A Hundredfold of Sorrow
He wasn't dead. He was alive and well.
And he was about to get married.
1
On the way to the small coastal town, Captain Miller and the other officers kept trying to prepare me. But I wouldn’t listen. I was the woman he’d chased for two years, cherished for five, and proposed to twice. How could he forget me?
I rubbed the simple band on my finger. He had already asked me to marry him. How could he marry someone else?
A flight, then a bus. Five hours on the bus left me dizzy and sick. After ten grueling hours, the four of us finally arrived in the town.
"There," Captain Miller said, pointing to a bed-and-breakfast called "The Sunny Spot." The once-unknown inn had gone viral after a tourist posted a set of photos. The owner, captured in a few of the shots, had gained a legion of fans overnight. Even in profile, he was magnetic.
Captain Miller glanced at me. "He doesn't remember anything. You have to—"
My gaze was locked on the door, my senses shutting down.
When Captain Miller pushed the door open, a wind chime made of seashells chimed softly.
Before us was a large courtyard with a cobblestone path leading to the house. A massive swing set sat in the middle of the yard, surrounded by a golden retriever and several cats. I stared at the animals, stunned.
Suddenly, a figure emerged from behind a curtain of beaded shells. He was tall and lean, the muscles of his arms tight and defined beneath a black t-shirt. His profile was sharp and clean.
The moment I saw him, my body froze. A tingling numbness spread down my spine, my mind buzzing. It felt as if all my bodily functions had ceased, leaving me only with the strength to stare, unblinking, at the man before me.
I’d seen men who looked eighty percent like Julian, some even with the same beauty mark under their eye. But one look was all it took for me to know they weren't him.
This man, however, was different from the boy I remembered. His features were more mature, more angular, with an added layer of coldness.
I moved closer, drawn by an uncontrollable force, until I could see the beauty mark under his eye, the red cord around his neck…
"Ju… lian…" I choked out his name, my voice trembling, terrified of scaring him away.
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with an unnerving, absolute strangeness.
"What?"
"Julian…" I could barely form the word.
The man looked at me coldly. "Sorry, miss. You have the wrong person."
But I could be wrong about anything in this life except for Julian. He was half of my soul.
Captain Miller quickly stepped in, pulling me back. "Excuse me, do you have any vacant rooms?"
Julian crossed his arms, studying our group. "Yes. How many?"
"Two."
"Come in."
He turned and walked back inside without a second glance. I had naively believed that the moment he saw me, he would remember. The moment he saw me, everything would be different.
But he looked at me with the eyes of a stranger, sharp and laced with an annoyance at being disturbed.
I hadn't cried when I heard he was alive. I hadn't cried when I heard he was getting married. But thinking of the look in his eyes just now, my heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise, threatening to burst. The tears finally came, hot and unstoppable.
2
"IDs."
Captain Miller handed over our identification cards.
As the man took them, I saw it clearly: the tip of his left pinky was missing. He walked towards the counter, a slight limp in his right leg. I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle a sob.
Captain Miller took the room keys and had someone quickly lead me away.
It took a long time before I could find my voice in the quiet of the room. "How did he… end up like this?"
On the way here, I had sworn I would slap him across the face the moment I saw him. The heartless bastard. How could he forget me and marry someone else?
But seeing him, all I wanted to do was hold him. I couldn't bear to hurt him.
I stayed in my room for what felt like an eternity, until Officer Davis, worried I might do something drastic, insisted I come out. Everyone was in the backyard having a barbecue. I saw him immediately, grilling skewers over the fire. Captain Miller was standing next to him, and they seemed to be getting along.
"Nora? Are you feeling better?"
I nodded.
"Noah, let me introduce you. This is Nora," Captain Miller said.
I slowly extended my hand, fighting to keep it from shaking. "Nora Hayes. It's nice to meet you."
His hand, warm and strong, gave mine a brief squeeze. "Noah. Nice to meet you."
It was the greeting of strangers. In that instant, my nose stung with the memory of the day he proposed. He had held me, his voice impossibly tender as he murmured, "Hello, Mrs. Archer."
It was all gone now.
Looking at him, I had a million questions, but all I could manage was, "It's beautiful here. Are you… happy?"
He expertly flipped the skewers on the grill. "Yeah, it's good," he replied casually.
That's good.
As he spoke, a chicken wing fell off the grill. He glanced towards the door. "Potato, come here."
Potato was the name of the orange tabby we had adopted together. He had named him. "He's fat and round," he'd said. "Let's call him Potato."
Watching the golden retriever trot over, wagging its tail, a lump formed in my throat. "His name is Potato?"
"Yeah. He's fat and round. What else would you call him?"
I turned away, secretly wiping a tear. Only he would come up with a name that simple.
Once the food was ready, we all gathered around a table. I grabbed a can of beer and took a long swallow. The bitter taste filled my mouth as I watched the man across from me. The beauty mark I always teased him about was still there at the corner of his eye. The red cord was still around his neck, though I didn't know if it was the one I had given him. Nothing felt real.
Officer Davis passed out the skewers, placing a mushroom skewer on his plate. I reached for it before he could. "He can't eat mushrooms."
Everyone at the table suddenly looked at me. As I fumbled for an explanation, a figure ran up and jumped onto Noah's back, hugging his neck affectionately.
"Noah, I missed you so much!"
Noah quickly bent over, one hand protectively supporting the person on his back. "Get down," he chided, but his tone was pure affection.
He pulled the person from his back and into his arms, introducing her with a smile. "This is my fiancée, Maya."
3
I was still holding the mushroom skewer, staring blankly at the bright, smiling girl in front of me. A sharp pain shot through my chest, as if I’d been struck by a hammer, leaving me breathless.
"Hi everyone, I'm Maya, Noah's fiancée. Welcome to Oceancrest!"
Captain Miller and the others exchanged greetings.
Maya was bubbly and talkative, complimenting everyone in turn. She looked at me and said, "Nora, you're so beautiful! And so slim, I'm so jealous! Your hair is amazing too. Not like mine, I'm going bald." She suddenly seemed to remember something and turned to the man behind her. "It's definitely how you dry my hair. You have to be more careful, or I'll be a bald bride next week."
Noah ruffled her hair, a fond, helpless smile on his face. "Okay."
Her eyes were so clear, untouched by hardship, and filled with excitement for her wedding. She reminded me so much of myself, back then.
"A wedding?" Officer Davis asked.
"Yes! It's next Wednesday. We hope you can all be there!"
I opened another beer. Maya reached for one too, but Noah snatched it away. "No."
Maya pouted. "Just one sip." She then leaned in and, ignoring the rest of us, gave him a quick kiss. "Please, Noah? Just one little sip!"
"Drink this."
He handed her a white thermos. When she opened it, the scent of roses filled the air. Maya wrinkled her nose. "Roses? Noah, I've told you a million times, I hate floral tea. Why do you always forget?"
"I don't know… I just make it out of habit."
Hearing his words, I turned away and drained the last of my beer.
I never used to drink enough water. In high school, my voice would get so hoarse from studying aloud that I could barely speak. To get me to hydrate, Julian would make me all sorts of drinks—floral teas, fruit infusions, oolong tea. In the winter, he'd even brew me apple and pear soups. Every time I finished a glass, the proud Julian Archer would treat my pink thermos like a holy relic.
Seeing me with the beer, Maya tried to bargain again. "Look, Nora's already had a whole can. Maybe her great hair comes from drinking beer."
"You're impossible."
I looked at the beer can in my hand and smiled bitterly. "My old boyfriend never let me drink either. I was a one-drink-wonder. He was very strict with me."
Maya looked at me. "So, he won't get mad at you for drinking now?"
I glanced at the man behind her and shook my head. "He stopped caring a long time ago."
It seemed I'd said the wrong thing. Maya looked at me apologetically and stopped pestering Noah, obediently drinking the tea from his thermos.
I only ate the mushroom skewer, but I drank a lot of beer. Feeling dizzy, I excused myself. As I walked down the steps, I heard Maya's bright laughter. I turned to look. She was clinging to Noah's back like a koala, waving her arms and chattering away. Noah, occasionally stumbling under her weight, patiently cleared the table, looking completely used to it.
Julian was never a patient person. I thought I was the only one he was patient with. I thought I was the only one he would ever love.
Looking at Maya, whose face was overflowing with happiness, I clutched my chest, the pain so intense I felt like I was dying. That should have been me! The one being spoiled rotten by Julian Archer should have been me!
I fought the urge to pull them apart and forced myself back to my room. I emptied my bag on the floor, frantically searching until I found my pills. I swallowed them, and the overwhelming wave of emotion finally began to recede.
When Officer Davis came in, I was calm again. "I thought you were going to make a scene."
I looked out the window. "I was planning on it. But then… I couldn't bring myself to do it."
"I saw you brought a lot of things. Are you trying to help him get his memory back?"
The box contained a decade of our lives: the first note he ever wrote me, his first love letter, every birthday gift from my 18th to my 28th, our first photo together, and our first wedding photo.
I shook my head. "I never planned to."
Officer Davis looked at me, shocked. "Why?"
Remembering the tragic death of Julian's parents, I closed my eyes, steadying my emotions. "The pain of losing family… I don't want him to go through that twice."
4
The next day, I woke up late. By the time I had gotten ready and left with my sketchbook, it was well past lunchtime. Captain Miller waved me over. "Nora, we saved you some food."
Everyone was chatting around the wooden table in the courtyard. When Maya saw me, she dashed inside and came back out with an orange envelope, presenting it to me like a treasure.
"Nora, we don't have many family members. We'd be honored if you would come to our wedding."
It was a formal invitation. I took the envelope, unable to find the courage to open it. Maya urged me on. "Nora, you're an artist. Can you tell us what you think of the design?"
The single sheet of paper felt as heavy as lead.
"Here, let me see. This color is beautiful," Officer Davis said, quickly taking it.
"I think so too! Noah picked the orange. I wanted purple, but the orange looks better. Nora, what's your favorite color?"
I set down my sketchbook and pointed to my own orange shirt.
Before high school, I didn't have a favorite color. Then one day, I wore an orange jacket, and Julian told me I looked beautiful in orange. From that day on, orange became my favorite color.
"Nora, you and my Noah have such similar taste!"
My Noah. The words grated on my ears. Once upon a time, Julian loved to introduce me as, "My Nora."
Officer Davis, noticing my expression, quickly took the invitation from my hands. "The cartoon on the inside looks just like you, Maya. It's so cute. But is this supposed to be sunset? Is the wedding in the evening?"
Maya rubbed her cheeks. "That was Noah's idea! Because he said…"
"Because some people can't wake up in the morning," I finished for her.
Maya stared at me. "Nora! How did you know?! That's exactly what Noah said! But the most important thing is that Noah loves sunsets."
Julian once told me that sunset was his favorite time of day, because at sunset, his Sleeping Beauty would finally become his girlfriend again.
I've always needed a lot of sleep. Waking up at 5:30 AM in high school was pure torture. For three years, every morning, I would sit on the back of Julian's bike, my eyes closed, my arms around him, sleeping. I could have three dreams in a ten-minute break between classes. Every time I woke up, his school jacket would be draped over me.
I remember once, half-asleep, someone sighed in my ear. "You sleep so much. What am I going to do with you on our wedding day?"
Years later, on my twenty-fourth birthday, I woke up to the scratch of his stubble. I pushed him away and tried to go back to sleep. He pulled me into his arms, gently patting my back, his voice hoarse with sleep. "Nora, let's have our wedding at sunset."
I mumbled in agreement. He kissed my forehead and let out a contented sigh. "I have to make sure my little sleepyhead is well-rested. What if she gets cranky and decides not to marry me? Who would I complain to then?"
And now, it wasn't that I wouldn't marry him; it was that he was marrying someone else. There really was no one to complain to.
I picked up my sketchbook. In that moment, Maya noticed the ring on my ring finger. Following her gaze, I wiggled my finger. "Because he said the same thing."
"Are you married, Nora?"
"Yes. For five years."
Maya was surprised. "Then where's your husband? Didn't he come with you?"
I looked at the man walking towards us in the distance and gave a slight shake of my head.
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