After I Gave Up on Us, He Began to Beg for Me Back

It was my birthday. Id spent the entire day bustling around, decorating our apartment and preparing a table full of his favorite dishes.
I was waiting for the food to cool when a text from Jerry came in: [Something came up at work. It's an overnight trip. Don't wait up for me, go to bed.]
A moment later, I saw a new post on my feed from his old flame, Phoebe.
It was a photo of Jerry in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, an apron tied around his waist, looking busy and happy.
The caption read: {May this moment last forever.}
Suddenly, everything felt tasteless. I tapped the like button, reheated a plate for one, and started to eat.
My phone buzzed incessantly, but I ignored it.
When I finally picked it up after dinner, I saw dozens of missed calls from Jerry.
Hed left one last voice message.
Cathy, Ill explain when I get back. Don't overthink it. We have so many more birthdays to celebrate together.
I didnt reply. I just wondered, do we really have a future at all?

1
Jerry didnt come home for three days.
When he finally walked through the door, I was curled up on the sofa, binge-watching a new series.
He looked surprised. Didnt you see my message?
I saw it, I said without looking up from the screen. I was busy with something. It slipped my mind.
He stared at me, completely baffled. And why wouldnt he be? In the past, a message like that would have had me bouncing with excitement, waiting for him downstairs a half-hour early.
He was silent for a moment, then said, I havent eaten all day. Can you just whip something up?
He was a picky eater and couldnt stand the food on the train. Whenever he came back from a business trip, Id always have a home-cooked meal ready to satisfy his cravings.
The episode ended. I finally looked up at him and pointed to the stack of takeout menus on the coffee table.
These came in the mail. Looks like that new place has a special on.
A dark look crossed Jerrys face. Im starving right now. Even if youre mad, can you at least make some food first?
I looked at him, genuinely confused. You can order delivery, cant you? And Im not mad.
He didnt believe me, of course. Phoebes all alone in the next city over. She has no one, he said, launching into his defense. I was just looking after her, as a friend.
Mm-hmm.
He rubbed his forehead, looking exhausted. Come on, thats enough. I really dont have the energy to coddle you right now.
I sighed. If youre tired, you should rest. Im really not asking you to coddle me.
He choked on his words, his breathing growing ragged.
I knew he was getting angry.
After a long pause, he pulled a gift box from his suitcase and tossed it onto the sofa next to me. Your birthday present, he sneered. There. Are you happy now?
I placed it on the coffee table without opening it. Thanks.
He just stood there, his face darkening. And?
It took me a second to remember our old agreement: for any birthday, both of us would prepare a gift for the other.
Oh, right. Sorry, sorry. I got too caught up in my show and forgot, I said, a little sheepishly. Ill make it up to you later? Or I can just transfer you the money?
He was staring at me so intensely it was starting to feel awkward. I quickly sent him the money through my banking app, then glanced at my watch and went to the bedroom to change into my coat.
When I came back out, he looked startled. Youre going out? You put on makeup to go out? You didnt get ready for me?
I gave him a strange look. Didnt you used to say it was a waste for me to wear makeup at home? Why would I get all dolled up just to greet you here?
Before he could stammer out a reply, I pulled open the front door.
Where are you going? he demanded, rushing forward to grab my arm.
I have plans with Sasha and the girls.
I ignored the look on his face and walked out.

2
Jerry never liked my more boisterous friends. He thought the bars and clubs we frequented were improper and told me I should see them less.
I was never going to abandon my friends for him, but to avoid fights, I used to schedule our get-togethers when he was out and always made sure to be home early.
I could never really let loose and have fun.
Now, finally, I didnt have to care what he thought.
When Sasha and the others heard my plan, they exchanged surprised glances, clearly skeptical. They knew better than anyone how head-over-heels in love with Jerry I used to be.
But now that my eyes were open, it all seemed so incredibly stupid. To lose yourself completely for a man
Why didnt I wake up sooner?
We stayed out late, having a blast, and I even posted a few pictures to my story.
By the time I got home, it was 3 a.m.
I opened the door to find Jerry sitting on the sofa in the dark, his face a thundercloud.
Cathy, he said, his voice cold as ice. How old are you? Are you a teenager, throwing a tantrum out of jealousy? Running off and staying out this late just because youre upset? Is that how a grown woman acts?
My eyelids felt like they were glued together. I was too tired to deal with him. I tried to walk past him toward the bedroom.
He stood up, blocking my path. Thats enough. Phoebe and I are in the past. Theres nothing between us now, and there never will be again. You dont need to throw these little fits because of her.
He added, And I dont like you coming home this late. Dont let it happen again.
I yawned. Youre overthinking things. Im not jealous, and this isnt a tantrum. Also, from now on, I wont be following your curfew.
His face contorted. Havent you had enough? Theres a limit to these games. Im not your father. Im not going to indulge you forever.
I was too exhausted to even speak. All I wanted was to crawl into bed.
He must have mistaken my silence for submission. He sighed and reached out to hug me.
I took a step back, dodging his embrace. With the last ounce of my energy, I hurried into the spare bedroom, shutting the door and locking it from the inside.
As I drifted off, I vaguely thought that if we were sleeping separately, I probably should have taken the guest room and left him the master. But before I could even finish the thought who cares, I was fast asleep.

3
For the first time in ages, I slept soundly through the night, without a single dream.
When I got up to wash my face, Jerry was just coming out of the master bedroom.
He walked past me with a stony expression, acting as if I didnt exist.
This time, however, I didnt feel a surge of panic. I didnt grab his hand and beg him to tell me what was wrong. I just went about my morning.
As I headed to the kitchen, I heard the front door slam shut with a loud bang.
That door, I thought, is solid, but it cant take that kind of abuse forever.
I made myself a simple breakfast and left for the office.
I went straight to my bosss office. I was about to knock when I heard a voice behind me. Cathy, youre in early!
It was my boss. Id arrived before she did.
Inside her office, I told her I was ready to accept the companys overseas assignment.
The opportunity had come up a while ago. My boss, seeing it as a great career move for me, had urged me to take it, but Id refused every time because I couldnt bear the thought of being away from Jerry for so long.
She was thrilled. Thats wonderful news! Is everything alright with your boyfriend?
I shook my head. Well be breaking up.
Thank God for Phoebe. Shed snapped me out of it just in time.
Starting today, my life would be about work handovers and preparing to move abroad.
It was a long, busy day. By the time I left the office, the sky was already dark.
I decided to grab dinner out before heading home.
When I walked in, Jerry was on the phone, a bouquet of flowers in one hand.
Yeah, of course. Its not every day the princess herself graces our city with her presence. Ill pull out all the stops, I promise. Go ahead and order, Im on my way out now.
Oh, right. Today was Phoebes birthday.
His face was alight with a doting smile, an expression he had never once shown me.
With me, he was always reserved. Even his smiles were faint, fleeting things. When Id complained about it once, hed just said calmly that he wasnt comfortable with big displays of emotion.
Apparently, it wasnt that he was uncomfortable. It was just that I wasnt the person he was willing to show them to.
When he hung up, the smile was still on his face. But the moment he saw me, it vanished.
He walked past me with the flowers, his expression flat and indifferent, and closed the door just as quietly behind him.
He was still angry about my coldness the night before and was trying to punish me with the silent treatment.
But he didn't know that, just like that morning, his indifference no longer sent me into a panic.
I simply ordered some takeout, and after eating, I picked up the German textbook I hadnt touched in years. I was fluent, but it had been a while. I needed to brush up.

4
During a study break, I scrolled through my social media feed. Unsurprisingly, Phoebe had posted a new update.
{Thankful to the heavens for bringing you into my life.}
The comments were filled with messages from Jerrys friends, all wishing the two of them well.
His friends all adored Phoebe and couldnt stand me. They never said it outright, but they took every opportunity to needle and undermine me.
Id complained to Jerry about it before, but his response was always the same: Then youll just have to try harder to win their approval.
I refreshed the page and saw that Jerry had commented toojust a simple smiley face emoji.
Suddenly, I got a notification. One of Jerrys friends had tagged me.
[Just giving you a heads-up so you don't start a fight with Jerry again. The rest of us are here too, it's just a normal get-together.]
I found it laughable. I replied with a single k, then tossed my phone aside, washed up, and went to bed.
I was jolted awake in the middle of the night by the bedroom light flipping on.
Squinting, I saw Jerry standing over me, staring.
You really trust me, dont you? he demanded. Im out all night and not a single text from you! My friends phones were blowing up with their girlfriends and wives calling them home. I was the only one sitting there like an idiot, waiting for a message that never came!
I was not happy about being woken from a deep sleep. Youre a grown man, I said irritably. Why wouldnt I trust you at a party with your friends? I believe you. Its late, you should get some rest.
In the past, whenever he was out with Phoebe, I would throw a fit. Even if I reluctantly agreed to let him go, I would bombard him with calls and texts all night.
Hed once yelled at me, This is a party for our circle of friends! What does it have to do with you? Im begging you, Cathy, just give me some personal space!
He stood there, stunned. After a few seconds, he grabbed my arm as I was about to lie back down. We need to talk.
I looked at him, exasperated.
He took a deep breath. That social media post was just a memento from our friends gathering. It didnt mean anything else. You shouldnt overthink it.
I was so tired. I just nodded again and again. Okay, I get it.
A flicker of anxiety crossed his face. Whats with this refusal to communicate? Are you still mad that I saw Phoebe? I told you, shes just a friend from our circle. We had a past, but thats over. If it really bothers you that much, Ill take you with me to the next gathering.
I nodded vigorously. I know. But Im really tired. Can I please just go to sleep?
Jerry fell silent. He sighed and moved to get into the bed.
I shot up. What are you doing?!
He froze, then gave me a glacial look before storming out and slamming the door to the master bedroom behind him.
After the interruption, I worried Id have trouble falling back asleep. But thankfully, my head had barely hit the pillow for a few minutes before I was out again.

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