Seasons That Passed Me By

The day I was discharged from the hospital, my depression finally in remission, I waited at the entrance for hours.
It was nearly midnight when the message from Lucas Sterling finally came through. Something urgent came up at the firm. Dont wait up, just head home.
A moment later, I saw the new post on Bethany Reeds Instagram.
It was a photo of Lucas, sleeves rolled up, patiently changing a lightbulb for her.
The caption read: For all the hard things in life, I'm so lucky to have you.
My breath caught in my throat. I tapped the like button and quietly called a cab.
When I got home, I was surprised to find Lucas already there, looking like hed rushed back. He saw me and immediately grabbed my hands, his voice tight with anxiety.
Dont overthink it, Mia. Shes just an old friend. I was just helping her out.
I nodded, playing the part of the compliant girlfriend he expected.
But his brow only furrowed deeper. He hesitated, then asked, Mia? Whats wrong?
I just shook my head, my gaze fixed on the ugly, layered scars that covered my wrists.
Nothing was wrong.
I was just done loving him.

The room fell silent for a long moment.
Finally, Lucas let out a sigh, reining in his temper to coax me. Mia, please dont be like this.
It was nothing. I didnt do anything with her, I just helped her with something small.
I already promised you I wouldnt cross any lines with Bethany again. Dont fixate on one little thing.
He finished and moved to wrap his arms around me, but I took a silent step back, avoiding his touch.
A muscle in his jaw twitched. His patience finally snapped, his voice rising. What the hell do you want from me?!
I flinched, a sudden fog of tears blurring my vision.
He seemed to realize hed gone too far, a flash of regret in his eyes. I didnt mean to blame you
I want to break up.
My voice was barely a whisper, but it cut through his words.
What?
Lucas stared at me, then pressed his fingers to his temples as if fighting off a massive headache. Can you not do this again? Dont threaten to break up every time we have a problem.
Its always this, Mia. Im so tired.
Yes, I know. I cheated on you before. I was with Bethany, and it was wrong, it hurt you. But Ive changed, havent I? Havent I been good enough to you these past months?
Just because I made one mistake, youre going to torture me like this forever?!
There it was again.
I couldnt look at him. The air in the room felt like it was turning to thick, black water, ready to pull me under. A wave of terror washed over me, and for a horrifying second, I felt the urge to drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness.
But I held my ground, repeating the words. I want to break up.
Crash!
He slammed his water glass onto the floor, and it shattered into a thousand pieces.
Aah!
I screamed, dropping into a crouch and wrapping my arms over my head, trembling uncontrollably. Im sorry please dont hit me Im sorry, Im sorry
Lucas loomed over me, his voice dripping with scorn. There you go again. Faking it.
Mia, have I been too good to you lately? Did that make you think you could control me with these pathetic little acts?!
I couldnt process his words. The rising volume of his voice just sent fresh waves of panic through me, and I scrambled away from him like a cornered animal.
The look in his eyes hardened into disappointment. Fine.
Calm yourself down. When youre ready to be rational, we can talk.
I dont know when he left.
By the time the storm in my body subsided, the sun was streaming through the windows.
Slowly, I packed a bag and walked out.
I passed a few neighbors on my way out. They gave me those familiar, pitying looks, and as I walked away, I could hear their hushed whispers.
Whats going on now? Another tantrum?
You dont think theyre actually breaking up, do you? I dont get it. They fight every single day. Why are they even still together?
She cant let go, probably. Who could, in her position?
That man doesnt love her. If it were me, I would have walked away a long time ago.
They were right. I should have walked away a long time ago.
I paused and looked back at the apartment complex, now small in the distance. I couldnt stop the hot, heavy tears that finally fell.
Ten years of this.
I had cried, I had raged, I had lost my mind. I had trampled on every last shred of my dignity until I was nothing more than a joke.
Lucas Sterling, Im finally done loving you.
I was eighteen when I got together with Lucas.
I had just been accepted into the country's top art academy, my future a bright, shining path. Then the call came from home. My father was addicted to gambling and had racked up an insurmountable debt.
With my back against the wall, I dropped out of school and started working as a cocktail waitress in a high-end club. Thats when Lucas appeared.
He was thoughtful, a gentleman, handsome and well-mannered, like a prince from a fairytale.
He was so good to me.
He paid off my fathers debts and had him transferred to a private hospital after the loan sharks beat him so badly he was paralyzed.
He remembered my cycle, brewing me ginger tea whenever I had cramps.
When I couldnt sleep, he would hold me all night, whispering stories until I drifted off.
Falling in love with him was inevitable.
After we got together, everyone said I wasnt good enough for him.
Theyd laugh, their contempt barely veiled. Shes just some cheap cocktail waitress. Does she really think shes pulled off a Cinderella story?
Haha, everyone in this town knows Lucas is just playing with her.
Just wait until she comes back
A cold knot would form in my stomach. I never let myself listen to the end.
Of course, I knew I didnt deserve him. Our worlds were galaxies apart. But I loved him, and because of that, I missed my chance to walk away when I should have.
From that love, the thorny branches of insecurity began to grow.
I never dared to ask him who she was. Instead, Id joke around, asking if he loved me.
He would never answer.
He would just look at me, his dark eyes seeming to see right through me, to a place I couldn't follow.
My anxiety grew.
Eventually, I heard the name: Bethany Reed.
She was his first love, the one that got away.
They said we looked alike. That I was just her replacement.
The realization was like being plunged into ice water. It all made sense. The tender way he looked at mehe wasn't seeing me at all. He was looking at someone else.
I completely lost my temper. I stormed into Sterling Corp and demanded an explanation.
But he was patient, pulling me into his arms and hushing me softly. Its all just rumors. Why are you so upset?
Yes, Bethany and I were together, but that was a long time ago, Mia.
She came back to the country yesterday. If I still loved her, if you were just a substitute, why wouldnt I just break up with you and be with her?
I believed his lies. For a little while, I even felt a flicker of confidence.
But I couldnt shake my curiosity. One day, I was working a catering gig and learned that the famous concert pianist performing was Bethany Reed. I snuck a look.
She was beautiful.
Dressed in a flowing white gown, her long, slender fingers danced across the piano keys. The spotlight caught her from the side, making her glow like a princess.
The self-loathing was a tidal wave, and it threatened to drown me.
I turned and fled, but I didnt get far before someone grabbed my arm. It was one of the women who was infatuated with Lucas. She looked at me with a sneer. Well, look who it is.
Here to cause a scene?
So you know youre the stand-in, and now youre getting desperate? Look at yourself. You really think youre fit for the Sterling family? How pathetic.
All eyes were on me. Their jeers wove into a net, trapping me. I couldnt breathe.
But then Lucas was there, alerted by the commotion. He didnt hesitate. He wrapped his arms around me, shielding me from their stares, and then he tore into the women who had been taunting me.
In the middle of that noisy hall, his voice rang out, clear and strong. Mia Collins is my girlfriend. You have a problem with her, you have a problem with me.
I drew a universe of security from those words. From that moment on, I pushed every doubt aside and forgot all about being a substitute.
We had three wonderful years together.
On our wedding day, Bethany sent a tasteful gift with her best wishes. When she spoke to Lucas, she was warm and poised, like any old friend. Watching the elegant profile of her face, I felt a pang of guilt, certain that I had wronged her with my petty insecurities.
I went home that night, happy, planning what I could get her as an apology gift. I wanted to discuss it with Lucas.
I pushed open our bedroom door and froze.
He and Bethany were tangled together, their clothes in disarray.
On our wedding bed.

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