Seduce & Coax

I broke up with my boyfriend.
Sitting in my husbands car, I couldnt show a flicker of emotion. I couldnt even cry.
When I was young, I was afraid to tell my parents I was dating. Now, Im afraid to tell my husband.
My whole life has been a series of regrets.

1
I dated Joshua for over a year before I finally agreed to be his girlfriend.
He was an incredible cook, and his food was exactly to my taste.
After dinner one evening, I was lounging on the sofa, watching him in the kitchen with an apron tied around his waist.
A sudden impulse hit me.
Joshua, I said, what do you think about us getting married?
He turned and gave me a sidelong glance. Isnt that a bit of a simple proposal?
I just smiled without answering.
Later, I discovered an entire wall in his house made of acrylic shelves, displaying a collection of rare models and a number of impressive trophies.
But in the very center, protected under a glass dome, was a single paper crane.
It was pink, and not very well folded.
Yet its place of honor on that wall spoke volumes about how much Joshua treasured it.
I tried to sound casual. Thats a nicely folded paper crane.
Joshua glanced at it. You think so? I always thought it was pretty ugly.
If its so ugly, why do you keep it like a treasure?
He shrugged. I have to.
It was a gift from the girl I liked. Even if its ugly, I love it.
The smile on my face froze.
I stared at the crane for a long time, trying to remember when I could have possibly given it to him. I couldnt. A wave of guilt washed over me.
Joshua sensed my mood.
He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into his embrace.
Alice, I know what youre thinking. But Ive always felt that loving you was my own affair. It had nothing to do with you. You dont need to feel guilty for not returning my feelings back then.
Besides, he continued softly, for the me I was back then, just having a secret crush on you was more than enough to make me happy.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest.
Joshua, can you tell me when I gave you this?
A gentle smile spread across his face as he remembered.
You had just learned how to fold them. You were so excited, you showed the first one to your deskmate, but she told you it was ugly.
You got angry and started asking everyone around you.
They all said it wasnt very good. But I had secretly glanced at it, and I thought it was perfect. It was the most beautiful paper crane I had ever seen.
So when you came over to my desk with it, I was shocked and ecstatic. I blushed and told you it was amazing.
You were so happy that you gave it to methe very first paper crane you ever folded.
I had completely forgotten about that small moment from our school days. Only Joshua would have carefully preserved such a tiny detail about me.
He leaned down and kissed my eyes.
Alice, sixteen years ago, you gave me a pink paper crane. Now, Im giving you a blue one.
I felt him press something into my hand.
I looked down and saw a blue paper crane, folded a thousand times more beautifully than the one I had given him.
Thank you, I whispered.
Joshuas lips curved. Youre welcome.
And thank you. Not just for the crane, but for loving me back.

2
We went to a movie on a weekend night.
It was late by the time we left the theater.
When Joshua dropped me off at my house, we were met by an unexpected visitor.
I hadnt seen Adrian in a long time. He seemed to have changed a great deal. The hysteria hed shown when we were finalizing our divorce was gone.
He looked older now, haggard, with a dark, unshaven shadow around his lips.
When he saw Joshua and me holding hands, he was unnervingly calm.
Id heard his family had gone through a lot since our divorce. Adrians mother had left his father. Unable to take his anger out on his ex-wife, Adrians father had turned on his son.
Your mother and I made it through all these years, but the moment Alice divorces you, she divorces me too! You useless thing, cant even handle one woman.
On top of that, his familys company stock had plummeted, and they were plagued by internal problems. Adrian must have been having a rough time.
Alice, can we talk?
It was the first time I had ever seen such an uncertain, almost nervous expression on his face.
He must have seen the refusal in my eyes, because he quickly added, Itll be quick. Just a few words. It wont take much of your time.
I frowned, not wanting to deal with him.
I dont think we have anything to talk about.
His voice softened, pleading. Alice, Ill leave right after. Please.
It was already late. If he caused a scene, it would be embarrassing for everyone.
Fine, I said, my patience wearing thin. Say what you have to say.
But he didnt speak. Instead, he looked at Joshua. Mr. Croft, could you give us a moment? My, he started, but a sharp look from me made him change his words. I have something to discuss with Alice.
Joshua frowned but didnt move.
I knew he was feeling insecure, and I turned to reassure him.
But Joshua spoke first. I have something to tell you too, Alice. Ill go inside and wait. Call me if you need anything.
As Joshua started toward the door, a pained look crossed Adrians face.
Are you two living together? he asked.
Joshua shot him a cold glance. Were in a serious relationship. Isnt it normal for a couple to live together?
You shouldnt be so surprised, Mr. Zhou.
I stifled a laugh as Joshua found the key in my purse, unlocked the door, and confidently flicked on the lights as if hed done it a hundred times.
Alice
Adrians voice brought my attention back to him.
Get on with it.
Im sorry about the baby. I really didnt know you were pregnant then.
Alice, Im so, so sorry.
Tears streamed down his face as he looked at me.
Adrian was crying.
But I felt nothing.
Lets not talk about the past. If you came here just to apologize, youve wasted your time. I dont need your apology.
When I turned to leave, he grew frantic.
Alice, please, give me another chance. For the sake of what we once had, just one more chance?
I know I was wrong. I do love you. We grew up together, how could there be nothing between us? I was just I was confused before.
I let out a short, bitter laugh.
What we once had, Adrian? The fact that I havent kicked your familys company while its down is a sign of my saintly compassion. So dont talk to me about what we had.
You only came here tonight hoping Id help you, didnt you?
Well, let me be perfectly clearits not going to happen.
He closed his eyes in despair, then opened them again. Alice, I didnt come here expecting you to help. I know I was wrong, I know I hurt you. Im here for me, for us. Im begging you to give me one more chance. Im not asking you to remarry me right away. I can pursue you again. We can start over, date again, and then get married. Cant we just start from the beginning?
I shook my head.
No, Adrian. Stop daydreaming.
Were divorced. Dont bother me again. Be a decent ex-husband and disappear from my life.
My patience had run out. I knew exactly what kind of person Adrian was. He was driven by self-interest, not emotion. He had refused to divorce me for his own benefit, and now he was putting on this show for the same reason.
But I wasnt a fool. I wasnt going to fall into the same trap twice.

3
When I went inside, Joshua was sitting on the sofa.
He looked up as I entered. All done?
I nodded.
After changing my shoes, I stood a few feet away from him, a teasing smile on my face. Why did you tell him we were living together?
Joshua was almost painfully proper. In all the time since my divorce, we had never gone further than kissing.
Even when we kissed, he would blush. Sometimes, if I initiated it, he would even tear up.
I never understood it, but I would always gently comfort him.
Come here.
Instead of answering, Joshua just looked at me and held out his hand.
I placed my hand in his and let him pull me into his lap.
Only then did he look at me and say, How else was I supposed to win? When you looked at me back there, I was so scared you were going to tell me to leave.
If I left, youd be alone with him. I couldnt stand it. I was terrified. I was scared youd feel sorry for him, that hed trick you again, that you wouldnt want me anymore.
His voice started to break.
I cupped his face in my hand and kissed his jaw. You trust me that little?
I do! he said firmly. But Im still scared.
As long as I love you, Ill always be insecure. Ill always feel like I could lose you.
Im so afraid youll get tired of me being like this, but I cant help it. His voice was laced with self-loathing.
Joshua, that wont happen, I said softly.
I shifted to face him directly. I wasnt going to ask you to leave.
I held his face and leaned in to kiss him.
He started crying again.
But he instinctively tightened his arms around my waist, pressing me closer.
The kiss started with me in control, and Joshua seemed to melt into it. As I started to grow breathless and pull away, he took over.
He kissed me tirelessly, his lips growing more demanding, more passionate, as if he wanted to devour me whole.
When I was limp in his arms, gasping for air against his shoulder, I heard him laugh softly.
Rested up?
Should we continue?
I shot him a playful glare and changed the subject. Didnt you say you had something to tell me outside?
Mmm, he murmured, his lips finding mine again. I wanted to tell you how much I wanted to kiss you.
After what felt like the tenth time I collapsed against his shoulder to catch my breath, I hesitated, then asked, Its late. Do you want to stay over?
We were both adults. He knew what I was asking.
Joshua had never once stayed the night at my place.
He didnt know that I had already bought several sets of clothes for him, waiting in the closet of the guest room.
They had never been used.
As I looked into his eyes, I could see the desire burning there. He traced the shell of my ear, his gaze almost greedy.
Just when I thought this time would be different, he refused me again.
Not yet.
Why not?
He didnt answer.
He just held me tighter, and I could feel the evidence of his arousal against me. But even so, he was still saying no.
Go take a shower, sweetheart, he said, his voice raspy. Ill leave after youve fallen asleep.
I looked at him, a little frustrated, but didnt press him. I just climbed off his lap with a huff.

4
Even though I had made it perfectly clear to Adrian that it was over, there was a bouquet of Rhodes Roses waiting in my office the next morning.
He had given me the same flowers when we first started dating, telling me they were just for me, that he would never give them to anyone else.
Later, I found out he had given them to all of his mistresses, repeating the same lines to them verbatim.
Ellie, get this out of here.
And from now on, I dont want to see anything like this in my office again.
My assistant quickly removed the flowers.
That cursed bouquet put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
Every evening, if he was in the city, Joshua would pick me up from work and wed go to dinner. Today was no exception. In fact, he was early.
You usually wait downstairs. What brings you up? I asked with a smile.
He placed a paper bag on my desk. A little something for you and your staff.
Inside were bottles of a luxury perfume from his companys brand. Everyone in the office got one. Now, my employees were happier to see him than they were to see me.
I leaned back in my chair and sniffed the perfume.
Big spender today, Mr. Croft, I teased.
He just smiled. Just a little trick to win my girlfriends favor.
He was also holding a small potted plant. An Orange Jessamine.
When he saw me looking, he placed it on my desk.
He was a true romantic, down to his very soul. He brought me flowers every day, and they were never the same kind twice. At first, I thought he was just a player, but after meeting his parents, I realized he got it from his father, who had been bringing his wife flowers every day for decades.
Sometimes, genetics and upbringing really do matter.
Orange Jessamine?
Mmmhmm.
The flowers meaning was, I am your captive.
I couldnt stop the smile from spreading across my face.
Since I was in a good mood, we left work early.
In the elevator, Joshua asked, What do you feel like eating tonight?
Anything. You decide.
He looked down at me, and I could see my reflection in his smiling eyes.
My perfect mood evaporated the moment we stepped out of the building and saw Adrian waiting for us.
He was like a ghost I couldnt shake.
And in that moment, I understood why Joshua had come early.
Alice.
Adrian started towards me.
Joshua let out a cold laugh. What? Still havent said your piece?
When he turned back to me, the ice in his expression melted away. He looked dejected, his eyes welling up with tears.
You two talk. Ill wait for you in the car.
I grabbed his hand. No. I have nothing to say to him.
Joshua squeezed my hand back and shot a triumphant look at Adrian.
Come on, Joshua. Were both men. You dont need to play these games, Adrian sneered.
I frowned. Adrian, I told you to stop bothering me.
He seemed to revert to his old, arrogant self. Alice, cant you see hes just playing the victim? Hes being manipulative! I cant believe you dont see through his act.
I laughed coldly. Whether he is or not is my business. But you? Every one of those women you kept on the side was a master manipulator, and you never saw it. Now you have the nerve to come here and talk trash about Joshua?
Adrian, I told you, we are over. Stop making a fool of yourself.

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