The Ten-Year Red Thread Burns to Ashes

My roommate, my brother, always went for the sweet, girl-next-door type. I was always drawn to the strong, sophisticated woman.
We used to joke that wed never end up as rivals in love.
But three years after my girlfriend vanished, I saw her again. She was at my roommates wedding.
She was the bride. I was the best man.
A friend clapped me on the back, laughing as he recounted their love story.
Her company went bankrupt back then, and she was about to jump off a roof. I was the one who saved her. I heard some other guy was clinging to her at the time, but I took her abroad to start fresh.
Pretty smooth, right, Liam?
Leo was still talking, beaming, but I couldnt hear a word. My mind went white.
Three years. Over a thousand days and nights. The love of my life had been hidden away for three whole years by the man I saw every single day.

1
I listened to my friends words, my legs feeling like they were about to give out. A tremor started in my hands and spread through my whole body.
Leo noticed my pale face and quickly helped me into the bridal lounge, his voice laced with concern.
Liam, whats wrong? Are you feeling sick?
For three years, I had searched for Ava. Id traveled to countless cities, questioned hundreds of people, plastered up missing person posters, filed police reports, and scoured the internet.
Even her own family had given up, convinced she was truly gone. I was the only one who believed she was still alive, the only one who never stopped looking.
I dont know how many nights I spent standing on the edge of a rooftop, contemplating an end to the crushing despair.
And now, it was all a joke.
I looked down at the network of faded white scars that crisscrossed my forearms. A bitter sting filled my eyes, and my heart felt like it was being shredded.
Leo sighed. Youre thinking about her again, arent you? Let it go, man. Its been too long. You need to move on. You could find a great girl, just like I did, and start over.
Ill get everyone together soon, he added, trying to cheer me up. Ill have Ava introduce you to some of her friends.
Just as he finished speaking, Ava walked in. She was wearing a magnificent wedding gown, her figure as stunning as it was three years ago.
The only thing that had changed was the way she looked at me. Before, her eyes held only me. Now, she gave me a fleeting glance before turning to adjust Leos suit.
Her bridesmaids followed behind herthe same friends who used to call me their brother-in-law. I remembered it all so clearly.
When they saw me, their eyes were filled with unspoken words, a flicker of pity and guilt.
A moment ago, I might have been able to delude myself into thinking shed lost her memory in the fall.
But every one of her friends standing there was a silent testament to the truth. She hadnt forgotten. She remembered everything.
She just didnt love me anymore.
Leo gazed at Ava with pure adoration. Honey, tell your friends not to leave tonight. Well have a big party, celebrate properly. He shot me a meaningful look.
Ava gave a noncommittal nod, her eyes fixed on Leo. She never looked at me again.
It was as if we were complete strangers.
I slowly closed my eyes, the feeling of a giant hand squeezing my heart, crushing it, then tossing it into a fire.
The pain it was unbearable.
I stumbled into the bathroom, my back sliding down the cool tile wall as a wave of agony washed over me.
My chest heaved with a pain so deep it felt physical, and a choked sob escaped my lips.
Ava, how could you leave me?

2
As I walked out of the bathroom, I overheard one of her friends asking her in a hushed tone, Ava, are you sure about this? You really dont love Liam anymore?
Her reply was flat, devoid of emotion. Hes just some broken relic from the past. You can have him if you want.

The ceremony began.
Leo, sensing my state, found someone else to stand in for me at the last minute.
Ava watched with a serene expression as Leo knelt before her, waiting for him to slide the ring onto her finger.
I stood in the furthest corner, watching her smile and say, I do.
A bitter jealousy surged through me. I wanted to rush the stage, to stop them, to scream at Leo and ask him why hed stolen my girlfriend.
Why did he hide her away? Why did he let me search for three agonizing years?
And I wanted to ask Ava why she was pretending not to know me.
Why didnt she come find me when she returned? Why did everyone keep this secret from me?
I wanted to burn the whole wedding to the ground.
But I didnt.
I just sat in my corner and, after they exchanged their vows, I was the first to applaud.
I clapped so hard that people nearby turned to stare.
I didnt care. I just held Avas gaze when she looked out at the crowd.
Our eyes met. My nose stung, and the tears Id been holding back finally broke free.
Avas expression flickered for a fraction of a second before her gaze slid away, her dark eyes as cold and empty as ice.
My fingernails dug into my palms. I think I was going insane.
I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.
[Ava, I dont wish you a happy marriage.]
[I hope you never find the one you love. I hope you spend the rest of your life searching!]
The moment I hit send, I felt like a fool.
The man she loved was already her husband. My curse was meaningless.
I left before the reception ended. If I stayed any longer, I was afraid Id lose control completely.
Over a year ago, after another long stretch with no news of Ava, I had tried to kill myself.
But I failed. My neighbor found me and I was rushed to the hospital.
When I woke up, Avas mother was holding my hand, her face streaked with tears, begging me to live. For her daughter.
But a world without Ava was just darkness. It was too much to bear.
We had grown up together, started dating right after middle school. We were just about to pick a date to get married after graduating from college.
Then her company collapsed, leaving her with a mountain of debt. She couldnt take it. She jumped. And then she was gone.
I went to the police station countless times, questioned every single person who was there that day. The story was always the same.
No one saw her.
Now she was back. But she didnt love me anymore.

3
I fell into a restless sleep. When I woke up, I checked my phone.
Besides a string of missed calls from Leo and a comforting message from Avas mom, there was one other notification that stood out.
A single, cold reply from her.
[Get lost.]
A bitter laugh escaped my lips. The connection I had clung to so desperately was nothing more than a joke to her.
Suddenly, my gaze fell upon my wrist.
A thin red thread was tied around it, a gift from Ava three years ago.
The color had long since faded, but I could never bring myself to take it off.
Before our engagement, she had gone to a temple on a mountain. She had climbed ten thousand steps to get this one precious thread from a master artisan.
Shed been in a car accident on the way back, but she had protected the thread, holding it tight against her chest.
The first thing she did when she woke up in the hospital was tie it around my wrist.
Liam, she had said, her voice full of earnest love, I found our destiny. Well be together forever.
Her clear, serious voice still echoed in my ears, but everything was different now.
My eyes burned. I yanked the red thread from my wrist, threw it in the toilet, and flushed. In seconds, it was gone.
Ava, from this moment on, we walk different paths.
After a long, hard cry, a strange clarity settled over me.
I resigned from the orchestra. The paperwork would take a week. I booked a flight to leave the city for good, one week from today.
That day happened to be the tenth anniversary of the day Ava and I started dating.
Fitting. Where it began, it would also end.
I shut myself away for seven days. Other than leaving to handle my resignation, I spoke to no one.
My phone was off. On the day I was set to leave, Leo showed up at my door with Ava in tow.
He rushed in and hugged me, then tried to drag me to the hospital. I knew what he was afraid of.
I pulled my arm away, my expression blank. Im fine, thanks, I said, my voice polite but distant.
I didnt know how to face him. Should I hate him? Should I wish him well?
I knew I couldnt do either, so my instinct was to push him away.
He didnt seem to mind my sudden coldness, assuming I was just in a bad mood.
Leo let out a heavy sigh of relief. Can you please answer your phone from now on? Do you have any idea how worried I was?
We came to get you. Its your birthday, did you forget? Were throwing you a party tonight, introduce you to some new people.
And you cant say no. No is not an option!
His expression was stern, his tone leaving no room for argument. He was always so cheerful and warm-hearted. It was easy to see why people liked him.
Easy to see why Ava would fall in love with him.
I looked past him to the woman standing in the doorway. Her gaze was frigid, her eyes like frozen pools, as if she were looking at a stranger.
I dont know if it was my inability to refuse his concern, or some selfish part of me that wanted to see her one last time.
It was still early. I let them in.
This apartment was supposed to be our marital home. After she disappeared, I had decorated it exactly to her tastes. The furniture, the layouteverything was just as she would have wanted it.
Leos eyes widened. Wow, Liam, your taste is something else. Why is everything so dark? Its kind of depressing.
Its all black and dark gray. Not a single pop of color.
Because there was no color left in my world.
My ex-girlfriend liked it this way, I said quietly. So I decorated it for her.

4
Leo clicked his tongue disapprovingly. You should have your own style, man. Why do you have to listen to her on everything?
With our place, my wife lets me handle all the design choices. It looks great. I even make her sleep on pink bedsheets every night.
I didnt say anything, my mind drifting back to three years ago, when we first lived together. I had loved the color pink, bought everything in pink.
Even her underwear. She never wore it.
The sheets, too. She would rather sleep on the floor than in the bed. I finally gave in and bought dark gray sheets, and only then did she come back to bed.
I let out a self-deprecating chuckle. Really? And she doesnt just sleep on the floor?
Leo snorted, glancing at Ava. She wouldnt dare.
Even her underwear is pink now.
Avas lips twitched. She gently tapped his head, a silent plea for him to stop.
Whats wrong with pink sheets? he continued, oblivious. If your girlfriend refuses to sleep with you over something like that, it just means she doesnt love you enough.
And to think you spent all those years looking for her. What a bitch.
After a long silence, I nodded slowly.
Yeah. Youre right.
Maybe she really didnt love me enough.
The moment I said it, I felt Avas gaze sharpen, raking over me.
Her voice was cold. In that case, Mr. Evans, you should know when to back off.
Dont disturb other peoples lives. And if you can, it would be best if she never had to see you again.
Your self-pity is just pathetic to everyone else.
Her words were direct and brutal.
Self-pity so thats all it was
My eyes turned red, and my voice trembled. Are you so familiar with her because youre just the same?
You like to disappear, to make people wait, to crush every last bit of their hope without so much as an apology. And then you have the nerve to call their pain self-pity. All I ever wanted was an explanation. Do my three years just count for nothing?
Avas brow furrowed in anger.
No one asked you to wait. Love and hate are choices. You chose to wait, so you have to bear the consequences!
Or what? You think just because you waited three years, she owes you something? That she should be grateful and marry you?
Her words were merciless, absolute.
I stood there, stunned. The last flicker of hope in my heart was extinguished.
Tears streamed down my face. Every word she spoke was a knife, twisting in my gut.
She was right. Love and hate are choices.
No one forced me. No one asked me to wait. The outcome was mine, and mine alone, to bear.
A love that had once felt so unbreakable had become a hollow lie.
Fine, I choked out. Ill make sure she never sees me again.
Leo, sensing things were escalating, quickly stepped in, pulling Ava into another room.
I heard his warning, his voice just loud enough for me to hear.
Are you trying to get punched? You know Liam has depression, and youre still talking to him like that?
Stop provoking him. Do you hear me?
Avas cold laugh drifted back, dripping with scorn. Hes just putting on a show.
I stood there, numb, for a long time.
After a while, Ava left on her own. I couldnt stop myself from asking Leo, Where is she going?
She hasnt been back in the country for over a year, right? She has a lot of work to catch up on at the office.
I froze. Ava came back a year ago? I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
Why didn't I know?
Yeah. To plan our wedding.
My mouth fell open. The light in my eyes died.
My mind, numb and slow, could only process one phrase, over and over. She came back. She came back.
An icy chill spread through me. I wanted to scream, but the words were lodged in my throat.
Leos casual remark was like a slap across the face.
Come on, lets go! My wifes done for the day. Go change, were heading to the club.
He grabbed my arm, trying to pull me out the door.
You go ahead. Ill clean up and meet you there.
Okay, but be quick!
He left without a second thought.
As I watched his car drive away, I took out my phone and made a call.
Ive decided to come home. Please arrange for me to meet my fiance.
An excited voice came from the other end. Brother! Youre finally willing to come back! The family has been so worried about you being in Northwood all alone. We just want you home
The dam inside me broke. Tears streamed down my face.
I took a deep breath. Okay. Ill come home. And Ill try to get to know the woman youve chosen for me. I wont make you worry anymore.
My sister, Grace, was overjoyed. Oh, Liam, thats wonderful! Just tell me when you want to meet her, and Ill set it up.
Whenever. Ive booked a flight for tonight. Im coming home today.
I grabbed my suitcase and left for the airport.
Before the plane took off, I blocked everyone connected to Ava.
I turned off my phone. As I watched the lights of Northwood shrink below, I made a silent promise.
Goodbye, Ava.
Forever.

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