Autumn Winds Sigh as I Depart

After I accidentally smudged the piano, my boyfriend, Adrian, flew into a rage. He overturned my wheelchair, his voice cracking with a choked sob as he yelled:
Its your legs that are crippled, not your hands! Cant you do one simple thing right?
I froze, the cleaning cloth still clutched in my hand.
[OMG, I love a sharp-tongued hero. He says the cruelest things but regrets it instantly. He wants to apologize to our girl but is too proud.]
[Well, it is his favorite piano. Who would want oil stains on it? Silly girl, hurry up and comfort him, hes about to shatter.]
[Talia, dont be stubborn. Its not shameful to back down for the one you love.]
I stared at the live commentary scrolling across my vision, my eyes stinging with tears. I moved closer, wanting to hug him, but Adrian shoved me away violently.
Dont touch me. You reek of cooking oil. Dont get that stench on the piano.
I lowered my eyes, biting my lip. I just finished making dinner. I really didnt mean to
Ive already given up music for you, isnt that enough? You cant even stand to let me have this one last thing, can you? Talia, Im begging you, just let me go.
My nose burned. I felt like such a fool for being deceived by the commentary again.
After a long silence, my voice came out a hoarse whisper.
Fine. Ill let you go.

1
Let me go?
Adrian let out a cold, bitter laugh. Easy for you to say. Were past the point of keeping score.
A lump formed in my throat, choking off any words. My knee was scraped raw, beading with blood that smeared onto the floor, a startling red.
Adrians jaw was clenched tight. He turned his head away, slammed the door on his way out, and returned moments later with a first-aid kit.
Alright, lets get this cleaned up.
[Aww, he feels so guilty. No matter how much he complains, he just cant abandon our girl.]
[A generational piano prodigy, his wings clipped. Forced to give up his dream to care for his disabled girlfriend, and he still has to coddle this burden. My heart aches for him.]
[I dont care, the ship is sailing! Even when hes furious, hes still worried about his wifeys boo-boos.]
The floating words blurred before my eyes.
Five years ago, when that out-of-control truck barreled towards us, I had used all my strength to push Adrian out of the way. My own legs were crushed, the nerves severed, leaving them useless.
While learning to use the wheelchair, I sank into a severe post-traumatic depression. It was Adrian who stayed by my side, refusing to leave.
He gave up his brilliant music career, took me to countless doctors, and whispered to me, Dont be afraid. From now on, Ill be your legs.
And from then on, I became a burden, dragging him down year after year.
I had thought about ending it all, but the commentary pleaded with me: [Dont do it, sweetie! If youre gone, hell go mad and follow you!]
So I stayed. I couldnt bear to leave him.
But now, it felt like there was nothing left to hold on to.
Watching his practiced movements as he tended to my wound, I spoke. Adrian, you should leave.
His hands paused. A flicker of mockery crossed his eyes, followed by a weary sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Talia, stop it. Im exhausted today. Im not in the mood to play these games.
A shrill ringtone cut through the tension.
Adrian answered, annoyed. Im busy. Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow
Adrian, I have a piano duet competition tomorrow morning, but my partner got sick. Can you fill in for me, please, please, please?
The voice was playful and anxious, a young womans.
I knew who it was. His favorite junior from the conservatory, Chloe. The one he once drunkenly whispered to me was his true soulmate, the only one who understood the voice of his music.
Adrians knuckles turned white, then his hand trembled and relaxed. Im sorry, I have to take care of
Chloes voice turned into a petulant accusation. Are you really going to be shackled to that cripple for the rest of your life? Dont you want to be on stage again? Im right outside your door, Adrian. If you have the guts, come out and say no to my face.
Adrians pupils contracted. He hesitated for only two seconds before throwing down the first-aid kit and running out the door, not even bothering to help me back into my wheelchair.
I struggled to pull myself up, just able to hear their voices through the door.
Chloe seemed to sniffle. Adrian, shes going to be like this for the rest of her life. But what about you?
Adrian was silent for a long time before his voice came out, thick with emotion.
This is what I owe her.
Shes a cripple, stuck here. Where am I supposed to go?
Chloes voice sharpened. Then what about me?! We were supposed to achieve our dreams together! You promised me! Youre a liar, Adrian, and Im done loving you!
[Oh man, poor Chloe. She and Adrian really are a perfect match, true artistic soulmates.]
[The girlfriend is just a dead weight. She cant give him what he needs; she only holds him back.]
[But does anyone else get this tragic, fated-to-be-entangled-forever vibe? Its so romantic.]
[Hes so cute when hes tsundere. He obviously cant bear to leave her but calls it a debt.]
I pressed my lips together. I didnt want to understand.
A moment later, I heard Adrians resolve crumble, his voice a mixture of resignation and a hint of indulgence.
Just for tomorrow. One time only.
Amidst Chloes cheers, Adrian left in a hurry, not even glancing back.
The food on the table grew cold. I forced down a few bites alone. It tasted bitter and salty.
After a long while, I dialed the number of my childhood friend.
That marriage pact we had is it still on the table?

2
Of course it is. Im the one whos been the backup plan all this time, right? My dearest Talia, have you finally decided to kick Adrian to the curb?
I didnt have the heart to tell him Adrian was the one tired of me. I just laughed, a self-deprecating sound.
Thank you for being willing to marry me.
After my parents died and my familys fortune dwindled, it was a rare kindness for him to still honor an old promise.
The man on the other end paused, his playful tone replaced by a serious one.
Did he hurt you?
No.
Talia, give me a little time to wrap things up here. Tomorrow, Im on the first flight back. Ill be there for you.
After I hung up, the commentary exploded.
[Whats happening? Is she cheating?]
[No way, shes so dramatic. He says a few harsh words and she runs off to another man? What a snowflake.]
[Relax, this is just manufactured drama. The main couple will end up together. Our girl cant survive without her Adrian.]
I ignored them. Using my arms to steady myself, I began to pack.
Everything in the apartment came in pairs.
The couples slippers were scattered, one here, one there. Adrian had bought them on a trip to the supermarket, carrying me on his back. I remembered how the strange looks from others made me shrink, burying my face in his neck. Adrian, put me down. Im fine in the wheelchair.
He just chuckled and hitched me up higher. My back is cold. You need to keep me warm.
Look, these slippers are cute. Do you like them?

Now, the red and blue slippers lay far apart, like two distant islands.
Just like Adrian and me. I didnt know when we had drifted so far apart.
I tried to gather them together, a foolish, self-deceiving gesture. But as I leaned over, I lost my balance and crashed heavily to the floor.
Talia! Are you okay?
Before I could even register the pain, Adrian was there, rushing back in. His face was a mask of panic as he helped me up, his voice laced with anger.
I was gone for five minutes to see someone to their car, and you manage to do this to yourself?
[I cant with this girl. Im developing an allergy to incompetence. Can she do anything right?]
[Hes so frustrated hes about to cry. Talia, please stop torturing him. Just talk it out. Lovers quarrels are normal. Dont be so petty.]
Just looking at him sent a tremor through my heart, a pain so sharp it felt like I couldnt breathe.
I looked away, my voice hoarse. Dont worry about me. Go get some sleep. You dont want to mess up the competition tomorrow.
Adrians body went rigid, his eyes turning cold.
Talia, is that what this is about? You overheard me, so you threw yourself on the floor for attention?
No, I didnt
Enough!
A glass shattered at my feet. Adrian was breathing heavily, his anger barely contained. Youve lived in this house for nearly a decade. How can you fall just by taking a few steps?
A bitter smile touched my lips.
Youre right. Im useless.
If you dont believe me, then dont.
Seeing my refusal to apologize, Adrian clenched his jaw. He pulled a pair of dusty crutches from a closet, grabbed me by the collar, and began dragging me outside.
My scraped knee bumped against the steps, the friction sending a jolt of pain through me. Let me go! Where are you taking me?
He stopped abruptly at the curb and threw the crutches at me. His voice was on the verge of breaking.
Talia, there are so many disabled people in the world. Why are you the only one who cant learn to walk?
Tonight, if you cant learn to use these crutches, dont even bother coming home!

3
Adrian vanished into the night.
Only the cold autumn wind was left, making me shiver.
I limped over to a lamppost, trying to pull myself up, when the roar of an engine and a blaring horn shattered the silence.
A motorcycle sped past, its side clipping my shoulder. The driver yelled back, his face dark with rage.
What the hell are you doing out here, you damn cripple? Get your insurance scamming ass out of the road!
I stumbled backward, my hands gripping the crutches, my palms slick with cold sweat.
After the accident, I couldnt accept the loss of my legs. I refused to do any physical therapy, hiding in my hospital room.
Adrian stayed with me every day, forcing a smile through his tears.
Its okay, Talia. You dont have to do the exercises. Ill be your crutch for the rest of your life.
That was also the first time I saw the commentary.
[You have to pull yourself together, sweetie, or hes going to break. He hasnt slept in 72 hours, terrified youll leave him all alone.]
[Its true, youre his whole world.]
My eyes had filled with tears. After a long hesitation, Id climbed into my wheelchair and kissed his cheek.
Okay. Take me for a walk.
I was naive enough to believe we would always be like that, supporting each other.
But in the end, Adrian regretted it.
The wind bit at my ears as I stumbled my way home.
When I finally made it to the apartment building, the streetlights flickered and died. I fumbled my way forward in the dark but misstepped onto a loose manhole cover. The ground gave way beneath me.
But the expected fall never came. A hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, yanking me back onto solid ground.
Adrian was trembling all over, his lips a deathly white.
Talia, youre a cripple, not an idiot! Why do you have to depend on me to survive?
I swear to God I wish I had just died in that car crash!
[OMG, hes so pitiful. He left her because he went to buy a ring to apologize, and he comes back to find her causing more trouble.]
[This idiotic, drama-queen of a protagonist. I cant watch anymore. Can we just let Adrian be happy? He deserves so much better!]
[Sigh. They fight, but he still remembers their anniversary and his promise.]
I looked up, stunned, and saw his other hand hidden behind his back, clutching a small box.
When we were seventeen, Adrian had proposed to me with a ring folded from an exam paper.
Talia, trust me.
On the day of our tenth anniversary, no matter if were fighting or not speaking, I will ask you to marry me.
A wave of complex emotions washed over me, a sour ache in my chest.
You dont have to
You dont have to force yourself.
Before I could finish, Adrian let out a cold laugh and hurled the ring box into the open manhole. It vanished into the rushing sewage below.
Talia, you dont deserve it.
My nails dug into my palms. I clenched my fists, lifted my chin, and met his red-rimmed eyes.
Then lets break up, Adrian.
He froze, his eyes wide with disbelief. What did you say?
I tried to smile, to make it seem effortless, but my voice wavered, trembling in the cold air.
From now on, you dont have to take care of me anymore. Were even. No one owes anyone anything.
I dont want you to marry me. Tomorrow, you can go with your little protge to her piano competition. And Im going to marry someone else.

4
Adrian was silent for a long time. Finally, the tension left his shoulders, and he spoke, his voice hoarse.
Alright, stop being childish. I was wrong, okay? Lets go home.
[He has the patience of a saint. This girl is so ungrateful, ugh.]
[Seriously. This could all be solved with one honest conversation, but she has to threaten to break up to get his attention. Being with someone like this must be exhausting.]
I didnt say anything. I let Adrian lift me onto his back.
When didnt I want to have an honest conversation?
But every time we tried, he would end up leaving to teach Chloe piano or taking flowers to her competitions.
Every look he gave me seemed to say, I have nothing in common with a burden like you.
His dismissiveness, his growing indifference, the way his heart was closed to me but wide open for herI saw it all.
I had wanted to scream, to demand, Why her and not me?
But that would have been so ugly.
I had let myself become so small. But that was okay. Tomorrow, everything would be set right.
Adrian carried me to bed. He noticed the suitcase Id pulled out and frowned.
What are you packing for?
I didnt look at him. A trip, I mumbled. To clear my head.
Adrian visibly relaxed, his voice softening. Okay. I remember you always wanted to go to the coast. After the competition, Ill take you.
I lowered my eyes and shook my head.
You dont have to. Im going with someone else.
Our honeymoon destination.
What other friends do you have? Adrians eyes went cold, a flicker of contempt in them. Talia, if you take this too far, it wont be easy to take back.
[Can she please stop dancing on her own grave? Why is she so angry? Does she think he owes her something?]
[Shes poisoning herself with her own bitterness. Cant she just talk normally?]
[Just flirt with him, sweetie! This is something that a little apology and some charm could fix!]
The accusations stung. I was too tired to even feel sad or argue back. All I felt was a profound sense of calm.
Adrian was silent for a moment, then turned and slammed the door to the guest room.
The day we moved in together, he had held me, my head nestled on his shoulder, and whispered, Talia, even if we fight, were never sleeping in separate rooms.
Another broken promise.
I guess some things are only true when youre in love.
I managed a small smile, checked my documents one last time, and confirmed the pickup time with my childhood friend for the next morning. Then, I went to sleep alone.
At six-thirty, the sound of a door opening woke me.
Chloe waltzed into the guest room, cheerfully rummaging through Adrians clothes without a hint of shame.
Time to get up, Adrian! We dont want to be late for my competition. Ill be really mad, you know.
Adrian chuckled, a tired but fond sound, and habitually patted her head. I was up all night memorizing the score. You think Id miss it?
So thats why his light was on all night.
A true meeting of artistic souls.
A bitter taste filled my mouth. Chloe then came over to me, shoving a cat carrier into my lap.
Here, sis-in-law. Im borrowing your man for a bit. If you get bored, Mittens can keep you company.
I instinctively recoiled, but somehow the cat shrieked, leaped out, and clawed my forearm.
Chloes eyes immediately filled with tears. She hid behind Adrian, trembling.
Im so sorry, Adrian I didnt mean to. Mittens is usually so sweet. I just wanted her to keep Talia company
Adrian hesitated for half a second before stepping in front of her, a wary look in his eyes as he met mine.
Talia, Chloe meant well. The cat probably just doesnt like you. Dont give her a hard time. Her competition is about to start; she cant afford any distractions.
But I hadnt even had a chance to say a single word of blame.
I looked at the scratches on my arm, already starting to break out in a red rash.
Adrian, I asked, my voice flat. Dont you remember Im allergic to cats?
Chloe gasped, and her tears flowed even faster. Adrians expression faltered, then his brows furrowed in annoyance.
Dont be so dramatic. Ill take you to the doctor when I get back. Right now, I have to get Chloe to her competition. Stop trying to upset her.
He put an arm around Chloe and shut the door. Before leaving, he remembered to top up the cat food bowl with the brand we always kept in the house.
He never once looked back at me.
[This is killing me. My heart breaks for him. Hes obviously worried sick about his wife, but he has to focus on whats important right now.]
[As a goal-oriented woman, I love this. A career-focused piano genius is so much more attractive. Talia should count her lucky stars. Hell make it all up to her when he gets home.]
I smiled faintly. I couldnt bring myself to believe them anymore.
I paid no more attention to the noisy commentary.
Two loud honks from downstairs. I looked out the window. His Maybach was here.

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