To Forget the Past
The night before our engagement, I found transaction records on Eason’s phone — monthly transfers of half his salary to his fallen squadmate’s widow. Her messages were delicately sorrowful.
I showed him the phone and demanded an explanation. He stayed on the balcony all night. At dawn, he came in and said:
“I feel a sense of duty toward her. That’s all.”
I had waited eight years for him. I wasn’t giving him up over money.
So I put on the dress and let the party continue.
But during the ceremony, his childhood friend rushed in, yelling:
“Eason! Julia — Alex’s wife — she tried to kill herself!”
The engagement ring fell and clattered to the floor.
Eason bolted out like lightning.
Tears burning, I screamed after him: “If you leave today, I’ll consider you married to her in your friend’s place!”
He paused for one heart-stopping moment — then left.
I stood frozen, the champagne flute still in my hand, ready for a toast that would never happen. The joyful noise of the party faded into a dull roar in my ears. The emcee stood awkwardly with his microphone, utterly lost for words.
Eason’s parents, their faces pale with fury, rushed to my side.
"Nina, that bastard! I'll drag him back here right now!" his father seethed, grabbing my arm.
I shook my head, setting the glass down on a table. "Mr. and Mrs. Hayes, just let him go."
My own parents looked even more devastated. My mother burst into tears. "What is this? An engagement party! How could he humiliate our family like this?"
I stepped off the small stage. "Mom, Dad, I'll take you home."
The room was a swirling chaos of confused guests.
Leo, Eason’s friend who’d delivered the news, stood wringing his hands, his face a mask of guilt. "Nina… I’m so sorry. It was an emergency with Julia."
I just looked at him, saying nothing.
Leo had grown up with Eason. He knew the fallen squadmate, Alex, too. They all treated Alex’s widow, Julia, like family.
But family doesn’t try to kill themselves on the day you’re getting engaged.
I picked up my purse and walked out of the farcical reception hall.
My phone vibrated in my bag, again and again. I didn’t answer. I knew it was Eason. He would explain, apologize, tell me how critical Julia’s condition was, how he had no choice but to go.
After eight years together, I knew him too well.
He was a man of deep loyalties, and his bond with his fellow soldiers was sacred. Alex had died shielding him. The guilt from that day had been crushing him for three long years.
I used to think it was right for him to take care of Julia.
It wasn't until today that I realized some duties cross a line.
Back home, I peeled off the elaborate gown and changed into my everyday clothes. I’m a nurse at the Main Military Medical Center. If Julia had tried to kill herself, that’s where she would have been taken.
I grabbed my keys and drove to the hospital.
In the emergency room, Eason was sitting vigil by a hospital bed. Julia lay there, her wrist wrapped in thick gauze, her face a ghostly white. Her eyes were closed, her lashes still wet with tears. Eason was holding her uninjured hand, his brow furrowed in a tight knot.
I walked in.
He saw me and shot to his feet, his eyes filled with apology. "Nina, you're here. I'm so sorry, about today…"
"How is she?" I cut him off, my gaze fixed on Julia.
"The doctor said the cut isn't deep. She's not in any danger, just very… emotional."
I nodded. "Good."
With that, I turned to leave.
Eason grabbed my arm. "Nina, don't be angry. Alex died because of me. I can't just abandon Julia. She's all alone, she’s so fragile."
I yanked my hand away. "Eason, I’m not angry. I just find it interesting that our engagement party is apparently less important than a woman you've known for three years."
"That's not it! Nina, you're the most important person in the world to me! But she was dying!"
"The doctor said she wasn't," I stated, my voice flat as I met his gaze.
Eason's lips parted, but no words came out.
Just then, Julia stirred on the bed. When she saw me, her eyes immediately filled with tears. "Nina… I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I didn't mean to… I just… I just miss Alex so much."
She started sobbing, her body trembling. "When I saw you two getting engaged, all I could think about was me and Alex… I couldn't control myself. I'm sorry, I ruined your special day."
Eason immediately sat back down, murmuring soothing words to her. "It's okay, it's over now. Don't think about it. Just rest."
He looked up at me, a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. "See? Look how broken she is. Can't you have a little compassion?"
I didn't say another word. I just turned and walked away.
As the cold night air hit my face outside the hospital doors, I finally noticed that my hands had been shaking the entire time.
The next morning, Eason showed up at my apartment with breakfast. I opened the door but didn't let him in.
He held out the bag. "Nina, I'm here to apologize on Julia's behalf. She had an emotional breakdown yesterday, she didn't mean any harm."
"Can't she apologize for herself?"
Eason flinched. "She's still very weak."
"Eason, let's not talk about her for a minute. Let's talk about us. What happens now? What do we tell our friends and family?"
He was silent for a moment. "We'll wait a while, let things blow over, and then we'll have another party."
"Another party?" I looked at him incredulously. "You think this is something you can just… redo?"
"What else can we do? It's already happened. Nina, I know you're hurt, but Julia just lost her husband, and she almost lost her own life. Can't we just be a little more understanding?"
There was that word again. Understanding.
I took the breakfast bag and set it on the shoe cabinet by the door. "Fine. I get it. You should go back. She's alone at the hospital, she needs you."
Eason let out a sigh of relief, thinking I had given in. "You've always had a soft heart. Don't worry, as soon as she's discharged, I'll make it up to you, I promise."
He left.
I picked up the breakfast and threw the entire bag into the trash.
Then I went to work.
On my way through the inpatient wing, I stopped by Julia's room. She was propped up in bed, peeling an apple and chatting with the woman in the next bed. She was laughing, her color was good.
The moment she saw me, her smile froze, then instantly morphed into a look of fragile vulnerability.
"Nina, you came."
I nodded. "Just checking in."
I picked up her chart and flipped through it. "Wound's healing nicely. You should be able to go home tomorrow."
"Yes," she said, looking down. "Thank you for visiting."
"Don't mention it. Just don't do anything foolish again. Your health is your own responsibility."
She bit her lip, her eyes reddening again. "I know, but sometimes I just… I can't take it anymore."
I didn't respond. I put the chart back and left the room.
That afternoon, I found my friend who works in the ER.
"Hey, Sarah, do you remember that patient who came in for a suicide attempt yesterday? Julia Hayes?"
Sarah thought for a second. "Oh, yeah, her. I remember. The pilot who brought her in was frantic."
"How were the wounds?"
"Please," she scoffed. "It was a scratch. Seriously, I've gotten worse cuts chopping onions. She lost less blood than a heavy period. It was all for show. We see it all the time."
My heart sank like a stone.
That evening, Eason picked me up from work. He was in a great mood, telling me Julia had been discharged and he had gotten her settled. "I booked a table at our favorite place. We're going to have a nice dinner."
In the car, he held my hand tightly. "Nina, I know this has been hard on you. I know I owe you a perfect engagement party. Just wait, I will make it up to you."
I stared out the window. "Eason, how much money do you give Julia every month?"
He stiffened. "Not much. Just… half of my salary."
Eason was an ace pilot in the Air Force. His pay was substantial. Half was not a small amount.
"Does she not have a job?"
"She used to be a clerk at some company. After Alex died, she quit. Her health hasn't been good, and she can't find anything suitable."
"So you've just been supporting her?"
Eason’s brow furrowed. "Nina, what kind of question is that? I'm not 'supporting' her. I'm fulfilling my duty to Alex!"
His voice rose. "He gave his life for me! Is it wrong for me to make sure his widow is taken care of for the rest of her life?"
I said nothing. The air in the car turned frigid. We ate our dinner in absolute silence.
On the way home, Eason’s phone rang. It was Julia.
His tone instantly softened. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"
"A lightbulb burned out? Don't you move, I'm on my way over right now!"
He hung up and forced a smile at me. "Nina, I'll drop you at home, then I have to run over to Julia's. She's all alone, and she's scared."
I just looked at him. "Eason, what is she to you?"
The smile on his face froze. "She's Alex's widow. She's my squadmate's family."
"So you're responsible for her every need for the rest of her life, including changing her lightbulbs?"
"Nina!" He was getting angry now. "Why are you being so unreasonable? She's a single woman, she just got out of the hospital, and her apartment is dark. I can't just ignore that, can I?"
"You could call building management for her. Or have a handyman service deliver a bulb."
"It's not the same! She doesn't trust strangers!"
I laughed, a short, bitter sound. "Right. She only trusts you."
I opened the car door. "You don't have to take me home. I can get back myself. You should go. Your duty is waiting."
I got out and slammed the door. Eason’s car idled behind me for a moment, and then, it drove off.
In the direction of Julia’s house.
After that, we entered a cold war. Eason didn't contact me. I didn't contact him.
The new house the military had allocated for us was already furnished, just waiting for us to move in after the engagement.
I went there alone. The space was huge, and empty. Every piece of furniture was something we had picked out together. I sat on the sofa for a long, long time.
A week later, Eason called. His voice was thick with exhaustion.
"Nina, we need to talk."
We met at the new house. He looked thinner, with dark circles under his eyes.
"Nina, I'm sorry. I haven't been fair to you lately," he began. "Julia's been really unstable. I've had to spend more time with her."
I waited for him to continue.
"I know you're upset. But Nina, we've been together for eight years. You know me better than anyone. I only feel responsibility and guilt for Julia. Nothing else."
"I know," I said.
He breathed a sigh of relief. "I knew you'd understand." He moved to embrace me.
I stepped away.
"Eason, I came here today to tell you… I don't want this house."
He froze. "What do you mean?"
"It’s a military allocation, but the title is in your name until we're married. I don't want it anymore."
"Why? This is our home!"
"Because I'm afraid that one day, when Miss Julia's lightbulb burns out again, or her drain gets clogged, you'll decide that she needs a home more than I do."
Eason's face changed. "Nina, do you have to talk like that? Do you have to twist the knife?"
"Am I not telling the truth?"
"That was just a small favor!"
"Was running out of our engagement party a small favor? Giving her half your salary, is that a small favor? Eason, you do a lot of 'small favors.'"
He was speechless. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Fine, Nina. If that's what you think, then I'll prove you wrong."
He looked me straight in the eye, his words sharp and deliberate. "In a few days, I'm moving Julia in here. She can have the guest room."
For a moment, my mind went completely blank.
"What did you say?"
"I said, I'm moving Julia in here!" he repeated, his voice rising as if trying to convince both me and himself. "I can't trust her living alone! She's always having some kind of crisis! If she's under our roof, I can keep an eye on her, and you won't have to worry! See? It solves everything!"
I stared at him as if he were a complete stranger. "Eason, you're insane!"
"I'm not insane! I'm thinking clearly! I will not let Alex's widow be abandoned!" Each word was heavy, deliberate.
A profound weariness settled into my bones.
"Fine," I said. "Move her in."
Eason seemed stunned that I'd agreed so easily.
I took my key from my purse and placed it on the coffee table. "Here's your key back."
"From now on, this is the home you share with your squadmate's widow."
"I hope you'll be very happy together."
I stood up and walked out of the house that I had once filled with so many dreams. As the door clicked shut behind me, I thought I heard the sound of something shattering inside.
My tears finally fell.
Eight years.
It was over. Just like that.
I showed him the phone and demanded an explanation. He stayed on the balcony all night. At dawn, he came in and said:
“I feel a sense of duty toward her. That’s all.”
I had waited eight years for him. I wasn’t giving him up over money.
So I put on the dress and let the party continue.
But during the ceremony, his childhood friend rushed in, yelling:
“Eason! Julia — Alex’s wife — she tried to kill herself!”
The engagement ring fell and clattered to the floor.
Eason bolted out like lightning.
Tears burning, I screamed after him: “If you leave today, I’ll consider you married to her in your friend’s place!”
He paused for one heart-stopping moment — then left.
I stood frozen, the champagne flute still in my hand, ready for a toast that would never happen. The joyful noise of the party faded into a dull roar in my ears. The emcee stood awkwardly with his microphone, utterly lost for words.
Eason’s parents, their faces pale with fury, rushed to my side.
"Nina, that bastard! I'll drag him back here right now!" his father seethed, grabbing my arm.
I shook my head, setting the glass down on a table. "Mr. and Mrs. Hayes, just let him go."
My own parents looked even more devastated. My mother burst into tears. "What is this? An engagement party! How could he humiliate our family like this?"
I stepped off the small stage. "Mom, Dad, I'll take you home."
The room was a swirling chaos of confused guests.
Leo, Eason’s friend who’d delivered the news, stood wringing his hands, his face a mask of guilt. "Nina… I’m so sorry. It was an emergency with Julia."
I just looked at him, saying nothing.
Leo had grown up with Eason. He knew the fallen squadmate, Alex, too. They all treated Alex’s widow, Julia, like family.
But family doesn’t try to kill themselves on the day you’re getting engaged.
I picked up my purse and walked out of the farcical reception hall.
My phone vibrated in my bag, again and again. I didn’t answer. I knew it was Eason. He would explain, apologize, tell me how critical Julia’s condition was, how he had no choice but to go.
After eight years together, I knew him too well.
He was a man of deep loyalties, and his bond with his fellow soldiers was sacred. Alex had died shielding him. The guilt from that day had been crushing him for three long years.
I used to think it was right for him to take care of Julia.
It wasn't until today that I realized some duties cross a line.
Back home, I peeled off the elaborate gown and changed into my everyday clothes. I’m a nurse at the Main Military Medical Center. If Julia had tried to kill herself, that’s where she would have been taken.
I grabbed my keys and drove to the hospital.
In the emergency room, Eason was sitting vigil by a hospital bed. Julia lay there, her wrist wrapped in thick gauze, her face a ghostly white. Her eyes were closed, her lashes still wet with tears. Eason was holding her uninjured hand, his brow furrowed in a tight knot.
I walked in.
He saw me and shot to his feet, his eyes filled with apology. "Nina, you're here. I'm so sorry, about today…"
"How is she?" I cut him off, my gaze fixed on Julia.
"The doctor said the cut isn't deep. She's not in any danger, just very… emotional."
I nodded. "Good."
With that, I turned to leave.
Eason grabbed my arm. "Nina, don't be angry. Alex died because of me. I can't just abandon Julia. She's all alone, she’s so fragile."
I yanked my hand away. "Eason, I’m not angry. I just find it interesting that our engagement party is apparently less important than a woman you've known for three years."
"That's not it! Nina, you're the most important person in the world to me! But she was dying!"
"The doctor said she wasn't," I stated, my voice flat as I met his gaze.
Eason's lips parted, but no words came out.
Just then, Julia stirred on the bed. When she saw me, her eyes immediately filled with tears. "Nina… I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I didn't mean to… I just… I just miss Alex so much."
She started sobbing, her body trembling. "When I saw you two getting engaged, all I could think about was me and Alex… I couldn't control myself. I'm sorry, I ruined your special day."
Eason immediately sat back down, murmuring soothing words to her. "It's okay, it's over now. Don't think about it. Just rest."
He looked up at me, a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. "See? Look how broken she is. Can't you have a little compassion?"
I didn't say another word. I just turned and walked away.
As the cold night air hit my face outside the hospital doors, I finally noticed that my hands had been shaking the entire time.
The next morning, Eason showed up at my apartment with breakfast. I opened the door but didn't let him in.
He held out the bag. "Nina, I'm here to apologize on Julia's behalf. She had an emotional breakdown yesterday, she didn't mean any harm."
"Can't she apologize for herself?"
Eason flinched. "She's still very weak."
"Eason, let's not talk about her for a minute. Let's talk about us. What happens now? What do we tell our friends and family?"
He was silent for a moment. "We'll wait a while, let things blow over, and then we'll have another party."
"Another party?" I looked at him incredulously. "You think this is something you can just… redo?"
"What else can we do? It's already happened. Nina, I know you're hurt, but Julia just lost her husband, and she almost lost her own life. Can't we just be a little more understanding?"
There was that word again. Understanding.
I took the breakfast bag and set it on the shoe cabinet by the door. "Fine. I get it. You should go back. She's alone at the hospital, she needs you."
Eason let out a sigh of relief, thinking I had given in. "You've always had a soft heart. Don't worry, as soon as she's discharged, I'll make it up to you, I promise."
He left.
I picked up the breakfast and threw the entire bag into the trash.
Then I went to work.
On my way through the inpatient wing, I stopped by Julia's room. She was propped up in bed, peeling an apple and chatting with the woman in the next bed. She was laughing, her color was good.
The moment she saw me, her smile froze, then instantly morphed into a look of fragile vulnerability.
"Nina, you came."
I nodded. "Just checking in."
I picked up her chart and flipped through it. "Wound's healing nicely. You should be able to go home tomorrow."
"Yes," she said, looking down. "Thank you for visiting."
"Don't mention it. Just don't do anything foolish again. Your health is your own responsibility."
She bit her lip, her eyes reddening again. "I know, but sometimes I just… I can't take it anymore."
I didn't respond. I put the chart back and left the room.
That afternoon, I found my friend who works in the ER.
"Hey, Sarah, do you remember that patient who came in for a suicide attempt yesterday? Julia Hayes?"
Sarah thought for a second. "Oh, yeah, her. I remember. The pilot who brought her in was frantic."
"How were the wounds?"
"Please," she scoffed. "It was a scratch. Seriously, I've gotten worse cuts chopping onions. She lost less blood than a heavy period. It was all for show. We see it all the time."
My heart sank like a stone.
That evening, Eason picked me up from work. He was in a great mood, telling me Julia had been discharged and he had gotten her settled. "I booked a table at our favorite place. We're going to have a nice dinner."
In the car, he held my hand tightly. "Nina, I know this has been hard on you. I know I owe you a perfect engagement party. Just wait, I will make it up to you."
I stared out the window. "Eason, how much money do you give Julia every month?"
He stiffened. "Not much. Just… half of my salary."
Eason was an ace pilot in the Air Force. His pay was substantial. Half was not a small amount.
"Does she not have a job?"
"She used to be a clerk at some company. After Alex died, she quit. Her health hasn't been good, and she can't find anything suitable."
"So you've just been supporting her?"
Eason’s brow furrowed. "Nina, what kind of question is that? I'm not 'supporting' her. I'm fulfilling my duty to Alex!"
His voice rose. "He gave his life for me! Is it wrong for me to make sure his widow is taken care of for the rest of her life?"
I said nothing. The air in the car turned frigid. We ate our dinner in absolute silence.
On the way home, Eason’s phone rang. It was Julia.
His tone instantly softened. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"
"A lightbulb burned out? Don't you move, I'm on my way over right now!"
He hung up and forced a smile at me. "Nina, I'll drop you at home, then I have to run over to Julia's. She's all alone, and she's scared."
I just looked at him. "Eason, what is she to you?"
The smile on his face froze. "She's Alex's widow. She's my squadmate's family."
"So you're responsible for her every need for the rest of her life, including changing her lightbulbs?"
"Nina!" He was getting angry now. "Why are you being so unreasonable? She's a single woman, she just got out of the hospital, and her apartment is dark. I can't just ignore that, can I?"
"You could call building management for her. Or have a handyman service deliver a bulb."
"It's not the same! She doesn't trust strangers!"
I laughed, a short, bitter sound. "Right. She only trusts you."
I opened the car door. "You don't have to take me home. I can get back myself. You should go. Your duty is waiting."
I got out and slammed the door. Eason’s car idled behind me for a moment, and then, it drove off.
In the direction of Julia’s house.
After that, we entered a cold war. Eason didn't contact me. I didn't contact him.
The new house the military had allocated for us was already furnished, just waiting for us to move in after the engagement.
I went there alone. The space was huge, and empty. Every piece of furniture was something we had picked out together. I sat on the sofa for a long, long time.
A week later, Eason called. His voice was thick with exhaustion.
"Nina, we need to talk."
We met at the new house. He looked thinner, with dark circles under his eyes.
"Nina, I'm sorry. I haven't been fair to you lately," he began. "Julia's been really unstable. I've had to spend more time with her."
I waited for him to continue.
"I know you're upset. But Nina, we've been together for eight years. You know me better than anyone. I only feel responsibility and guilt for Julia. Nothing else."
"I know," I said.
He breathed a sigh of relief. "I knew you'd understand." He moved to embrace me.
I stepped away.
"Eason, I came here today to tell you… I don't want this house."
He froze. "What do you mean?"
"It’s a military allocation, but the title is in your name until we're married. I don't want it anymore."
"Why? This is our home!"
"Because I'm afraid that one day, when Miss Julia's lightbulb burns out again, or her drain gets clogged, you'll decide that she needs a home more than I do."
Eason's face changed. "Nina, do you have to talk like that? Do you have to twist the knife?"
"Am I not telling the truth?"
"That was just a small favor!"
"Was running out of our engagement party a small favor? Giving her half your salary, is that a small favor? Eason, you do a lot of 'small favors.'"
He was speechless. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Fine, Nina. If that's what you think, then I'll prove you wrong."
He looked me straight in the eye, his words sharp and deliberate. "In a few days, I'm moving Julia in here. She can have the guest room."
For a moment, my mind went completely blank.
"What did you say?"
"I said, I'm moving Julia in here!" he repeated, his voice rising as if trying to convince both me and himself. "I can't trust her living alone! She's always having some kind of crisis! If she's under our roof, I can keep an eye on her, and you won't have to worry! See? It solves everything!"
I stared at him as if he were a complete stranger. "Eason, you're insane!"
"I'm not insane! I'm thinking clearly! I will not let Alex's widow be abandoned!" Each word was heavy, deliberate.
A profound weariness settled into my bones.
"Fine," I said. "Move her in."
Eason seemed stunned that I'd agreed so easily.
I took my key from my purse and placed it on the coffee table. "Here's your key back."
"From now on, this is the home you share with your squadmate's widow."
"I hope you'll be very happy together."
I stood up and walked out of the house that I had once filled with so many dreams. As the door clicked shut behind me, I thought I heard the sound of something shattering inside.
My tears finally fell.
Eight years.
It was over. Just like that.
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