A Weed's Life

1
Before I turned fifteen, I lived like a weed growing in the cracks of the pavementtrampled, grey, just barely holding on.
Then I met Asher and Summer.
The first birthday cake I ever tasted was baked by Summer. The first pretty dress I ever wore, she bought with her allowance. The first time anyone celebrated the day I was born, it was because she spent weeks planning a surprise party.
She was the one who applied ointment to my frostbitten hands in winter, tears in her eyes. She was the one who told everyone, loud and proud, that I was her best friend.
And Asher?
He was the one who pulled me out of a circle of laughing thugs when I was sixteen. He was the one who kicked down the door and carried me to the ER when my fever hit 104. He was the one who punched my drunk stepfather in the face right before the bastard could hit me again.
On the day he confessed his feelings to me, his hands were shaking, and his heart was pounding so hard I could hear it. I cried when he said it:
"I swear, Elara, I will protect you for the rest of my life."
I used to think, in the dark, quiet moments, how lucky a girl like me was to have found them.
Until my twenty-third birthday.
I heard Asher shouting at Summer, his voice thick with emotion.
"I can't control my heart, Summer! So what if Ive fallen in love with you? You feel the same way, don't you?"
The beautiful girl looked into the man's red, tormented eyes. Finally, she broke, sobbing as she collapsed into his arms.
"But... what about Elara?"
I hid in the shadows around the corner, a sour, bitter smile twisting my lips.
What about Elara?
There was only one answer. You were both the people I loved most in this world. I couldn't bear to make this difficult for you.
I dialed my academic advisors number. My voice was calm, steady.
"Professor? That twenty-year Antarctic research expedition... can I still apply?"
The rain came down in sheets, soaking me to the bone, but I didn't move.
I stood outside the bistro, staring through the glass wall. Inside, the two people who had pulled me from the ruins of my childhood were embracing.
He was handsome; she was gorgeous. The chemistry between them was palpable. A match made in heaven. It was such a beautiful picture, I almost didn't want to ruin it.
I stood on the corner for fifteen minutes, shivering, until the clock struck seven.
Then, I wiped the water from my face, plastered on a smile, and walked into the private booth.
"Ugh, you won't believe it," I announced, shaking out my wet hair. "My Uber broke down halfway here, and I couldn't get another one. I had to run the rest of the way! I'm freezing!"
Summer didn't hesitate. She whipped off her expensive Chanel cardigan and wrapped it around my wet head. "You idiot," she scolded, though her eyes were soft. "Why didn't you call us? We would have picked you up! Do you want to get pneumonia?"
Asher, usually the first to panic if I so much as got a papercut, hesitated.
He didn't rush to hug me like he did when we were seventeen and Id been locked out in the storm. Instead, he stood three feet away, looking guilty.
"I'm sorry, Elara. It's your birthday, I should have picked you up from campus... I wasn't thinking. Im sorry you got soaked."
I was shaking from the cold, but I kept the goofy grin on my face. "It's fine! Seriously, don't worry about it."
Maybe my nonchalance pricked his conscience. He finally stepped forward, taking my freezing hands in his and blowing warm air onto them.
Summer, who was drying my hair, froze. A shadow of pain crossed her eyes.
Asher noticed it instantly. He dropped my hands like they burned him and stepped back. He turned to the waiter.
"Bring us a hot cocoa. Extra hot."
He smiled at me, a mask of normalcy. "Drink something hot. It'll warm you up."
I pretended not to notice a thing. I sat down, loud and cheerful, but I could feel the heat of his gaze. It wasn't on me. It was on the girl standing behind me.
The cocoa arrived. Summer blew on it carefully before handing it to me. Usually, I found it too sweet, but tonight, the sugar tasted like ash. I drank every drop.
"I'm starving," I said, rubbing my stomach. "Can we eat?"
In previous years, my birthdays were chaotic and loud. They would fight over who got to smudge icing on my nose for good luck. They would fight over who got to stand next to me in the photo.
But in the final pictures, it was always the three of us. Asher holding me tight, looking at me like I was the only girl in the world. Summer leaning on my shoulder, eyes crinkled in laughter.
This year, everything had changed.
The cake was expensive. They were sitting right there. But the air felt thick, like we were trapped in drying cement.
Summer ate quietly. Asher picked at his food, his mind clearly elsewhere.
I took a deep breath and tried to inject some life into the room. "Why so quiet? You guys planning a prank? Are you going to smash the cake in my face when I'm not looking?"
Summer forced a smile. "No way! We just figured you were tired from the library. Eat up."
"Alright, time for the main event!"
We lit the candles. Our glasses clinked together. My best friend and the boy I loved spoke in unison.
"Happy Birthday, Elara!"
"Make a wish!"
Baby, I swear I'll spend every birthday with you.
Whatever, lover boy. Elara only wants me. You're just an accessory.
Don't be unreasonable, Summer. I'm her boyfriend.
And I'm her soul sister. Floods couldn't separate us...
The memories of their playful banter from years past echoed in my head. I opened my eyes and blew out the candles.
The smoke curled up, blurring their faces.
This wasn't my eighteenth birthday.
This time, no one laughed. No one fought over me. They just toasted and sat back down.
Summer seemed distracted. As she set her glass down, her wrist knocked against the table edge. She hissed in pain.
Asher shot out of his chair. "Are you okay?"
He froze, realizing his reaction was too intense. Two pairs of anxious eyes turned to me.
I stared blankly at the cake.
Every year, Summer baked me a cake. This one was no exception. On top, two fondant figures of little girls held hands.
Just like when I was fifteen. I had gotten my period at school and didn't have money for supplies. The other girls pointed at my stained jeans and laughed. Summer, the new transfer student, had tied her jacket around my waist, grabbed my hand, and glared every single bully into silence.
From that day on, she was the spring breeze that blew through my desolate winter.
I thought of the wish I had just made in silence. I smiled, and a tear slipped out.
"Wow, getting old makes me sentimental," I laughed, wiping the tear. "Let's cut the cake."
I wish for the people I love to get what they want. To be happy forever.
As for me... it's okay. It really is okay.
Seven days after my birthday, I received the acceptance letter for the Polaris Project.
I studied Environmental Science, and while I loved the idea of uncovering nature's secrets, I never imagined signing away twenty years of my life to the ice.
But this time, I signed my name without hesitation.
Just before I hit send on the final file, I hesitated.
Panic fluttered in my chest. I closed the chat with my professor and aimlessly tapped my phone screen. My thumb accidentally opened an app I hadn't used in ages.
It had a heart background with little silver stars.
It was an app Asher had coded for me years ago. "Night Whispers."
It was a digital diary for lovers. A place for his late-night thoughts, viewable only by me. He said once that when we were old, wed read it all togethera poem of his enduring love.
My wish: That my baby and I both ace our finals and get into the same university!
Haha, I can't sleep. You told me you loved me for the first time today. The way you blushed... I swear, I'm going to love you forever.
The noodle place closed down. Don't worry, I learned to cook your favorite chicken stew. It tastes exactly the same, I promise.
Elara, you've been at the training camp for five days. A day feels like a year...
The sweet memories washed over me, and the corners of my lips turned up.
Then I scrolled to the recent entries. My smile froze.
I used to think Summer was just Elara's annoying friend. But watching her on stage today... she was glowing. I felt something strange in my chest. God, what is wrong with me?
The date... five months ago.
I thought this app was broken? I scrolled down frantically.
We had dinner tonight. Summer sat across from me. I couldn't stop looking at her. She has dimples when she smiles. How did I never notice?
Summer's grandmother died. I went with Elara to comfort her. Seeing her cry... I just wanted to hold her.
I can't stop thinking about her. I'm a scumbag.
I touched Summer's hand today. She blushed. She wouldn't look at me. Does she feel it too? I feel guilty, but... I'm so happy.
I'm so slow. She's been avoiding me for a year. The girl who used to threaten to chop me into bits if I hurt Elara is now hiding from me. It all makes sense.
Elara kissed me today in front of everyone. I felt nothing but panic because I saw Summer's face fall. I can't do this. I have to tell her how I feel.
A wave of acid rose in my throat.
The dazed look at the dance competition. The distracted dinners. The intense concern at the funeral.
It all made sense now.
Asher fell for her during the dance competition. Summer... she must have fallen for him much earlier. I was the only blind one.
I scrolled to the bottom. The last entry was from an hour ago.
Since Summer and I have confessed our feelings... now that Elara's birthday is over, I have to end it. I know the truth will destroy Elara, but I have no choice...
The phone buzzed in my hand.
I curled my trembling fingers into a fist. Cold sweat trickled down my back.
I finally understood why I had been fleeing. Why I left dinner early seven days ago. Why I was avoiding them.
I was terrified.
I was afraid Asher would come to break up with me.
I had seen the look of pure love on his face when he confessed to me under the fireworks at seventeen. I didn't know how to face him telling me, point-blank, that he loved Summer.
But the call was coming.
Desperate, I hit send on the email to my professor.
Don't tell me. Please, don't tell me.
I will never, ever be an obstacle to you. Let me leave quietly, and you can be together without guilt. Okay?
The phone kept ringing.
I buried my face in the duvet. The ringtone faded, but the pain in my heart sharpened into a physical ache.
I cried until I had no tears left.
For five days, I didn't answer Asher's calls.
My paperwork was done. My professor expedited everything. In two days, I would be gone.
But I underestimated Ashers resolve to "clear the air." He was in a hurry to start his new life with his true love.
I saw him waiting outside my dorm.
I gave a weak, resigned smile. He looked the same as alwaystall, handsome, patient.
In the past, he waited here to take me on dates. Or to bring me snacks. Or just to say "I miss you."
Today...
I knew I couldn't run. I walked up to him. "Hey. What are you doing here?"
He looked up, concern flashing in his eyes. "Why are you wearing so little? It's getting cold. You'll get sick."
He reached out, his long fingers buttoning the top of my thin coat. His other hand moved instinctively to pull me into a hug.
For a second, I almost let myself believe he was still mine. That he was still the boy who fought his parents for a year just to date me.
But then, reality hit us both.
Six years together creates habits. The tenderness was just muscle memory.
Before I could step back, he froze. He pulled his hand away.
My heart throbbed.
He cleared his throat, voice raspy. "Why haven't you been answering your phone?"
I forced a casual smile. "It broke. I've been drowning in my thesis, haven't had time to fix it."
He studied my face for a moment, then looked away. "...Oh. Okay."
Silence stretched between us. The wind cut through the hallway, biting at my skin.
He didn't speak, and I stubbornly stayed silent.
Finally, when the windburn on my cheeks became too obvious to ignore, he whispered, "Elara, there's something I have to tell you..."
His phone rang.
The ringtone... it used to be me singing. Now, it was "Lonely Whale." Summer's favorite song.
A bitter smile tugged at my lips. He really hadn't changed. When he loves someone, he changes every detail for them.
"Hello?"
"Asher? Where are you? I couldn't reach Elara. Summer was in a car accident. Shes stubborn, she won't tell her parents, and she didn't want Elara to worry, so she's lying in the hospital all alone..."
It was Ryan, Summer's childhood friend.
Ashers face went pale. "Is it bad? Which hospital?"
I heard the voice on the other end say, "Not life-threatening, just a broken leg," but Ashers frown deepened. "I'm on my way."
He hung up. He hesitated, looking at me, and lied.
"Elara... a relative is sick. It's an emergency. I have to go."
I pretended I hadn't heard the phone call. I nodded quickly.
He noticed the redness on my face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tube of ointmentthe kind he always carried specifically for my sensitive skin.
"Here. Put this on. Go inside."
Then he turned and ran.
I stared at the tube in my hand. It was still warm from his body heat.
Ants seemed to be gnawing at my chest.
From now on... he wouldn't need to carry this anymore.
I don't know if I went to the hospital because I was worried about Summer, or because I wanted to see, one last time, how much he loved her.
The smell of antiseptic filled my nose.
The door to Summer's room was ajar.
She was lying in bed, pale, her leg in a cast. She looked fragile and exhausted. And beautiful.
Asher stood over her, his voice trembling. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why should I? You're my best friend's boyfriend. You..."
"Summer!" Asher shouted. "Stop saying that! We already confessed how we feel! You know..."
"Stop." Summer closed her eyes. "That night was a mistake. I was emotional. Please... forget it. Elara is the most important person in the world to me. I can't hurt her. I won't let you hurt her. Go back to her. Fix your mindset. We act like nothing happened."
Her voice cracked at the end.
Asher wept. "Summer, please... don't do this."
Summer turned her head away. "I've made my decision. Leave."
Ashers shoulders shook. Then, he took a deep breath.
"Fine. You're hurt. We won't talk about this now. But I am staying. I fired the nurse you hired. If you hire another, I'll fire them too. If you don't let me feed you, you starve."
He sat down. He scooped up some porridge, blew on it, and held it to her lips.
She refused. He persisted.
Finally, Summer swatted the spoon away. "Asher! Are you crazy? I said get out!"
He paused, spoon in mid-air. His voice was soft but unyielding. "You can fight me all you want. I'm not leaving."
He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Then he picked up an apple and started peeling it with meticulous care.
I stood in the shadows of the hallway. A statue.
I had never seen this side of him. This gentle, stubborn determination.
He really loved her.
Summers eyes filled with tears. Her resistance crumbled. "Asher... you don't have to do this."
"I know." He sliced the apple. He looked at her with an intensity that burned. "I know I don't have to. I want to."
In that gaze, the sterile hospital room vanished, replaced by a field of wildflowers.
I knew then, with absolute certainty, that the boy who sang love songs to me until he lost his voice was gone. The boy who promised to love me forever was dead.
I couldn't watch anymore.
I turned and walked away in silence.
Love is fluid. It flows where it wants. I understood that.
Two days later, I was at the airport. Alone.
I didn't shed a tear.
The taxi window was down, the night breeze cooling my face. My life flashed before my eyes like a film reel.
One year old: Mom died. My stepfather, who only took me in for the inheritance and reputation, hired an aunt to watch me.
Three years old: The aunt left. I learned what hunger felt like.
Five years old: I didn't buy the alcohol fast enough. I learned what a belt felt like. I knelt in the snow all night.
Eight years old: Social services got me into school. The other kids called me a ghost.
Ten years old: A stray dog mauled me. No one came. I dragged myself home, bleeding.
Fifteen years old: I met Summer. Color flooded my grey world. She said she wanted to be nice to me, just because.
Sixteen years old: Asher saved me from the thugs. He held my hand and we ran, and I felt like a princess being rescued by a knight.
Seventeen years old: My first red roses. A confession.
Twenty-three years old: I am going to the South Pole.
Everything changes. People leave. Elaramy name means "cheerful," but I was weeping before I began.
But you two... you gave me a grand, beautiful spring.
Now, I just want you to be happy. Forever bright, forever happy.
So, I leave willingly.
Im glad I could do one last thing for you.
Goodbye, Summer.
Goodbye, Asher.
Never again.

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