That I Can't Trust Him

1
For three years, I was the gilded canary in President of Blackwood Holdings, Finn Keery's cage.
We were inseparable, our passion a scorching, all-consuming fire.
He never used protection, always holding me close afterward, whispering, If it happens, we'll have it. I'll marry you, Thea.
So when I actually got pregnant,
I threw myself off his yacht right in front of him.
I left him with a bloated, decaying corpse to remember me by.
Months later, in a city far from his empire, he was hunting for another runaway heiress.
Instead, he found me, a baby in my arms, chatting with his target.
"Running away with the baby is the right move," I told her, an expert giving advice.
"Don't listen to all the promises he makes. You go home with him? You'll regret it."
"A man's words are just pretty lies. They're fun to play with for a while, but you can't ever really trust them."

"As soon as you're pregnant, I'll marry you."
Finns hot breath tickled my ear as he spoke, his voice a low, husky promise.
"Once you're part of the Keery family, you'll never have to worry about your parents or that fake sister of yours again."
I forced a smile, my body going rigid.
Pregnancy. My biased parents. The impostor sister.
Did he really have to bring all that up right now?
The mood was instantly shattered.
"Pregnancy is impossible," I said, trying to keep the tremor from my voice. "It hasn't happened in three years. I'm probably infertile."
He could never know the truth.
That I'd been secretly taking birth control this whole time.
"You're young and healthy. It just means I haven't been trying hard enough."
He flipped me onto my back, his touch reigniting the fire in my veins. I had to admit, Finn was an artist in the bedroom. Our three years together had been a whirlwind of pleasure, a testament to his skill.
He was the undisputed king of our city's elite, powerful and obscenely generous. He took care of me, lavishing me with attention and gifts. Besides his obsession with getting me pregnant, he was flawless.
"I can't be pregnant!"
I glared at the old herbalist. "I've been taking the contraceptive tea you prescribed every single day."
Ever since that night with Finn, I'd been feeling nauseous, a knot of anxiety tightening in my stomach. I'd snuck out to this small, discreet clinic, only to be told: Congratulations, you're having a baby.
Congratulations?
What was there to celebrate?
I could barely take care of myself. A baby was not part of the plan.
Three years ago, on the eve of my college entrance exams, I was plucked from a hyper-competitive, high-pressure province and dropped into the lap of luxury in the capital. I went from being a penniless orphan from a remote village to the long-lost daughter of a wealthy family.
Everyone said I'd hit the jackpot, a Cinderella story come to life.
But only I knew the truth. It was a nightmare.
My biological parents already had a daughter, one they had raised and adored. I was an intruder, an unwelcome disruption. To avoid upsetting their precious 'sister,' they didn't even bother giving me a new name, just tacked their surname onto my old one. I went from Thea to Thea Tang.
When the exam results came out, I scored three hundred points higher than her. But instead of congratulations, I was met with a storm of accusations.
"You know your sister struggles with her studies! Did you score that high just to push her over the edge? Do you want her to kill herself?"
My mother slapped me across the face. My father, in a fit of rage, cut off all my financial support. To appease their other daughter, they forbade me from attending university.
I tried to work and save for tuition myself, but they sabotaged every job I found.
Just when I'd hit rock bottom, I met Finn Keery.
I became his canary; he paid for my education and my life. The plan was to save up enough money and disappear.
But now, there was a baby.
What could I give a child? An illegitimate status, a mother who was a kept woman, a toxic and suffocating family?
A chill ran down my spine. "No," I shook my head, "I can't."
"Your constitution is unique," the old herbalist said, her gaze sharp. "If you get rid of this one, you may never be able to have another."
"Don't do something you'll regret."
My mind was a chaotic mess all the way back to the penthouse. I tried to prepare myself to talk to Finn. He was the father, after all. He deserved to know.
But as I approached his study, I heard voices.
"Vivian Song from the Song Corporation seems like a good match."
Someone agreed. "Miss Song is from a good family, she's educated, beautiful. A perfect match."
Finn chuckled, his voice lazy and detached.
"A wife for a strategic alliance needs to be sensible, obedient, and presentable. She needs to be able to tolerate... outside arrangements."
My body went rigid. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"You're right, Finn. A woman like that won't cause any embarrassing scenes later."
My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise. For three years, he'd told me, again and again: "If you get pregnant, we'll have it. I'll marry you."
It was all a lie.
A suitable family, a strategic marriagethat had been his goal all along.
A bitter taste filled my mouth. Why was I so upset? I'd known from the day I agreed to this arrangement that it wouldn't last forever. Marriages in his world were business transactions. I was never going to be his wife.
But maybe, after three years, I had actually fallen for him.
I stumbled back to our bedroom, the traces of our life together suffocating me.
"Thea, why do you look so pale?"
Finn walked in, his face etched with concern. He reached out to touch my cheek. "Are you not feeling well?"
I looked up, seeing the genuine affection in his eyes, and a wave of nausea washed over me.
"I'm fine. Just ate something that disagreed with me."
I subtly pulled away from his touch, stepping out of his embrace.
The baby. He could never know about the baby. I had to leave.
The next day, I started taking inventory. Jewelry and bags to be sold for cash. Gold bars packed separately. Finn had been a generous keeper. He'd drape me in extravagant jewels as if they were trinkets, his eyes full of adoration. Now, looking at these cold, inanimate objects, all I felt was a crushing disappointment.
Had he changed, or was it all just an act from the beginning?
Finn saw the piles of luxury goods on the floor and smiled.
"Can't find anything you like?" he teased, stroking my hair. "I'll take you shopping for the new collections."
I kept my eyes down. "I was just admiring them. They're proof that you love me, after all..."
A knock on the door interrupted me. "Mr. Song is here."
Finn gave me a quick, soft kiss. "Thea, I have something important to take care of. Go out, do some shopping. Use my card."
I watched him hurry away, a bitter feeling churning in my stomach. He was playing both sides, wasn't he? Carefully negotiating his marriage with his future in-laws while placating me with money.
Just as I was about to leave, I changed my mind. I tiptoed to the study door.
"A high-society marriage is about mutual benefit and maintaining a respectable image. We can't let trivial matters like personal feelings create an ugly situation," Finn's voice was firm and steady.
"I'm not sure about the one on the outside... is she sensible?" Mr. Song sounded hesitant. "What if there's a child...?"
"There won't be a child," Finn said without a moment's hesitation. "And if there were, I wouldn't acknowledge it. The Keery name is respected. We only have legitimate heirs. We can't afford a scandal."
He paused, then added, "No matter how much I spoil her, she's just a plaything. The stability of the alliance is what matters."
I wouldn't acknowledge it.
A plaything.
The words were like shards of glass in my gut, tearing me apart. A shiver wracked my body.
I had become his canary to escape my parents and get an education, to give myself a chance at a future. I knew it wasn't a respectable path. But I had always told myself: he doesn't have a girlfriend, and I don't have a boyfriend. We were just dating, like any other couple.
But to him, I was just a toy.
And our child he wouldn't even acknowledge our child.
I went back to the bedroom, replaying his words in my head like a form of self-torture. Each time, the pain and humiliation grew, and the lingering affection I had for him withered away. The agony was so intense, my body started to shake.
"Thea, why are you crying?"
Finn rushed in, his face a mask of concern as he wiped away my tears. "What's wrong?"
I dug my nails into my palms until they drew blood, forcing myself to calm down.
"It's nothing," I said, forcing a smile. "I just feel guilty. You're so good to me, and the one thing you want is a child, and I can't even give you that." My voice was thick with fake emotion. "Will you be disappointed in me? Will you stop loving me?"
His mood instantly brightened. He pinched my nose playfully. "So afraid I'll leave you? Then you'll just have to work harder to please me, so I can't bear to let you go."
Please him.
He had no respect for me at all. I really was just a toy.
"What if I stop loving you first?" I asked. "What if I want to leave?"
He laughed, a low, dismissive sound. "Leave? Where would you go? You have no money of your own, and your identity is linked to my systems. You think you can escape me?"
He was right. He was all-powerful. I couldn't even buy birth control from a pharmacy; I had to sneak to a back-alley herbalist just to avoid his network of spies.
He leaned down, his eyes darkening. "Why are you asking these questions all of a sudden?"
"I was just joking," I cooed, snuggling into his chest. "I've been reading too many novels. I was just curious. I didn't think you'd get so angry." I looked up at him, my eyes wide and innocent. "If I actually got pregnant and ran away with your child, you'd probably go insane, wouldn't you?"
The arm around my waist tightened like a vise. His face was a thundercloud. "Some things are better left to the imagination." His voice was dangerously low. "Thea, you can't handle the consequences of my anger."
I swallowed hard, my heart hammering against my ribs, and forced a bright smile.
It was clear. A simple escape was impossible.
I had to find a way to die.
My plan to run away was ruined. I looked at the piles of designer jewelry and bags, a wave of sadness washing over me. Three years of hard work, my entire canary empire... I couldn't take any of it with me.
I was an orphan, rejected by my own parents, forced to sell my body to survive, and the man I'd loved for three years was a monster. Now, my only way out was to fake my own death. And the worst part? I'd have to leave all my treasure behind.
The thought filled me with a bitter, helpless despair.
Just then, a light laugh echoed from the doorway. "She really is beautiful."
A woman stood there, looking me up and down. Her eyes lingered on the love bites on my neck. "No wonder he can't let you go. You must be very good at what you do."
It only took me a second to realize who she was. Finn's fiance, Vivian Song.
She and her friend sneered, their eyes raking over me like I was something dirty. In that moment, I felt a shame so profound I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. I finally understood: no matter how I tried to frame it, in their world, I was nothing more than a cheap whore being put in her place by the wife.
"Don't be scared," Vivian said, her smile condescending. "I'm not here to break you up. As long as you're obedient and don't cause any trouble, you two can continue for as long as you like."
She stood there, waiting for my grateful thanks. A wave of humiliation rose in my throat, choking me.
"I..."
Seeing my defiant silence, her friend exploded. "Vivian is being generous, you ungrateful bitch! Who do you think you are? You're just a slut who sells her body! You need to be taught a lesson!"
"Nana!" Vivian pretended to scold her. "Nana has a temper," she said, turning back to me, "but she's right. A girl in your position can't afford to have pride. If you're going to be a mistress, you can't think too highly of yourself."
She went on, lecturing me on the rules of being a kept woman. The more she spoke, the sicker I felt. I doubled over, dry-heaving.
Long after they left, I was still shaking. If I didn't leave Finn, this was just the beginning. If he found out I was pregnant, he would either force me to have an abortion or lock me away, forcing me to live under Vivian's thumb, enduring her taunts while our child grew up in shame.
Despair washed over me, a suffocating tide.
The door opened, and Finn stumbled in, reeking of alcohol. "Miss me?" he slurred, wrapping his arms around me from behind.
The smell of liquor made my stomach turn. I shoved him away. "Ugh!"
He stared at me, then knelt, his hand gripping my chin. "Something's been off with you lately. You're always sick, moody, and now you're throwing up." He leaned closer, his boozy breath hot on my face. A wicked grin spread across his lips. "Thea, you're not pregnant, are you?"
My heart stopped.
"Of course not," I said, forcing a calm I didn't feel. "If something that wonderful happened, you'd be the first to know. I just have an upset stomach."
He studied me for a long time, his eyes dark and unreadable. I finally broke the tension by snuggling into his arms. He laughed. "Why so clingy tonight?"
"It would be nice if you were always this obedient," he murmured, a strange note in his voice. "Be a good girl, and I'll take you on a trip soon. My private island in France, skiing in Switzerland, the Northern Lights..."
He fastened a glittering necklace around my neck. "There's a jewelry auction in Italy. I'll buy you a few more pieces. How does that sound?"
I was wrapped in his warmth, but my heart was encased in ice.
"That sounds wonderful," I said, tilting my head up to kiss him.
Wonderful, my ass.
"I love jewelry. I want so much I can't even wear it all."
But what was the point of having treasures you could never show off, that came at the cost of your dignity? I loved money, but only if I could spend it freely, with my head held high. A man's words were just lies. He promised me the world, but once his wife moved in, I'd be hidden away, a dirty secret.
I pushed the thoughts down and showered him with kisses. "I heard they have a new cruise on the river. I want to go."
Pleased with my sudden affection, he agreed instantly. "I'll charter the whole yacht. We'll spend a few days on the water."
This was it. My plan. If I was going to fake my death, it had to be convincing. Without a body, Finn would never stop looking. But if I left a body... where was I supposed to find a corpse?
The river was perfect. The currents were strong. A body could easily be lost, torn apart.
I knew how to survive in the water; I'd grown up by a river. My only worry was the baby. "But my child," I whispered to my belly, "I have to save myself before I can be a mother to you. Please don't blame me."
The day of the cruise, the weather was perfect.
"A few friends are coming," Finn said. "Vivian Song will be here. You should spend some time with her."
"Why should I?" I retorted. She was his fiance, but I was still a person, not her entertainment.
"I just thought, since you two will be seeing a lot of each other in the future, you should get to know each other..."
I laughed, a cold, bitter sound. "I'm not worthy of her acquaintance."
This was his way of telling me to get used to my place. I saw Vivian approaching. They stood together, a picture-perfect couple. "She's going to be a proper wife. What am I? Find someone else to entertain her."
I turned to walk away, but Finn grabbed my wrist. "What's gotten into you? What are you talking about?"
A wave of disgust washed over me. I ripped my arm away. "Leave me alone!"
Finn's face darkened. "Thea, it seems I've spoiled you too much. You've become ill-mannered and unpresentable."
The last bit of affection I had for him vanished. He saw my defiant silence and his words grew sharper. "Don't forget your place! Don't forget who's keeping you alive!"
My world tilted. My pride shattered.
He was right. I was nothing. A charity case, a whore. I deserved their contempt.
He thought I was unpresentable? Fine. I was about to die anyway.
I took a deep breath. "I've always been ill-mannered. I'm not fit to be in Miss Song's company."
Tears streamed down my face. He froze. It was the first time in three years I had cried in front of him.
I walked to the edge of the deck. He didn't follow. He was probably inside with Vivian.
I climbed over the railing. The water churned below.
"Thea!"
Finn's voice, raw with panic. "Don't move! Just wait for me!"
I turned and gave him one last, liberating smile.
His expression shifted from anger to pure terror. "NO!"
He sprinted toward me as I let go, falling into the dark water below.
Splash!

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