Seven Years Caged, Reborn to Let Go

The adoptive sister Chazz Kinnear raised, the one he was sworn to protect, died because of me.
He knelt all night in the funeral hall, his eyes a landscape of ash and ruin, yet he still found the strength to comfort me through my own guilt-ridden tears.
Its not your fault, he murmured, his voice gentle. Lily was just too reckless.
But after we were married, he imprisoned me in Lilys underground mausoleum for seven years.
There was no sound. No light.
I was consumed by fear, then by hatred, until finally, I was driven to a desperate, howling madness.
I bit off my own tongue.
As I lay dying, Chazzs hot tears shattered against my skin.
In the next life, he whispered, his voice a venomous rasp, if you dare come near Lily again, I will kill you with my own hands.
When I opened my eyes again, I was back. Back on the day Chazzs adoptive sister died.
A sea of people was gathered on the mountaintop, waiting for the New Years fireworks. A frigid wind swept over the peak. I woke from the nightmare with a violent shiver.
Beside me, Lily mumbled about being cold.
Chazz took off his coat.
In a single, fluid motion born of pure instinct, he draped it over my shoulders.
...
The air froze for a heartbeat.
Hmph. And you keep trying to tell me you and Clara are just friends, Lily teased, breaking the tension with a laugh. But her eyes couldn't hide the flicker of disappointment. Now that my brother has a girlfriend, hes forgotten all about me.
If only I had noticed the dangerous undercurrents of emotion between them in my past life, the three of us might have avoided such a tragic end.
Lily, dont be silly. Were just colleagues, I said, shrugging off the heavy coat and wrapping it around her instead, carefully fastening each button. Its so dark up here, and we look a little alike. He must have mistaken me for you.
A strange fog clouded Chazzs long, dark eyes as they settled on me.
BOOM.
A massive blue firework exploded against the black velvet of the sky, scattering into a shower of falling stars. The crowd roared with delight.
In my past life, at this exact moment, I had been looking at Chazz. His head was bowed, his focus absolute, the corner of his lips curved into a slight smile. He was clutching his phone, his thumbs hovering over the screen, typing I love you in my chat window, only to delete it, again and again.
In the end, all he sent was: Happy New Year.
Id found it both infuriating and endearing, and Id called him out on it. He was caught red-handed, the tips of his ears blushing a deep crimson. After a bit of playful pestering, he finally gave in. He leaned close, his warm breath a whisper of pine against my neck as he quickly murmured, I love you.
In that instant, the frantic thunder of my heart drowned out every other sound in the world.
I was so lost in the moment that I never noticed Lily watching us, her expression lost and forlorn, before she turned and quietly slipped away into the crowd.
In the early hours of the morning, the police called for the family to identify a body.
I could barely recognize the battered, brutalized girl on the cold metal slab. It was Lilythe same Lily who, just three hours earlier, had been excitedly making plans with me to ride the carousel at the amusement park.
This time, as Chazz watched the fireworks, his profile was etched in frost.
Lily was still pressing him quietly. Brother, do you really not like Clara?
BOOM.
A cascade of pale pink and violet light washed over the sky.
Chazzs voice, cold and detached, cut through the noise of the crowd, each word a shard of ice piercing my heart.
I dont.
I could never love Clara.
Even though I had expected it, the words still stung. But it was for the best. Better to strangle all the suffering at its source. From this day forward, our paths would never cross again.
I left without a sound.
On the way down the mountain, I ran into Sophie, a friend from my department.
Clara! she exclaimed, grabbing my arm. What are you doing here alone? Wheres Mr. Kinnear?
I I had something to take care of, so I left early.
She stared at me, hesitating, before the words finally tumbled out. You know tonights firework display? The one across the whole city? Chazz flew to Monaco and personally hired the lead designer from their international festival to replicate it, one for one.
All because you mentioned offhand that you liked it.
The fireworks were fading, and the crowd descending the mountain grew thicker. Sophie pulled me aside, her expression one of utter exasperation.
You have no idea. That designer is a notoriously difficult old man. I spent two weeks just researching his personal preferences. After Chazz got to Monaco, he spent his days walking the man's dogs and playing video games with his grandson.
Can you even imagine it? The citys famously cold and untouchable Chazz Kinnear, playing nanny for some stranger.
After all that effort youre telling me you dont feel anything at all?
I blinked back the stinging in my eyes.
I didnt dare.
I couldnt bear the thought of being locked away again in that endless, lightless tomb. A thing that was neither human nor ghost.

After what happened to Lily in my past life, I could never forgive myself. If I hadn't pushed Chazz to say those words, she wouldn't have slipped away into the night, right into the path of those monsters.
But in the aftermath, Chazz had become even more attentive. A single sneeze from me would send him into a panic, rushing me to the hospital for a full check-up. If I was out of touch for even a few hours, I would return to his mansion to find the entire staffmaids, drivers, assistantskneeling on the floor in silent terror.
I truly believed he loved me more than life itself. Loved me enough to overlook the fact that Lilys death lay between us like a chasm.
Until I stumbled upon the hidden folder.
Thousands of videos. Every single one was a scene of me, Chazz, and Lily, on one of our many outings together. But in every frame, my image had been completely erased.
There was Lily, in a series of bizarre poses, laughing and talking to thin air. When Chazz occasionally appeared on screen, his gaze was fixed on her, his eyes overflowing with a love and adoration so intense it was almost painful to watch.
The last video was of Lily, her skin unnaturally pale, lying in a crystal coffin. The audio was just Chazzs low, desperate whisper.
She looks so much like her.
Could she become her?
Each word was a sledgehammer blow to my heart.
So that was it. The name he whispered in the throes of passion it was never mine. It was always Lily.
No wonder hed noticed me. On my first day, when Chazz had walked past the interview room, his gaze had swept over a dozen candidates from top-tier universities without a flicker of interest. But his eyes had stopped on me, tucked away in the corner, trying to discreetly slip out.
Every moment I had felt special, every time I had been singled out for his favor, he had simply been tracing Lilys shadow over my features, using me as a screen to hide his forbidden, incestuous love.
He had watched calmly as I, in a hysterical rage, smashed everything in sight. His voice was a blade of ice. You should be grateful you look like her.
Later, he locked me away in the mausoleum he built for her.
The four walls, seamless and oppressive, were transformed into holographic screens, endlessly replaying home videos of him and Lily, from childhood to adulthood.
January 15, 2003.
A young Lily stands on a stool, stretching to reach a box of noodles on a high shelf. She clumsily boils a simple noodle soup, her hands still trembling as she carries the bowl to his bedside.
Brother, eat something first. The medicine wont upset your stomach if you eat.
A feverish Chazz eats from the bowl she holds, his lips brushing against her fingertips. His face turns scarlet.
May 22, 2013.
He comes home late at night to find the living room light still on. Lily is curled up on the sofa, fast asleep, clutching his thick winter coat. Chazz just stares at her for a long time. Then, he leans down and presses a feather-light, reverent kiss to her forehead.

The images bathed every corner of the mausoleum in a stark, unyielding light. I would clamp my hands over my ears, squeeze my eyes shut, my nails scratching bloody trails into the walls. But it was no use. Lilys laughter, her tears, her playful shouts they were a swarm of tiny insects burrowing into my flesh.
Day and night, it never stopped.
At the height of my madness, Chazzs deep, hypnotic voice would echo in the darkness.
Lily.
And I, numb, a marionette with its strings cut, would unconsciously repeat her name, over and over again.
Lily.
Clara! You left without saying a word! I was looking all over for you.
Lily ran up to me, linking her arm through mine as if nothing had changed. You look awful. Are you not feeling well? I remember you have that meeting with the Sterling Group tomorrow. Do you want me to ask my brother for some time off for you?
I fought the urge to recoil, but I couldn't stop myself from gently pulling my arm free.
Lily, Im resigning.
She froze, the words blurting out. Why? I thought you loved working with my brother. Youre always using project revisions as an excuse to stick to his side. He hates the winter, but he still went on that business trip to Scandinavia with you.
I always thought you two were
I paused.
She used to complain in that same joking tone about how Chazz and I were inseparable. Id thought she was just annoyed we werent spending time with her. Only now did I hear the probing question underneath: what, exactly, was our relationship?
This time, I couldn't let that sword continue to hang over her heart. It was the only way she would live.
It was the only way I would live.
Lily, your brother and I are just colleagues. Nothing more.
Actually I cant stand him. Hes a complete tyrant. Every plan, every employee, has to bend to his will. Ive had enough.
Im planning to study in France. If Im lucky, I might just stay there for good.
Lily stared at me, stunned. Her eyes held a trace of reluctance, but it was overshadowed by a joy she tried to suppress, a slight upward tilt of her lips.
I smiled, a sense of relief washing over me. Let it be this way. I wished us both the best in getting what we wanted.
But as I turned to leave, I saw him.
Not far away, a tall, imposing figure stood half-hidden in the dappled shadows of the trees.
Chazzs eyes, black as obsidian, were fixed on me. They were utterly devoid of warmth. Silent, dark, and bottomless.
Just like they were in my past life, when I had begged him not to lock me in the tomb.
Just as cold.
The next day, my resignation was rejected.
My visa application for France was denied.
And suddenly, a dozen clients from projects that were already finished started lodging complaints about my proposals.
I had no choice but to work late, night after night. Eventually, the entire six-hundred-person staff of Kinnear Industries had gone home, leaving only Chazz and me. We rode the elevator down in suffocating silence.
When the doors opened, I practically bolted out, a weight lifting from my shoulders. But Chazz was faster. He caught up in three long strides, blocking my path, his shadow falling over me like a cage.
Why have you been avoiding me?
His presence was overwhelming, his eyes dark with a suspicious, probing intensity. My heart hammered against my ribs. My recent behavior had been so out of character that even my colleagues had joked about me no longer being Mr. Kinnears shadow.
Hes been reborn, too.
The thought struck me like lightning. He would inevitably wonder if I was still the same Clara he knew.
In my past life, he had tortured me until my mind broke, until I truly believed I was Lily. I let him dress me in her clothes, coached me to mimic her every word, her every gesture. I called him "brother" with a docile smile.
In the rare moments of lucidity, the horror, the disgust, the seething hatred would threaten to swallow me whole. Once, I grabbed a shard of a broken mirror and slashed it across my own face.
Chazz! I had screamed. You love looking at her through me, dont you? You love this face! Well, Ill destroy it! Look at me! I am Clara! Not your dead Lily!
Suddenly, a blood-soaked woman was dragged in front of me. Chazz brushed the matted hair from her face and, with a casual, almost bored air, sliced off one of her fingers.
The womans scream was echoed by my own soul-tearing shriek.
Mom!
Stop! Chazz, stop, Im begging you!
He leaned down, his fingers digging into my chin, his eyes as cold and remote as a star as he looked at his new toy.
Tell me, he commanded. Who are you?
I I am Lily.
Good girl. Stay with your brother, just like this. Forever.

Was he testing me now? To see if I remembered? Was he afraid I would take my revenge on Lily? If he found out, would I be thrown back into that lightless hell?
But after all the humiliation, I was paralyzed by a fear and hatred so profound I couldn't possibly pretend everything was normal. I couldn't fake the easy affection I once had for him.
My knuckles were white from clenching my fists.
Suddenly, a bright, cheerful voice broke the tension. Brother, why are you working so late all the time? You promised youd watch that mystery show with me. Im too scared to watch it alone.
Lily came skipping over, clutching a warm bag of roasted chestnuts.
The hard lines of Chazzs face softened instantly. He let her pop a chestnut into his mouth. Alright. Lets go home now.
Clara, you should come with us! The snowstorm is getting bad, itll be impossible to get a cab, and the subway has stopped running
She still has work to do, Chazz cut in.
Brother, youre such a slave driver! No wonder Clara was telling me in secret how much she dislikes you.
After they left, I tilted my head back, breathing a sigh of relief. The snow fell from the night sky in thick, silent flakes. It was just like the snow that had fallen that year we were stranded together on a deserted island in Scandinavia.
Our car had been buried in a snowdrift, our phones had no signal. Hed moistened the last half of a cracker with melted snow and fed it to me. He had pressed his face against mine, his own body shivering.
That was the first time I ever heard him cry.
Yesterday you were nagging me about getting back early to pick up Pudding from the sitter. If you die here, I swear I wont ever take care of that cat.
You said when we were old and gray, wed race our wheelchairs.
Dont fall asleep, Clara. Dont you dare.

I couldnt help but wonder.
Maybe, once, Chazz had felt something real for me.
But whatever it was, it was nothing against the bond he shared with Lily, forged over a decade of shared blood and bone.
This time, all I wanted was to get as far away from them as possible.
But in the days that followed, my workload doubled, and every visa application I submitted was rejected.
My colleagues teased me. Clara, looks like Mr. Kinnear plans to work you to death. Hes never letting you leave this company.
Lily, who had just arrived with Chazzs lunch, overheard. Her face turned pale.
That evening, at a corporate gala, Lily approached me, her arm linked with another mans.
Clara, this is Ethan Cole, of Sterling Group. Remember when you went to negotiate that partnership? He couldnt stop asking me about you.
You were working so late the other night and had no one to take you home. Why not give Ethan a chance? He knows you want to go to Francehe even booked tickets for a show at the Palais Garnier in Paris.
Ethan smiled, a warm, genuine smile, and extended a polite hand. Its a pleasure to meet you, Clara.
Lilys fingers twisted in the fabric of her dress. She watched me, her gaze intense, as if terrified I would say no.
If this would finally put her mind at ease, then so be it.
And perhaps, with the power of the Sterling Group behind me, I could finally vanish from Chazzs world for good.
I smiled back and extended my own hand. The pleasure is all mine, Ethan.
Across the room, Chazzs fingers tightened around his wine glass. His gaze was a physical weight, hot and piercing.
The instant my fingers touched Ethans palm, a furious figure strode towards us. To the gasps of the onlookers, he grabbed my arm and dragged me from the ballroom.

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