Divorce After 20 Years of Marriage

I walked in the door after working late, and my husband told me he was in love with someone else.
I just want a divorce. I want to be with her, he said, pushing a document across the table. I'll walk away with nothing if I have to.
I stared at the divorce papers.
And then, a breath I didnt know I was holding escaped me.
"Fine," I said. "I agree."
It's human nature to tire of the old and crave the new.
And I was no different.

1
Jason stared at me, dumbfounded. "You you're just agreeing? Just like that?"
A cold laugh escaped my lips, dripping with a sarcasm I didn't bother to hide. "What did you expect?"
"Oh, right. Im supposed to scream and demand to know who she is, aren't I?" I said, my voice sharp. "And then break down in tears, begging you not to leave? Begging you not to divorce me?"
I leaned forward. "On one hand, youre willing to give up everything just to leave me. On the other, you want me to beg you to stay. So which is it, Jason? Are you trying to leave or not? Is your left brain fighting your right?"
He was speechless.
I ignored him, picking up the divorce papers and scanning them carefully. Seeing no issues, I reached for my handbag to get a pen. Jason had been in such a rush to drag me in here that I hadn't even had time to hang it up.
Home from a long day at work, and not even a warm meal waiting. He hadn't even asked why I was so late. Hed just launched straight into the divorce.
I was done with these cold, empty days.
I pulled a fountain pen from my bag and signed both copies with a swift, clean stroke. Capping it, I stared down at the pen in my hand, its color faded and worn.
It was a gift for our first anniversary. Jason had spent half a month's part-time pay on it. After nearly twenty years, it was battered and old.
Time for something new.
I dropped the pen into the trash can.
"We'll get the paperwork filed tomorrow morning," I said, and walked out without a backward glance.

2
I went to my daughter Maya's room.
She had her back to me, burrowed under the covers.
I walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. "Don't pretend to be asleep. I know you saw everything."
After a long moment, she turned over and sat up. Her eyes were red-rimmed.
"Mom, Dad doesn't want us anymore, does he?"
I sighed inwardly. At almost forty, Id seen my share of goodbyes and loss; I could accept this separation. But Maya was only twelve. In her eyes, her parents were her entire world. After Jason and I split, no matter who she ended up with, half of that world was going to collapse.
But she was a part of this family. She deserved to know about every change.
I told her the truth. "Yes, your father asked for a divorce, and I agreed. But we're only stopping being husband and wife. We will always be the mom and dad who love you most."
Maya looked at me, and tears streamed down her face like a broken dam.
"Mom, I'm so sorry" she sobbed, covering her face with her hands.
The tears leaked through her fingers.
I was confused. Wasn't that my line?
I gently pulled her hands away and wiped her tears. "What's wrong? Why are you apologizing to me?"
Her shoulders shook with hiccuping sobs. "The last time the last time Dad picked me up from school, he was with a pretty lady."
"He said she was his assistant, but when he was driving, she kept leaning against him and her hand was on his leg."
"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to hide it from you, I just I didn't know how to tell you."
My hand clenched the bedsheet, my gaze turning to ice.
How dare he. How dare he flaunt his affair in front of our daughter.
I let out a slow breath and pulled her into a hug, my heart aching for her. "Maya, this is not your fault."
"Anyone would be confused in that situation. If it were me, I would have done the same thing."
Maya pulled back, her tear-filled eyes looking up at me pitifully. "Mom, do you still want me?"
I was taken aback for a second. I stroked the back of her head and smiled. "I think the question is, do you want to stay with me?"
Maya sniffled and nodded so hard her head bobbed.
I pinched her cheek gently. "Okay. You have school tomorrow, so get some sleep."
She obediently lay down.
After she had drifted off, I turned off the light and quietly left the room.

3
The next day, Jason and I went to file the divorce papers.
Afterward, he started packing his things, getting ready to move out. Neither Maya nor I asked if he needed help. We moved around him as if he were invisible.
But that evening, when I came home from work, Jason stopped me.
"Your mother called me today."
My heart jumped into my throat.
"She said your brother Ryan lost his job and she wants me to help him out, give him a position at my company."
"It's not a big deal for me, so I agreed. But I figured I should let you know."
Before he'd even finished, I had my phone out, dialing my mother's number on speaker.
She picked up almost immediately.
"Mom, Ryan needs to find a job on his own."
"Jason and I are divorced. Don't call him for things like this anymore."
"Divorced? When? Why?"
"Tyner, you"
I knew what was coming next. A lecture about why I shouldn't get divorced. She always did like Jason more than she liked me.
I cut her off. "Jason is having an affair. We are divorced. We are done. Do you understand?"
There was a moment of stunned silence on the other end. I used the opportunity to hang up.
When I looked up, Jason's face was beet red. He clearly hadn't expected me to be so blunt with my mother.
My phone buzzed. It was my mom calling back.
I declined the call and stood up to leave. If we were going to fight, I wasn't going to do it in front of him.
But he grabbed my wrist. "Tyner, its just a job for Ryan. Its a small thing. You don't have to refuse me and fight with your mom over it."
I hated fighting with my mother. But I hated the idea of being indebted to Jason even more.
Before, he was my husband. We were family. Now, he was just the father of my child. Nothing more than a stranger.
I yanked my arm away. "I'll handle this myself. Stay out of it."
He blocked my path, his voice laced with a mixture of confusion and frustration. "You'd rather fight with your mom than accept my help? Why?"
I sighed, then let out a soft, sharp laugh.
"Do I need to remind you that we're divorced?"
Jason's face went pale. "Yes, we're divorced, but we were together for twenty years. If we can't be husband and wife, can't we at least be friends?"
The idea was so absurd I had to laugh. "Friends with your ex-wife? Have you asked your new girlfriend if she's okay with that?"
The color drained completely from his face, his expression crumbling. He just stood there, frozen.

4
My phone was still ringing.
I brushed past Jason and headed for the stairwell to take the call. The moment I answered, my mother's shrill voice nearly shattered my eardrum.
"Tyner, tell me clearly, are you really divorced from Jason?"
"Yes, we are."
Her voice cracked with panic. "How could you divorce him? He's the CEO of a big company now! Where are you going to find another man that good, especially at your age? You're almost forty!"
"Besides," she went on, "what man doesnt stray a little? You just have to put up with it, and it passes."
"Look at me, didn't I put up with it? Listen to your mother, don't get divorced. If you do, you'll have nothing."
I suddenly felt the sting of tears. An image of my philandering father flashed in my mind, his cold, indifferent face as he watched my mother beg him to stay.
I had urged my mother to divorce him. But she hadn't worked since she got married. If she left him, she couldn't even support herself, let alone my brother and me. So she stayed, practically begging him for money, refusing to let the other woman win. She wasted her life in that rotten marriage until the day he died.
A sarcastic laugh bubbled up in my throat. "So I'm supposed to be like you? Suffer my whole life?"
She went silent. When she spoke again, her voice was sharp with agitation. "What else can you do? Life is about endurance!"
"And what about your brother? What's he going to do now that you're divorced?"
I knew it. It always came back to Ryan. Jason was the son-in-law who made her look good, the one who had helped Ryan out of countless jams. She wasn't about to let that go.
"Then why don't you have Ryan go live with Jason? Since the spot for Mrs. Thorne is open, he can go for it."
"You"
I had no patience for her nagging, and even less for a fight. I cut her off.
"I am not you. I don't have to endure anything. I can support myself and my child just fine on my own."
"I'm informing you of my divorce, not asking for your opinion. And don't worry, it won't affect the monthly support I send you."
"What you do with that money is your business, but don't expect a penny more."
I hung up, leaning my head back against the cool wall and exhaling slowly. But a tear escaped anyway, sliding down my cheek. I wiped it away before heading back inside.
That's just how it is when you're an adult.
Even your tears have to be shed in secret.

5
My mom called a few more times after that, always circling back to getting Ryan a job. But he was a grown man with two hands and two feet. He wasn't going to starve. I refused to help. Realizing I wouldn't budge, she finally gave up.
Jason moved out. The night he left, I heard Maya crying in her room. I didn't go in. Kids have their own private worlds, their own griefs they need to process alone.
The days of the cooling-off period ticked by. Jason and I had no contact.
Until one afternoon, after a long meeting, I checked my phone and saw dozens of missed calls. All from him.
And a text message.
[I'm downstairs at your office. Come down when you see this.]
For Jason to show up at my work, it must be something serious.
I hurried downstairs. As I reached the lobby, I saw him pacing nervously by the entrance.
"What's going on?" I asked as I approached.
He started to speak, but was interrupted by a colleague walking in. "Afternoon, Tyner."
Jason froze, his eyes widening as he stared at me. "You when did you become a Director?"
"Last year," I said calmly.
"How come you never told me?"
I looked down. A few years ago, when I was promoted to Manager, I had rushed home, bursting with excitement to tell him. All I got was a flat "Congratulations," and nothing more.
I remembered when Id made Assistant Team Lead. He had been more excited than I was. He insisted on taking me out to celebrate. Jason, who never spent more than twenty bucks on a meal, treated me to a huge lobster dinner that cost hundreds.
But when did it all change? When did promotions stop being a cause for celebration? When did wedding anniversaries become just a formal bouquet of flowers? When did we stop even saying "happy birthday" to each other?
We no longer went out for movies or walks on the weekend. Even eating at the same table became a silent affair. We stopped asking about each other's work.
Besides our daughter, it felt like we had nothing left to talk about.
In a marriage like that, what difference did it make whether I told him or not?

6
A wave of exhaustion washed over me. I had no desire to get tangled up with him.
"You came all this way. What's so urgent?" I asked, changing the subject.
Jason hesitated, his Adam's apple bobbing. "My mom just called," he finally said. "Her birthday is this weekend. She wants the family to get together for a meal."
I raised an eyebrow. Hed come all the way to my office just because his mother wanted to have a birthday dinner? I didn't know what game he was playing, and I didn't care enough to ask.
"Fine. I'll tell Maya. You can pick her up then."
I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm again. I glanced at him, then down at his hand gripping my wrist. He quickly let go, looking embarrassed.
"What I mean is I was hoping you'd come too."
I frowned. "What are you talking about? You haven't told your mother we're divorced?"
Jason looked pained. "Well" he stammered, "can we not tell her about the divorce just yet?"
His voice was almost a plea. "She has high blood pressure. I'm afraid the shock"
"And you didn't think of that when you asked for a divorce?" I shot back.
He fell silent, looking down in embarrassment.
I sighed. After Maya was born, I was desperate to re-establish myself at work and was swamped. Jason was busy launching his own startup. It was his mother who had stepped in to help with the baby, saving us. It was only in the last couple of years, when her health declined, that she moved into a retirement community so she wouldn't be a burden.
She had always been good to me. I respected her, and I didn't want anything to happen to her.
"I'll agree to this, just this once," I said. "But you need to find the right time to tell her yourself, before the divorce is finalized."
Jason let out a huge sigh of relief. "Tyner, thank you."
I just gave a slight nod and headed back upstairs.
That weekend, I took Maya to the retirement community. Jason was already waiting for us at the entrance.
We went in together. His mother was overjoyed to see us. One moment she was pressing a red envelope into Maya's hand, the next she was holding my arm, asking me how I'd been. The atmosphere was warm and happy.
Until a soft, sweet voice cut through the chatter.
"Happy birthday, Mom!"
We all turned. A young woman stood in the doorway. She looked like she had just graduated a year or two agoyoung, beautiful, and full of life.
Jason looked like hed seen a ghost. He rushed forward to block her from coming any further. "Chloe, what are you doing here?"
Suddenly, Maya tugged on my sleeve, her face pale. She leaned in and whispered, "Mom, that's the young lady from Dad's car. The assistant"

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