They Celebrated His Son So I Vanished
But I never showed. I didnt make a scene.
Later, I heard her mother was holding her hand, stroking her hair. Ava, dont you worry, shed said. Well make sure he doesnt get within a hundred feet of you.
Your father has men watching the main entrance, too. If he dares to show up and cause trouble, well have him arrested.
Ava, pale and exhausted, managed a weak nod. But her eyes still drifted towards the elevator bank. The space was empty. Only then did she finally let out a breath she didnt realize shed been holding.
She couldnt understand it. All she was doing was giving her high school sweetheart a child, a legacy before he died. Why couldnt I just understand that?
As a nurse placed the crying infant in her arms, a genuine, relieved smile spread across her face. She told herself that if I came to visit her the next day, she would forgive all our recent fights. She would even be willing to let me be the babys father.
What she didnt know was that I had just filed my final paperwork with Doctors Without Borders.
In seven days, I would renounce my American citizenship and disappear into the worlds forgotten corners. I was never coming back.
1
The day Ava was discharged from the birthing center, I was finishing the last of my handover paperwork at the hospital. I walked up to her parents front door and paused, my hand on the knob. Laughter spilled from inside.
Hes such a beautiful baby, her mother cooed. Those big eyes he got them from his father, thats for sure.
Leo emerged from the kitchen holding a steaming bowl of homemade chicken soup. I made this myself, he said, his voice a gentle hum. Youre still weak. You need to build up your strength. He sat on the edge of the bed, feeding Ava spoonful by spoonful with a tenderness that screamed of domestic bliss. They looked like a perfect family.
Her father, shaking a baby rattle, was grinning from ear to ear. This little guy is just so charming, just like his dad. Thank God hes not Ethans. Can you imagine? Having a doctor for a father would be a nightmare, all work and no play.
My hand tightened on the doorknob until my knuckles were white.
I remembered the first time I met her father. Hed clapped me on the shoulder, beaming. A doctor! Saving lives! Its an honor to have you in the family. Hed told me hed been a surgeon himself, forced into early retirement by a violent patient whod ruined the nerves in his hand.
Now, he was saying a doctor wasn't fit to have a family.
I had been away for a one-year fellowship. In that single year, this home had become a place where I no longer belonged.
I lowered my head, a bitter taste filling my mouth.
Ava and I had been married for three years. She told me she was staunchly child-free, and I understood the risks of childbirth, the nine-circles-of-hell ordeal it can be for a woman. I never pushed her.
I remember the day I left for my fellowship abroad. Shed cried, her eyes red-rimmed, telling me she couldnt bear to be without me. For that entire year, we were inseparable, despite the distance. We called every day, sharing every little detail of our lives. My colleagues would tease me, saying we were like newlyweds, even after three years.
Then, one month ago, I finally got approval for a surprise trip home.
I endured an eight-hour flight, my body screaming with exhaustion, but I didnt care. I rushed straight from the airport, only to find Ava on our doorstep, her belly swollen and round, her hand in that of her first love.
Leos voice pulled me from the memory. Ethan? Man, when did you get back? Why are you just standing in the doorway?
The laughter inside died. Everyone turned to look.
When Avas father saw the resignation letter in my hand, his brow furrowed into a tight knot. How did I ever entrust my daughter to someone like you? What a disgrace. You quit your job? Whats the plan, Ethan? Are you expecting us to support you?
What kind of husband are you? her mother chimed in, her finger pointed at me like an accusation. You quit? That job was a golden ticket, and you couldnt even handle that? What can you do? Avas recovering, the baby needs things money, Ethan! Or do you expect the three of you to live on air?
A hollow laugh escaped my lips. Whose wife and whose child, I said, my voice dangerously quiet, is whose responsibility.
What did you just say, Ethan? Have you no sense of duty? Ava finally broke. Her eyes were blazing, her face flushed with anger. Leo saved my life in that car crash three years ago! If it werent for him, Id be dead. His parents are gone, and now he has terminal cancer. Soon, there will be no one left in the world to even remember he existed. Her voice cracked. Why do you always have to attack him? Do you really think Im that kind of woman? A cheap, disgusting cheat?
A coughing fit seized her, and Leo was immediately at her side, rubbing her back, his face a mask of concern. He turned to me. Ethan, maybe you should just back off a little. I know this is all my fault. I promise, Ill disappear from your lives. But please, dont let me ruin what you two have.
I looked at the four of them, a perfectly united front. A wave of nauseating clarity washed over me.
They were the family. I was the intruder.
Then Ava spoke, her voice laced with steel. Ethan, my patience has a limit. If you ever dare to come after Leo again, you can forget about coming back to this house. If you want to stay married to me, you will drop this. At the christening next week, Im willing to tell our friends and family that youre the babys father.
Next week?
My gaze drifted to the sleeping infant in the bassinet. Next week, Id be on a plane to a different continent.
But before I left, I didnt mind giving them one last surprise theyd never forget.
My expression remained neutral. Okay.
Without waiting for their reaction, I turned and walked to the bedroom to pack. If I was leaving for good, I didnt want a single trace of myself left behind.
The sounds of their cheerful chatter seeped through the closed door. I paused, my hands stilling on a folded shirt.
Leo, I heard Ava say, her voice thick with emotion, I want the baby to have your last name. That way, even if he calls someone else Dad one day, hell always remember who his real father is.
I didnt need to see her face to picture the adoration in her eyes. My heart, already fractured, felt like it was being ground into dust.
I remembered that awful day last month. Id just gotten home, a souvenir Id bought for her in my hand. And there they were, walking back from a stroll, hand in hand. The look on Avas face was pure panic. Leo, however, just looked at me with mild confusion, as if I were a stranger whod wandered up the wrong driveway.
I said nothing. My eyes were glued to the impossible curve of her stomach. Id been gone for eleven months. My wife was pregnant. There was no math, no self-deception that could make that child mine.
It wasn't until Ava frantically stepped in front of Leo, shielding him, that the silence was broken.
This, shed said, her voice trembling, is my husband, Ethan.
2
I thought hearing that would make Leo back off, show some restraint. Instead, he smiled and extended a hand as if he were the host welcoming me into my own home.
As he brushed past me to enter the house, he leaned in and whispered, his voice for my ears only, I hear youre a bit older than me. Guess that makes you the big brother, huh? After all, your wife is carrying my child.
A hot, white rage surged through me. The eleven months of longing, of missing her, curdled into pure, undiluted fury. I swung. My fist connected with his jaw with a sickening crack.
I lost control. If there had been a knife nearby, I think I might have actually killed them both.
A neighbor heard the shouting and called the cops.
They took us all down to the station, but it was a domestic dispute. They couldnt do much. They sent us home.
The second we walked in the door, Avas parents, who had rushed over, started in on me. They didnt ask a single question. They just yelled. Yelled about me causing a scene, making them a laughingstock in the neighborhood. Yelled about my years of education being a waste, resorting to violence like a common thug. If Leo had been seriously hurt, they snarled, they would make me pay.
It was then I realized. They knew. Theyd known all along. They supported it.
In one short year, Leo had become their perfect son-in-law.
I was the only one left in the dark.
The bitter taste in my mouth was overwhelming. My chest felt hollow. Ava approached me then, her hands trembling as she reached for mine.
I never meant to betray you, Ethan. Leo is sick. The doctors gave him six months, tops. I couldnt stand the thought of him dying without leaving anything behind. Her voice was a desperate whisper. I was going to tell you, I swear. I just you were so far away, and I didnt want to distract you from your work. I was going to explain everything when you got back. If youre willing can we raise this baby together? Please?
Something so monumental, so life-altering, and she spoke of it as if it were a minor inconvenience we could simply work through.
I finished packing the last of my clothes into a suitcase. Just then, her mother pushed the door open. She saw the suitcase at my feet and gave me a look that said, good, you have some sense after all.
You were gone so long, we let Leo use your room, she said, not a hint of apology in her voice. And we converted your study into the nursery. So, you can take the couch tonight. Or find a hotel.
I was tired. Bone-deep, soul-crushing tired. I didnt have the energy to find a hotel. I just nodded, ready to crash on the sofa.
But deep in the night, the babys cries echoed through the house.
I rolled over, reaching for my earplugs, when I heard Avas voice, thick with sleep. Honey, can you do something about the baby? He wont stop crying.
Youre my baby, Leo murmured back. I just need to take care of you. Let the little guy cry. Its good for his lungs.
A soft giggle from Ava. Stop it.
Then came the unmistakable sound of sheets rustling, of bodies shifting on a mattress.
I pulled the comforter over my head, a useless shield against the sounds seeping through the walls. I squeezed my eyes shut, but all I could see was her face the first time she told me she loved me. She was so bright then, so beautiful, and her world revolved entirely around me.
That girl was gone. And she was never coming back.
3
I slept in fits and starts, and by the first light of dawn, I was out the door with my suitcase.
I went to the federal building and finalized the paperwork to renounce my citizenship. With the government-sponsored placement through Doctors Without Borders, the process was expedited. The clerk didnt ask many questions.
As I was about to leave, she called out to me, offering a genuine, sympathetic smile. I hope you find what youre looking for out there.
I managed a small smile back. I found a cheap hotel nearby, dropped my bag, and went out to find something to eat. And thats when I ran into them: Ava, Leo, and her parents.
Leo was wearing a custom-tailored Armani suit that must have cost a fortune. He looked radiant, flushed with health. There was nothing about him that suggested a man at deaths door.
Ethan! I thought that was you from a distance, he called out, his smile wide and confident. Ava said it couldnt be you over here.
His eyes fell to the flyer I was holdinga recruitment ad for construction work that a girl handing them out on the corner had pressed into my hand. Id only taken it because she looked cold.
A knowing smirk spread across Leos face. Looking for work, huh? A construction site might be tough, man. You dont exactly have the build for it. Youll wear yourself out.
I didnt say a word.
My silence seemed to confirm his assumptions. You should have just said something, he continued, placing a chummy hand on my shoulder. I could probably help you out. Were family, after all. If youre doing well, I know Ava will be taken care of. It would put my mind at ease.
Avas expression, which had been confused, hardened into contempt. Her brow furrowed as she looked at me, her eyes filled with a disgust that twisted my insides.
Why would you help him? she snapped. Hes the one who threw away a brilliant career as a doctor. If he starves on the street now, he has no one to blame but himself. Honestly, Ethan, you have no backbone at all. Did you think this little pity party would guilt me into giving up my son?
I stared at her, at the familiar lines of her face that had suddenly become the face of a stranger. I remembered a time, early in our marriage, when I was caught in a nasty bit of hospital politics and almost lost my promotion. Id talked about quitting, changing careers entirely.
Ava had just held me. Shed stroked my back and whispered in my ear, Were a team. Whatever you decide, Im with you. Quitting isnt the end of the world. A pearl will always shine, no matter what. Ill always be by your side, my love.
The woman who promised to always be by my side was now letting another man humiliate me. She had forgotten her words, forgotten the love she once swore was etched into her soul.
Her parents just shook their heads, their faces a mask of disappointment. I was blind, her father muttered. To think I was going to leave my daughters happiness in your hands.
Thank God were still around, her mother added. If we were gone, who knows how youd mistreat her.
Their voices grew louder, more theatrical, drawing the stares of people passing by on the street. My hands, hanging at my sides, clenched into fists.
Just as I was about to speak, Leo stepped forward again. Well, we were just on our way to get a family portrait done. You should come, Ethan. After all, Im counting on you to help take care of Ava and the baby for the rest of your life.
Ava cut him off with a disdainful scoff. Look at him. Hed just lower the tone of the whole picture.
She turned on her heel and started walking toward the photo studio, calling over her shoulder for Leo to hurry up.
Guess well see you around, then, Leo said, giving my shoulder one last, patronizing pat. Dont want to keep you from your job hunt.
I watched them go, a perfect family unit, and felt nothing. Not anger, not sadness. Just a vast, cold emptiness.
If this was the life Ava wanted, who was I to stand in her way?
4
Three days before my flight, I got a text from the Dean of Medicine at my old hospital. The top cardiac specialist Id asked him to contact was in the country for a conference. Hed be willing to take a look at my father-in-laws coronary disease.
Avas father had a bad heart; hed been rushed to the ER a few years back. During my fellowship, Id made a point of consulting with colleagues, collecting research on his specific condition.
No matter what had happened, there were years of history between us. I figured if I did this one last thing, my conscience would be clear. We would owe each other nothing.
But when I told him I wanted to take him to the hospital, his face soured instantly.
The hospital? Why? Are you trying to jinx me? My bypass surgery was a complete success. Theres nothing to check.
Theres a world-renowned specialist in town just for today, I tried to explain. He could take a look, maybe suggest some preventative care for the future
He cut me off by throwing his glass of water at me. It shattered against the wall behind my head.
Empty words! You think a world-renowned specialist is someone an unemployed bum like you can just book an appointment with? All you do is brag! You know who really cares? Leo! Leo stayed up all night once just to get me an appointment with a good doctor. Where were you then, huh?
Everything was Leo this, Leo that. His attitude made it painfully clear. It didnt matter what I did; it would always be wrong. I could never measure up to Leo.
When that realization settled in my gut, all I could do was offer a bitter smile.
If you dont want to go, then forget it.
I was a fool for even trying.
Soon enough, the day of the babys christening party arrived.
I was late. The banquet hall was packed with relatives whose names I couldnt remember. For a moment, I was disoriented. The celebration was grander, more lavish than my own wedding to Ava.
And there, at the entrance to the hall, was a massive, five-person family portrait. Ava, Leo, the baby, her parents. All of them beaming.
As for me, I was the punchline.
Relatives saw me and immediately began whispering amongst themselves. I didnt need to hear the words to know what they were saying.
Soon, one of my aunts-in-law cornered me, her grip tight on my arm. Ethan! When did you get back? Ava never mentioned it. I heard that after your fellowship, you were on track to become a department head at City General! Your future is so bright!
I just nodded politely, saying nothing. I could see the pity and contempt in her eyes. It was obvious. I wasnt in the family portrait. I wasnt the one standing by Avas side.
Another busybody pointed across the room to where Leo was feeding Ava a piece of cake. Ethan, whos that man? I didnt know Ava had a brother.
A faint smile touched my lips. Avas new husband.
The circle of gossiping aunts around us fell silent, their eyes wide. Then, they huddled together, whispering furiously. Avas family clearly didnt care about appearances, so why should I help them keep up the charade?
Just then, Ava walked onto the stage and took the microphone.
Thank you all so much for coming to celebrate my sons christening, she began. Before this, I never thought I wanted to be a mother. I was always afraid I wouldnt be good enough. But in that moment, lying in the delivery room and hearing his first cry, I finally understood the incredible power of a mothers love.
She spoke with such passion, she looked like she was about to be moved to tears by her own speech.
The aunt next to me yelled out, Lets hear from the proud father! Wheres the dad?
The atmosphere in the room froze. All eyes darted between me and Leo. The answer was hanging in the air, but the aunts question was a direct challenge, forcing Ava to say it herself.
My eyes met Avas. I started walking slowly toward the stage.
Under her stunned gaze, I reached her side and gently took the microphone from her hand.
What are you doing? she hissed, her eyes flashing with panic. She grabbed my sleeve. Im warning you, Ethan, dont you dare say anything stupid, or I swear youll regret it.
I calmly pulled my arm from her grasp. If she had a clear conscience, what was she so afraid of?
I turned to the crowd, my voice calm and steady. First, thank you all for coming today. Many of you here watched Ava and I get married. Ive always cherished your blessings for our life together. But as you probably noticed on your way in, theres a family portrait at the entrance.
Avas face went pale. She lunged for the microphone, her expression turning thunderous.
I sidestepped her easily and continued, my grip firm on the mic.
To be honest, I was shocked to see it, too. But not as shocked as I was to come home after a year-long fellowship abroad to discover that my wifewho had told me she wanted to be child-freewas eight months pregnant.
This is a humiliation I will not swallow. This is a burden I will not carry!
Ava, I want a divorce.
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