Love That Arrives Too Late Is Cheaper Than Dirt

The fever had me in a haze, a heavy, suffocating sleep, when a sudden, violent yank sent me tumbling to the floor.
My bones felt like shattered porcelain, but the pain was secondary to the sight of Sutton, her eyes bloodshot, reeking of alcohol and rage, staring down at me.
Owen! Is there seriously nothing you can do all day but try to kill yourself?
My throat felt shredded, raw from the fever, and I couldn't speak, but she suddenly threw herself onto me, clinging to me, her body shaking as she choked out the words.
I chose you!
What more do you want from me? Do you want me to die too? Is that what you wantfor me to die?
Sutton was weeping, broken, but a strange, deep fatigue washed over me.
It was her betrayal. She was the one who cheated.
Yet somehow, I was still the villain of the story.
Sutton,
I pushed down the sharp, familiar ache in my chest and told her:
Im letting you go.
1
I felt Suttons body instantly stiffen. As she looked at me with stunned disbelief, I almost managed a calm, even a slightly relieved smilethe smile of a man whod finally come to terms with things.
But then Sutton laughed, a brittle, cynical sound.
Owen!
What new game are you playing now? Her eyes turned cold, her voice razor-sharp. Dont tell me you didnt call my mother and tell her you were dying just to force her to bring me home!
You go to my mom, play the victim, beg for my return, and then you stand here and talk about letting me go!
If you truly wanted to let me go!
Why didnt you agree to the divorce all those times I brought it up? Why did you refuse? Who are you performing for now, Owen?
Suttons words felt like a cloud of fine needles piercing me from every direction. The pain made my whole body tremble. I wanted to tell her I hadn't contacted her motherthat it was one of her mothers students at the hospital who had mentioned my illness.
But clearly.
She wouldn't have believed me.
I wanted to tell her we could end everything peacefully.
I thought and re-thought my response, finally just pushing Sutton away. Ignoring the deep, fresh cuts on my wrist where her fingers had dug in, I walked to the nightstand, pulled out the drawer, and took out the divorce papers Id prepared.
Sutton.
I placed the agreement in her hand.
Just sign it.
As soon as you sign, I struggled to keep my voice even, though my heart still clenched, youll be free.
You and Rhys.
Youll have nothing to do with me anymore.
The air felt frozen.
Time stopped in that second.
I watched all the color drain from Suttons face as her eyes searched mine.
I felt only exhaustion, a weariness so profound it cracked my voice.
Sutton.
We met when we were sixteen.
My entire youth, the better half of my life, was spent with you.
I tried to sound calm, not brittle, hoping for a dignified end.
You were the one crying during our wedding vows, promising to love me forever.
2
You said, Owen, if I ever betray you, or do anything to hurt you, you have to snap me out of it! You have to show me how wrong I am, no matter what it takes!
The eighteen-year-old Sutton wanted a chance at forgiveness.
So, I looked at the flicker of impatience in her eyes but continued, I made a scene, Sutton. I tried my best.
Rhys had tracked me down and told me that he and Sutton went back to our old high school, and that under the Old Oakthe one where she first confessed her love to meshe had scratched out my name and carved, 'Sutton loves Rhys forever.'
I had certainly made a scene.
I had screamed and demanded she take me back to the school, carve my name back in, and choose me. I had collapsed, practically hysterical, questioning her.
Sutton!
How could you betray us?!
How could you fall in love with someone else?!
I was screaming, a madman, frantic and out of control.
Sutton just looked at me with cold indifference and said: Owen, youve changed.
She told me.
Youre not yourself anymore.
The old Owen wouldnt act like a psychopath!
Sutton shoved me away violently.
In my desperation to keep her, I acted like a lunatic, attempting suicide, slashing my wrists with a knife. When I was rushed to the hospital, she did come back.
Sutton cried, leaning over my hospital bed.
Husband, I was wrong.
Im so sorry.
Please, Owen, dont die! Please dont leave me!
Her tears felt like warm sunlight on ice, melting something in my heart. I desperately wanted to hold onto that fleeting warmth. I cried with her, until my throat was raw, pulling her close, telling her:
Sutton!
If we die, we die together!
Sutton became compliant.
She came home on time every day, walked with me in the park, attended my therapy sessions, took me traveling, went to the movies, watched stand-up, and helped me redecorate our house. She told me:
Its a brand-new start.
And I was foolish enough to think Id found happiness.
I thought that love, even shattered, could be glued back together.
Despite the cracks in our foundation, I tried not to look, not to think. I wanted to safeguard my little piece of happiness.
Until.
I was hospitalized for acute appendicitis. Barely recovered from surgery, I saw Suttonwho was supposedly away on a business tripemerging from the internal medicine wing with Rhys. Her eyes were full of a soft, proprietary tenderness as she looked at him.
Youre the best little baby.
Just take your medicine and be a good boy, heal up fast.
And Ill give you anything you want.
Happiness popped like a soap bubble.
What was exposed was the ugly, brutal truth. My blood ran cold, and I stood there, face-to-face with them, struck by lightning. The hospital forms in my hand felt like a ridiculous joke, mocking my na?vet. Sutton instinctively pulled Rhys behind her.
I snapped. I lunged at Rhys like a madman, grabbed a handful of his hair, and slammed his head against the wall, screaming.
Youre a homewrecker!
You pathetic little slut!
Why dont you just die! Go die! Go to hell!
3
Rhyss screams echoed down the hospital corridor.
The onlookers gawked at us, pointing and whispering, watching our pathetic spectacle. I was insane enough to want to drag Rhys down with me, but he just wailed.
Sutton, save me!
Sutton, Im scared!
And Sutton, without hesitation, stepped completely to his side, wrenching my attacking hand away and delivering a stinging slap across my face. Her eyes were so cold my breath hitched.
Owen.
Apologize!
Sutton looked down at me.
Apologize to Rhys now! Immediately! Dont make me say it again!
Staring at the woman I had loved for so many years, something inside me finally, irrevocably shattered. Tears streamed down my face, and I roared back.
No!
I wont!
Why should I apologize to a homewrecker? Why?!
I was shaking uncontrollably, pointing at Rhys in a complete breakdown. Did this bastard drug you?
Sutton!
He lied to you, didnt he?!
Sutton, you told me you loved me!
You did!
I desperately searched her face for any trace of the woman who still loved me, for any reflection of myself in her eyes. Instead, I heard Rhys, still sobbing, chime in: Sutton doesnt love you!
If you hadnt tried to kill yourself! If you hadnt gone crazy and cut yourself, Sutton would have divorced you ages ago!
I cursed Rhys, calling him trash and demanding he shut up. I lunged again, ready to fight him to the death, when a heavy force slammed into my lower back. My body pitched forward, and I tumbled down the staircase landing in the hallway.
I screamed in terror, but I saw Sutton, holding Rhys, turn and walk away without a second thought. And before she left.
I distinctly saw the look of smug triumph in Rhyss eyes.
My surgical wound split open.
I almost died.
I looked at Suttonthe woman I decided to spend my life with before I even understood what love wasand she was suddenly a stranger.
Sutton.
I have kept the promise the eighteen-year-old Sutton asked me to keep. I tried my best.
I placed the fountain pen Id prepared in her hand and told her.
Go find your true love.
This time, I wont stand in your way.
I watched Sutton stand rigid a step away, a sudden flicker of concern crossing her face.
Owen.
She hadnt expressed care for me in a long time, and even this felt hard and remote.
Are you? I saw a struggle in her eyes. Is your condition getting worse?
She placed the divorce agreement on the bed.
Ill have some time at the end of the month, she put a hand on my shoulder. Ill come with you for a check-up, okay?
Owen, I promised I wouldnt leave you to die. She seemed to finally notice the blood seeping from my wrist. She lifted my hand and asked, Does it hurt?
A-Che.
Ill get the first-aid kit and re-bandage it for you.
Sutton started to turn, but I stopped her.
Sutton.
I watched her back stiffen.
Stop lying to yourself.
Just sign it.
Set me free, and set yourself free.
4
The day I was rushed to the ER, Suttons mother finally erupted in anger, determined to teach her daughter a lesson. She sat by my bedside, shaking with fury, promising to hold Sutton accountable. But as soon as she called Sutton and heard her daughter was pregnant with Rhyss child.
She suddenly softened.
The baby comes first.
Nothing is more important than the child.
I couldnt hear what Sutton said, but her mother chuckled and replied, Ill handle the house. Ill talk to Owen myself.
Suttons mother hung up.
She sat by my bed and took my hand.
A-Che.
Youll be sensible, wont you?
I stared blankly at the mother-in-law who had always doted on me. Before I could nod.
My phone chimed.
A friend request notification.
Rhys added me on social media and immediately sent a video. In the video, Sutton signed a purchase agreement for a house. Rhys asked her:
Are you sure its okay to put the house only in my name?
What if Owen throws another tantrum?
Sutton smiled, her expression tender and devoted.
He wont.
Im here. He wouldnt dare.
Sutton laughed and squeezed his hand.
I just want to give you security, to make sure you feel completely safe. Its the least I can do to stop him from hurting you anymore.
Rhys sent me a text.
Owen, you will never be better than me.
So what if she loved you when you were young? What good is young love now? I have Suttons present and her future. I have all of her.
Just wait.
Sutton will dump you eventually!
Rhys sent me daily snippets of his life with Suttonphotos of their meals, dates, trips, even intimate moments in bed. He described everything in excruciating detail. He said:
Sutton told me you were like a dead fish in bed, that you stopped satisfying her a long time ago.
Owen, didnt you get a huge scar on your inner thigh from saving Sutton in that fire when you were in high school?
Sutton said she thinks its disgusting every time she sees it. Ha ha ha.
I looked at the barrage of voice messages, videos, and photos Rhys sent. In a state of total mental collapse, I violently smashed my phone, grabbed a paring knife from the kitchen, and, shaking uncontrollably, carved out the entire piece of flesh from my inner thigh where the scar was. The pain was agonizing, but a strange, liberating clarity washed over me.
I laughed hysterically, taking a picture of the bloody wound, and sent it to Sutton.
Sutton.
I dont want you anymore.
Sutton didnt reply.
Rhys did, with a taunt.
Sutton said youre disgusting!
I completely broke down. By this point, I hadn't seen Sutton in a long time, and I hadnt lashed out at her in weeks. But she truly seemed to have forgotten about me, forgotten how long it had been since she was last home.
Sutton stood there.
Motionless, like a statue, like she was about to crumble.
I didn't understand why she was hesitating.
When she wanted the divorce, I was the one screaming and fighting.
Now.
That I was ready to let her go.
She was the one in doubt.
I picked up the pen and the agreement, walking toward Sutton.
Sutton.
The ringing of a phone shattered the silence.
The screen flashed, illuminating Rhyss smiling face.
I saw the happy image of Rhys and felt a dull throb in my chest.
Sutton nervously hung up, clearly intending to explain, but Rhyss call was relentless, ringing again and again. As the screen kept lighting up, I walked up to Sutton, put the phone in her hand, but before I could speak.
A thunderous pounding erupted at the front door.
Rhyss voice screamed from the hallway.
Sutton!
Open the door, Sutton!
Rhys was frantically screaming her name. I watched the indecision flicker in Suttons eyes. Finally, she just told me:
I didnt know he was coming.
Owen
Sutton started to say something else, but I cut her off.
Sutton, we are finished.
I told her simply.
When Rhyss child is born, you will be a mother. I gestured toward the door. Go find your happiness.
Suttons image of me was that of a lunatic, a man who would lose his mind the minute Rhys was mentioned. When she heard I was seriously ill, she assumed I was just manipulating her to come home. She was ready to handle my drama and leave, never expecting.
I would be so calm. So peaceful. It was a silence that made her realize just how far apart we had drifted.
The pounding on the door was constant, making her anxious.
Owen, lets make it a fake divorce.
She said.
Once the babys legal documents are sorted out, Ill marry you again.

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