Through Time, No Sea in Sight

My husband has severe social anxiety and a stutter.
When we went to City Hall to get our marriage license, he was so nervous he couldnt say I do. We became a running joke for the clerks.
When my father had a sudden heart attack, I cried and begged him to call 911, but his stutter was so bad he couldnt get the address out clearly. He delayed the paramedics past the golden hour of survival.
At my fathers funeral, my relatives all tried to console me.
He didnt do it on purpose. Its an illness. Your father wouldnt blame him. You two need to move forward and live your lives.
I nodded numbly and believed them.
Until I was sorting through my fathers belongings and found a security recording.
In the video, right after my father collapsed, my husband took out his phone. In a smooth, perfectly articulate voice, he called a woman named Zoe.
Babe, dont be mad anymore. The old man is finally out of the picture. As soon as I handle the funeral, Ill pick you up from the airport. Were going to the Maldives.
He hung up, looked down at my fathers dying body, and practiced his stutter three times before finally dialing 911.
It turned out his fluency was never meant for me or my family.

The funeral was over.
I clutched my fathers black-and-white portrait, my nails digging so deep into my palms that they drew blood. But the sharp sting was nothing, not even a tenth of the pain tearing my heart apart.
Leos stammering voice came from behind me.
St-Stella Im Im s-so sorry.
Im Im u-useless I I k-killed Dad
I didnt turn around.
He spoke again, his voice choked with sobs. H-hit me yell at m-me just just d-dont ignore me
I walked into the bedroom with the portrait and locked the door behind me.
Leo pounded on the door, his cries muffled. Stella o-open the door I was wr-wrong
I leaned against the cool wood, listening to him weep, and a single thought echoed in my mind.
The son of a bitch is a damn good actor.
I sat down at my computer and plugged in the USB drive from my fathers study. The security footage flickered to life. My father was on the floor, clutching his chest.
Leo stood over him, pulled out his phone, and made a call.
Babe, dont be mad anymore. The old man is finally out of the picture.
His voice was clear, fluid, without a hint of a stutter.
As soon as I handle the funeral, Ill pick you up from the airport. Were going to the Maldives. Ive already booked that hotel you wanted.
He was smiling, his eyes filled with a tenderness I had never seen.
After he hung up, he walked over to my father, squatted down, and began to rehearse over his dying body.
I I I c-cant c-cant get through Im s-so s-sorry
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
He practiced with the focus of a stage actor perfecting a line. Only then did he dial 911, reporting the address in that pathetic, broken voice.
I watched the entire video, my hand shaking so violently I couldnt control the mouse.
I didnt sleep that night.
The next morning, I put on makeup and took out the divorce papers I had already prepared.
When Leo saw me emerge from the bedroom, his eyes darted away.
St-Stella d-did you sleep at all? I I m-made you some oatmeal
I slid the papers across the table to him. Sign them.
He froze for a second before his eyes focused on the document. The words Divorce Agreement were printed in bold at the top.
The color drained from his face. He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around my legs.
N-no d-dont Stella
If if you l-leave me I I cant live w-without you
I looked down at him. He was a mess of tears and snot, his words barely intelligible.
I I kn-know Im useless
B-but I r-really love you please d-dont dont leave me
I had seen this act countless times. Whenever he felt slighted or bullied out in the world, he would come home and cling to me just like this, crying. And I would feel a pang of sympathy, comfort him, and tell him, Its okay. Im here.
Now, it just made my stomach turn.
The front door was suddenly thrown open. Leos sister, Sarah, stormed in and shoved me hard.
Stella, have you lost your mind?
Your father was just buried, and youre forcing Leo to divorce you? Do you have any humanity at all?
I stumbled back a few steps. She wasnt finished.
He has an illness, you know that! Hes already blaming himself. Are you trying to push him over the edge? she shrieked. What happened to your dad was an accident! Leo didnt want it to happen! After everything hes done for you all these years, how can you treat him like this?
I laughed.
She stopped, stunned. What are you laughing at?
I didnt answer. I just bent down and picked up the divorce papers she had kicked aside.
Leo was still on the floor, shaking. S-Sarah stop Its n-not her fault its all m-me
His sister helped him up, her voice softening with pity. Dont be scared, Leo. I wont let her bully you. She then shot me a venomous look. Im telling you, Stella, you can forget about this divorce! Do you have any idea how many opportunities Leo gave up for you? He could have been at a top firm, but he stayed in this dead-end town to help take care of your father!
I looked from her to Leo. His head was bowed, his shoulders trembling even more violently.
I folded the divorce papers and went back to my room.
Behind me, I heard Sarahs triumphant sneer. Good. You know whats good for you.
I closed the door and leaned against it. I knew a divorce wasnt happening today.
The next day, the entire family descended. The living room was packed with Leos parents, his sister, and the whole clan of aunts and uncles.
Leos mother started. Stella, dear, your father just passed away. If you try to divorce Leo now, your father wont be able to rest in peace.
Leo has his condition, its true, but his love for you is real. She started to cry, grabbing my hand. Its our Leo who has wronged you, but you know about his illness. Please, just be patient with him. Our family will make it up to you, I promise.
Sarah immediately chimed in. Exactly! Leo has sacrificed so much for you. How can you be so heartless? What happened to your dad was a tragic accident.
I sat on the sofa, watching them perform. Leo knelt before me, his eyes red and swollen.
St-Stella I I was wrong p-please dont leave me
His mother dabbed her eyes. Look at him. Youre driving him mad.
Just as I was about to speak, the doorbell rang. My fathers lawyer stood on the doorstep, holding a file.
Ms. Davis, according to your fathers will, I am required to read it in the presence of the family.
The living room fell silent.
The lawyer cleared his throat. Mr. Davis leaves all company shares, properties, and savings entirely to his daughter, Stella Davis.
The moment he finished, the expressions on every one of their faces changed. Leos mother dropped my hand and plastered on a smile. Oh, my! My dear father-in-law truly doted on Stella.
Sarahs tone shifted instantly. Stella, I was a bit harsh earlier. Dont take it to heart. Leo is so lucky to have you.
The aunts and uncles all started nodding and agreeing, praising me for being a capable and virtuous wife.
Leo was frozen in place, a flicker of panic in his eyes. He clearly hadn't expected this. I watched him, a cold smile touching my lips.
After the lawyer left, the familys act shifted into high gear. Leos mother clutched my arm. Stella, dear, youll be running such a large company now. You must be overwhelmed. Why dont you let Leo help you? His speech isnt great, but hes a very steady worker.
Sarah leaned in. Shes right. Youre husband and wife. You should share your fortunes and your burdens.
I nodded. Ill think about it.
That night, my phone buzzed. It was a picture from Zoe. She and Leo were leaning close, and he was smiling that same tender smile.
The caption read: Your dads dead and youre worried about a company? Let my Leo handle it. You should focus on your grief.
I stared at the photo for a long moment, then a slow, deliberate smile spread across my face.
The next day, I slipped a document into a folder of procurement contracts. On top were several supplier agreements that needed to be signed. At the very bottom, I placed a Full Power of Attorney for Corporate Affairs, which included a clause voluntarily relinquishing all personal claims to shareholdings under specific circumstances.
I handed the folder to Leo. Theres some company business. Can you sign these for me? Im in no mood to look at them.
He took the folder, a flash of triumph in his eyes. He thought I was relying on him, that I couldnt function without him. He picked up a pen and, in each signature box, he scrawled his name with a confident flourish. His handwriting was fluid, not the cramped script of someone with social anxiety.
He signed the last page without even looking at it.
I took the folder back and returned to my room.
Behind me, I heard his stammering voice. St-Stella y-you should get some r-rest
I closed the door and opened the folder. On the last page, under Full Power of Attorney, Leos bold signature was perfectly clear.
He thought he now held the real power in the company. He became busy, frequently staying out late, if he came home at all. When I asked, it was always the same excuse. C-company b-busy h-had to entertain clients
The ambition and glee were practically spilling out of his eyes. He thought I couldnt see it.
The truth was, I didnt have time for him.
Every day, I went to my fathers favorite tea house and personally sorted through the books and tea sets he had left behind. The fragrant steam calmed me, and for the first time in a long time, my heart felt at peace.
One day, I was polishing a clay teapot when the building manager called.
Ms. Davis? Someone is here to move furniture into your apartment. They say theyre family, but we needed to confirm with you.
Family? My father was gone, my mother passed years ago. I had no other family.
A knot of dread tightened in my stomach. I drove home immediately.
In the parking lot, movers were unloading brand-new, ornate European furniture from a large truck. And in the hallway outside my apartment, the custom mahogany bedroom set my parents had commissioned for their wedding was piled up haphazardly, covered in dust.
A woman in a flashy dress was directing the movers with her hands on her hips.
It was Zoe.
She saw me and didnt even flinch. She just crossed her arms, a smug grin on her face.
Stella, youre back! she chirped, walking over as if we were old friends. These old antiques take up so much space, and the style is so dated. Im helping you upgrade to something modern. Youll love it.
I looked at the furniture, tossed aside like garbagethe testament to my parents loveand my body started to shake with rage. My voice was ice.
Who told you you could touch my things?
Get out.
Zoe laughed as if Id told the worlds funniest joke. She pulled a set of keys from her purse and dangled them in my face. Leo gave them to me. He said this is my home now, too. He was worried youd be lonely and wanted me to keep you company.
Oh, and by the way, she added, pointing to my fathers study. That room is so depressing. It has that old man smell. Im going to turn it into a media room, with the best surround sound system and a projector. We can watch movies at home. Wont that be great?
My fathers study. The room that held his lifes work, his most treasured collections.
My reason snapped.
I grabbed a porcelain vase from the entryway tableone of my fathers favoritesand without a second thought, I drew my arm back to smash it into her gloating face.

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