stared out the window.
I remembered the first year I was away. Pierce used to video call me every day.
He was a man of few words. He wasnt expressive.
But every time I looked up from my documents, I saw his eyes on the screenfilled with a focused concentration and a deep, aching missing of me.
The second year, he often flew to see me.
He would show up at my apartment door, under my office building, or on a random street corner selling roasted sweet potatoes.
No matter where I was, Pierce always found me.
By the third year, Pierce had an intern under his wing.
He was busy mentoring her, cleaning up her messes, and our communication began to fade.
From a mandatory daily video call.
To weekly. Then monthly.
Finally, I was the one calling him.
And he didnt always pick up.
By the fourth and fifth years, our relationship felt different.
When I called, the feeling of fear was stronger than anticipation.
I was afraid of disturbing him. Afraid of seeing his familiar, tight frown.
Text me if its important. Dont call, he said.
I felt like a child who had done something wrong. I apologized, then tried to win him back with a nervous smile and a gift Id picked out.
Its our ninth anniversary today
Mentor, can you check this patient chart for me? I heard the girls voice in the background.
The video call ended abruptly.
I thought about texting Pierce, then realized there was no point.
I had no important reason to contact him.
I just missed him.
Terribly.
So much that every time I walked to a street corner, I instinctively searched for his figure, then wiped away tears when he wasnt there.
But this longing had become a burden to him.
For two months, he actually blocked my number.
I was up to my neck in a huge project, unable to fly home and demand an explanation. All I could do was cry myself to sleep every night. My eyes were permanently swollen, and I was losing handfuls of hair.
Two months later, Pierce claimed it was just a prank by Vivi. He hadn't noticed.
My bad, Ive been so busy I didnt look.
The kid didnt mean any harm, she was just messing around. Dont sweat it. I apologize for her.
He wired a huge sum of money to my account.
Dont put yourself through anything. Ask for more if you need it.
He didnt know that the biggest slight to my soul was the one he delivered.
In the sixth year, I gave up my career and decided to come back for him.
Only to hear from a mutual friend that Pierce had been strung along by this young woman for years.
They were openly affectionate.
They had even met each others families.
I didnt believe it.
I was naive enough to think Pierce was still the same quiet, sincere, loving boy Id left.
But he had changed.
I should have realized it the first time he hung up on me for Vivi, the first time he missed my birthday, the first time he forgot our anniversary.
But I was blinded by love. I compromised again and again, and I forgave.
Now, finally, I saw clearly.
3
I discharged myself from the hospital.
Back at the apartment, I found the social media direct messages had updated on the laptop.
Vivi had shared a lot of videos.
Pierce had only read them, not replied.
[Vivi: Your fiance is back, so youre moving me to a different group? Seriously? You hid from me at the hospital, and now you wont even reply to my texts.]
[Vivi: Just tell me one thing: her or me?]
[Pierce: Im getting married.]
Five words.
The other side went silent.
My heart was a complicated knot of emotions. I stared at the screen, so absorbed that I didnt notice Pierce had come back.
You saw it all?
He stood next to me.
Weve been together for ten years. Its time to get married.
Lets go pick out the dress this week. You handle the guest list, Ill handle the venue. Well get it done before the fifteenth. I have a conference next month.
His tone was so flat, as if he were discussing a tedious chore.
We need to start trying to conceive right after the wedding. Youll be considered a high-risk pregnancy in a few years. Its not good for you or the baby.
I clenched my fists without realizing it.
You havent even proposed to me.
I dont have time, he said. That kind of ceremony isnt necessary.
I managed a self-deprecating laugh.
He had time to spend with Vivi, naming a pile of stuffed animals and throwing them birthday parties. But for us, for me, suddenly time was a luxury he couldn't afford.
But youll get what you deserve, Pierce said, handing me a bank card.
My salary is all in here. All of it.
The jewelry, the dowry, the car, the property. Tell me if anything is missing.
I was silent for a long moment.
I felt like I was looking at a stranger.
When did he stop being patient with me, speaking only in bullet points?
He used to love hearing me ramble.
He said he loved my vibrant energy, my little tantrums.
Maybe I was worn down by work and too mature now, or maybe the long distance had made us strangers.
And thats how a vibrant, young girl found a place in his heart.
And pushed me out.
Do you still love me? I asked.
Pierce hesitated.
Yes, I do.
I kept shaking my head. No, you dont.
Voicing the truth was harder than Id anticipated.
It took several shaky breaths.
Just to keep the tears from falling in defeat.
Why are you crying? Pierce frowned slightly. Im just being practical. Youre not a little girl anymore. Theres no need to be so petty.
I shoved him away fiercely.
My voice rose, sharp and loud. Im not marrying you!
4
Pierce was silent for a few seconds.
Then, he snatched the laptop and smashed it onto the floor. A shard of plastic grazed my calf, leaving a bloody streak.
I wont contact her again. Is that enough?
He pulled out his phone.
He blocked Dummy.
He opened his photo album and deleted the pictures of Vivi that took up most of the storage.
Is that enough, Elara? Tell me.
I was stunned.
I watched him walk into the living room, violently tearing apart the stuffed animals and ripping up the small blanket.
Elara! Goddammit, Im asking you, is this enough now?!
He grabbed my arm and dragged me, and I stumbled, falling into the mess of destruction.
I had never seen Pierce angry. He had never even used a harsh word against me.
Now his eyes were filled with an icy fury.
What is this drama? What are you trying to prove?
Weve been dating for ten years. Its time to get married, isnt it?
My mom keeps hounding me. I held off because you were busy with work, okay, I didnt pressure you. But what now? How many more years do you want to stall? How many years do you have left at your age?
Youve been giving me this attitude and questioning my feelings ever since you got back I waited for you for ten years! Do you think I dont love you?
You are being completely unreasonable!
I was too heartbroken to speak.
I hung my head, watching my tears shatter on the floor.
All I felt was exhaustion, a weariness deeper than the pain.
The gap between Pierce and me had become too wide to cross.
No matter how hard I ran.
No matter how hard I fell.
I couldnt reach even the edge of his sleeve anymore.
What I mean is Were breaking up.
I didnt finish. His phone rang.
Dr. Sterling, Vivi has gotten into huge trouble! the voice on the other end yelled.
Pierce immediately made a move to leave.
I grabbed his car keys, my voice desperate and loud. Think carefully, Pierce!
If you walk out that door today, our relationship is officially over!
He didnt hear me.
His mind and heart were completely consumed by Vivis distress.
Pierce snatched the keys away violently.
The sharp edge sliced my palm, and a splash of blood stained the white carpet an alarming red.
The first aid kit is in the cabinet. Bandage yourself up. We can talk about this when I get back.
I had never seen him so frantic.
His jacket was on backwards, his shoes were on the wrong feet. He practically stumbled out the door.
The door slammed shut.
Leaving behind chaos and an endless silence.
I gently blew on the cut on my palm. It hurt. Tears fell onto it, making it sting even more.
I didn't have the energy to bandage it. I lay back on the floor, letting the hot tears flow freely.
I was so tired.
Tired enough to wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.
I wouldnt have to deal with the ten wasted years, the best years of my youth, and I wouldnt have to feel this agonizing pain.
It felt like all my organs were being shredded.
In my daze, a call came through.
It was our mutual friend, Jamie.
Get to the hospital immediately! Pierce is about to take the fall for Vivi! His career is going to be ruined!
5
I rushed to the scene.
The hospital director's face was beyond furious.
Vivian Cole!
He slammed his hand on the desk, his face red and swollen with rage.
Id like to see who is going to cover for you with this malpractice case! This means jail time!
Youve always made mistakes! If Pierce hadnt protected you every single timeif he hadnt cleaned up every messI would have fired you a long time ago!
Vivian burst into loud sobs.
Please stop! Im scared, wah, wah, wah I dont know anything
Mentor, save me I didnt mean to. I dont want to go to jail
Tears poured down her face.
Pierce, who had been silent, finally spoke: Ill take the blame for her.
My mind exploded.
My body moved faster than my thoughts. I flew in front of him and slapped him hard across the face.
Are you out of your mind?!
I knew medicine was Pierces life.
From the day we met, I had studied with him, worked with him in the lab, and pulled all-nighters with him.
When he needed to work on a research topic, I took time off work to support him.
When a patients family gave him trouble, I was the first to step up.
I cared more about his career than my own.
Elara, once Ive made a name for myself, Ill give you a wedding the city will talk about, his promise echoed in my memory, chillingly clear.
Now, Pierce pushed me aside, his voice cold. Dont interfere.
We endured so much hardship, we spent so many nights awake, building this career step by step My tears finally broke free, and every word was ground out from between my teeth. And youre going to throw away everything you worked forincluding our futurefor a woman you barely know? Just like that, without a second thought?!
His promise to marry me now sounded utterly hollow and insulting.
How could he marry me if he was in prison?
This wasn't just an insult to our love. It was an insult to our effort, to our memories.
Smack!
I slapped him again, even harder.
Enough!
Pierce finally grabbed my hand.
Im Vivians mentor. Its my fault for not guiding her properly. I have to take responsibility for her mistakes.
My voice shot up:
How are you going to take responsibility?!
With your clean record, your career, your life?
He pursed his lips. After a long pause, he spoke.
I believe her. It wasnt intentional.
Vivi is still young. And shes a girl. She cant go to jail. Itll ruin her future
I cut him off.
What about me?
So youre just going to abandon me, is that it?
Pierce looked at me, a flicker of struggle in his eyes.
But overriding it was a cold resolution I couldn't comprehend.
Ill get out as fast as I can
And then what? I laughed, the tears flowing harder. I wait for you? Wait for another few years? How many ten-year periods do we have left?
I dont actually care anymore if you marry me.
Pierce, I just realized you never took our relationship seriously. That was ten years Ten years, the best of my youth! I was blind to waste so much time on you!
It was enough.
Truly enough.
I used all my strength to wrench my hand free from his grasp.
My heart was completely dead, my tears all gone.
My voice was so calm it frightened me.
Pierce, the wedding is off. Were breaking up.
Were done. Dont ever contact me again.
Pierce suddenly panicked.
He tried to grab me, but I stepped back to avoid him.
No
Pierce! Vivian screamed suddenly. Let her go!
Its better if she leaves! Then no one can steal my man! No one can steal the father of my baby!
The words were a thunderclap.
The entire department fell into stunned silence.
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