Called a Pick-me Girl, But I’m a Real Guy!

The day I flew back home, my best friend's girlfriend cornered me, her eyes burning with hostility.
So, you're the one that got away, huh? His old flame. I'll give you this, you're pretty. But now that he has me, I guess that makes you... what? Just a boring old memory.
I tried to explain that I was just one of the guys, a friend, but she wouldn't let it go.
"Oh, I've seen your type before. The 'cool girl' who plays the 'just one of the guys' card so you can flirt without any consequences."
"Honey, have some self-respect. Don't be some cheap tramp everyone's had a piece of."
I was completely floored.
What the hell was a "cool girl" act?
I'm a guy. A 100% genuine, bona fide guy.

1
The door to the private dining room swung open just as I sat down. Leo walked in with his arm around a woman in a slinky red dress.
"Brian! You're finally back!"
Zack clapped me on the shoulder. "Let me introduce you. This is Leo's girlfriend, Lily."
Lilys eyes roamed over me, top to bottom, and then her brow furrowed.
"Leo, is this the 'old flame' you're always talking about? You've got a pretty face, I'll give you that, but your style is so... androgynous. Neither here nor there."
My hand, holding a teacup, paused mid-air. I looked up and smiled.
"An old flame? That's a new one on me. I didn't know I had that title."
"Don't play dumb," she scoffed, sliding in next to Leo and draping an arm over his shoulder. "Leo has pictures of you on his phone. Calls you his 'best friend.' Sounds more like some unfinished business to me."
Zack quickly tried to smooth things over. "Lily, you've got it all wrong. Brian is one of our brothers..."
"Brother?" Lily let out a sharp, derisive laugh. "What kind of woman runs around calling a bunch of guys her 'brothers'? I see what this is. You're a 'cool girl,' using that face to string guys along, keeping Leo on the back burner."
I set my teacup down and leaned forward. "Miss Lily, first, I'm not stringing anyone along. Second, this 'cool girl' you're talking about... is it possible you're just so insecure you see a rival in everyone?"
"Are you trying to insult me?" Lily shot up, slamming her hand on the table. "I'm warning you, stay away from Leo! Don't think that pretty face gives you a pass to be a homewrecker!"
"Homewrecker?" I raised an eyebrow. "Leo is your boyfriend, not mine. Whether I stay away from him or not is none of your business. But you, on the other hand, attacking me the second we meet? That's just a stunning lack of class."
Leo tugged on Lily's arm. "Lily, stop it. Brian really is my friend..."
"Friend?" She yanked her arm away. "She's a woman! Thinks she can fool everyone by wearing a button-down and a short haircut? It's all an act to get your sympathy so she can snatch other people's boyfriends!"
I pulled out my driver's license and slapped it on the table. "Why don't you see for yourself? The little box next to 'Sex' says 'Male'."
Lily glanced at it for a fraction of a second before whipping her head away. "An ID doesn't prove anything! It could be fake! A girl like you would do anything to get a man."
"You look all prim and proper, but underneath you're just a cheap tramp."
Zack couldn't take it anymore. "Lily, that's way out of line. Brian just got back in the country. What is your problem?"
"My problem?" Lily put her hands on her hips. "My problem is trying to get you guys to see her for who she really is! You're all being fooled by her looks!"
I let out a cold laugh. "Miss Lily, instead of wasting your breath psychoanalyzing me, maybe you should keep a tighter leash on your own boyfriend. After all, turning his best friend into some romantic rival... with an imagination like that, it's a shame you're not writing novels."

2
"Don't you dare get sarcastic with me!" Lily glared, stabbing her fork into the plate with a clatter. "You're just jealous that Leo and I are so happy, so you're trying to stir up trouble!"
Leo looked mortified. "Brian, come on. Lily's young. Don't stoop to her level."
"Youth isn't an excuse for having no brain," I said calmly, taking a bite of food. "I came back to catch up with my friends, not to be screamed at by a stranger for no reason."
"Who's screaming?" Lily's voice shot up, drawing stares from the next table. "I'm warning you! Don't think you can push your luck just because Leo has a soft spot for the past. He's mine now, so you can just give up!"
Zack frowned. "Lily, can you please just talk normally? Brian is a guy. We've known each other since we were kids. Why can't you believe us?"
"I don't believe you!" Lily pointed a finger at me. "Look at him! Delicate skin, soft voice... besides the clothes, what part of him looks like a man? You're all in on it together, trying to give Leo an excuse to keep his side piece around!"
"Side piece?" I put down my fork and met her gaze. "Miss Lily, don't you think you're overestimating your own importance? Even if Leo were looking for a backup, don't you think he'd find someone with a bit more sense than you?"
"Are you saying I don't have sense?" She leaped to her feet, her finger practically touching my nose. "You little manipulator! Think you're so clever? Playing the man to sneak into a group of friends, seducing every guy in sight. You're disgusting!"
"Disgusting?" I stood up too, towering over her by a good half a foot. "I didn't provoke you, I didn't even look at you, and the first meal I have back home, you unleash this tirade on me. Who's the disgusting one here?"
Leo quickly stepped between us. "Hey, hey, break it up! Brian, I'm sorry. On Lily's behalf. She just... she cares about me a lot."
"Cares about you?" I laughed. "If she cared about you, she'd respect your friends, not act like a rabid dog. Miss Lily, I'll tell you one more time: I am a man, and Leo and I are just friends. If you keep this up, don't blame me for not being polite."
Lily was speechless, her eyes turning red. She looked at Leo, her voice dripping with hurt. "Leo, look at how he's bullying me!"
"Alright, alright," Leo said, patting her back. "Brian didn't mean it. Just sit down and eat. Don't ruin the mood for everyone."
Lily shot me a venomous look and sat back down, muttering under her breath, "Such a phony. You can just tell he's bad news."
I ignored her and raised my glass to Zack. "Forget her. Let's drink."

3
The peace didn't last long. Lily started up again, her voice laced with poison. "Some people have such thick skin. They can get cursed out and just sit there eating and drinking like nothing happened. No shame at all."
Zack had heard enough. "Lily, that's it! Brian is our best friend. Can you please show him a little respect?"
"Respect him?" Lily snorted. "Why should I respect some 'cool girl' wannabe? She deliberately dresses like a man to hang around you guys. Isn't it obvious she's trying to seduce you? Zack, has she got her hooks in you too? Is that why you're defending her?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Zack's face flushed. "We're all brothers!"
"Brothers?" Lily laughed, a high, tinkling sound. "Oh, Zack, don't kid yourself! What man looks like that? I think you're just infatuated with her but you're too afraid to admit it because of your 'brotherhood'! Have you two already slept together?"
My fists clenched. I was done being patient. "Lily, you've gone too far! I'll prove it to you right now..."
"Brian!" Leo suddenly grabbed my wrist, his voice a harsh whisper. "Don't! I'm begging you!"
I froze. "Leo, what are you talking about?"
"Lily... she has a lot of pride," he pleaded. "If you actually prove it, she'll be humiliated. The scene will be even worse. For my sake, as a friend, can you just let it go for a little longer?"
"Let it go?" I stared at him. "She's insulted me every way she can, and you want me to let it go?"
Zack chimed in. "Leo, she's walking all over Brian. How can you still defend her?"
"I'm not defending her," Leo sighed. "I just don't want to make a bigger scene. I'm... I'm planning on marrying her. Brian, I know this is unfair. I'll make it up to you later."
Seeing Leo protecting her, Lily became even more brazen. "See? See? Even Leo is on my side! I told you, you're nothing but a manipulative, two-faced bitch trying to seduce my man!"
I was speechless.
The dinner ended on that sour note.
As we were leaving the restaurant, Leo suddenly said, "Damn, my car won't start."
Lily immediately turned to me. "Brian, you drove here, right? Perfect. You can give us a ride home."
I raised an eyebrow. "And why would I do that?"
"Why?" Lily said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You're Leo's 'best friend.' What's the big deal about giving us a ride? Or are you just bitter you have to see us together?"
Leo added, "Come on, Brian, help us out. I'll buy you dinner next time."
I hesitated, then finally nodded. "Fine. Get in."
The entire ride, Lily deliberately clung to Leo's arm, whispering in his ear just loud enough for me to hear. "Oh, Leo, you're so good to me. You're the best."
"Silly girl. Who else would I be good to?" Leo's voice was full of affection.
Lily glanced in the rearview mirror, her eyes landing on my stony expression. "Leo, look at some people. Their face is so long it's about to hit the floor. Someone's jealous."
My grip on the steering wheel tightened. I was beyond annoyed. I was just done.

4
"Leo, remember our first date?" Lily cooed, leaning her head on his shoulder. "The necklace you gave me? I wear it every single day."
"Of course I remember," Leo said with a smile. "I'm glad you like it."
"I bet some people have never had anyone treat them so well," Lily said, her eyes flicking to the rearview mirror. "After all, who would want an androgynous 'cool girl' who can't decide if she's a man or a woman?"
I took a deep breath and said nothing.
In the mirror, Leo shot me a look, mouthing the words, "Please, man. Just hang in there."
I laughed coldly to myself. This was beyond just hanging in there. Lily was pushing every button she could find.
"Brian," Lily said suddenly, her voice sickly sweet. "You're getting on in years. How come you haven't found anyone yet? Is it because no one wants you? I guess it must be hard. Men don't like you, women don't want to be near you."
"Lily!" Leo said, a weak attempt at a reprimand. "Don't say that."
"I'm just being honest," she pouted. "It's a shame. You have a decent face. Why do you have to be so confused? Pretending to be a man just to get close to other people's boyfriends."
"Miss Lily," I finally said, my voice level. "Do you ever think before you speak? Whether I'm seeing someone or not has absolutely nothing to do with you."
"Ooh, finally snapped, did you?" Lily giggled. "I was just joking. Did I hit a nerve?"
"A joke?" The veins in my hands stood out as I gripped the steering wheel. "Making jokes about someone's identity and character. Is that what passes for manners where you come from?"
"I never said you had a character problem," Lily said, feigning innocence. "I just think it's not a good look for a woman to be hanging around a bunch of men all the time. You should find a nice, simple guy and settle down. Stop trying to steal other people's boyfriends."
Again, Leo was gesturing at me in the mirror, his eyes begging. "Brian, let it go. She's just talking."
"Just talking?" I glanced at him. "This is the third time she's called me a conniving homewrecker. How am I supposed to 'let it go'?"
"Brian, I know you're upset," Leo sighed. "But Lily really loves me. She's just... sensitive. I promise I'll talk to her when we get home. Just let her have this one, please?"
Seeing Leo defend her yet again, Lily's smirk widened. "You hear that? Leo wants you to back off! So be a good little pet and stop trying to drive a wedge between us. It's not going to work."
I stopped talking. I just slammed my foot on the accelerator. The car surged forward. All I wanted was to drop these two off and never see them again.

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