Wild Vines Unfurl

My roommate, Sienna, has five boyfriends. My crush, Ethan, is one of them.
She gave Ethan to me.
Shes such a good person.
Oh, wait. No. It was a dare.
Give up one boyfriend.
But that wasn't dramatic enough for her. She had to take it a step further and try to set me, the only single girl in our dorm, up with Ethan.
Our other roommates laughed, trying to smooth things over. "You don't have to go that far. Look at her, she's a total ice queen. She's not the dating type."
Sienna just smiled, her tone breezy. "True. Good girls don't date in college. I was just" joking.
I looked Sienna straight in the eye, my expression earnest. "I'll do it."

1
Sienna's smile faltered. "Fine. I'll send you his contact info."
The other roommates went silent.
I knew it was awkward.
But this was the guy I'd had a crush on for three years.
From the moment I first saw him on stage at the freshman orientation, hed captured my full attention.
I held up our dorm's star-shaped string light, my voice sincere. "You really don't have to. It's just a game. You can just take a shot as a penalty."
Sienna scoffed. "Me? Lose? I'm the queen of the nightlife!"
"You think I'd lose a stupid game like this to a nerdy good-girl? Who do you think you're talking to?"
"Just you wait. In two weeks, I guarantee you'll know exactly what it feels like to be in love."
I just said, "Oh," and dropped it.
It was just as I expected.
Sienna would never allow herself to lose, not even in something so small, and certainly not to a bookworm like me.
The other roommates couldnt contain their curiosity. "Why Ethan? He's handsome and rich."
In the soft glow of the starlight, Sienna's face was grim.
"I have my own money, and my other boyfriends spoil me too. He has a personality defect."
At this thought, her expression seemed to clear a little. "He's rigid, boring, a total traditionalist. Barely says a word."
I nodded to myself.
A quiet man is a good thing.
Handsome, rich, smart, and quiet. His traditionalism meant he'd be responsible.
No wonder he was my crush.
A man who talked too much was an instant turn-off.
He was total catnip for a sapiosexual. It was just a shame his taste in women was so poor.

2
A day passed. My friend request on social media was still pending.
I sent it again, pausing for a moment before adding a note: Sienna's roommate.
Sienna watched me staring at my phone, a hint of amusement in her voice. "What, he hasn't added you yet?"
I nodded.
A second later, a notification popped up. Ethan has accepted your friend request.
Siennas expression soured.
"I added that I was your roommate," I explained. "That's when he accepted."
Her face seemed to get even darker.
But hadn't she always said she dated so many guys to prove how desirable she was? Here was one of her exes, still clearly hung up on her, and she was unhappy?

3
Sienna, who had promised to help me win over Ethan, made no move to do so.
My chat with him remained stuck at our first exchange: Hello. Can I help you?
I thought for a long time about what to send him first.
Should I tell him Sienna had lost him to me in a dare?
After much deliberation, I asked him why the core question behind this year's Nobel Prize in Economics was so deceptively simple.
He wrote back at length.
He forwarded me article after article. Paper after paper. He even included some analysis from popular commentary blogs.
It was thorough. Rational. Brilliant.
He had access to information I could never find on my own. I found myself completely engrossed, reading on my bed.
Suddenly, the dorm room door was thrown open violently.
Sienna's sharp voice cut through the air. "She's such a slut. Who picks up their best friend's cast-off boyfriend?"
"She's even worse. She practically begged for him."
Our other two roommates chimed in with agreement.
I didn't get it.
They were the ones who had started this challenge. Sienna was the one who had upped the stakes. It just happened to align with my own secret wish, so I'd agreed.
How did it turn into this?
What if I'd said no? Would they have found another way to mock me? Look at her, we even offered her our richest, hottest boyfriend and she's still a boring old stick-in-the-mud.
My mom was right. Never argue with a fool, and don't spend too much time around them. It messes with your energy. Find a partner who is smart.
While they were in the middle of their tirade, I pulled back my bed curtain and smiled, a picture of innocence.
"Are you guys talking about me?"
Sienna crossed her arms, her eyes dripping with disdain.
The other two roommates gave awkward laughs, trying to salvage the situation. "No, of course not. We were just talking about a character from that show we're all watching."
And just like that, the matter was dropped. No one ever mentioned it again.
After all, we still had to live together for another year.

4
Discussing academic questions, Ethan and I grew closer.
He was the first man I'd spent a month with without getting bored. "Rigid and traditional" was just another way of saying self-disciplined.
But today, Ethan was acting strange.
He was distracted, his answers to my questions absentminded.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
He frowned, thinking for a long time before his cool voice finally emerged, laced with conflict. "Did Sienna see that post on the school forum? Does she misunderstand what's going on between us? She hasn't spoken to me in a month."
I was a little surprised.
Sienna hadn't told him they'd broken up? Or about the dare?
And more importantly, our "relationship" was already gossip on the school forum?
Meanwhile, the fact that Sienna was successfully juggling five boyfriends was nowhere to be found online.
I furrowed my brow. "She didn't tell you?"
"A month ago, she lost a dare. She lost you to me."
Ethan's brow furrowed even deeper, as if he couldn't comprehend this kind of game.
"So," I added, "you're my boyfriend now."
His mind seemed to short-circuit, unable to process the information.
I sighed. I couldn't bring myself to tell him he wasn't Sienna's only boyfriend. It wasn't just that it would shatter his old-fashioned worldview. It was that slandering my new boyfriend's ex felt cheap. He might think I was making it up, and that would create a rift between us. After all, I had no proof.

5
I thought it would take Ethan some time to process the truth.
I was wrong. The very next morning, he was standing outside my dorm building, holding the tackiest bouquet of black-gauze-wrapped red roses imaginable.
Just as Sienna and one of her more "fun" boyfriends walked out.
"With taste that tacky, who could possibly want you?" Sienna said, her voice dripping with scorn.
I was on my way to the library. "Me, maybe?" I offered.
Sienna shot me a look of pure disgust, then turned to her boyfriend and cooed, "Baby, you see? We have a boyfriend-stealer in our dorm. I'm so scared she'll steal you away one day. Why don't you rent an apartment for me off-campus?"
I was speechless. Utterly, completely speechless.
But the stage was set. If Ethan didn't take the opportunity, there was nothing I could do.
I sighed and turned to leave. Maybe Ethan and I weren't meant to be.
I'd only taken a few steps when a massive bouquet of roses was thrust into my arms.
The same tacky roses Sienna had just mocked.
"Let's be together," he said.
I gave a slight nod.
He wasn't a completely lost cause. There was room for improvement.
That night, a new post appeared on the school forum.
#StudentPursuesCampusQueenWithoutSuccess,SettlesForRoommate
It was a picture of Ethan shoving the roses into my arms.
The rumors flew. I was cast as the homewrecker who had stolen her roommate's boyfriend. The perpetrator, Sienna, had already moved out of the dorm to live a life of blissful coupledom with her boyfriends.
I didn't really care.
Ethan, however, was wracked with guilt. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have to deal with this."
I nodded, smiling faintly. "So, you'll have to be extra nice to me from now on."
"Okay," he said. His voice was stiff, but resolute.
He was so easy to fool. Was his reputation for being a genius just a marketing ploy?
My smile faded. "How did you and Sienna get together in the first place?" I asked quietly.
Ethan seemed flustered, his clear eyes filled with confusion. "She asked me out."
"What did she say?" I pressed.
He paused. "Is this a required part of dating? Asking about the ex-girlfriend?"
"No," I shook my head. "I'm just curious. Sienna doesn't seem like the type to chase after anyone."
"She didn't, really," he corrected, ever the literalist. "She just happened to confess her feelings first. I wasn't against the idea, so we got together."
He was a total rookie who'd run into a master of the game. No wonder he'd fallen so hard.
Sienna was always talking about creating "tension" with her boyfriends. This didn't feel like a time for tension. It felt like a time to actually build a relationship.
"Ethan, let's go on a date tomorrow."
The hand that had been scribbling equations on a notepad stilled. A soft "Okay" escaped his lips before he immediately returned to his work, as if I had imagined the whole thing.

6
"100 Things for Couples to Do." It was the best dating guide I could find.
First up: an escape room.
Ethan was late. When he arrived, he was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit, not a single crease on it. Even his hair was meticulously styled. He had clearly made an effort.
The walk from campus to the escape room wasn't far, but we turned a lot of heads. He looked so out of place standing there with me, a beacon of precision and formality. The girl working at the counter couldn't stop staring at him.
"Is your boyfriend a cosplayer?" she finally asked.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Yep," I nodded.
"I don't know which robot he's supposed to be, but he's really committed to the character. Never breaks."
Ethan looked lost. After a long moment, he asked, "Are you two speaking in code?"
I smiled. "She said we look good together."
He nodded, and didn't ask again.
The escape room, which was supposed to bring us closer, was, in our opinion, full of logical fallacies. The only result was that Ethan's suit got a few wrinkles.
"You're not having fun," he stated.
"It was a novel experience," he said, his tone flat. "I look forward to our next date." But his eyes were distant. He didn't look forward to it at all.
We worked our way through half of the "100 Things" list, but our relationship remained stagnant. He was always cooperative. Never argued. Never seemed to care.
Wasn't this exactly what my mom had said I needed? A partner who was perfectly, completely rational?
He was perfect.
Maybe too perfect.

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