All Our Broken Things

I slid the signed divorce papers across the table.
He picked them up, a slow smile spreading across his lips.
Dont be upset, he said, his voice smooth and condescending. Its just a formality. As soon as Seraphinas depression is under control, well remarry immediately.
I kept my head down, refusing to meet his eyes. What about the compensation you promised me?
He slid a credit card toward me. Youve been a good girl. Im even doubling the reward. He leaned back, the picture of magnanimity. Dont worry. Even after the divorce, you can still live in the house. Nothing will change. I would never abandon you.
A cold, bitter laugh echoed in my mind. I knew exactly what this fake divorce was. It was a sham designed to keep me tethered to him, a glorified nanny for our child, while he and Seraphina could finally be together, officially.
He wanted a new wife, and he was using this lie to keep me placid and cooperative.
But what he would never, ever know was that I had been dreaming of this divorce for a long time.

I took the card without another word, grabbed my suitcase, and walked out the door.
My mother was stunned when I arrived at my parents house.
What are you doing here at this hour? Did you two have a fight? she asked, bustling to help me with my luggage. Every couple argues. His circumstances are so good, cant you just learn to put up with it?
I was silent for a moment. Gaten and I are divorced.
The color drained from her face. What?! How could you make such a huge decision without even talking to us?
My father chimed in from the living room. Shes right. Divorce isnt a game. Do you know how rich he is? Where are you ever going to find another man like that?
I set my suitcase down and turned to face them. They were both frowning, their expressions a perfect mirror of disappointment, as if I were a foolish, disobedient child.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Only tears.
What are you crying for? My mothers voice was sharp with impatience. Just tell us what happened!
I snapped my head up, and the words tore from my throat in a raw scream. My daughter is dead! My daughter is gone!
The force of the cry buckled my knees. I crumpled to the floor, wrapping my arms around myself as a storm of sobs ripped through me.
What what did you say? My mothers voice was a choked whisper.
Seeing their instantly ashen faces felt like another knife twisting in my heart.
We were on vacation, I gasped between sobs, on a private island.
Lily suddenly clutched her chest, said it hurt, that she couldnt breathe. I knew right awayit was her congenital heart condition.
But there was only one doctor on the entire island!
I looked everywhere for Gaten, I called him over and over, begging him to get the doctor. But him?
The memory of that day flooded back, as sharp and cruel as it was in the moment.
He didnt answer my calls. Seraphinas son, his dog had fallen into the pool and swallowed some water.
She made one call to Gaten, and he immediately sent the islands only doctor away to perform CPR on a dog.
My father shot to his feet, his eyes bloodshot with rage. How could he just abandon his own daughter?
I begged him, but it was useless! My voice rose to a hysterical shriek. I couldnt reach him, the doctor never came, and I just held her I held my daughter and watched the life leave her body right there in my arms
I couldnt go on. I curled into a ball on the floor, my body trembling uncontrollably. My mind was a roaring storm of memories, images from the past bubbling up, chaotic and cruel.
I was seventeen, a top student from a desperately poor family. I was the pride of my school, but I spent my lunches eating dry bread in a classroom with no heat, my hands often too cold to even hold a pen.
Then one day, my principal called me into his office. A wealthy entrepreneur wanted to sponsor a student in need. He had chosen me.
The first time I saw Gaten Thorne, he was standing in the principal's office. He wore a black overcoat, tall and imposing, his eyes slightly downcast when he looked at me.
Nancy Heaton? His voice was deep and smooth.
Ive decided to sponsor you through the completion of all your studies. From now on, I will cover all your expenses.
All you need to do is focus on your education. You dont have to worry about anything else.
Just like that. A monthly deposit started appearing in my bank account, enough for food, books, and even medicine for my grandmother. The year I was preparing for my college entrance exams, his assistant came to my school with imported snacks and nutritional supplements.
Mr. Thorne asked me to bring these. He said to take care of your health.
The night before the exams, I was too nervous to sleep. My phone lit up. It was a text from him, wishing me luck.
I clutched the phone to my chest and cried.
He was the only light in my gray, colorless life.
I knew he had someone else, the one that got away. Her name was Seraphina. She was from a family that was his equal, and they had grown up together. Id seen pictures of them in magazinesthe perfect, beautiful couple.
I buried my own hopeless crush so deep it could never see the light of day.
In my second year of college, I heard Seraphina had married a foreign tycoon. On a whim, I sent him a text. Mr. Thorne, are you okay?
It took him a long time to reply. Why wouldn't I be? Focus on your studies.
His tone was unreadable.
Two months later, he was in my city on business and asked me to dinner. Afterward, he drove me back to my dorm. He didnt immediately tell me to get out. The night air was cool.
Nancy, he said, turning to look at me. Marry me.
My mind went completely blank.
I never, ever imagined he would propose to me.
I Im not worthy of you.
Its not a question of being worthy. His voice was calm, leaving no room for refusal. Ive always liked you. Youre quiet, you know your place. Marry me. Ill be good to you.
My heart hammered against my ribs, threatening to break free. The light I had worshipped from afar for so many years was now offering to shine on me.
I nodded, my voice trembling. Okay.
Our wedding was a grand affair. I wore a dress worth a fortune, but I felt like a wooden doll, completely out of place. His family was polite but distant.
The first time my parents met his mother was just before the wedding. My parents wore their best, most respectable clothes, but they were so nervous they didn't know what to do with their hands. His mother smiled, her eyes flicking over their frayed, faded collars. She didn't say anything.
But that night, I passed by the study and heard her talking to Gaten. From such a common family. Theyll never have any class. If it werent for Seraphina you never would have had to stoop to this level.
Gaten didn't respond. I pretended I hadn't heard a thing.
After we were married, he was incredibly generous. He gave me a black card with no limit, a mansion to live in, a driver and maids to see to my every need. It was a life I could never have imagined.
But I always felt like a guest.
I couldn't contribute to the conversations in their social circle. They talked about equestrian sports, art auctions, and financial terms I didn't understand. I could only stand by and smile.
Once, at a gala, someone asked me, Mrs. Thorne, what are your hobbies?
I opened my mouth, but my mind was a void. Was I supposed to say I loved reading, or helping my grandmother on the farm?
Gaten wrapped an arm around my shoulder and smiled faintly. Shes rather introverted. She prefers to stay home.
The person gave a knowing, slightly pitying Oh.
After that, I made a point of shrinking into the corners at those events, trying to be invisible.
It wasn't for lack of trying. I took classes in flower arranging and tea ceremonies, desperate to fit into his world. But his mother could shatter my confidence with a single sentence. A pale imitation, shed sniff. Gaten would just frown and say, Mom, thats enough.
That was all.
I kept telling myself it was okay, that he loved me. He remembered my birthday and sent extravagant gifts, though he never stayed to watch me blow out the candles. Hed send the driver to pick me up when it rained, though he never came himself.
I was guarding a beautiful, empty box, telling myself it was full of treasure.
The day our daughter was born, he did come to the hospital. He held the baby, a flicker of novelty on his face at being a new father.
His mother glanced at the baby and sniffed. Just a girl.
Our daughter, Lily, grew up to be a sweet child. Almost too sweet. In that grand, cold house, she learned to read the moods of everyone around her.
The day Seraphina came back, divorced and with her son in tow, I was in the garden with Lily, playing with blocks. Gatens mother was ecstatic, rushing out to greet them, cooing over Seraphinas son, Leo, as if he were a prince.
She took Seraphinas hand, her eyes full of adoration. Oh, just look at you. This is what a Thorne daughter-in-law should look like! If only you had She trailed off, but everyone knew what she meant.
Leo was a few months older than Lily and spoiled rotten. He snatched Lilys doll and pushed her to the ground. Lily picked herself up, dusted off her dress, and offered him her other doll. You can have this one too, big brother. Please dont push me, okay?
It felt like a needle in my heart.
That night, I said to Gaten, Could you talk to Leo? Hes always bullying Lily.
He was leaning against the headboard, reading a report. He didnt even look up. Its normal for kids to squabble. Youre too sensitive.
But Lily, she
Enough, he cut me off. Seraphina just got back, shes in a fragile state. My mother asked me to take extra care of them. Cant you be a little more understanding?
I looked at his cold, indifferent profile and swallowed the rest of my words.
It only got worse.
Lily fell and scraped her knee, crying her eyes out. Leo stood beside her, clapping and laughing. Gaten came home from work at that moment, and Lily held out her arms, wanting her daddy to pick her up.
Instead, he ruffled Leos hair first. What are you doing, little man, teasing your sister? he asked, his tone playful.
Only then did he look at Lily. Its just a little fall. Dont be so dramatic.
Lilys outstretched arms slowly fell to her sides.
She looked down, wiped her own tears, and whispered, It doesnt hurt, Daddy.
She never asked him to hold her again.
That is how my heart slowly turned to stone.
Until the vacation.
Until my daughter clutched her tiny chest, her face turning blue, and died in my arms.

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