Their Outcast, My Crown

I have a brother and a sister. For eighteen years, my parents had the master bedroom, my siblings shared the second room, and I slept on the balcony.
So when my parents finally decided to upgrade to a four-bedroom house, I cried tears of pure joy.
After the housewarming party, we chose our rooms. My parents took the master suite. My brother, Ross, picked the room next to theirs. My sister, Mia, smiling, moved into the northern bedroom.
Excited, I headed toward the last roombut Mia stopped me. Alex, wrong way. Your rooms over there.
She pointed to the balcony, where my familiar wooden bed waited.
It hit me then: the problem was never the house size, but my place in their hearts.
As I stood frozen, the others gathered in the last roomnow a game room. Mia squealed with delight. Ross admired his sneaker shelf. My mom showed my dad his new ergonomic chair. I finally dont have to work at the dining table, he said, touched.
Thanks, Mom! We love you! they chorused.
I watched thema perfect, happy familythrough the doorway. Tears streamed down my face. Even after ten years on the balcony, in this new house, there was still no room for me.
An hour later, the novelty of their new shared space wore off, and they trickled out of the room. They finally noticed me, still standing in the same spot, my eyes red and swollen from crying.
Mia, oblivious as ever, came over and poked my arm. Whats wrong, Alex? Did the new house break your brain or something?
Ross let out a short laugh, but it died in his throat when he met my gaze. He walked over, trying to sound magnanimous. Look, if you really dont want the balcony, I guess we could switch.
Before I could even speak, my parents shot him down in unison. Absolutely not! Youre studying for your grad school exams. You need proper rest.
A bitter wave washed over me. So they knew. They knew sleeping on the balcony meant you couldnt rest properly.
But I have my college entrance exams coming up, I whispered, my voice barely audible.
I thought that might spark a flicker of guilt, but their expressions remained unchanged.
Youve done it for ten years, youre used to it, my mother said. Your brother isn't.
My fathers stern gaze was laced with reprimand. Hes a light sleeper, Alex. You know that!
My mother chimed in, her tone scolding. Honestly, this boy. Always has to compare everything. Youre being so immature!
The tears Id just managed to stop started flowing again, hot and unstoppable.
Immature? How much more mature could I possibly be?
There were three kids, and I wasnt even the oldest, yet I was the only one who ever did chores. Even during my middle school finals, studying until midnight, I still had to find time to wash the dinner dishes, do the laundry, and mop the floors.
With Rosss offer vetoed, all eyes turned to Mia. She shrieked instantly.
You even think about making me sleep on the balcony, and Ill make sure none of you get a wink of sleep, ever!
My mother stroked her hair with a look of helpless adoration. Dont you worry, my little princess. Wed make anyone sleep out there before you.
Thats more like it, Mia said, smugly. Ill let you off the hook for now. No need to call Grandma and Grandpa to complain.
I stood my ground, refusing to move my things to the balcony. The silence in the hallway was thick with tension. The urge to just turn around and walk out, to leave it all behind, pulsed through me, but I forced it down. Eight years of living as a guest in my aunts house had given me a desperate, bottomless craving for a real home. Even if this family didnt cherish me the way Id imagined, at least it was my home. At least I wasnt a beggar living under someone elses roof.
Swallowing my hurt and resentment, I tried one last time, my voice trembling. But what about the last room? Cant I just stay there for a little while?
No! This time, all four of them said it at once.
The last, fragile flicker of hope for their affection died in my chest.
With a furious roar, I swept my arm across the dining table, sending the carefully constructed pyramid of soda cans crashing to the floor.
If thats how it is, I choked out, my eyes burning, then theres no reason for me to be in this house at all.
I grabbed my worn-out duffel bag and stormed out without a backward glance.
Just as I reached the elevator, a hand clamped down on the back of my collar.
Stop right there! Where do you think youre going?! my father yelled, his face purple with rage.
None of your business! I shot back, my voice cold.
It was the first time in my life I had ever spoken back to him, the first time I had ever defied him so openly.
He froze for a second, stunned. Then, the sound of the slap was deafening.
I stumbled backward, the force of it sending me crashing to the floor. The contents of my duffel bag spilled out around me.
Over a single room? Youd abandon your own parents over a room? Is it really worth it?! he roared.
I looked up at his furious face and screamed back, my voice even louder than his. Yes! It is!
In the past, no matter how wronged I felt, I would have only offered a quiet, timid defense. I was weighed down by the shame of being the outsider, the latecomer to the family. I thought being obedient and invisible would earn their acceptance. But now I saw it clearly. All it ever got me was more pain. There was no point in trying to fit into a space where I would never belong.
My mother rushed out after him. What is wrong with this child? Do you only get happy when youre making your parents miserable? Her anger escalated until she was pointing a shaking finger at me. Fine! You want a room so badly? You can have the master bedroom! Your father and I will sleep on the balcony! Are you happy now?!
She spun around as if to start packing, but Ross and Mia grabbed her arms.
Mom, you and Dad are the elders. We cant have you sleeping on the balcony, Ross said, then shot a resentful look at me. Seriously, this was supposed to be a happy day, and its completely ruined by one selfish person.
Mias glare was pure poison. Just keep it up, Alex. Maybe Mom and Dad will send you away again!
A violent tremor shot through my entire body. The hellish memories of my life at my aunts house before I was eight flooded back, replaying in horrifying detail.
When I was four, I accidentally broke my cousins doll. My uncles face darkened, and he shoved me out the door. I spent the entire night curled up in the corner of the stairwell, sobbing until the sun came up.
When I was eight, my cousin was playing with matches and burned half the apartment down, but she blamed it on me. My aunt and uncle tied me up and beat me with a leather belt until I was half-dead.
That was the year my parents finally took me back.
I thought the nightmare was over. I never imagined I would still be the one who didnt belong.
I couldnt take it anymore. You dont have to send me! Im leaving myself!
I tore myself from my fathers grasp, my face streaked with tears, and slammed the down button for the elevator. I ran out of the building, out of the complex, just ran.
It was ten oclock at night. All I had was a cheap phone that could only make calls. Not a single change of clothes. I stared at the thousands of warm, glowing windows in the distance, then collapsed onto the curb, sobbing uncontrollably, letting out all the years of bottled-up misery.
Alex? Is that you?
A familiar voice cut through my grief.
I looked up. It was my classmate, Leo. Standing beside him were his parents, a kind-faced middle-aged couple.
Id been so excited about the new house that Id told practically everyone I knew, so of course, he knew.
I thought you guys were moving in today, he started, confused. What are you doing out here so late?
His mother cut him off. Leo, didnt you say you had some tough homework problems you needed Alexs help with? This is perfect. Why dont you invite him over?
Then she turned to me, her voice gentle. Alex, our place is just around the corner. Would you mind coming over to help Leo out for a bit?
Leo, who knew bits and pieces about my family situation, caught on immediately. Please, Alex? Youve gotta help me, he begged.
Thinking of my cold family and my empty pockets, I numbly accepted their kindness and went home with them.
Later that night, Mrs. Dallas sent a text to my parents for me, explaining that Id be staying with them for the month leading up to the final exams.
I overheard her on the phone with my mother. I heard my mothers shrill voice rattling on about how immature and shameless I was, how I shouldnt be imposing on another family just to "tutor." She never once mentioned the balcony. She never once asked me to come home.
For the next month, I became part of the Dallas family. Leo and I ate together, slept in his room, and went to school together. We studied late into the night, quizzing each other. I silently etched their kindness into my heart and swore I would ace my exams. I had to build a future for myself, a bright one that didn't depend on anyone elses approval.
The month flew by, and the exams were over.
In all that time, my parents had made a few half-hearted calls to Mrs. Dallas, offering to transfer money for my expenses, which she refused. When she did, they never tried to send it to me directly. They never called me once.
But I saw them. Whenever I used my phone to look up study materials, their social media posts would pop up.
Ross posted: Moms been making me a different kind of gourmet soup every day to keep my strength up for GRE prep. Best mom in the world.
Mia posted: Dad promised me the new-gen console no matter what my final grades are! Love my family! Best parents ever!
My parents were the first to like and comment: Our little family of four, always together.
I also saw on my mother's page that she had dismantled the wooden bed on the balcony and replaced it with two tiers of flower shelves.
Her caption was heartfelt: Finally cleared out that eyesore. Now its just birdsong, fragrant flowers, and my two wonderful children. My life is finally perfect.
So that was it. The days without me were their happiest. I finally understood that from the moment I was born, I was destined to be the extra piece that never fit.
A sharp pain lanced through my chest, but it vanished as quickly as it came. The exam results were out.
Alex, did you see it? Youre number one! Youre the top scorer in the entire state! Leo yelled, grabbing me in a hug and spinning me around.
Youre not so bad yourself, I said, grinning. Eighth in the city.
Leos parents walked over, smiling warmly. Its all thanks to you tutoring him this past month. With his old grades, he wouldve been lucky to get into any state college.
Leo stuck his tongue out sheepishly, then turned to me with genuine gratitude. Seriously, man. Thanks.
By the way, Mr. Dallas said, were planning Leos graduation party at The Grand Regency Hotel. If you dont mind, wed love for you to celebrate with us, as our guest of honor.
I immediately tried to refuse. Id already imposed on them for a month; I couldnt possibly crash their party.
But Leo got angry. You said yesterday you thought of me as a brother, and now you wont even celebrate with me? Fine! Im not talking to you anymore! He pouted, turning his back on me.
I was cornered. I had to give in. Okay, okay, Leo, dont be mad. Ill be there.
You know, I added wistfully, Ive never had a party like that.
Leos face was a mask of disbelief. What are you talking about? You were first in the city in middle school He trailed off, suddenly realizing.
The three of them looked at me for a long moment. Their eyes held no surprise, no pity. Only a deep, aching sympathy that warmed me to my core.
The emotions I had suppressed for so long surged up again. Strangers could see my pain, could care for me, could feel for me. But my own flesh and blood saw me as a burden, something to be ignored and mistreated.
It was clear then. Blood isnt what makes a family.
I knew, with absolute certainty, that some people werent worth holding on to.
On the day of the party, wearing a new shirt and slacks Mrs. Dallas had bought me, I went with them to The Grand Regency.
During a trip to the restroom, I took a wrong turn and ended up in a different ballroom. I was about to leave when four familiar figures caught my eye, and I froze.
There, on the main stage in the center of the room, were my father, my mother, Ross, and Mia, huddled together, beaming.
This son of mine has been brilliant since he was a boy, my father announced, slinging an arm around Rosss shoulders and holding up his grad school acceptance letter for all to see. Hes bringing honor to the Clarke name!
And our Mia is incredibly talented too! my mother added. Even if her grades werent the best, shes a genius at dance. Just yesterday, she won a national junior dance award! She finished by planting a proud kiss on Mias forehead. You will always be your mothers greatest pride, sweetie.
The room erupted in applause. Guests swarmed them, congratulating my parents on their good fortune, praising Ross and Mia for being so accomplished. The atmosphere was electric; everyone was radiant with joy.
And then there was me, a lonely shadow in the doorway, completely out of place.
I panicked, desperate to escape, but just as I turned to leave, a voice called out.
Alex? What are you doing here?
It was Ross. He was standing right in front of me, and behind him were Mia, and my parents.
It had been over a month, and the look in their eyes wasnt happiness or surprise. It was pure, undiluted disgust.
As if I wasnt their son, but the filthiest, most repulsive thing in the world.

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